Patterico's Pontifications

2/1/2008

A Campaign Joke, or, Why I Support Mitt Romney

Filed under: 2008 Election,General — Patterico @ 7:10 am

There’s an old lawyer joke that goes something like this:

Q. What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

A. One’s a scum-sucking bottom-feeder . . . and the other one’s a fish.

I have a related joke for you.

Q. What’s the difference between Hillary Clinton and John McCain?

A. One has a grating, disagreeable personality; has a history of financial scandal; has spoken of setting benchmarks for withdrawal from Iraq; has said the Bush tax cuts benefitted the wealthy at the expense of the middle class; has derided Sam Alito as too openly conservative; has supported amnesty for illegal immigrants (and then lied about it); has said that we shouldn’t drill in ANWR because it’s “pristine”; has misrepresented the positions of Republican candidates; wants to close Guantanamo; has spoken of sending “greedy people on Wall Street” to jail for their roles in giving subprime loans; has been endorsed by the New York Times; supports blatantly unconstitutional limits on free speech; and is hated by Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and Michelle Malkin . . .

. . . and the other one’s a Democrat.

It’s not too late, Republicans. This is why I am supporting Mitt Romney for President. I even have an inspiring slogan; see what you think of it:

Mitt Romney: He’s not John McCain!

The Romney campaign can have that for free.

30 Responses to “A Campaign Joke, or, Why I Support Mitt Romney”

  1. what’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? the vulture can’t take his wing tips off.

    i think you should put your slogan on a bumper sticker and distribute it.

    assistant devil's advocate (757197)

  2. So, he’s not John McCain, you say.

    Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    PCachu (e072b7)

  3. Here’s a campaign joke for you:

    Hillary Clinton was speaking at a grade school, telling the children about how government worked. At the end of her talk, she opened it up for questions. One young boy raised his hand. “What’s your name?” Hillary asked.

    “Kenneth.”

    “And what’s your question, Kenneth?”

    “I have three questions. First, what happened to the national health care plan you were paid to develop when your husband was President? Second, why would you want to be President when your husband disgraced the office? Third, what happened to all the stuff that was missing when you left the White House?”

    Just then, the recess bell rang. Hillary told the class they’d continue after recess. When the children filed back into the classroom, Hillary said, “Where were we? Oh yes, questions. Does anyone have a question?”

    Another young boy raised his hand. “What’s your name?”

    “Larry.”

    “And what’s your question, Larry?”

    “I have five questions. First, what happened to the national health care plan you were paid to develop when your husband was President? Second, why would you want to be President when your husband disgraced the office? Third, what happened to all the stuff that was missing when you left the White House? Fourth, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early? Fifth, what happened to Kenneth???”

    Steverino (e00589)

  4. Like Ryan in The Office, I will merely say the punchline.

    “If I were his wife, HE’D be President.”
    “But you ARE on the other side.”
    “Stop calling me ‘Shirley’.”

    Filling in the joke is an exercise left to the reader.

    steve miller (f4b7d8)

  5. To be fair, Michelle Malkin lately has become just plain shrill, and hates ALL the canidates.

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  6. At least McCain hates pork in legislative bills. Honestly, I don’t know Romney’s position on congressional pork.

    But I do know I like Romney a WHOLE lot better than McCain. I hope he can beat ClintonCo, however. Despite what the magazines say, I’m not sure McCain can, either.

    Brrrr.

    Eric Blair (22c1e6)

  7. I stopped making lawyer jokes when I started dealing with medical insurance companies, doctors offices and hospital billing.
    They make lawyers seem like angels from heaven

    YourDecision2008 (adec08)

  8. Fred was my man, but I’m going with Romney. I don’t trust Hillary or Obama as far as I can throw them, but our Republicans in Congress can fight and thwart a Dem president. They can never thwart or undercut a Republican, which makes McCain even more dangerous. (Only if we are attacked before Election Day would I ever consider voting for McCain.)

