Patterico's Pontifications


How Do You Simultaneously Make the Schwarzenegger Scandal More Sleazy and Ahnold More Sympathetic?

Filed under: General — Aaron Worthing @ 9:02 pm

[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here.  Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]

Easy, it’s the Hulk strategy: make the enemies worse* than the protagonist.

Forget the T-1000. The Sperminator has a new, even more powerful foe to contend with: Gloria Allred.

With Arnold Schwarzenegger coping with a love child scandal, the powerhouse attorney is stepping forward with a blast from his past.

A former child actress who says she had a extramarital fling with Schwarzenegger.

So who is she and what does she want?

“I represent Gigi Goyette, who had an intimate  relationship with Arnold,” Allred tells E! News.

The attorney, however, declined to comment on why Goyette is coming forward now or her intentions for going public.

Because the point of this was to go public, not to actually get anything.  I especially love the classy detail of calling him the “Sperminator.” Hey, I admit I laughed when someone called him the Inseminator, but that doesn’t belong in a news article, even on E!’s website.

And don’t you love how the article has link to this piece?

MORE: Why do cheating scandals all involve Gloria Allred?

I have a theory…


* And yeah, when you think about it, the Hulk is a bad character and Banner is kind of a selfish person.  When he is in a rage he is a danger to everyone around him.  If Banner was a hero, he would take himself out—in a way that destroys the body so no one can exploit what they learned from him.

There, I said it.

[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]

30 Responses to “How Do You Simultaneously Make the Schwarzenegger Scandal More Sleazy and Ahnold More Sympathetic?”

  1. He’s already sympathetic. His wife is a putrid Kennedy skank. Bless his heart. He reminds me of Lady Diana really. He though he was marrying well, he really did. He had high hopes for happiness and love, but he actually married into pretty much the mostest grandiose white trash family the nation had to offer.

    And now they’re going to rape him for all his monies.

    It’s just how Kennedy skanks roll.

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  2. Super Glo is not holding her sex bat in the picture. What’s up with that?

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  3. *thought* I mean I forgot the t at the end

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  4. That first comment was certainly very classy. At least he didn’t call Maria Shriver a hootchie. I mean, she is related to someone bad, so she must be bad, too!

    It’s ironic and funny, right? Sigh. Sure, it sounds very misogynistic, but it is clearly David Letterman style irony. Ahem.

    Simon Jester (c0c9a8)

  5. All those kids. 4 of them? This seems like the kind of story that is worth 30 seconds of reporting, once, and then no one really cares about.

    It’s not epic. It’s not Tiger Woods with some Nero marathon. The most interesting thing about this story is the metastory about why people are this interested in it.

    I don’t even know what the adults are saying right now. Hopefully nothing.

    Dustin (c16eca)

  6. happyfeet is nothing if not consistent.

    Aaron’s analysis of Banner/Hulk (hint: think Jeckyl/Hyde) is . . . flawed.

    Gloria “her face is” All-red is an attention whore that just can’t help herself. With her it’s all about — in a vaguely feminist sense — sticking it to the man.

    Icy Texan (0da8d6)

  7. Hi Mr. jester I tried to reply but it got stucked I tried three times. I have no idea what the issue is.

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  8. I’m just glad he’s doing his part to ensure the future of the white race.

    stari_momak (d5f987)

  9. ” Gigi Goyette”

    I take it she isn’t Jewish.

    stari_momak (d5f987)

  10. I think it’s cute that we have our own little pet Dr. Paul-supporting KKK member around here.

    Icy Texan (ecd20f)

  11. @Aaron, I am assuming you mean the ‘not Jewish’ remark.

    Goy/Goyim , as perhaps you know, is a Hebrew/Yiddish word for gentile(s). So Goyette — get it?

    Texan, I don’t know where you got the idea I support Paul — he’s pretty much like any other open borders Libertarian, which certainly isn’t good for white Americans. And it goes without saying I’m in not in the KKK.

    stari_momak (d5f987)

  12. * And yeah, when you think about it, the Hulk is a bad character and Banner is kind of a selfish person. When he is in a rage he is a danger to everyone around him. If Banner was a hero, he would take himself out—in a way that destroys the body so no one can exploit what they learned from him.

    There, I said it.

    Thanks a lot, Aaron, for so efficiently laying waste to the childhood hero-worship of millions. 😛


    P.S. Gloria Allred’s energy in publicity houndingness is, I have to grudgingly admit, rather impressive.

    no one you know (fd287d)

  13. Some advice for Ah-nold right about now:


    EC (dda60e)

  14. Why Do Cheating Scandals All Involve Gloria Allred?

    Isn’t that like asking why so many Civil War battles were held on park land ?

    Neo (95d77c)

  15. stari_momak, it might be educational for you to invest a little bit of time researching Ron Paul’s ACTUAL stance on immigration. The man is on the CONSERVATIVE side of libertarian spectrum, which means that his isolationist stance extends to the issue of our borders.

    As for you being a racist, well . . . we only have your own words — and a whole lot of them — to go by. I’d mention some of them, but, as you yourself said, it kinda goes without saying.

