Happy New Year!
[guest post by Dana]
Happy New Year to Patterico readers! I don’t know about you, but I have no resolutions lined up for this new year because resolutions at the beginning of a new year are little more than willfully setting myself up for failure. And what a dumb and depressing way to start the year. It’s like waiting for that inevitable other shoe of self-disappointment to fall (and from past experience, it usually happens pretty quickly, so great, there goes what could have been a terrific year…). It’s better I let myself off the hook from the get-go and make no official resolutions, thus giving myself a fighting chance in the new year. Of course with this mindset, losing those 20 extra pounds and bringing world peace will likely not happen, but you know what? I’m okay with that.
With the new year and all its endless possibilities, I went back and re-read these two articles that were written last year about campaign frontrunners, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. (Note to Patterico: Surely this doesn’t count as an official Trump post?) They made me laugh, then they made me cry. All I can say is, boy howdy, do we have our work cut out for us in 2016:
In an effort to help the presidential hopeful make her best possible impression during tonight’s Democratic primary debate, Hillary Clinton’s aides gently reminded her Tuesday not to refer to her opponents as “obstacles to greatness.” “When you’re addressing the other candidates, just make sure not to call any of them ‘impediments to glory’ or ‘the only things standing between me and my rightful place in history’ or anything like that; it’s probably best to just stick to using their names,” said chief strategist Joel Benenson, who has reportedly stopped Clinton several times over the course of her practice debates to recommend that she use the phrase “the senator” when referring to Bernie Sanders instead of “a minor blip on my path to ascendancy.” “You’re really nailing all the policy details, which is great, but if you can, remember to stay away from likening your opponents to ‘temporary obstructions,’ ‘pins to be knocked down,’ or ‘mere speed bumps.’ I’d also suggest trying the phrase ‘When I’m in the White House’ instead of ‘When the throne is mine’—just a thought.” Benenson added that Clinton should also be cautious about how many times she referred to herself as “The One” throughout the debate
and…
Appearing at a campaign event in the early primary state, real estate mogul and presidential candidate Donald Trump told an assembled group of dairy farmers Monday that his cows were 500 times bigger than theirs. “Your cows are small and scrawny, and you should be embarrassed to milk them,” said Trump, adding that each of his cows was the size of “at least” a dozen Cadillacs and had “udders that’ll make your head spin.” “No one raises dairy cows as gigantic or successful as I do; everyone knows that. My cattle are winners, and you people would be lucky to have them graze here.” Chatting with patrons at a diner later in the day, Trump reportedly said the apple pie was a disgrace and that his pies were a mile wide, with a perfect crust that made all the losers jealous.
I know, right??! It’s enough to get you working on yet another brain-biting hangover ASAP!
Welcome, 2016, we can take you.
–Dana
Good morning!
Dana (86e864) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:05 amwhile comedians in cars get their coffee with c**ts
failmerica’s problems they festers and stunts
stunts all the prosperity
all sense of duty
and fascism blooms like orlando and judy
so we all look ahead at the new year to come
it’s bleak
it’s a wreck
the car’s in the ditch
and towards bethlehem
slouches
bill’s lying b*tch
and
it’s dire
it’s fraught
the plot we’ve all lost
so farewell to heat and welcome to frost
the last chapter commences
our own holocaust
(oh yes Mr. Jester
there are consequences)
the fascists have undermined all our defenses!
don’t squirm lil pickle
no don’t try to fight it
you might could vote trump but
decline
you can’t hide it
failmerica failmerica eff yeah failmerica
2016!
let’s do this
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:09 amI’m sitting here watching the Mummers Parade. Think I’ll go to the Club and send the wife and her friends to Sugarhouse Casino (see, advertising works. Sugarhouse sponsors the Mummers).
Happy New Year to you all.
Rev. Barack Hussein Hoagie™ (f4eb27) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:20 amthis is a welcome surprise Mr. Drudge found to start off the new year
here’s just a taste
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:27 amI’m going to keep it simple with regard to New Year’s resolutions. Staying within my comfort zone and knowing my limitations, I’ll be swearing off heroin this year.
