Patterico's Pontifications


Sockpuppet Friday — The “Whither Cain?” Edition

Filed under: 2012 Election — Karl @ 8:45 am

[Posted by Karl]

Haven’t seen Aaron around the Twitter, so here we go:

As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry on this thread. The usual rules apply.

Please be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.

And remember, the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.


This Friday’s frivolity is a sadder kind of frivolity, i.e., the state of the GOP presidential nomination campaign.

As Jazz Shaw notes, Herman Cain still leads nationally in the new CBS poll, but just barely edges out both Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.   Although over 60% of primary voters say the sexual harassment accusations against cain aren’t affecting their decision, his support among women has dropped from 28% in October to 15% now.  And 70% say it’s too early to pick a candidate, raising the spectre of a protracted primary campaign.

Meanwhile on the Twitter, Allahpundit asks whether Cain is cratering in Iowa.  He notes two polls by Insider Advantage, taken five days apart, showing a 15-point Cain lead shrinking to a 4-point lead.  Two polls by the same firm eliminayes methodology issues, but any typical poll has a chance of being an outlier.  Insider Advantage has Cain dropping from 30% to 23%.  However, only two other polls had Cain at 30% or over in Iowa since his surge: the University of Iowa poll with a tiny 181 likely voter sample; and PPP, taken well before the sex harassment charges.  The average of other recent Iowa polls (Rasmussen, CNN, Time) would put Cain at 24% — just a point higher than the latest Insider Advantage poll.  Thus, it’s probably too early to conclude Cain is cratering in Iowa, but his surge has certainly been blunted.

Update: The new McClatchy-Marist poll has it Romney, Gingrich and Cain nationally, but the margin of error is 5.5%.  Gingrich has the most committed supporters, but — like the CBS poll — 70% are not firmly committed to a candidate.


86 Responses to “Sockpuppet Friday — The “Whither Cain?” Edition”

  1. Ding!

    Karl (f8f210)

  2. Got a problem?

    Let the government solve it, at the hands of elite brilliant leadership! I went to Harvard Law!

    Need health care? No problem! I’ll force you to take care of it my way! So what if it loses $20 billion and bankrupts the state. I went to Harvard and I am a smooth talker, so that’s more important.

    Violent crime a problem? I’ll ban guns and impose a fee on gun registration so that law abiding citizens can’t commit violent crimes without paying taxes! So what that violence increases as a result. I went to Harvard. Did I mention my dad was a union loving Governor? Very elite, too.

    Do you need a job? Don’t worry. Government will solve the problem by taxing and spending to stimulate trouble assets!

    Worried about what to eat? I took a class on nutrition at Harvard!

    I have tons of foreign policy experience from when I laid off Americans and found cheaper labor in dozens of industries in China! That may sound kinda unhelpful to you, if you didn’t go to Harvard like I did.

    It’s a fact that most establishment Republicans and billionarres also went to Ivy league schools, and they mostly endorse my Ivy league candidacy.

    Sure, I may not have results in my background, but after practicing for five years, unemployed, I’m very smooth at debates, and that’s change you can believe in!

    If you are pro life, I’ve got the perfect talking point for you. If you are pro choice, I’ve got the perfect talking point for you. If you like entitlement spending, I promise much more, and be scared because all other Rethuglikkkans might take that away! If you want reforms, trust that I will manage entitlements just perfectly and the problem will probably go away!

    Really, there isn’t a position you could possibly hold that I haven’t supported at some point, and because I took rhetoric at Harvard, I express that position better than any of the people who actually walked the walk with results.

    Plus, I’m feeling oppressed. That helps, right?

    Mitt Romney (cb3719)

  3. You racist Perryturds make me vomit!

    Why don’t you all just kill yourselves already?

    DohBiden (8aec60)

  4. That was funny, right?

    DohBiden (8aec60)

  5. Perry’s coming back. There’s still time. The rest of the candidates except for Paul and Bachmann are a bunch of unemployed losers.

    People want to elect a boring governor who elicits primary challenges from his own party every election and blandly follows the status quo previously set out for him.

    That man is Rick Perry.

    Plus, I told you we could take out Herman.