    Peg C. (836973)

  9. The Romney campaign can have that for free.

    Will they have to claim that as a campaign contribution?

    MMW (db76ee)

  10. I wish that were funny. It ought to be, but it’s just depressing.

    Pablo (99243e)

  11. No. 5 – First, I don’t see Michelle Malkin being any more shrill or less shrill than she ever is. She is what she is, and she is either your cup of tea or she isn’t. Second, you say she doesn’t like ANY of the candidates….does that include Mitt?

    FloridaJim (3fdf1d)

  12. I stopped making lawyer jokes when I started dealing with medical insurance companies, doctors offices and hospital billing.
    They make lawyers seem like angels from heaven

    Should you need to sue the insurance company, I bet those horrible, evil trial lawyers won’t look so bad.

    Andrew J. Lazarus (7d46f9)

  13. Cthuhlu 2008
    “Why vote for the lesser evil?”

    CStudent (f57a20)

  14. At least McCain hates pork in legislative bills. Honestly, I don’t know Romney’s position on congressional pork.

    Uhhhh…
    Look, I hate to use a link coming from The Democrats, but they’re right about McCain: McCain & Pork

    McCain is a joke of a candidate. He cannot help but act the hypocrite.

    H2U (81b7bd)

  15. I’m still for Fred.

    And you know what? After McCain wins, I’ll be happier about my vote for Fred than you’ll be about your vote for Mitt. Because I’m voting FOR something.

    Kevin Murphy (805c5b)

  16. Right there with ya, Kevin.

    Even though he dropped out I’ll still be casting my CA GOP Primary vote for Fred! Thompson. I’d rather stay true to myself, especially with the GOP appearing to self-destruct.

    H2U (81b7bd)

  17. So FDR is running for his third term and he gets to talk face to face with a citizen. He asks, “Can I count on your vote?” The citizen says, “I’m sorry Mr. President, I’m voting Republican”. FDR says, “The third term bothers you, doesn’t it?” The citizen says “No sir! I voted Republican the first time you ran. I voted Republican the second time you ran. And I’m voting Republican this time because I’ve never had it so good”.

    Half the eligible voters don’t vote in any particular election. They have their reasons I guess. Join them for whatever reasons you have. No big deal. We’ll get along just fine without you.

    nk (398aa2)

  18. “To be fair, Michelle Malkin lately has become just plain shrill, and hates ALL the canidates.”

    given the candidates we have to chose from, who can blame her? i’d say she’s sane in an insane world. %-)

    redc1c4 (48a20b)

  19. McCain for President…

    …of Mexico!

    It’s where his first loyalties lie, after all. He made that clear with the Amnesty Act.

    DaveP. (2d4691)

  20. Is your slogan the joke?
    Get over yourself; it’s already over . . . next Tuesday is just going to be the nail in the coffin.

    Missed It By THAT Much (613164)

  21. If Mc is the man whoever runs aginst him will win. Do not worry about having a RINO president in 09. The Dems who voted for him in Fla (where their contest(?) was cancelled) will not vote for him in Nov.

    Rod Stanton (b7febc)

  22. Dems who voted for him in Fla will not vote for him in Nov

    Not to mention what the media is going to do to him; it’ll be a big betrayal for a media maverick.

    He must know running against a D is not as easy as against running against an R.

    Reminds me, I think I’ll watch ‘Face in the Crowd’ again.

    syn (95c574)

  23. You can always vote for Saxon.

    (ducks for cover behind the nearest Tardis)

    kishnevi (e0ecee)

  24. God, I wish conservative humor was funny. This isn’t a dig – I truly mean that. (The Clinton joke wasn’t bad, though.)

    fishbane (fbe4d4)

  25. You don’t like lawyer jokes?

    DRJ (517d26)

  26. McCain [...] cannot help but act the hypocrite.

    Who’s acting?

