Patterico's Pontifications


Evidence That Hillary’s Staff Knew In 2011 That Anthony Weiner Was Talking Dirty to an Underage Girl — And My Role in Breaking the Story

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 6:30 pm

The Daily Mail reports that Hillary’s staffers knew in 2011 that Anthony Weiner was exchanging inappropriate messages with underage girls. And, as we’ll see, if you were reading a certain blog (a blog we all know and love!) in 2011, you knew it too!

Hillary Clinton’s staffers knew as early as 2011 that Anthony Weiner had been messaging an underage girl, but they did nothing about it, according to WikiLeaks emails published Monday.

John Podesta – now chair of Clinton’s presidential campaign – and Neera Tanden, another adviser, were forwarded news of an investigation into Weiner’s online contact with a 17-year-old Delaware high school student by Jennifer Palmieri, the current campaign communications director, in June 2011.

At the time he was married to Huma Abedin, another member of Clinton’s inner circle, who is now at the center of fresh FBI investigation into the handling of classified material while Clinton was in office.

The email detailed lurid claims of private messages to an underage girl being investigated by police – and was met with the response ‘oof’ by Podesta.

‘Police on Friday afternoon came to the home of a 17-year-old high school junior to ask her about direct online communications she has had with Rep. Anthony Weiner,’ email read, quoting a Fox News article from the same time.

‘Two officers from the New Castle County Police Department arrived at the girl’s home around 4:30 p.m. and asked to speak with the girl’s mother about the daughter’s contact with Weiner. Another officer appeared at the home a short time later.’

Palmieri forwarded the news article to Podesta and Tanden.

This story is of special interest to me — for reasons you’ll learn in the following passage:

Back in April 2011, the then-teenager openly expressed her love for Weiner, who followed her on Twitter.

In her feed, she expressed her love of married men, according to

At one point she said: ‘HE IS MINE ALL MINE HE LOVES ME AND NO ONE ELSE ILY ILY ILY!!!’ and added ‘@RepWeiner I’m in love with you’ two days later.

If the name “” sounds familiar, it should. That happens to be the blog you are reading right now. And, as it happens, I am the one who broke the story about Weiner’s creepy conversations with the high school girl in Delaware, in this post, which I followed up with this post.

To make a long story short, the girl — whom I termed “Ethel” to protect her real name — had written the following on her Tumblr blog, quoting her “favorite Congressman” as talking about “cape and tights shit”:

“I came back strong. Large. In charge. Tights and cape shit…” My favorite congressman<3

My post published evidence that the girl’s “favorite Congressman” was Weiner . . . and that Weiner had also used the “cape and tights” line in sexually explicit chats with a grown woman in Las Vegas. I was concerned that this evidence indicated that Weiner might have traded sexually explicit messages with the girl as well. After I published my post, Fox News reporter Jana Winter contacted me on the morning of June 9, 2011, saying: “Hi. I’m a reporter with Saw your post about Weiner—got a minute to talk?” She had seen the first post I linked above, and I sent her the second link as well.

Based on my posts, Winter was at the girl’s home later that day . . . when the police showed up to search the girl’s computer. Winter’s story went nationwide — and was the story that, we learned today, was sent to Podesta, which caused him to say: “Oof.”

Incidentally, two days later, I published evidence that there was a discrepancy between different news media reports regarding how many messages the girl had exchanged with Weiner. The evidence suggested the possibility that the New York Times, in reporting that there had been only five direct messages exchanged, had simply taken the girl’s word for it . . . and that, perhaps, there had been others.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that, over five years later, all this would become relevant to a presidential election.

[Cross-posted at RedState.]

82 Responses to “Evidence That Hillary’s Staff Knew In 2011 That Anthony Weiner Was Talking Dirty to an Underage Girl — And My Role in Breaking the Story”

  1. Patrick, you done good. This is your Hindraker moment.

    Bill H (971e5f)

  2. Cast your bread upon the waters, for you shall find it after many days.

    I wondered why the site has been slow. Hello, British lurkers and Hillary anti-internet squad!

    nk (dbc370)

  3. Some of us have wilder dreams on your behalf, perhaps, than you. Congrats. 😀

    Beldar (fa637a)

  4. Well done.

    And to think we only had the Lewinsky mess to deal with for a day.