    EPWJ (bf33e9)

  6. It’s the dynasty. It’s always been about the dynasty!

    Dustin (8aec60)

  7. Romneytards are in love with the die-nasty

    DohBiden (8aec60)

  8. Perry is your new white best friend.

    Toure (081489)

  9. Be vewy vewy qwiet. That Amewican renaissance man is hot on our twail.


    2 million Iranian STEALTH Jews (8aec60)

  10. Can’t you see that it’s not their fault? As soon as Herman Cain declared that he was being persecuted on the basis of race, it became MANDATORY that all MSNBC commentators attack him on the basis of race!

    They’re just trying to finish him off what he started.

    tifosa (8aec60)

  11. Come on, you Mormon sonuvabitch! You just win that nomination; I dare ya.

    LarryLapsedCatholicO'Donnell (8aec60)

  12. You idiots don’t understand illegal immigrants like Rick Perry.

    It’s a Texas thing and you dickheads who live in other states will never understand.

    EPWJ (bf33e9)

  13. That was funny, right?

    Comment by DohBiden — 11/11/2011 @ 9:03 am

    um it woulda been if you’d changed your name to like Leftists R Us or B Obama or somethin’.

    That is, unless you’re another person sockpuppeting DohBiden teasing him about last week. Then it’s hilarious!

    the first rule of Sockpuppet Friday is you don't ask the rules of Sockpuppet Friday (325a59)

  14. Who’s the Nobel Peace Prize winner with the highest number of confirmed kills on his record?

    What! What do you mean, “Arafat”?

    How about all of those Fast & Furious deaths? It wasn’t just that one agent, ya know; those drug dealers were killing ALOT of their rivals, not to mention all of the innocent civilians caught in the crossfire.

    Arafat . . . harumph! You might as well bring up how Woodrow Wilson got 160,000 Americans killed in a span of only 18 months, and THEN was awarded the Peace Prize. Geez!

    Teh One (8aec60)

  15. Ha ha, I’ll never tell!!!

    DohBiden (8aec60)

  16. With respect to number 13, the first rule about Sockpuppet Friday is that you don’t talk about Sockpuppet Friday.

    Aaron Worthing (e7d72e)

  17. Hey just to let our friends and families know, we got Skyrim today. So we won’t be leaving the house until February at the soonest. We’ll miss you.

    The World's Gamers (e7d72e)

  18. Bush is the worse president ever I mean he wiretapped our phones……….Excuse me I have to listen in on Joe the Pulmbers phone.

    Obama2012 (ef98f0)

  19. Yesterday’s Star Trek geeks are today’s gamers: furiously whacking their joysticks in the dark of mom’s basement, while dreaming of that never-gonna-happen night of supreme passion with Grace Park.

    CulturalObverser (8aec60)

  20. I know who #18 is! ! !

    TellTailSign (8aec60)

  21. Cultural Observer

    The joke’s on you! First, Grace Park is on Battle Star Galactica, meaning recent the series with producer Ron Moore, not Star Trek.

    And joysticks? I haven’t even seen a joystick let alone played with one since the 1990’s. Shows how much you know!

    The World's Gamers (e7d72e)

  22. Hey you should all buy my autobiography. You will be touched in a way that you never thought you should would be touched.

    Jerry Sandusky (e7d72e)

  23. Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse . . . MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

    Yeah, it IS less embarrassing when you call it a “controller”; right? (where’s that ‘eye roll’ emoticon?)

    [BTW, I did not misspell my handle; that one was all you.]

    [Also, I never said that she was on Star Trek; only noted that she is a fantasy girl for the geek/gamer crowd.]

    CulturalObverser (8aec60)

  24. Bloomberg, you magnificent b@$t@rd!

    Zuccotti Lung Awardees (721840)

  25. 22.Hey you should all buy my autobiography. You will be touched in a way that you never thought you should would be touched.

    Comment by Jerry Sandusky — 11/11/2011 @ 10:44 am

    D@mn, that was going to be the name of my new book!

    Herman Cain (721840)

  26. Hey, when Sandusky said, “That kid will be great in the backfield,” I thought he was strictly talking football, okay?

