Patterico's Pontifications


Movie Quotes You Can Use

Filed under: Movies — DRJ @ 6:22 pm

[Guest post by DRJ]

I think my family is pretty normal and like most families, we enjoy TV and movies. However, I’ve noticed that we don’t watch the most sophisticated shows. Any action movie and most comedies, along with shows that feature Monty Python, Bill Murray, Jerry Seinfeld, or Adam Sandler are popular in our male-dominated household.

I’ve also noticed that we frequently use famous and not-so-famous quotes from these shows in our conversations. In addition to the well-known ones like “I’ll be back,” “You can’t handle the truth,” “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse,” and “What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate,” here are some of our favorites:

“Lighten up, Francis” — From Stripes, whenever someone is taking themself too serious.

“He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.” — From Caddyshack, when someone thinks they can do something miraculous.

“It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” — Also from Caddyshack, when someone actually does something miraculous.

“Brave, brave, Sir Robin.” — From Monty Python & the Holy Grail, when someone isn’t very brave.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” — Seinfeld, appropriate to end almost any contentious discussion.

“Soldier, I’ve noticed that you’re always last.” “I’m pacing myself.” — Another one from Stripes, used to explain to others why you aren’t getting much accomplished.

“It’s just a flesh wound.” Monty Python & the Holy Grail, when you’re bleeding significantly or hurt pretty bad. I’ve found this is useful where there are boys in the household.

“Be the ball.” Caddyshack, when you want someone to really concentrate.

The quotes enjoyed by Patterico and others here are much more sophisticated than the ones at my house, and I thought I’d give these less sophisticated quotes equal time. As Bill Murray might say, “So I got that going for me, which is nice.”

Feel free to add your favorites in the comments.


97 Responses to “Movie Quotes You Can Use”

  1. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

    Stashiu3 (460dc1)

  2. Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya… punk?

    Stashiu3 (460dc1)

  3. I’ll make it.

    From Hoosiers, used whenever you want to assure someone you can do the job.

    Houston Mitchell (483101)

  4. Classic Eastwood, Stash. Go ahead, make my day.

    DRJ (3eda28)

  5. Considering where we’re at:

    Blade: [noticing vampire tattoo] You’re human.
    Kounen: Barely. I’m a lawyer.


    Stashiu3 (460dc1)

  6. Take off, eh

    Mark1971 (c92bfa)

  7. My 4 kids, now young adults, have often entertained us at mealtime by holding entire conversations between themselves using only quotes from various movies, with those from their favorite TV characters thrown in for good measure! I often hear them doing the same thing with their friends. If I can get past the nagging feeling that maybe I’ve permitted them to watch entirely too much video, it’s actually quite funny and creative!

    Kristen (4a0d2b)

  8. “The premire loves suprises” From Dr Strangelove, whenever someone has missed an important step, and as a result, youre screwed.

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  9. Oh, and a personal favorite:

    “I don’t want him killed, Dinardo” From Firebase Gloria, whenever you wish the guy in charge wasn’t the guy in charge.

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  10. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

    From Star Wars, can be used whenever Andrew J. Lazarus talks about anything relating to the United States.

    Stashiu3 (460dc1)

  11. Funny, ain’t it, how it comes around. Right way’s the hardest, wrong way’s the easiest. Rule of nature, like water seeks the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers, and crooked men.

    Rip Torn
    Extreme Prejudice

    Paul Hickman (e7976b)

  12. “Now, try again, this time with feeling.” From Kentucky Fried Movie, when the martial arts protagonist chides a student for a poorly executed kick … right before the student lands a really excellent kick that leaves the protagonist gasping for breath.

    WhoStruckJohn (459939)

  13. Smokey and the Bandit:

    Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.

    Buford T. Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

    Mark1971 (c92bfa)

  14. let the mighty eagle soar!

    attorney general john ashcroft in fahrenheit 9/11

    assistant devil's advocate (a7aea9)

  15. Never saw that one, ADA.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

    DRJ (3eda28)

  16. From Stripes

    “No. But we’re willing to learn.”

    I picked a bad day to give up (anything you can think of)

    Stephen Macklin (f552f7)

  17. French Soldier: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

    SPQR (26be8b)

  18. There was a blog titled after Holy Grail : Strange Women Lying in Ponds.

    SPQR (26be8b)

  19. “What we have here is a failure to communicate”. Strother Martin in “Cool Hand Luke”.

    “Well, how’d you like to kiss my sister’s black cat’s ass?” Bo Hopkins, in “The Wild Bunch”.

    “I don’t mind a reasonable amount of trouble”. Humphrey Bogart in “The Maltese Falcon”.