    DCSCA (797bc0)

  5. Late congratulations on the claim proving out.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  6. Two prescient statements from our resident troll of that time:

    Are you people kidding? hahahahahahaha! Good grief! Maybe get on something that matters?
    tifosa (ef14ae) —6/11/2011 @ 7:09 pm

    Ok Guess time will tell. You all hoping to be part of that?
    tifosa (ef14ae) —6/11/2011 @ 10:15 pm

    — If only he had known how everything was going to turn out . . .

    Icy (1a5e13)

  7. Great job Patterico

    As I said the other day, I just can’t shake the weirdness of all of that in relation to what is happening now. I don’t know why the Clinton camp chose the route they did. Instead of Huma leaving him then. But what went on at that time was sooooooo weird and it is actually the highlight of this dreadful election season that is playing much a major role now

    MayBee (a7822d)

  8. He definitely has a sickness… that tifosa.

    Weiner, too.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  9. because they are rotten to the core, maybee, and one realizes now that this was when our host first incurred the wrath of the voldemort and his band of deatheaters,

    narciso (d1f714)

  10. Patrick, have you watched the Showtime documentary yet? Maybe I’m imagining it, but I think I recall a fairly dramatic reference — maybe a recreation on a phone screen? — of the “tights and cape sh*t.” Even if I’m hallucinating about that, though, I’d be interested in your views about the film, and it might have decent grounds for a post here or at RedState when viewed through your particular perspective and history, with your usual acuity.

    Beldar (fa637a)

  11. If not that, it was some other inappropriate text involving superhero costumes. That might also have been in the Sydney Leathers part of the documentary (she’s on-camera a LOT, including in a slapstick chase through a McDonald’s restaurant when the Weiners are trying to duck her and the TV cameras).

    Beldar (fa637a)

  12. I’ll re-download & skim it and see if I can pin down the reference.

    Beldar (fa637a)

  13. 8.He definitely has a sickness…

    Oscar Meyer should sue.

    DCSCA (797bc0)

  14. this fellow, requires me to don a hazmat suit, the pathos is overwhelming however his other activities may be of note,

    narciso (d1f714)

  15. I don’t like the Democrats.
    Being the Clinton combine and their fing ilk got their eyes on taking over here, your staying suits my purpose.

    Anyways, those are my prejudices and personal interests for siding with you.

    Also, if you want to match my vote for Trump that would be between you and your God.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  16. Where was Madonna when she was really needed?

    nk (dbc370)

  17. How strange to see this this coming full circle. It’s one time when I sure wish I had the Omniscience of God and could not only see where this ends, but could have the vantage point of seeing the much bigger picture.

    I have to imagine that Huma stayed with Weiner because of their son. Had she not had him, likely she would’ve left him sooner . But I don’t think it any point she remotely thought that there might be incriminating emails on his laptop. At least not from her and Hillary….

    Dana (d17a61)

  18. Takes me back to the “dummerer than a bag of tifosas” days. Ag80/JD 2016

    Leviticus (1f2062)

  19. If the name “” sounds familiar, it should.

    It does, kinda.

    That happens to be the blog you are reading right now.

    No, that’s not it.

    CayleyGraph (353727)

  20. Okay, I was confused, but I think I have it straight now. The part of the “Weiner” documentary I was remembering is 40 minutes into the documentary. It wasn’t about your teenaged “Ethel,” but it was indeed a re-creation (using phone screens) of sexting between Weiner and Lisa Weiss, the blackjack dealer from Vegas about whom you wrote in your second post. The recreation begins with her telling him: “you are the coolest dem on the planet! they need to all be as tough as you.”

    He replies: “thank you Lisa. glad you have my back.”

    She texts: “let’s kick some GOP ass!”

    He replies: “ok, you and me will suit up like superheroes and defeat them. what will we call ourselves?”

