Patterico's Pontifications


Sockpuppet Friday (Andrew Sullivan’s latest conspiracy theory edition)

Filed under: General — Karl @ 12:50 pm

[Posted by Karl]

As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.

Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.

Sockpuppet comments about the Republican primary race are strictly prohibited. If you wish to use sockpuppets for that purpose, confine your comments to this thread. Same goes for any discussion that is not funny where people want to get angry at each other. Offending comments will be summarily deleted and the violators flogged.

And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.

It’s going to be hard for the Excitable Boy to ever top the unhinged dementia of Trig Trutherism, but it won’t be for lack of trying.  Andrew Sullivan’s latest fever dream involves not Sarah Palin, but one of his other favorite designated villains, the Prime Minister of Israel:

Here’s a prediction. Netanyahu, in league and concert with Romney, Santorum and Gingrich, will make his move to get rid of Obama soon. And he will be more lethal to this president than any of his domestic foes.

Sully does not quite have Benjamin Netanyahu on a grassy knoll… not yet, anyway.  Rather, he imagines Netanyahu in a conspiracy to launch a war against Iran to advantage the GOP in this year’s election, undoubtedly (and ironically) stroking a white Persian cat as he issues the attack orders.

A sane person might read stories of Israeli saber-rattling and at least consider the possibility that Israel is actually trying to avoid military action.  Or that stories about Israel not warning the US of an attack on Iran are designed to create plausible deniability for the Obama administration.  Instead, Andrew Sullivan apparently believed Andrew Adler’s lunatic comment speculating that Israel’s most inner circles have thought about ordering a hit on Pres. Obama — and he’s running with it.

Perhaps this is not a surprise, given the role Sullivan has awarded the Likud party in some of the bizarre conspiracy theories he has floated in recent years.  However, this new delusion almost necessarily implicates Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak, a former head of the Labor Party. Indeed, Sullivan also believes Netanyahu would rally “a key part of the Democratic fundraising machinery to side entirely with Israel against the US president.”  To whom is Sullivan referring?  He could mean anyone.  After all, this latest conspiracy theory is diverse, involving not just Jews, but a Mormon and a couple of Catholics (if only as henchmen).

What I really want to know: Who will portray Sullivan when this is turned into a major motion picture by Oliver Stone?



  1. Ding!

    Comment by Karl (f07e38) — 3/2/2012 @ 12:50 pm

  2. If Sarah and Trig were Jooooooooooooooos, Sullivan’s Fallopian tubes would burst.

    Comment by JD (318f81) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:00 pm

  3. What I really want to know: Who will portray Sullivan when this is turned into a major motion picture by Oliver Stone?


    Harvey Fierstein?

    Comment by Colonel Haiku (4b6771) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:01 pm

  4. Look at me! I’m a horse’s ass!! Look at me!!

    Comment by David Frum (255b30) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:04 pm

  5. ^ lol

    that about sums it up

    Comment by Dustin (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:05 pm

  6. Frum managed to be nastier than even those guys talking about picketing Breitbart’s funeral, and stupid enough to paint it in a veneer of being intellectual. The latter only accomplished showing how fake and stupid that horse’s ass is.

    Comment by Dustin (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:06 pm

  7. Sandra Fluke could forget all about expensive contraception if she’d just stick to the ol’ Lewinsky. It would save a bundle and she could still claim amateur status. Works for me.

    Comment by Bill Clinton (3341c7) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:08 pm

  8. Well yeah, I called him a douche . . . but in a nice way

    Comment by Matt Taibbi (7fba82) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:09 pm

  9. The Chevy Volt in been an unparallelled success in our current lineup.

    It is so successful we have halted production. Mission accomplished!

    Comment by Government Motors (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:11 pm

  10. NEXT!!!!

    Comment by SANDRA FLUKE (36e9a7) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:13 pm

  11. As a gay black man I am extremely sensitive to derogatory personal attacks . . . which is why I referred to the recently deceased as “a giant steaming turd” — ’cause I’m classy that way.