    “Round up the usual suspects.” Claude Reins in “Casablanca”.

    And my favoritest from “El Diablo”:
    Anthony Edwards: “You shot him in the back!”
    Louis Gossett Jr.: “Well his back was to me”.

    nk (6ef207)

  20. nk, you would no doubt have enjoyed from “Unforgiven”:

    “Well, he should have armed himself if he’s gonna decorate his saloon with my friend”

    SPQR (26be8b)

  21. My favorite MP&THG line:
    “And there was much rejoicing”.
    Especially good for things such as finding a necessary but trivial object after a long search.

    kishnevi (2070be)

  22. And a real life quote that dated from the Titanic,
    uttered by Commander Lightoller, the third officer and the most senior officer to survive the sinking, when he was asked at a public hearing why he had “not gone down with the ship”.

    “It was not that I left the ship, sir. Rather, the ship left me.”

    kishnevi (da26af)

  23. Our village president is named Wiaduch which is properly pronounced “Viadootch” accent on the “a”. For some reason he pronounces it “Why a duck”. Which has led to “Why a duck? Why no a chicken?” being heard at the vicinity of City Hall just about every day.

    nk (6ef207)

  24. “Leave the gun, take the cannolis.”

    The Godfather….the the deadpan response my hub and I email each other if one of us is having a stressful day. Makes us chuckle and bear in mind whats really important (…the cannolis of course!)

    Dana (b3b8fd)

  25. Grand danger?
    Is there another kind?

    From A Few Good Men.

    Whenever I read or hear a redundancy, I mimic this line to my wife. Like the other day when I heard on the radio a reference to “previous experience.”

    aunursa (b5501e)

  26. Doh!

    Grave danger — not Grand danger.

    aunursa (b5501e)

  27. Which of course brings to mind… “You can’t handle the truth!”

    Pretty obvious how handy that comes in.

    Stashiu3 (460dc1)


    krazy kagu (d982eb)

  29. Capslock… Cruise control to cool…

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  30. We’ve gotta protect our phoney baloney jobs, gentlemen!

    Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, but it expresses a courage little seen in this day and age!

    gahrie (5ae14f)

  31. There’s no crying in baseball!

    From A League of Their Own. Substitute any endeavor for “baseball” for a great all-purpose “be a grownup” directive.

    Cicero (6e09d8)

  32. “Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I Read Your Book!”

    j.pickens (53ee7a)

  33. “What’s the plan? Son, Russians don’t take a dump without a plan….”

    Twice in the “Hunt for Red October,” first, by Senator to be Fred Thompson to Alex Baldwin’s Jack Ryan, then again by Baldwin/Ryan mimicing Thompson when he is chasing the Russian cook….

    reff (99666d)

  34. oops…not when chasing the cook…but in the shower when he realizes how the Russians will fake the reactor failure…

    (he mimics someone else when chasing the cook..)

    reff (99666d)

  35. “How does he know where we’re going?”
    From Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

    j.pickens (53ee7a)

  36. “Well, I’ve been to one world’s fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today’s codes?” – Major T. J. “King” Kong, ‘Dr. Strangelove’

    Runner-up (Ibid.):

    “Stay on the bomb run, boys! I’m gonna get them doors open if it harelips ever’body on Bear Creek!”

    steve (65f8cb)

  37. “Is it safe?”
    Lawrence Olivier in Marathon Man.

    Another Slim Pickens quote, from Blazing Saddles:
    “What in the wide wide world of sports is going on here?”


    “Somebody go back and get a shitload of dimes!” when confronted with the new Gov. Lepetomaine Memorial Highway toll booth.

    j.pickens (53ee7a)

  38. “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.” — Rowdy Roddy Piper They Live

    ObeliskToucher (66523a)

  39. #23 – For you younger folks who might not know the famous Marx Brothers routine in Cocoanuts (1929) nk is alluding to, it’s set out below.

    Groucho stars as Mr. Hammer, owner of the Cocoanuts Hotel during the Florida land boom in the 20’s. Chico and Harpo are 2 con men out to steal everything.[At the Florida resort hotel, looking at a map.]:

    Hammer: Now here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

    Chico: Why a duck?

    Hammer: I’m alright, how are you? I say, here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

    Chico: Alright, why a duck?

    Hammer: (pause) I’m not playing “Ask Me Another,” I say that’s a viaduct.

    Chico: Alright! Why a duck? Why that…why a duck? Why a no chicken?

    Hammer: Well, I don’t know why a no chicken; I’m a stranger here myself. All I know is that it’s a viaduct. You try to cross over there a chicken and you’ll find out why a duck.