    At the very, very end of the documentary, just before the credits roll, there’s a producer’s update briefly referencing the newest iteration of L’Affair Weiner:

    In the summer of 2016, new reports revealed that Anthony Weiner continued sexting after the release of this documentary.

    Huma Abedin immediately announced their separation.

    Beldar (fa637a)

  21. When I kill hawgs in Kali, I get all my butchering done at:

    Save-More Meat Market
    Bing Local
    74 W Manor Dr, Pacifica, CA 94044 · > 1000 mi
    (650) 355-3842

    As I was telling my little bro, BTW, you just haven’t lived until you’ve driven through San Fran with the tailgate down on your pick-up with a couple of of freshly killed pigs. Little bro was like, “Didn’t they attack you?

    They suspected we had guns. They were right.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  22. Best Italian sausage ever.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  23. Congratulations, Patrick, you weave a story that has only one conclusion: guilty as hell!

    Patricia (5fc097)

  24. In case it matters to anyone, and I doubt it does, but when I was in none of thesese clowns would have had a clearance. We had things back then called “rules.” Sometimes called “laws.”

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  25. he was on the intelligence committee, correct me if I am wrong, his mauldlin peccadillos pale to the local lack of discretion with which he handled classified information,

    narciso (d1f714)

  26. I’ve lost track of people whose maudlin peccadilloes pale in comparison to
    their disdain for national security. Could you be more specific?

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  27. Weiner? Are we talking about Weiner?

    There’s a question I never thought I would ask.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  28. Weiner and security clearance are a bunch of words I never, ever thought would go together.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  29. I know it’s a fairly large category, john deutsch who had no peccadillos was allowed to skate for his failure of due diligence, into a high post in schlumberger, for example,

    narciso (d1f714)

  30. Haz anyone seen my shovel I would like to continue hitting myself with it.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  31. I’m just saying there was something else going, that’s why all the sockpuppets and other claims,

    narciso (d1f714)

  32. I know it’s a fairly large category…

    narciso (d1f714) — 10/31/2016 @ 9:46 pm

    Fairly large? It knows no bounds.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  33. leahy, leaked info during achille lauro, berger stole and destroyed source documents that illuminated the history pre 9/11, and he basically skated,

    narciso (d1f714)

  34. A thought. Several thoughts really. How come the FBI didn’t search anybody’s houses? That’s pretty much standard f’n practice.

    Oh. And seizing computers. Should have happened months ago. If, you know, a professional law enforcement agency had been conducting a real no-s**t investigation.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  35. yes, it makes no fracking sense, unless this was a pantomine, but the journal piece suggested they were blocked at every level,

    narciso (d1f714)

  36. I’m taking up a collection.

    For the sake of the country.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  37. I know some take exception with some of his practices,

    but protecting the country, is the job of the national police,

    narciso (d1f714)

  38. I mean no insult to police officers, who are not brain dead or they don’t last. You have to have an Ivy league education for this level of stupid.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  39. …but protecting the country, is the job of the national police,
    narciso (d1f714) — 10/31/2016 @ 10:26 pm

    Actually it’s the job of anyone who has a clearance.

    …or (2) having knowledge that the same has been illegally removed from its proper place of custody or delivered to anyone in violation of its trust, or lost, or stolen, abstracted, or destroyed, and fails to make prompt report of such loss, theft, abstraction, or destruction to his superior officer—

    Shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both.

    I know I sound like a broken record. No, I’m not sorry. It’s your g*d d***ed duty.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  40. Actually protecting the country is the job of anyone who wears the uniform.

    But I was speaking of protecting classified.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  41. In reading back at the 2011 posts about Weiner’s teenage Twitter crushes, I am struck by a couple of things:

    1) These, ahem, “ladies” are probably now 21 or 22 and Heaven only knows what kind of women they have become. I’m hoping they have done a lot of emotional maturing in the last five years.

    2) Betty and Veronica’s moms did nobody any favors by going to bat for Weiner when the police and media descended upon them. Maybe we can be generous and say they did so to protect their daughters, but I wonder if they did so because they admired Weiner’s wretched politics.