    Joe Pa (8aec60)

  27. Hey, I am not obsessed with Aaron. Just because I was the second commenter on this thread doesn’t mean I was obsessively checking the site, while playing with my… um… joystick

    Kman (e7d72e)

  28. Why, I remember once when we were down seven points, and Jerry shouted, “we should make a pass on a tight end and try to score!”

    Oh, wait… I just realized what he really meant by that.

    Joe Pa (e7d72e)

  29. I miss the days of Lovey…

    Sockpuppet sucks (1b3c94)

  30. Open-end tryouts for barebacker linebacker at my place!

    Sandouchey (8aec60)

  31. I think Cain sucks too…. 😉

    Sockpuppet sucks (590845)

  32. So, like, man, what do I win?

    Occupy Portland's Activist of the Day (325a59)

  33. Oh Grace, you’re so hot! Oh yeah . . . getting all my power-ups . . . searching for your secret level . . . Oh, oh, oh — whoooooooaaaaahhhh!!!!!

    Game Over. Stuck on level 1

    The World's Gamers (8aec60)

  34. I outed Sandusky, but they still keep talking about me!

    Herman Cain (3e4784)

  35. And I outed Herman Cain, but I can’t talk straight about anything.

    Where was I again?

    Rick Perry (3e4784)

  36. I knew it! See? He admitted ^^^ that he can’t talk “straight”.

    HaikuHysteria (8aec60)

  37. It’s not my fault I sponsored Jerry Sandusky for a “Congressional Angels in Adoption” award. Us members of Congress never knew anything at all about people we wanted to honor. I only knew the people who recommended him. I had friends on hs board. I knew Joe Paterno. But if I’d have seen doing what he did with a kid, I’d have taken a baseball bat and beat the guy’s head in. I don’t know why 28-year old Mike McQueary didn’t.

    Former Senator Rick Santorum (R-Penn) (3a0ae4)

  38. It’s ELEVENTY ELEVENTY ELEVENTY !!!!!!11!!!11!!11!!!!!11!

    KmanIMDWtifosaChrisHootenTheEmperorEPWJangeleno (8aec60)

  39. @38
    Nope, it’s onety one, onety one, onety one!!!! (rolling eyes)

    Sockpuppet sucks (0702a3)

  40. Why is my cellmate singing “Beat it… Beat it…

    Oh, now he is singing another of my former patient’s songs, “Bad,” singing… “Your butt is mine…”

    Oh no…

    Dr. Conrad Murray (e7d72e)

  41. Best. Sockpuppet. Comment thread. Ever.

    [/looooong ciggy drag]

    Mark Block (f1c59f)

  42. Hey everybody, don’t forget me! I mean, me and my client! Don’tcha remember Herman Cain and his sexual harassment? Hello, is this thing on?!?

    Gloria Allred (f1c59f)

  43. Wow, the trip from Penn State to the State Pen is awful quick.

    Paterno & Sandusky (not to be confused with Hall and Oates) (f1c59f)

  44. That THING ^^^ is never “on”.

    JustSayin' (8aec60)

  45. I would loan Sandusky the bullet, but I fear he would use it as a suppository.

    HelpfulCitizen (8aec60)