    Chico: When I go someplace I just…

    Hammer: (interrupts) It’s…It’s deep water, that’s why a duck. It’s deep water.

    Chico: That’s why a duck…

    Hammer: Look…look, suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to that stream and you wanted to ford over…You couldn’t make it, it’s too deep!

    Chico: Well, why do you want with a Ford if you gotta horse?

    Hammer: Well, I’m sorry the matter ever came up. All I know is that it’s a viaduct.

    Chico: Now look, alright, I catch ona why a horse, why a chicken, why a this, why a that…I no catch ona why a duck.

    Hammer: I was only fooling…I was only fooling. They’re gonna build a tunnel there in the morning. Now is that clear to you?

    Chico: Yes, everything excepta why a duck.

    JayHub (0a6237)

  40. “With a ring like that, I could–dare I say it–rule the world.” Help – Professor Foot (mad scientist) – Insert whatever you wish in place of “ring.”

    JayHub (0a6237)

  41. “LA Confidential” is on TCM right THIS MINUTE:

    Go back to Jersey, Sonny. This is the City of the Angels and you haven’t got any wings.

    Don’t try this “Good Cop-Bad Cop” crap on me. I practically invented it. So what if some homo actor is dead? Boys, girls, ten of them step off the bus to L.A. every day.

    It’s best to stay away from a man when his blood is up.

    steve (65f8cb)

  42. From the radio play The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy{ (the first version of the HHGTTG, and still the best)

    “This is obviously some strange usage of the word ______, of which I was previously unaware.” (originally “safe”, but lots of others work)

    (in answer to “How are you?”) “Oh, I’m all right, if you like that sort of thing, which personally I don’t Oh, God! I’m so depressed.”

    C. S. P. Schofield (eaaf98)

  43. “I aim to misbehave.”

    McGehee (25adee)

  44. For when a family member praises you for a deed:

    “I ain’t like that no more,” in Clint Eastwood style from “Unforgiven.”

    For winning a game–say, Boggle:

    “I am the superior intellect!” in your best stunt-chest wearing Ricardo Montalbahn style in “The Wrath of Khan.”

    DRJ, I am surprised that you have not mentioned the most nearly perfect movie ever made: “Happy Gilmore.”

    Eric Blair (d57d58)

  45. ~ “It isn’t that I don’t like people, it’s just that I feel so much better when I’m not around them.” Dennis Quaid – Barfly

    “What was that you said!” Inspector Jacque Clouseau’s sudden all-purpose diversion when trying to recover from a crescendo of clumsiness. Also have it ready for when you’ve just let flee an audible fart in company.

    ~”Is it just me, Godfrey, or is everyone around here nuts?” My Man Godfrey

    J. Peden (02ac63)

  46. “What a strange person…”

    I was going through Officer Candidate School in 1983 and we had one TAC who would ask questions before we were allowed into the DFAC. He got off on a string of The Three Questions from Holy Grail for awhile. Most didn’t know what the heck he was talking about. Replying with “African, or European?” was always good for a pass through..!

    Chris (c9c2a3)

  47. “I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star. I’m a big, bright, shining star.”
    From Boogie Nights. Many uses.

    “I used to be smart, but now I’m just stupid.”
    “I’ve got lots of love to give, I just don’t know where to put it.”
    Both by Quiz Kid Donnie Smith, from Magnolia. Many uses.

    Anything else by P.T. Anderson is also good.

    Recently, “I drink your milkshake!” has been showing up here and there from TWBB. I don’t know how I feel about the pop-culture trivialization of the line, but it’s a good line from a very good film.

    Joe M. (5d215f)

  48. “Rex, Rex! You shot him in the head! How do you feel about that?” — from the greatest Western of all time, Rustlers’ Rhapsody.

    And one that I use with some frequency:

    “So let it be written; so let it be done.” — Yul Brynner in The Ten Commandments.

    Dana (3e4784)

  49. Steve: Better one from Dr Strangelove:

    I don’t think it’s fair to condemn the whole program for a single slip-up. — General “Buck” Turgetson

    Dana (3e4784)

  50. I prefer “be the ball” when said by Chef with a chuckle, when you want to make fun of an inane phrase.

    Xrlq (62cad4)

  51. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms. (on not burying a victim, The Outlaw Josey Wales)

    dfbaskwill (cd5aa9)

  52. For the sake of brevity will just say: any quote whatever from The Princess Bride and leave it at that.

    I know a family whose five boys of various ages have had whole evenings of conversation answering each other w/ quotes from that movie alone.

    no one you know (1ebbb1)

  53. A few of my favorites:


    Stephen: [to William, while under fire from English archers at Stirling] The Lord tells me he can get *me* out of this mess, but He’s pretty sure you’re f%#(ed.