    JVW (6e49ce)

  42. As Nelson said, no Captain can do much wrong if “he places his ship alongside that of the enemy.”

    Likewise, nobody can do much wrong if they keep to the Eleven General Orders a Sentry and the Code of Conduct.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  43. @41, liberal child sacrifice.

    Actually it’s not only children.

    Sex for a Cause

    by Carolyn Gargaro & Stephanie Herman – Rightgrrl Founders
    July 10, 1998
    Updated: July 16, 1998

    “I’d be happy to give him [oral sex] just to thank him for keeping abortion legal.”

    Those were the enlightening words uttered by former Time contributor and White House correspondent Nina Burleigh in an interview in Mirabella magazine, as reported by Howard Kurtz in a Washington Post Article. However, it was learned on 07/16/98 that her comment was a little different from that. Nina Burleigh has now filled in what word she really used in the spot the Post bracketed and revealed her next sentence to Kurtz, that he did not share with readers.

    Nina Loves Clinton Her full quote: “I would be happy to give him a blowjob just to thank him for keeping abortion legal. I think American women should be lining up with their presidential kneepads on to show their gratitude for keeping the theocracy off our backs.”

    So women should all break out their kneepads. Sorry Nina, I think we’ll pass on your “blow the President” suggestion. Not all American women live by your standards – or lack thereof. …

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  44. I may have sold Hillary! short. It’s the quote of the day over at Ace but it needs wider exposure.

    I frankly think her admirable. As she coughs, staggers, convulses, lies, pilfers, sells favors and lapses into intermittent confusion, she still has the courage to tell America that she loathes half of it. That´s candor.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  45. Well, really, she only loathes a quarter of it, per my math.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  46. Let’s not get too wrapped up in self congratulation.

    The point isn’t Clinton’s suborning a pedophile for x amount of years, but rather that the investigation of that pedophile revealing the supposedly “lost” trove of “private emails” that Clinton claimed were wedding plans and yoga exercises, which she destroyed, illegally hindering a congressional investigation.

    If even one of those emails fall under the heading of State Department official business then private citizen Clinton is liable as a felon/ post election Clinton is impeachable as a felon.

    That is the entire point.

    I’ve just been reading through 200 comments of the corresponding story on Instapundit, where everybody managed to miss that.

    Focusing on the shiny will end up with another four years of a White House full of multiple felons and rapists

    papertiger (c8116c)

  47. I find it amusing that someone can still think I’ll get wrapped up in self-congratulation.

    I’ve been wrong for twenty years.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  48. That’s longer than my marriage.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  49. And BS President Trump will do nothing to curb the global warming zealots.

    He will throw them out wholesale. Into the mud. Where they belong.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  50. Not aimed at you Steve. You kind of define focus. Mr. Focus. Should change your name to Ford Focus.

    It’s those 200 plus comments at Instapundit, that have my dander up.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  51. Whatevs, papertiger.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  52. I’ve probably lost more elections than you have. Always backing the right horse.

    The fact you all tell me I’m backing the wrong horse this time, that gives me an inordinate amount of hope.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  53. I take no pride in any position I’m holding.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  54. I still like the Ford Focus, though.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  55. So Carlos Danger’s perverted laptop computer was the most phished corrupted virus laden thing connected to the internet and it had all of my nation’s top secrets on it? Is that what you’re telling me?

    Jcurtis (427545)

  56. Yes, Mr. Curtiss. we have completely lost control.

    Other than that, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

    Steve57 (0b1dac)


    This isn’t me. But it could be.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  58. The particular aides involved here – John Podesta, Jennifer Palmieri, and Neera Tanden – didn’t know anything more than we did. Maybe Huma Abewdin did, or others, and maybe some of them could have found out later, but they didn’t.

    It’s clear, I think, already from other leaks from Wikileaks, that John Podesta, and especially Neera Tandem, were not in the possession of the inner Clinton secrets (because we are not getting them.)