    McGehee (25adee)

  27. I am sending this out to all of our:

    Dear Fellow Military/Catholic/GOP Friends,

    You probably know that Gordo and I have no love for John McCain because of his role in backstabbing innocent fellow Navy and Marine Corps Aviators like our friend Greg Bonam during the Tailhook Witchhunt …but of course there’s also the fact that he:

    Opposed tax cuts for class warfare reasons,

    Disdains businessmen who work “for profit instead of patriotism” ,

    Refuses to admit that his Amnesty bill was wrong,

    Sponsored the McCain-Feingold legislation which was effectively an incumbents protection bill,

    Insists on closing down Gitmo and allowing terrorists into our court system,

    Grandstands on the waterboarding issue when our own military personnel ( Gordo and many of you included) still undergo it as part of their training. ( If waterboarding is torture, maybe we should ban the Helo Dunker too).

    Despises religious conservatives

    Aprroached Democrats about switching parties in 2001.

    Thought Alito was “too conservative”..the list goes on.

    Republicans are jumping on his bandwagon because they think his VietNam pedigree makes him more electable. Worked great for John Kerry, right? ( By the way, McCain also slammed the Swift Boat Vets who told the truth about Kerry). Just wait until the Democrat machine takes the gloves off and starts needling Senator McCain about his record, his adultery, divorce and remarriage to a 25 year old heiress, his many inconsistencies, etc. We know a former POW who was shot down in VietNam a few months before McCain and described him with a word that I can’t repeat here,( but Stanley and Craftsman manufacture a lot of them.) We also know a former Defense Intelligence agent who took part in debriefing returning VietNam POWs. Of McCain, he told me, “I could never vote for that #%!@.”
    What if guys like this get together like the Swiftboat Vets? It could get ugly. Howard Dean’s scream will look mild compared to what John McCain, who has famously cussed out several of his fellow Republican senators , might let loose.

    I know I’m a little over-the-top here, but this guy is being anointed by the media and GOP establishment and I can’t sit here and do nothing. My number 1 pick Fred Thompson got out, so like Senator Rick Santorum, I am now pulling for Mitt Romney, who has demonstrated class, smarts, lived family values and a true grasp of conservative principles.

    Thanks for putting up with my rant,

    Megan

    Megan (b0a777)

  28. McCain Derangement Syndrome at its finest. Whenever I hear or read this wild-eyed McCain stuff, I think of people who watch Micheal Moore movies or believe 9/11 was an inside job. It seems some of my fellow conservatives will believe any nutjob story about McCain because they hate him so much. I humbly and politely suggest that everyone take a deep breath, get over themselves, and come back to reality. The way things have gone these last 8 years, McCain is the only guy who can keep the White House, and who has any chance of getting us gains in Congress. The Democrats will eat Romney or Huckabee for lunch. I guess we’re just going to have to learn to live with a budget & tax-cutting, pro-life, pro-gun guy in the White House who will keep us safe in the War on Terror(anyone remember that?). Sigh… True, he may occasionally say things we don’t like, but as I am a grownup I can handle it. McCain in ’08!!

    Corey Cronrath (135a80)

  29. Well Corey, enlighten us please. Do more than accuse people of “McCain Derangement Syndrome” and try to tie them to 911 troofers. Megan has a nice little post w/ bullet points (sans bullets) on McCain’s negative. You have a nice little post accusing those who oppose McCain of being nutters and “wild-eyed”. Explain how what Megan says is wrong. If not than I’ll consider you the political equivalent of a hysterical pre-pubescent girl who cries and screams when New Kids take the stage at a local mall.

    chas (fb7ad4)

  30. If Romney wins the nomination, do you think he would have a better chance of winning against Clinton or Obama?

    An anti-Clinton campaign practically writes itself, and Romney would be more than capable to tear her apart on healthcare, her economic theories (freezing interest rates), her stimulus package, etc.

    I am worried that Obama would draw a lot of sympathy votes and get a good turnout, especially those who make up their minds based on soundbytes and image.

    Nik (ffdf93)


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