There I said it. First step. lol
papertiger (c2d6da) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:37 amThe good thing about 2016 is that it’s the last full year of 0bama’s presidency. Only 384 days, 22 hours, 15 minutes, and 30 seconds…mark.
And for those with a web page or blog, here’s a bit of code you can paste in for your own countdown to the end of this particular nightmare.
<iframe frameborder=”0″ width=”120″ height=”35″ style=”background-color:black”
Milhouse (8489b1) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:44 amsrc=”http://free.timeanddate.com/countdown/i4crxztx/n179/cf12/cm0/cu4/ct0/cs0/ca0/co0/cr0/ss0/cacfffdd0/cpcfffdd0/pct/tcfff/fs100/szw320/szh135/iso2017-01-20T12:00:00″
></iframe>
it’s Twenty Sixteen
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:49 amwill it be memorable
or downhill from here?
I’ll raise a glass to the first congresscritter who proposes “Obama Control” legislation… legislation that will put a leash, gagball and manacles on that rotter puppy.
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:53 amStaying within my comfort zone and knowing my limitations,
A man’s got to know his limitations.
Harry Callahan (feee21) — 1/1/2016 @ 11:04 amI don’t know about you, but I have no resolutions lined up for this new year because resolutions at the beginning of a new year are little more than willfully setting myself up for failure.
Make New Year resolutions, never have I! Difficult to see. Always in motion the future is.
Yoda (feee21) — 1/1/2016 @ 11:16 amEither. Do, or do not. There is no try. For in try there is failure!
A man who knows his limitations is limited. A man who does not is limitless. Men who know their limitations don’t come up with great ideas, inventions or discoveries nor do they try and find a route to India or set foot on the moon. Men who know their limitations are called leftists and because they are limited they try to make rules and regulations limiting the rest of us. Screw’em.
Rev. Barack Hussein Hoagie™ (f4eb27) — 1/1/2016 @ 11:31 amMy new Years resolution is to make sure low info voters vote Cruz/West/2016.
mg (31009b) — 1/1/2016 @ 11:45 amWaterboarding works.
head’s up picklepoos! America’s genocide of Israel is off to a great start in 2016!
yes yes yes the new year’s fireworks are far from over
plus if this is how we treat our allies our enemies must be making pee pee in their pants
smart and also diplomacy
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 11:49 amAlright. I’m swearing off Boone’s Farm too. Swing low sweet chariot coming for to carry me home.
papertiger (c2d6da) — 1/1/2016 @ 12:29 pmAny other thorns and vexation? Bring it on. I can take it.
I’m swearing off moon landings too.
papertiger (c2d6da) — 1/1/2016 @ 12:31 pmRecipe for Moon Landing
6 ounces Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine
1 ounce Blue Moon rum
1 lunar tick
Fill a tall glass with ice, add rum, add 6 ounces wine
What about the lunar tick, you say? Whoever is crazy enough to drink this thing is a lunar-tick!
felipe (56556d) — 1/1/2016 @ 12:36 pmSee how big that Boone’s Farm give up was?
Suffering
papertiger (c2d6da) — 1/1/2016 @ 1:26 pm“Picklepoos” is right. Your acting like it’s over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
My take on the past year – and the next, for that matter – is far more sanguine. Where to begin? I’ll just stick to one hugely important development, though I encourage you all to come up with your own. I believe there are many.
How ‘bout this: the GOPe no longer has a strangle hold on the Republican Party. I hate them and how they have appropriated the mantle of Reagan while behaving like H.W., or worse. In this go round, Compassionate Conservatives, in sum, are polling somewhere south of 20%. This is a happy day, which has followed a happy year. Even better, their flagship candidate is an embarrassment to his Royal Family heritage. The public humiliation of Jeb, alone and of itself, has made the past year a happy one, indeed. How so? Let’s go back to the highlight film:
JUDGE SMAILS: This is a tough business to run for president.