    Mystery, Alaska:

    ‘Skank’ Marden: I play hockey and I fornicate, ’cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather

    fmfnavydoc (affdec)

  54. Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl… (Airplane)
    Good for when someone asks you what you can make of a report.

    SomeOtherSteve (21b6f3)

  55. “______ would be good for you” – From Caddyshack when Ty was telling Carl that he had a pool, and a pond. The pond was what was good for Carl.

    Headhunt23 (9e1243)

  56. “Wood or wire?”

    Benjamin Braddock to Mrs. Robinson when inquiring as to her hangar preference when she undresses for their first meeting in the hotel room.

    robertl (70a67a)

  57. Whenever some uptight feminist takes what I am saying too seriously and says I am being sexist, I give her a great line from This is Spinal Tap:

    “What’s wrong with being sexy?”

    I think I use “Lighten up Francis” about once a week. It just rarely gets old

    Doug E Fresh (bfbba1)

  58. …but if you kill him, he won’t LEARN anything. (Riddler to Two-face..-Batman…geez, uh 7?)

    …Of course its hard…it’s supposed to be hard… if it was easy everybody would do it…. -League of their own-

    …, who was a pupil of mine once ..until(s)he turned to e-vil….
    -Obi Wan-

    EdWood (4845f3)

  59. “You can kick me, you can beat me, you can even kill me. Just don’t bore me.”

    Gunny Sgt. Highway – Heartbreak Ridge

    DSW (82feac)

  60. “We only use non-diseased meat from diseased animals”. -Krusty the Clown

    Fiestamom (cf47bb)

  61. “Bay City Rollers–Now that’s music.”

    jroberts (6cb9cd)

  62. “That was my skull!” Jeff Spicoli

    pedro4 (cfecf0)

  63. When faced with a task that requires more of anything, people, tools, money:
    “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” Chief Brophy to Quint “Jaws”

    paul from fl (47918a)

  64. Ladies and gentlemen, both, “use” these quotes with caution and all due discretion. Anthony Quinn in “Zorba the Greek”:

    “If a woman sleeps alone it puts a shame on all men.”

    “God has very big heart but there is one sin He will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.”

    nk (6ef207)

  65. Excuse me while I whip this out.

    Blazing Saddles

    Suitable for a variety of situations.

    daleyrocks (906622)

  66. As we have four sons, deflating the “I don’t give a damns.” is a frequent occurance.
    “Why was I not made of stone like thee?.” Hunchback of Notre Dame Charles Laughton to a Stone Gargoyle

    paul from fl (47918a)

  67. Scheck Happens.

    A personal favorite inspired by the OJ Trial.

    EHeavenlyGads (eba7dd)

  68. Always useful, from many episodes of Home Improvement:

    I don’t think so, Tim.

    Dana (3e4784)

  69. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I’m pretty good with a bow staff.

    I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.

    Do the chickens have large talons?

    I caught you a delicious bass.

    quasimodo (edc74e)

  70. No one (comment 52:

    Were they boys of unusual size?

    Dana (3e4784)

  71. Mickey Rourke to William Hurt in “Body Heat”:

    “My advice to you is don’t do it. There are 50 ways to screw up and get caught. A genius
    might think of 25. You’re no genius.”

    Mike (483101)

  72. No, I must stay and face the peril…

    Sir Lancelot, at Castle Anthrax…

    Junior…ain’t no way you come from my loins, and just as soon as I get home, I’m gonna smack yo mama in the mouth…

    Sheriff Buford T. Pusser.(Jackie Gleason)

    patrick (5903bd)

  73. “I just want you to know, we’re all counting on you.”

    Rob Crawford (04f50f)

  74. “I have two words for you; shutthe f**kup”-DeNiro in Midnight Run

    John425 (eae6ea)

  75. Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit amphetamines (sniffing glue, cigarrettes, etc)- Lloyd Bridges- Airplane!

    Fiestamom (cf47bb)

  76. “Look at the size of this trunk. You can put three bodies in there.” Analyze That

    Used by me several times a year ago while looking at cars at an auto show. You should have seen the look on the Mazda representative’s face when I said it in front of him…

    SomeOtherSteve (bd5a2c)

  77. “Not anymore!”
    Inspector Jacques Clouseau – The Pink Panther Strikes Again

    Handy whenever someone breaks or ruins something of significant value

    Michael C. (a45bc8)

  78. Dyin’ ain’t much of a living, boy. – Josey Wales

    And for my next impression . . . Jessie Owens! – Blazing Saddles

    Techie (ed20d9)

  79. These are great. It’s as much fun as Talk Like a Pirate Day.

    DRJ (8b9d41)

  80. “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

    – Howard Beale, Network

    Leviticus (68eff1)

  81. 72, Patrick, The Jackie Gleason character from the “Smokey and the Bandit” movies was Sheriff Buford T. Justice.

