Patterico's Pontifications

12/11/2014

Caption Contest

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 9:46 pm



Ken White from Popehat has been having wayyy too much fun with this on Twitter. Not sure any of you can top his best ones, but I encourage you to try.

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 9.42.54 PM

Here’s a small sample of what you’re up against:

He has way more. But this is just screaming for captions.

UPDATE: Ken comments to note that many of the Popehat captions were from Patrick — although these two were his. (I think I can usually tell the difference, but not always.)

124 Responses to “Caption Contest”

  1. Go!

    Patterico (9c670f)

  2. Was that a shart?

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  3. Maybe this year I’ll stay up late enough to see Santa.

    AZ Bob (34bb80)

  4. “Being President of the U.S. Senate gets me no respect.”

    “We need more low information voters or we’re screwed.”

    “Domino’s better get here fast or they may be in for some enhanced interrogation.”

    Andrew H. (80bb2a)

  5. rats!

    someone already licked them all…

    redc1c4 (6d1848)

  6. Which way did they go George?

    redc1c4 (6d1848)

  7. G*d Damn this glass ceiling… i’ll never get to be President.

    redc1c4 (6d1848)

  8. I think I’m going to tell that Ayaan Hirsi Ali woman a thing or two about Islam.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  9. I wonder if anybody can see I’m not wearing any pants.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  10. Reminder to self. Don’t tell another woman that she’s as smart as any guy, especially Michelle. That still hurts.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  11. i coulda had a V-8

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  12. Reminder to self: NEVER say “yes” to an offer of a Hawaiian Punch

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  13. You would think he’d at least send me to funerals.

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  14. I may not be the sharpest lightbulb in the toolshed, but after that amnesty thing I am also no longer assassination insurance for Obama.

    Never a squirrel around when you want one.

    max (4fdf98)

  15. How was I to know we were at war with Eurasia? Just last week HE said we were at war with Eastasia, and now he denies it. They’ll probably blame it on me again, too.

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  16. “sigh” being on time out until January 2017 SUCKS!

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  17. And what DID they mean with that “Agnew was assassination insurance, too” crack?

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  18. How was I to know we were at war with Eurasia? Just last week HE said we were at war with Eastasia, and now he denies it. They’ll probably blame it on me again, too… but at least my chocolate ration increased again.

    hat tip to Kevin M #15

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  19. How the hell did he find out I voted for Romney?

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  20. why do I have to sleep with HIS wife? i mean, he’s married to her, not me…

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  21. I wish I could take it in the ass like boehner, I love obama, too.

    mg (31009b)

  22. As I said here: https://twitter.com/rcjparry/status/541711163851939840

    “I know he’s bright and clean and nice looking, but who knew he’d actually stay on the job for 8 years? WHO KNEW?!?!”

    Robert C. J. Parry (cdd6a8)

  23. has anyone seen my white privilege?

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  24. “Dear God, another week cooped up here with Michelle while the boss is off “raising money” and escaping helicopter wife. I swear, if I have to eat another broccoli pie again, I’ll kill myself. Then Boehner will be FAR more interested in impeachment. Yeah, that’ll show him!”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  25. ”                                                         “

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  26. “It ain’t the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  27. at least what she does to me after dinner isn’t “rape rape”…

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  28. I wish boehner would get his lips over here.

    mg (31009b)

  29. #26 would be even funnier captioning a picture of Obola.

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  30. with boehner arriving, maybe I’ll call mitch the bitch for a three way.

    mg (31009b)

  31. side note: i hope you all realize we’re going to hell via an IRS audit for this… 😎

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  32. what on earth is Moo-chell doing to Mitch-elle?

    redc1c4 (2b3c9e)

  33. If only that doofus aide hadn’t lifted that Neil Kinnock quote, I’d have been the nominee and won ’88 in a landslide. Everything would have been different. We’d be at peace, prosperous and all God’s children would have shoes. But no. And now, I’m second fiddle to the worst president in history. I wish I was still back in the Senate. Or governor. Or something. This just sucks.

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  34. I just realized! I’m going down in history as Bozo’s sidekick! Maybe he’ll get hit in the head with a golf ball.

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  35. WTF did that ahole photographer mean when he was talking about “pathos”?