LORD VOLDEMORT: Oh, I know. You’re a tough guy, Jeb. I know.
JUDGE SMAILS: And it’s — and we need…
(LAUGHTER)
… to have a leader that is…
(CROSSTALK) LORD VOLDEMORT: You’re tough.
(Of course, I don’t want to be too belittling of Jeb now that he’s going after the cherubic Middle Schooler who is quickly becoming the GOPe’s Great Off-White Hope).
By the way, Dana, you, yourself along with all your thought-provoking posts are another high point of the past year. Thank you.
ThOR (a52560) — 1/1/2016 @ 3:50 pmJust finished eating Breast of Veal. Slow smoke at 225, salt, pepper, Szeged Steak Rub.
mg (31009b) — 1/1/2016 @ 3:52 pmThink-Veal Pastrami, One of the fattiest pieces of meat I have ever seen. Like brisket, pulls apart like butter.
I think Szeged Steak Rub is the top of the line rubs for big pieces of Beef. Prime Rib with a coating of this rub will make you a cholesterol bomb. It was a 5 bone breast.
You want a resolution, Dana?
“My 2016 posts at Patterico will be even better than my 2015 posts.”
That won’t be easy, but we all think you’re up to it. Good luck!
ThOR (a52560) — 1/1/2016 @ 3:58 pminteresting i sent some szeged to my lil bro he’s like an ultimate ninja grillmaster who makes his own rub and he’ll probably resent it cause of that’s just how ultimate ninja grillmasters roll
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:09 pmok i textered him it’s on the way we’ll see what he says
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:10 pmCan’t wait to hear what lil bro says.
mg (31009b) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:18 pmHow was the blue cheese from the Fairbult caves?
i totally messed that up
first i got the wrong cheese caves
then i went back and ordered a basked from the right ones and durn it
i got the “midwest cheese basket” what doesn’t have any of the blue
i’ll order the right basket later this year and make a cheese plate for the office
morale is low and it’s not getting any fresher
me my morale is fine but i have my expectations appropriately calibrated and I just love how i’m getting paid to explore this magical wonderful city (before it detroits)
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:21 pm*basket* i mean
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:22 pmno reply yet he could be busy doing something for the community
he’s so so much a better person than me
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:23 pmYou would love this place, happyfeet.
mg (31009b) — 1/1/2016 @ 4:53 pmhttp://harvestgallerywinebar.com/
i just never get there
ma is on my list of undiscovered places
new england is so hard to travel thru it takes a lot of plan plan
my next thing is s carolina
gonna read me some conroy
his daddy was a chicago boy you know
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 5:44 pmThOR,
Thank you so very much.
Dana (86e864) — 1/1/2016 @ 7:10 pmThere are a lot of people who appreciate your posts out there, Dana, including yours truly.
Simon Jester (220a7b) — 1/1/2016 @ 8:14 pmi love your posters dana just not the fetus ones
we’ll just have to agree to disagree on those ones
it’s just not how i was raised
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 8:20 pmamazon echo is like my favorite present i ever bought myself ever in my whole life
probably mostly cause i already had all my musics in the amazon cloud
love her more than beans though
i’m a throw that crappy alarm clock from target in the trash
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 9:26 pmif my truck could talk i’d have to yank out all the wires
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 9:30 pmhappyfeet?
Ever get on you own last nerve, do you? Tire of hearing your own voice constantly you should!? According to the 5th Amendment, have the right to remain silent you do! Exercise that right will you!
Yoda (feee21) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:01 pmhi pickleyodapoo i’m just so over all these dated failmerican shibboleths
the average tatted-up military loser is like 7 times less economically important than people what actually contribute to failmerica like sandwich makers and dentists and pastors and database administrators
it’s not my fault
it is SO not my fault
i was on board with team bush w what said we were gonna make the democracies
well guess what
FAIL
and if you signed up for team fail after it was totally a duh
you’re a moron
i don’t care how tatted up you are
wearing the uniform of the military of a sleazy failmerican slutstate is a CHOICE
choose wisely picklehead
choose wisely
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:10 pmPat,
Drop the ban hammer on happyfeet, you can! Tire of seeing him denigrate our military we do! His shtick become tiresome it has! All in favor, say AYE!