  46. The “Whither Cain?” Edition?

    First off, let me just say, the question is absurd. What we should really be talking about is me. I’m appalled at the lack of knowledge about history, government and my own record serving Ronald Reagan that the American people, elected officials and my fellow candidates have shown not only to me, but to themselves and the world. Does that make any sense? Of course not, but it sounds like I know what I’m talking about in there someplace. We look like a bunch of clowns. Like a gaggle of reporters with biased points of view and I’m stunned at their failure to report accurately and often on me, the economy and then more about me, just like the entire elitist news media, which I worked for as a commentator and was well paid by not long ago in what was obviously a fair and balanced fashion, especially when I talked about me. Half million dollar credit lines at Tiffany’s don’t come easy. Especially when wife number three goes on a shopping spree. Does that make any sense– again, of course not. Don’t think about it. Ambassador Bolton will support me on this. See, I just suckered you again. My former Fox News colleague, John Bolton, is an ex-ambassador– hasn’t been at the U.N. in years, and is now a TV talking head. See how it works– and it works so well. Like calling me Speaker Gingrich, and I haven’t been Speaker of the House for nearly twenty years and was purged from the job by my own Republican party colleagues but my dream job was running a zoo anyway and I came close to that in Congress. Did I mention I haven’t held elected office in years either and times have changed— no matter. Because what really matters is saving America from our socialist president, the communist Kenyan, Obama. I’m amazed at how my fellow conservatives are suckered in by my long winded bluster as I bluff my way through basic questions avoiding concise, crisp, direct answers by using run on sentences laced with half-truths delivered in an “authoritive” tone because I write historical novels now which makes me appear to sound like I know what I’m talking about with a level of expertise when, in fact, I really don’t but make you think I do. Never fails. I use lots of five dollar words, most of you with twenty-five cent intellects and ten cent attention spans vaguely understand or outright don’t know, strung together to make me sound smarter than you when I’m really not. This works for me because I know how short your attention span truly is because we’ve been dumbing you down since Ronald Reagan and I convinced you ketchup soup was a meal and you have kids to pick up at soccer practice. See, I mentioned Ronald Reagan again. It worked for years when I lectured the House of Representatives for hours on end and it was televised to all of you live on C-SPAN but of course what you didn’t know was that I was talking to an empty chamber to get it in the record. Forget about my own weak ethics, transgressions and flip flops. Ignore that you purged me from the speakership and the party and my failure to manage my own personal finances, my cheating on my wives, the last while talking about family values as I chided and guided impeachment against a sitting president caught in a scandal of his own. Did I mention Ronald Reagan? There. I just did. I worked for Ronald Reagan. See. I mentioned him again. Now I’ll tell you Obama is a food stamp president. Did I mention my support for Lincoln-Douglas styled debates which droned on for hours would give you a chance to hear me talk about me for hours on end and help sell my books? There, I just did. Did I mention I’m a jelly doughnut- you know, void of substantive value, powdered white on top, gooey red stuff in the middle and two holes at each end. It’s impossible for me to respond to that in less than thirty seconds but I know none of you will even get to the end of this in the first place so lt me just say so I’m your best chance to defeat Stalinist Obama in the election. =inhale= Did I mention Ronald Reagan? Because let me just say, the question is absurd. What we should really be talking about is me. I’m appalled at the lack of knowledge about history, government…

    Newt Gingrich (9d1bb3)

  47. Wow, just wow! Newt, you outdid yourself.

    Webster's Dictionary (c65c00)

  48. I wish Rick Perry would touch my balls.

    EricPWJohnson (ef98f0)

  49. When are you people going to start believing me? You know I am always right. Even if I do have a problem with spelling and the truth.

    EricPWJohnson (c65c00)

  50. So who brought in the TB?

    Atlanta Occupier (c65c00)

  51. no puppetry, that newt one was pretty awesome.

    Aaron Worthing (e7d72e)

  52. Hey what about me?

    EricPWJohnson (ef98f0)

  53. All our women and men died for nothing.

    All our men and women will die to stop the ugandan right wing theocrats which is a good thing.

    The ugandan war is a colossal not mistake.

    I’m not a hypocritical Obot.

    EricPWJohnson (ef98f0)

  54. Died for nothing in Iraq.

    EricPWJohnson (ef98f0)

  55. Thanks to my awesome husband, BuhRock, we are going to arrange for 10,000 vets to be hired, because we love the military. Honest.

    Michelle Obama (c65c00)

  56. Now can you troops go to Uganda for me please?

    If you Code Pinkos oppose my war you better join the far-right racists.

    BarackObama (ef98f0)

  57. My son and Sarah Palins son are iraqi war vets thank god they are coming home let’s hope they go to Uganda.

    JoeBiden (ef98f0)

  58. Aaron is a fake sockpuppet and I can prove it.

    Regular Jackass (3db71b)

  59. He’s been so much happier since he found a new bunch of friends on the internet so he can concentrate – his “energy” – thats what we family call his passion – I dont care what that court said and all those Harvard fancy pants doctors with those laaatin terms think they know what’s going on in my little boy’s head – where are they now huh?

    Look at him, he’s a leader on a place called, now what is it called again? – well I know its run by a nice man named Pat.

    Doh's Mom (719277)

  60. Ok, I was a little bit late for the wreath laying and speech. I’m having a little trouble since Reggie (BodyMan) Love bailed on me.