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  36. What a country

    mg (31009b)

  37. Why do I have to sign up for the ACA

    EPWJ (9dacda)

  38. 31- redc1c4
    what difference does it make?
    it’s a one party system.

    mg (31009b)

  39. “Lucky dog. I wish he’d throw me a ball…”

    “This is the most boring TV program ever. Nothing happens except that one guy climbing over the fence a few minutes ago.”

    “I’m not seeing my reflection…I’m a vampi– oh, wait, there it is. Whew.”

    rtrski (2e2489)

  40. “Vice-presidenting is hard.”

    rtrski (2e2489)

  41. FOX News Correspondent:

    “And in other news, Madam Tussaud’s unveiled their Vice President Biden wax likeness by staging a photo op in the East Wing of the White House last week, which went awry when no one noticed until today that it was not the real Joe Biden. ‘How could we tell,’ a perplexed staffer was quoted as saying, ‘the grouping of the hair follicles in little plugs was perfect! We only got suspicious when we realized we hadn’t heard him snort in a few days.’
    “The Secret Service is now frantically combing local biker bars and beer halls for the actual VP. Back to you, Megyn, for more…”

    rtrski (2e2489)

  42. The chicken came first……no wait, the egg…..no the chicken had to be first, wait, no, the egg, no the chicken…….

    Pine Baroness (a1d9be)

  43. I look into the future, and I think and I think, and so far, I can’t figure out a way to get more delegates than Hillary..

    Sammy Finkelman (8bd44f)

  44. Our great president is determined to destroy ISIL, and so am I, and it will be destroyed.

    Sammy Finkelman (8bd44f)

  45. I think I’m going to Katmandu.
    That’s really, really where I’m going to.
    If I ever get out of here,
    That’s what I’m gonna do.

    nk (dbc370)

  46. “I’ll get you someday, Inspector Gadget. Someday….”

    Bill H (f9e4cd)

  47. “All the Marine guards are mean to me. I’m the Vice President of the United States, goddamn it, and I WILL have respect! The atomic wedgies stop TODAY!!”

    Bill H (f9e4cd)

  48. So many speeches to plagiarize… so little time…

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  49. The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round, ’round and ’round…

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  50. “Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice, shame on me… fool me three times,…”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  51. “Say… is that Russia over there?”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  52. Thanks, but Patrick did some of the best ones.

    [Those two were mine.]

    Ken (2e87a6)

  53. “Looking out of my lonely room… day after day…”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  54. “Dammit… I never should’ve sold that ’68 Firebird”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  55. “Have I been naughty or nice this year?… I think I’ve been nice… most of the time… there was that flaming bag of dog poop I left on the Russian ambassador’s porch, though…”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  56. “What, me worry?”

    Alfred E. Biden

    Hoagie (4dfb34)

  57. I can see Russia from my house!!!!!! (and Tina Fey naked!!!!)

    Ipso Fatso (10964d)

  58. Maybe the good ship Lollipop needs a captain. I think Hunter could still do that.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  59. Nancy Pelosi will NOT stop that bill!!

    Sammy Finkelman (8bd44f)

  60. I’ve never seen such a small dog take such a big poop.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  61. why do Moo-chelle and Shrillery only have one cup?

    redc1c4 (34e91b)

  62. can’t wait to give out the location of the next helicopter full of U.S. soldiers.

    mg (31009b)

  63. Did I put on my pants this morning?

    MJN1957 (d1de05)

  64. “Stand up, Chuck, let ’em see ya.”

    carlitos (a21ad1)

  65. A three-letter word, like Barack says – VP.

    carlitos (a21ad1)

  66. Don’t drive no big black car
    Don’t like no Hollywood movie star
    You want me to be true to you
    You don’t give a damn what I do to you

    I’m just a dirty white boy (on the east side of Wilmington)

    carlitos (a21ad1)

  67. Always a bride, never a bridesmaid.

    carlitos (a21ad1)

  68. Heavy is the head that wears the hairplugs….

    carlitos (a21ad1)

  69. I don’t see any squirrels.

    ropelight (d38a7a)

  70. crickets

    mg (31009b)

  71. So nice to see Trey Gowdy on his knees.

    mg (31009b)

  72. No more small government talk from those stupid republicans.

    mg (31009b)

  73. Gruber could be on to something…
    Those republican voters are really stupid.

    mg (31009b)

  74. They never invite me to tag along. -Sigh- One day they’ll get back and find me dead on the couch and say, “Oh, if only we had invited him to go with, he might still be alive!” And I’ll just laugh.

    felipe (40f0f0)

  75. Biden/Gruber 2016

    mg (31009b)

  76. I don’t know why the Secret Service guys never let me check out their guns. Don’t they know who I am?

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  77. If they didn’t want anybody to push the red button, why did they make it so big?