Yoda (feee21) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:16 pmMr. Yodapickles they denigrate themselves by wearing the joke uniform of a sleazy cowardly jew-hating slutstate
i tried to stop them
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:21 pmand btw i put 10K aside to keep lil nephew guy out of the navy
WIN!
he’s so over that whole nonsense
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:23 pmHappy New Year, everybody! I welcome all your posts, Dana. Illegitimi non carborundum!
nk (dbc370) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:24 pmAgree with the sentiment, nk. F*** the bastards. It’s a whole lot more polite in Latin.
Steve57 (17e737) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:29 pmhappy new year my favorite part is the musics (from alexa) but i hate how not cold it is
i want me some polar vortex
number one
it’s bracing
number two
it’s slimming, the coats and such
drink a lil drink smoke a lil smoke
happyfeet (831175) — 1/1/2016 @ 10:39 pmGo Ted GO
mg (31009b) — 1/2/2016 @ 3:24 amhttps://pjmedia.com/trending/2016/1/2/ted-cruz-to-his-supporters-strap-on-the-full-armor-of-god-attacks-are-coming
Make a small resolution that you’re much more likely to keep. If you always fail your resolutions then you are making them too hard.
Shooting for something small is better than “can’t win, don’t try.”
Gabriel Hanna (3d8e32) — 1/2/2016 @ 10:48 amhocus kadabra:
http://therightscoop.com/media-gleefully-reporting-al-shabab-video-with-trump-ignores-hillary-and-black-lives-matter-are-in-it-too/
narciso (732bc0) — 1/2/2016 @ 10:59 amin addition:
https://twitter.com/pspoole/status/683346417344188416
narciso (732bc0) — 1/2/2016 @ 12:02 pmH8ers gonna h8! http://www.dailywire.com/news/2247/ucla-student-working-david-geffen-medical-center-pardes-seleh?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_content=120415-news&utm_campaign=benshapiro-share#.Voa78yzfUY8.mailto
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 1/2/2016 @ 12:58 pmMy goodness, one can lose their job over much, much less if the facebook comment was just mildly pro one man-one-woman marriage.
MD in Philly (not in Philly at the moment) (deca84) — 1/2/2016 @ 1:23 pmthe perverted saudi royal trash waited til everyone did their tax loss selling before blowing up the middle east
this is just so typical of them
happyfeet (831175) — 1/2/2016 @ 2:47 pma masterful trolling
https://twitter.com/TravisBickle84/status/682908608993050624
narciso (732bc0) — 1/2/2016 @ 5:26 pmIf UCLA fired every Mexican who uttered anti-Semitic/anti-European slurs, they’d have nobody to mop the floors, collect the trash, and mow the lawns.
nk (dbc370) — 1/2/2016 @ 7:10 pmTCU Horned Frogs beat Oregon in OT after being down 31 to zip at halftime. Record comeback.
ropelight (cc504c) — 1/2/2016 @ 8:03 pmMexicans are too uppity, lucky we got plenty of Haitians and Guatemalans here in Florida.
ropelight (cc504c) — 1/2/2016 @ 8:11 pmMexicans = Christians
mg (31009b) — 1/2/2016 @ 8:17 pmMuslums = Religion of Terror
Anyhow, the UCLA apparatchik is right. UCLA is a government institution and the carnita caliente is protected by the First Amendment for what she says on her own time. UCLA cannot retaliate against her anymore than Kamala Harris can against us for our comments here. Such as, for example, suggesting that she is better suited to employment in a Tijuana crib than in one our universities.
nk (dbc370) — 1/2/2016 @ 8:26 pm