    B. Hussein Obama (c65c00)

  61. The Missus and I are off to Hawaii and Bali. Thanks for picking up the tab, America.

    B. Hussein Obama (c65c00)

  62. My wife cheated on me with Herman Cain.

    Doh's Father (ef98f0)

  63. But Herman Cain rejected her when he found out whay she was about so now she is falsely accusing him of Sexual Harassment.

    DohBiden (ef98f0)

  64. Eh sorry That was supposed to be me not my son.

    Anyway dear I want a divorce from you.


    Doh's Father (ef98f0)

  65. We thank the troops by sneding them home.

    But my idiot right-wing son is a jingoist poopyhead.

    Doh's Father (ef98f0)

  66. Sending*

    I swear to drunk I’m not as god as you think.

    Doh's Father (ef98f0)

  67. I just farted on myself in my bath tub, daddy. Be proud of me.

    duhhburden (03864d)

  68. Derrrrrrrr Conservatives are such misogynistic Arrogant morons Herman Cain hates muslims and wants to kill them. 9-9-9 does not raise taxes on those evil rich people. Anita Hill is just misunderstood. Corporations are dictators derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I’m a stupid jerkoff.

    Aslansgirl (ef98f0)

  69. “It’s the dynasty. It’s always been about the dynasty!

    Comment by Dustin — 11/11/2011 @ 9:05 am

    LOL. What was that, a month ago? And didn’t I win that argument?

    Haiku’s ass is still chapped over that one?

    Sucks being a romney fan, concerned only with the fighting and the ugliness, with no positive case to make.

    Dustin (cb3719)

  70. And a happy veteran’s day to all the vets out there who loved their country enough to serve it.

    Sadly, very few in the political class bothered to do it.

    Dustin (cb3719)

  71. “Sucks being a romney fan, concerned only with the fighting and the ugliness, with no positive case to make.”

    COMEDY GOLD!!!!!

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  72. With bonus irony.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  73. Coming from the idiot who screamed about Perry raping children with the needle of sex, with Chicago level corruption, who then whined to me that he was just being nasty insincerely because, hey, he’s emulating EPWJ’s Palin treatment, I think I’ll ignore you as yet another Romney shill.

    Dustin (cb3719)

  74. Yes the paranoid perrykrishnas are now accusing Cain Romney and Palin of being in cahoots.

    Romney is a prick.

    DohBiden (ef98f0)

  75. Tough choice: serial harasser, serial cheater or serial flip-flopper.

    MikeyEatsAnything (4cb89e)

  76. Oh dear you accuse Palin of being stupid but your stupid yourself by the way your hamburger is getting cold deary.

    Mikeysmomeatsanything (ef98f0)

  77. Paterno & Sandusky wrote:

    Wow, the trip from Penn State to the State Pen is awful quick.

    Actually, yes it is! Traveling south along I-99 from I-80, you’ll encounter the signs “You are now entering the State Correctional Facility at Rockwood” and “You are now leaving the State Correctional Facility at Rockwood” about six miles north of State College.

    Google Maps (f68855)

  78. Cain sexually harrassed me…………………Now Bill Clinton on the other hand I think Rush Limbaugh lied about Clinton being a sexual harasser.

    SharonBialek (ef98f0)

  79. “with no positive case to make”

    Dustin – Since you spend 75% of your tearing down other candidates rather than making a positive case for your candidate, your negative comment is classic.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  80. Aww, $arah disappointed you waaaaaaaaaaaaah :'(

    tifosa (4cb89e)

  81. Aww,I disappointed you your a racist :'[.

    BarackObama (ef98f0)

  82. It’s kinda sad when, in a pissing contest between Dustin and daleyrocks, DohBiden is the funny one.

    Icy (8aec60)

  83. Icy – Dustin was keeping in the spirit of the thread, I thought. I wasn’t.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  84. Fair enough

    Icy (8aec60)

  85. Pro-Lifers want 10=year old mexicans to be raped i tells ya.

    CharlesJohnson (ef98f0)

  86. Mexicos laws against abortion are rude if you have no proof of sexual assault abort the baby damn it.

    CharlesJohnsonAgain (ef98f0)

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