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  78. “I said SHOTGUN!… shoot ’em ‘fore they run now… I’m a jerk, baby… no… wait…”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  79. “a thought in my head, I think… of something to do… expressions tell everything… i see one on you.”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  80. “let’s see… was it ‘one if by land, two if by sea’?… or ‘two if by land, one if by sea’… dammit!”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  81. “… never wanna be like papa… workin’ for the boss every night and day… I need a drink, to keep me happay…”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  82. “goddamit!… I said the roses needed pruning and they send Harry Reid?!?!”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  83. “Who is that guy running toward me and what… does… he HAVEINHISHAND!!!!”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  84. “Grumpy Cat… meh.”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  85. “I’ll show those VFW geezers who has a thousand yard stare…”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  86. “That cameraman out there… look at him… taking my picture… ‘Biden, weight of the world on his shoulders looks out upon a troubled world…” Joke’s on you, Bub. I just sh*t my pants!”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  87. and I’m spent…

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  88. It doesn’t seem possible, but… would Guam tip over?

    Retired_Viking (ec5b91)

  89. “How did they know the ghost was really the old lighthouse keeper in disguise?”

    malclave (4f3ec1)

  90. Who did put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

    nk (dbc370)

  91. When he went to the hospital I thought he had a chance, but it was only acid reflux.

    Zoltan (19574a)

  92. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care

    mg (31009b)

  93. Could not name a White Sox player, what an idiot.

    mg (31009b)

  94. “There once was a time in this business when I had the eyes of the whole world! But that wasn’t good enough for them, oh no! They had to have the ears of the whole world too.”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  95. Heard from the next room: “Tell him, Max. C’mon, do him that favor. Tell him there isn’t going to be any campaign. Tell him there are no fan letters other than the ones you write.”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  96. “I can’t wait to see the photo-caption contests Axelrod is talking about. He says it distracts the morons from the way we’re f***ing them over.”

    nk (dbc370)

  97. “Patience, my ass. I’m gonna kill somethin’.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  98. Boxers or briefs? Depends…

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  99. “Huhh… Vice-President of the United States of America and I can’t go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts without gettin’ the boot?”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  100. republican voters – priceless

    mg (31009b)

  101. Hope Neil Kinnock and his pen are ready for 2016.

    Gazzer (cb9ee2)

  102. If Michelle makes me eat any more of those crappy school lunches, I am jumping out of this window!

    Luis S (f8c60c)

  103. I’ve already posted a caption on Twitter: “How come everyone laughs when I ask why a navel needs an observatory? Just look down! It’s there!”

    L.N. Smithee (986607)

  104. OK:

    It saddens me to think that, somewhere out there, there’s a bus with my name on it…

    OR:

    Dammit, it’s MY mouth and MY foot!! I’ll put it where I damned well WANT to!!

    IGotBupkis, "Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses." (225d0d)

  105. Inspired by #46:

    I *would* have been president, if only it wasn’t for those damned meddling kids!!

    IGotBupkis, "Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses." (225d0d)

  106. “Somebody come wind my key — I’m stuck!”

    Icy (c25bf0)

  107. “Ron White was right; I can’t be fixed.”

    “What’s wrong with me? Other people manage to turn their frowns upside down; so why, oh why, can’t I?”

    “Nobody ever talks about how he’s ruining MY legacy!”

    Just had to put another dollar in the Gaffe Jar.