    Sammy Finkelman (f07364)

  59. I was pointing out how the neuhayser and other strigii set upon our host as a consequence of his investigation, why would they do that.

    narciso (d1f714)

  60. Now that Hillary’s confident tone has returned it seems she’s learned the FBI seized the Huma-mails to remove them from the Weiner investigation and get them back under the control of the FBI task force that can’t act against her without DOJ support.

    Well deserved kudos to our host for bringing the Weiner truth to light.

    crazy (d3b449)

  61. “MARK STEYN ON “OCCAM’S WEINER:” “Weiner is an ambitious man with apparently insatiable sexual proclivities. Until 2013 he thought those two primal drives were reconcilable. The sex cost him his ambition — and is now threatening his liberty. He has very little standing between him and the abyss — other than what he knows about his wife and her patrons.”

    Colonel Haiku (820854)

  62. Steve57 (0b1dac) — 10/31/2016 @ 11:19 pm

    she still has the courage to tell America that she loathes half of it. That´s candor.

    No, it’s not. It’s another lie.

    She was offering her audience, which consisted of people who gave money to her, an uncomplementary “explanation” of why other people might be voting for Trump = an explantion that would not apply to themselves.

    There were two possibilities, one of which was almost pejorative, and the other one was they they were unsophisticated.

    Either Trump supporters had deplorable beliefs, or they were poor (or worse off than before) and didn’t understand what caused it.

    Is this what she thought? Not quite.

    Also she didn’t say she loathed them. She just offered an explanation that could imply half of the Trump voters should be loathed, because they loathed others, but she didn’t advocate loathing them. Remember, hate the sin, not the sinner. Deplorable doesn’t mean condemn – it’s a much milder word, often used in United Nations Security Council resolutions.

    Sammy Finkelman (f07364)

  63. Always trust content from Patterico.

    Paul (1a56cb)

  64. Deplorable doesn’t mean condemn – it’s a much milder word, often used in United Nations Security Council resolutions.
    Sammy Finkelman (f07364) — 11/1/2016 @ 7:36 am

    Sammy that is more bullsh!t in one comment than is legally allowed by law.

    Rev. Hoagie® (785e38)

  65. Sammy, she said they’re a basket of deplorables. And then she itemized how Trump’s supporters are all a bunch of racist, sexist, Islamophobic, homophobic, agoraphobic, arachonophobic, knuckle-draggers who aren’t voting for her because they (we!) hate women.
    Democrats have difficulty humanizing their opponents. They can’t admit publicly, “Yeah, maybe John Q. Public is voting Republican due to beliefs about the role of government.”

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)

  66. The Hillary camp is full of folks who look at this and worry about the optics. That it’s wrong in seventeen ways doesn’t occur to them, except perhaps to add some piquancy.

    Richard Aubrey (472a6f)

  67. I was pretty sure that if Wiener remained connected to HRC in any way there would be trouble down the road for her.

    He’s that kind of guy. Boy, they didn’t size up that threat very well.

    I have reason to believe that, back in the day, there were a number of lady friends ready to tell their tale, and the story of that side of Weiner would, inevitably have emerged, there was never any stopping it and there was only timing to quibble with. But none of us, to my knowledge, have ever been satisfied about who was behind the *phony* teenager accounts and that person’s actual motives.

    I still wonder about it from time to time. I still don’t know if the account trailing him on twitter in various guises (eventually morphing into a teen of woe in talks with Cordova) was always Rauhauser or if he just took over later. I thought maybe it had been a disgruntled sexter, one in particular, but maybe it was a staffer or operative just trying to get a handle on things and it all went awry when Weiner flubbed with his message-sending.

    His contact with the real teenager (not to mention overall picture of him) showed Weiner had some kind of personality disorder or, in simpler terms, incredible lack of maturity, though not in the fact of his contact.

    It was the way he seemed to think about that contact. He behaved like a teen at times and even aped or borrowed some of her or her friends slang or terms of phrase. Even his use of the word “hacked” was probably explained by his contact with the DE teen, since she had used that in her own twitter feed in reference to her friends typing into her account when she had left it open. He is so stupid he didn’t even realize people would be thinking of criminal hacking when he blamed his pants-shot on hacking. (And Gennette C., bless her heart, made that click.)