    Icy Texan (ecd20f)

  16. Ron Paul used to be an amnesty shill Ma’am.

    DohBiden (15aa57)

  17. Banner has tried to kill himself several times to no avail. The Hulk won’t let him. And then conveniently some situation arises that requires his unlimited power and Banner is forced to go on living.

    luagha (236e98)

  18. What does that have to do with Arnold unless your saying he is literally going green.

    DohBiden (15aa57)

  19. Sure hope that “Ma’am” wasn’t aimed in my direction. And maybe you and stari can do research together. I’m no Ron Paul supporter, but the truth is the truth: someone that votes FOR the border fence, supports English Only in his campaign rhetoric, and who wants to amend Constitution to remove aliens’ birthright citizenship is hardly an “amnesty shill”.

    Icy Texan (ecd20f)

  20. No i’am just saying.

    DohBiden (15aa57)

  21. luagha, Aaron had a spark of insight when he wrote, “When [Banner/Hulk] is in a rage he is a danger to everyone around him”. The Hulk story, like that of Jekyll & Hyde (and Yes, Stan Lee is on record saying that the Hulk IS based on Jekyll & Hyde) is, among other things — one of those things being a clever inversion on the concept of a super-hero with a ‘secret identity’ — a metaphor (of the flamboyant, extroverted, operatic variety) for the struggle that ALL men have with their inner demons.

    Aaron recognizes this, which is why (r u listenin’, DohBiden?) he included a reference to it in this post. In the case of most men the “situation” that ‘conveniently arrises’ which requires their continued existence is that of the need to help raise, support and nurture their children. We need more men, flawed human beings though they may be — and this even includes “The Inseminator” — to step up and be heroes in this regard.

    Icy Texan (ecd20f)

  22. Okay. You asked why there was a Hulk reference, and I’m a-tellin’ ya.

    Icy Texan (ecd20f)

  23. Within ten seconds of hearing about the Arnie thing breaking, I said to my wife “paging Gloria Alread.”

    Arnie’s disappointing though. He’s so lazy. I mean, he wants to cheat, but he doesn’t want to drive, or even go outside, apparently. He’s like one step away from only nailing the first-floor maid because he doesn’t want to use the stairs.

    Ken (2e87a6)

  24. Texan, I reject your characterization of me as ‘racist’. Racialist, maybe, in that I recognize that their are average differences between races in things beyond the merely superficial (not that the superficial stuff isn’t important too — I like blondes and tow-headed kids and want both groups to continue to exist). A racist wants to dominate or harm those of another race, I merely don’t want to see my race dominated — which it currently is.

    However, even if I accepted the ‘racist’ label, it doesn’t follow that I would join the KKK. All Kluxers may be ‘racists’ — actually many are merely separatists — but not all ‘racists’ are Kluxers.

    stari_momak (d5f987)

  25. Hey stari, WHERE did I say that YOU have joined the KKK? Paranoid much?

    And exactly HOW is your race being “dominated”?

    Icy Texan (108534)

  26. ______________________________________________

    Schwarzenegger always showed signs of poor judgment (ie, he’s of the left when it comes to environmental matters and generally many cultural ones too), and I’ve noticed that some of the worse policies and decisions made by various Republican politicians through the decades (eg, Hoover, Nixon, Ford, Reagan, Bush I and II) can be traced to when they allowed their liberal sentiments to get the better of them., Charlie LeDuff, May 18:

    …When Schwarzenegger announced his candidacy to replace California Gov. Gray Davis in the historic recall election of 2003, I had been trying to pump iron with Schwarzenegger or ride motorcycles so I could write a profile about him for The New York Times. I worked for the paper then as its junior man in the Los Angeles bureau.

    …he easily won the governor’s chair and now an aide called me to say Schwarzenegger would grant me the interview…[Schwarzenegger’s aide called and said:] “[T]he governor would like to invite you and your wife to his home tonight to watch the Golden Globes. Say seven sharp?”

    My wife and I dressed in our best. I wore the black suit. She wore pearls. But when we walked into the foyer of his mansion, Maria Shriver was wandering the marble halls in her sweat pants.

    The housekeeper, reported to be Mildred Baena, whom I recognized this week from the tabloid photographs, had a buffet laid out of warmed-over tacquitos, nachos and hot dogs.

    [W]e sat down with the children to watch the red carpet show. Baena sat behind us on a stool at the counter. My wife sat stiffly next to me.

    On the television, a starlet pranced down the carpet. The bottom half of her dress looked like the bottom half of an ostrich. The top of the dress was nothing more than two straps criss-crossing her breasts. Schwarzenegger, fresh off his groping scandal — and with an East Coast reporter sitting in his living room no less — barked out: “Look at her! Some queer told her she looks good in that but her t–s look like s–t!”

    That was Schwarzenegger in a snapshot. Funny. Assured. Raunchy. Self-destructive. Not only did he have a reporter mingling with his family, he had his nanny/mistress.

    …I’m not Schwarzenegger’s wife, thankfully. And I feel bad for her. That’s as far as I’ll delve into their relationship. But she had to know what she had in him — an outsized man with a powerful will and enormous appetites.

    Many liberals are notorious for being enablers to, and very foolish and naive about, lousy behavior and bad human nature, including that of their own and others. Maria Shriver comes from a long line of such people.

    Mark (411533)

  27. I merely don’t want to see my race dominated — which it currently is.

    I think there is a problem of anti white racism.

    I also think pretending this amounts to domination of the white race is a terrible way to respond.

    The right reaction to those who resent racism in policies is to say that race is altogether an improper thing for policies to worry about.

    Any white kid in a double wide trailer eating easymac right now could, if they work hard enough, and possess the talents, become a millionaire. Are things fair? Of course not. But it’s really not anything like domination.

    Dustin (c16eca)

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