    Icy (c25bf0)

  108. Valerie Jarrett took Joe’s ball away,
    Now Joe has nothing to do all day.

    Icy (c25bf0)

  109. Warren/Boehner 2016

    mg (31009b)

  110. “If a man farts in the White House and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  111. Rectal rehydration sounds like it might be fun.

    daleyrocks (bf33e9)

  112. I knew I should have asked if Michelle picked the menu before I agreed to come over for dinner.

    NickM (f8e14b)

  113. “I think I like vanilla”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  114. Oh, a grasshopper sittin’
    On a railroad track
    Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day
    A-pickin’ his teeth
    With a carpet tack
    Sing Polly wolly doodle all the day

    nk (dbc370)

  115. “Man… that Ayaan Hirsi Ali is HOT!!!”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  116. The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
    Not a footprint to be seen.
    A kingdom of isolation,
    And it looks like I’m the queen.

    grumpy the grump (944707)

  117. Some of mine:

    “Too bad that a—hole Hitler ruined that mustache for everyone. I would’ve looked quite snazzy. Nice going, jerk.”

    “But if the aliens are hurt by water, why would they run around naked on this planet?”

    “Runtime error: please restart your system”

    “So then what do the atheists say? ‘Nothing dammnit?’”

    “I don’t think the song ‘Physical’ is about exercise.”

    “So I guess the idea behind Jurassic World, is that people still having learned their f—king lesson?”

    “Come to think of it, ‘unobtainium,’ is a stupid name for a fake element.”

    “‘Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?’ Wow, that *does* sound kind of rapey…”

    “Son of a b*tch, that little girl is right. ‘Twinkle Twinkly Little Star’ has the same tune as the ABC song…”

    “I swear, Darth Vader sounds a lot like Mufasa.”

    “Why is everyone so excited by a naked picture of Kim Kardashian’s butt? Didn’t she already have a sex tape?”

    “I don’t get it. Why do I have nipples, anyway?”

    “But if all the toys are sentient, doesn’t that mean Buzz and Woody are like slaves?”

    “So why didn’t Indy just let the Nazis have the Ark and then let them open it in Berlin? It could’ve ended the war.”

    “So Atlas was actually controlling you, every time he said, ‘would you kindly?’ Mind blown.”

    “If Michael Moore is such a great socialist why is he so fat? Can’t he just share his food?”

    “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

    “I think I’m wearing this thong backwards. It’s really uncomfortable…”

    “So we arrest people for selling single cigarettes? Why not just ticket them?”

    “I’m really starting to think Jesse Ventura is kind of a douche…”

    “That movie really rattled me…. Imagine that, he was Luke’s father all along…”

    “I’m Batman.”

    “I have looked in every wardrobe, but I can’t find my way back to Narnia.”

    “Cobain just isn’t making sense. If they *are* after you, then how can anyone call you paranoid?”

    “You know, I am pretty sure Alanis Morissette doesn’t know the meaning of ‘ironic.’”

    “God, what are the chances they’d name a disease after Lou Gehrig and then he’d get it?”

    “They always criticize NSA surveillance, but somehow Santa knows who’s good or bad… If only we could get his list…”

    “Why *would* God need a starship?”

    “Does it mean I am the president of Miami Vice?”

    “Why didn’t the eagles just fly them to Mt. Doom?”

    “I bet Tali is super hot under that mask…”

    “Wait, what *is* Goofy? He can’t be a dog, because Pluto is a dog, and he doesn’t talk and walk on his hind legs…”

    “Wait, if Battlestar Galactica happened in the past, and we are their children, how did they know that Dylan song?”

    “they never let me go out trick or treating anymore.”

    “Why hasn’t John Travolta filmed the sequel to Battlefield Earth? It left so many questions unanswered.”

    “Why won’t they let me play any reindeer games?”

    By the way, if you were following me on twitter, you would have seen that like a week ago…

    Aaron "Worthing" Walker (4a2e91)

  118. I’m afraid this one wins the caption contest without the use of words…..

    https://twitter.com/StevenErtelt/status/544630065913659392/photo/1

    Scott (513e4d)

  119. What’s he so pissed about, all I said was I’m dreaming of a White Christmas!

    Tim Collins (fcab9d)

  120. He hates me! He never takes me to Hawaii with him!

    Tim Collins (fcab9d)

  121. Yeah, well I’ll show him! Leaving me in charge here for a week while he’s playing golf in Hawaii!

    Tim Collins (fcab9d)

  122. I always wondered what that button was for!

    Tim Collins (fcab9d)

  123. Finally, President for a whole week! Yippee! if he can do it so can I, what could possibly go wrong!

    Tim Collins (fcab9d)


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