    Buford Pusser was a real life Sheriff portrayed in the original “Walking Tall” trilogy, not the “Walking Tall” with Duane “The Rock” Johnson.

    PCD (c378fd)

  82. “I bury the cock-a-roach!” -Scarface

    Russell (5ecf4a)

  83. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, dave.”

    McGehee (25adee)

  84. Good stuff, all.

    From a film of a classic Irish Play, maybe Sean O’Casey’s Shadow of a Gunman. Said with a broad Irish accent:

    “Sure it’s a hopeless country, and the people is hopeless too!”

    Used for many stupidities, big and small, around the world.

    JayHub (0a6237)

  85. “May the Swartz be with you”, Yogurt, “Space Balls, the Movie” — Mel Brooks.

    PCD (c378fd)

  86. Can’t believe we’ve left out:

    “Badges?… We don’t need no… stinkin’ badges!!”

    Originally from the Treasure of Sierra Madre, but has appeared many times since then, e.g. in Blazing Saddles.

    “Badges” can be replaced by most anything to suit the situation.

    JayHub (0a6237)

  87. I’m shocked–shocked!–to find that “Tombstone” has not been quoted yet.

    Pretty much all of Doc Holliday’s lines will do, starting with: “I’m your huckleberry,” appropriate for any “bring it on” type of moment.

    Dave (045736)

  88. AFI did a list of the 100 Most Famous Movie Lines in 2005, selecting from 400 nominated. The top six were:

    1. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” GONE WITH THE WIND 1939
    2. “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.” GODFATHER, THE 1972
    3. “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” ON THE WATERFRONT 1954
    4. “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” WIZARD OF OZ, THE 1939
    5. “Here’s looking at you, kid.” CASABLANCA 1942
    6. “Go ahead, make my day.” SUDDEN IMPACT 1983

    The complete lists are at (there’s a simple registration required):

    JayHub (0a6237)

  89. Were they boys of unusual size?

    Comment by Dana — 2/18/2008 @ 8:00 am

    [insert British accent] “No more than usual.” —Enchanted April, one of their mom’s (and my) favorite quote sources.

    no one you know (1ebbb1)

  90. Die, you random son of a bitch!

    M. Emmet Walsh – The Jerk

    Pablo (99243e)

  91. Several from Boondock Saints:

    “If that was a woman, I wanna see some test results…”

    “Don’t worry Ma, I respected the hell outta her for him”

    “Is it dead?”

    “I’ll tip her!”

    “What were ya gonna do, LAUGH the last one to death?”

    “Funny! Funny! Funny!”

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  92. A man’s got to know his limitations. – Harry Callahan

    Ed (89c5e8)


    krazy kagu (a97175)

  94. From “King of America” and it relates to another thread: “You may speak English, Mekakis, but you’re not an American”.

    nk (6ef207)

  95. “He’s dead, Jim.” from some Star Trek episode, telling someone to let it go.

    “You keep saying that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.” from Princess Bride, telling someone to look it up.

    “Everybody relax, I’m here.” from Big Trouble in Little China, to point out that you have just made an entrance.

    “Cats and dogs living together” from Ghost Busters, make fun of someone’s fears of some consequences.

    “When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: ‘Have ya paid your dues, Jack?’ ‘Yessir, the check is in the mail.'” from Big Trouble in Little China, good for pointing out when discretion is the better part of valor, but a little hard to quote verbatim…

    Doc Rampage (01f543)

  96. Dam it Doc, you left out the best one: “It’s all in the reflexes”.

    nk (798403)

  97. “You’ll never see a more wretched hive of scum and villany.”

    Obi Wan Kanobi to Luke Skywalker as they look at Mos Eisley in Star Wars. Useful in so many situations in the criminal justice world.

    and . ..

    “Look! A baby wolf!”
    Capt. Wild Bill Kelso (John Belushi’s character)says this to distract a guard in the movie 1941.

    Used whenever someone is trying something spurious to distract ones attention – especially if its defense counsel making a spurious argument.

    “Be afraid, be very afraid.”
    Veronica Quaife (Geena Davis)in The Fly (1986 version)

    and finally . ..

    “Asps. Very Dangerous. You go first.” Sallah (John Rhys Davies)to Indy in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

    CStudent (4d426f)

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