    SarahW (3164f0)

  68. 66. Cruz Supporter (102c9a) — 11/1/2016 @ 9:09 am

    Sammy, she said they’re a basket of deplorables. And then she itemized how Trump’s supporters are all a bunch of racist, sexist, Islamophobic, homophobic, agoraphobic, arachonophobic, knuckle-draggers who aren’t voting for her because they (we!) hate women.

    That’s right. A “basket” of deplorables. Like a fruit basket. Meaning that there’s not the samething wrong with allof them. Some are racist, some are sexits, others are Islamophobic, some want to deport illegal immigrants, but not the same thing wrong with all of them. But that’s only half of Trump’s supporters. The other half mistakenly blame Democrats for their economic woes.

    Sammy Finkelman (643dcd)

  69. Maybee, are you thinking of some HRC-centric reason for the Weinergate wierdness?

    SarahW (3164f0)

  70. 65. The United Nations Security Council often “deplores” rather than “codemns” things.

    Hillary Clinton was not encouraging the people she was speaking to to loathe e\peopleinclined to vote for Trump.

    Deplorable is a mild word. She was not characterizing them as irredeemably evil.

    And half didn’t even have that sort of reason at all, but were just too stupid to realize which party was for the common man. Or woman.

    Sammy Finkelman (643dcd)

  71. 71. But didn’t Donald Trump have some peculiar observations about Tiananmen Square June 5, 1989?

    That’s where tyeh guy standing in front of the tank was.

    Sammy Finkelman (643dcd)

  72. SarahW (3164f0) — 11/1/2016 @ 1:50 pm But none of us, to my knowledge, have ever been satisfied about who was behind the *phony* teenager accounts and that person’s actual motives.
    Well,it couldn’t possibly be somebody on the Clinton team, obviously, (much money must ahve been spent) but I don’t really know that it was anti-Clinton.

    My guess was it someone pro-John Liu for Mayor of New York, probably from a faction in the Chinese Communist party, (wwhich may have been purged,or is the people who won? This time around, and forall the time after 2009, the Clintons don’t seem to be getting much help from China.

    Anotehr thing pointing to China is that all this activity took place on the west coast.

    Now they hired private detectives to destroy Weiner.

    When Patterico got all interested in it, the private detective agency maybe did all that spoofing, to prevent from being discovered. Or they hired someone to do it. Most of the time they wroked for other people,not anyone in China.

    I still wonder about it from time to time. I still don’t know if the account trailing him on twitter in various guises (eventually morphing into a teen of woe in talks with Cordova) was always Rauhauser or if he just took over later.

    I think Neal got involved when the spoofers tried tocover their tracks. They were never supposed to be linked at all to the Weiner expose. Nobody expected that tweet, which a bug in the way Yfrog interacted with Twitter was probably responsible for, and they thought also he had a real liove (not virtual) mistress. Suddenly patriotusa76 was too visible

    Sammy Finkelman (643dcd)

  73. It was the worst sockpuppeting in the history of sockpuppeting though. Read in sequence and in context, the DMs and tweets were pretty obviously aromatic and catfishy.

    I think the only reason anyone ever thought they could be real is the initial difficulty assembling a twitter trail.

    SarahW (3164f0)

  74. A bit off topic but …thinking…Hillary, or rather her aids, including Huma have a history of accidentally leaving docs all over the place. One classified doc got left in a Chinese hotel, Huma left them in cars.

    I am not taking it for granted that there is some doofusy accident to blame for them being on Weiner’s machine.

    SarahW (3164f0)

  75. Dames can’t be trusted with anything important, SarahW, and for sure not with any secrets.

    nk (dbc370)

  76. NK My kid’s reading Hesiod right now so that made me laugh.

    SarahW (3164f0)

  77. Say, whatever happened to “TommyXtopher”?

    SarahW (3164f0)

  78. i thought he was still at mediaite

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  79. De-evolution is real, man!

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  80. “Some historians are teaching that history began some 10,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the winter and would go to the coast to live on fish and lobster in the summer.

    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as “the Conservative movement.”

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

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