    Comment by David Ehrenstein (7fba82) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:18 pm

  12. You sound classy to us, David.

    Comment by Rolling Stone (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:21 pm

  13. i’d be perfect to play him in the movie: Andrew and I like the same things, and you should see my glutes…

    (after all, everyone at my school already has;-)

    Comment by Sandra Fluke (403dff) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:22 pm

  14. The Secret Service wouldn’t let me drive a Volt because it’s not armor-plated and bulletproof.

    Got nothing to do with the possibility of it turning me into Richard Pryor redux, no sir.

    Comment by Barack "What's an Edsel?" Obama (7fba82) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:23 pm

  15. Who was that man who wouldn’t slow down long enough to sign in at the front desk?

    Comment by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates (4b6771) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:23 pm

  16. I am the first SOCK PUPPET Sandra Fluke.


    I am so full of disease, I am demanding free condoms for all Bostonian men. And barnyard animals.

    Comment by SANDRA FLUKE (36e9a7) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:29 pm

  17. Sandra was just exercising her rights as a citizen and there is no excuse for the criticism she has received. None. That young lady that needs $3000 for rubbers is a tributemto her parents.

    Koch brothers are evil by the way.

    Comment by King OBambi (318f81) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:34 pm

  18. I am just a poor lowly thespian who needs $3000 for rubbers and those evil conservatives want to deny me access to rubbers that I can get for free all over DC but since I am actually an activist I tried to hide that from Congress and gave the tales of woe about how people are being oppressed and now the President has told me it is inappropriate for me to be criticized as a private citizen expressing her heartfelt disingenuous views.

    The Kock brothers could not be reached for comment.

    Comment by Sandra Fluke (318f81) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:41 pm

  19. What I really want to know: Who will portray Sullivan when this is turned into a major motion picture by Oliver Stone?

    Slam dunk: Rosie O’Donnell

    Comment by Attila of Argghhh! (93a821) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:42 pm

  20. Boy George will play Sullivan.

    Comment by Barney Frank (44de53) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:48 pm


    KOCH’S R US!! Is their business.

    Comment by SANDRA FLUKE (36e9a7) — 3/2/2012 @ 1:49 pm

  22. ZOMFG I cannot believe how you wingnazis want to deny basic healthcare because you want to interfere with the sex lives of everyone because of your theology.

    Comment by The Left (ddebbb) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:02 pm

  23. Did Sandra Fluke really claim she was going broke buying contraceptives?

    Comment by nk (dec503) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:04 pm

  24. It’s not the condoms that are making people go broke, it’s the storage units needed to house them all!

    Comment by Noodles (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:12 pm

  25. It is wrong to call an innocent student a slut or prostitute even metaphorically because she is just a citizen expressing her views. The Kock brothers are evil and must be stopped, and Sarah Palin is a uterus-traitor, so it is okay to vilify her, and Coulter, and anyone else we disagree with. Eat a bowl of kocks wingnazis.

    Comment by The Left (ddebbb) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:16 pm

  26. this is raw uncooked awesome awesomeness

    Comment by happyfeet (a55ba0) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:18 pm

  27. Netanyahu: Trig! I am your father!

    Trig: Joooooooooooooooooo!

    Trig: Andy-Wan, Why didn’t you tell me?

    Comment by Teflon Dad (d48f77) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:41 pm

  28. @ feets: thanks for the link.

    and here i thought we had an adventure with hawks flying right over the patio table under the awning in pursuit of dinner…

    Comment by redc1c4 (403dff) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:50 pm

  29. Hey, I’m in the mood for some barebacking!

    Who’s with me?

    Comment by Andrew Sullivan (46b08c) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:52 pm

  30. So, after being roundly criticized for floating a conspiracy theory that AB was murdered, my response is to double down and actually ADVERTISE my radio show as the place to go in order to discuss the Breitbart-might-have-been-murdered theory. RATINGS, BABY!!!

    Comment by Mike Gallagher (7fba82) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:54 pm

  31. Tried to take a picture of a falcon once, and I had a similar difficulty. Great link, happyfeet.

    Comment by Dustin (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:54 pm

  32. some one called about Hawks

    Comment by christopher boyce (87e966) — 3/2/2012 @ 2:56 pm

  33. Flashlight dies, cockroaches rejoice.

    Comment by This week in history (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:14 pm

  34. The economy remains in the shltter, gas is going over $4.00/g, Syria is slaughtering its citizens, and iran is going nuclear. We prefer to demonize the recently dead, and talk a out fairness, rubbers, and Kocks.

    Comment by The Left (ddebbb) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:18 pm

  35. Fee-fi-fo-frum,
    I smell the blood of a Canadian,
    Be he alive, or be he dead
    I’ll never forget what that assh*le said

    Comment by Haiku the Breitbart Fan (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:23 pm

  36. after a long heart&soul conversation with Mitt Romney today I concluded this good man will properly represent we the people & I endorsed him

    Comment by Motor City MadMan (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:26 pm

  37. Very true 34

    The left loves their first world problems. Too bad they don’t spend more time trying to keep us in the first world.

    Comment by Noodles (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:28 pm

  38. happyfeet- thanks. Ma nature uncensored.

    Comment by sickofrinos (44de53) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:49 pm


    [note: fished from spam filter. --Stashiu]

    Comment by Nada Fluke (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 3:52 pm

  40. makes good on promise
    “get rid of Obama soon”
    I’m his Shabbas Goy

    Comment by Colonel Haiku (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:14 pm

  41. Pretty soon co-eds
    will demand we buy them their
    Trojan® Massagers

    Comment by Colonel Haiku (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:21 pm

  42. America… What A Country Da Fook!

    Comment by Colonel Haiku (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:23 pm

  43. Yo, slick willie, you wife cheating scum, why don’t you shut your yap and snuzzle up to your sluts. My man is worth a lot more than you or that mama’s boy in the white house.

    Comment by Ann Romney (a1fcca) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:32 pm

  44. BS Obama boy. You bluff’n. Those who have the cards don’t have to bluff.

    Comment by Iranian Spokesman (a1fcca) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:35 pm

  45. Last night the ghost of Breitbart stood at the foot of my bed, pointed his finger at me a laughed. I soiled my pjs.

    Comment by Chrissy Matthews (a1fcca) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:40 pm

  46. I tried to get the priest to come over and sprinkle holy water to keep the ghost of Breitbart away from me. He couldn’t make it as he was out protesting Obama’s healthcare mandate on catholic schools.

    Comment by Nancy P. (a1fcca) — 3/2/2012 @ 4:43 pm

  47. what can best capture
    the Incredible Lightness
    of The Big Zer0?????????????????????

    Comment by Colonel Haiku (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 5:18 pm

  48. rise of ocean slowed
    Commodore Barry “leads” us
    up the Sh*tty Creek

    Comment by Colonel Haiku (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 5:25 pm

  49. So do I get a rebate for all those years Big Govt wasn’t paying for my contraception? It might actually be enough to fill my gas tank.

    Comment by Not too old to cut the mustard (2c3538) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:03 pm

  50. the little country what once made space shuttles what could circle the earth several times on one tank of gas is now reduced to hawking heavily subsidized highly flammable piece of crap chevy volts what go… 25 whole miles

    Comment by happyfeet (3c92a1) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:04 pm

  51. I was going to leave a clever comment mimicking Neal for this where he takes credit for stressing Breitbart to death. But I just can’t do it, so I’m just going to leave the link to the screenshot (I think a screenshot is safer than a direct link).

    Comment by Dustin (401f3a) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:13 pm

  52. Don’t waste any time mourning. Organize!

    Comment by Andrew Breitbart (403dff) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:31 pm

  53. Rush Limbaugh called that poor, dear college student a WHAT? Oh my stars and garters! Edgar, fetch me a glass of water. And put the medicine in it.

    Comment by The pearls-clutching media (b0b671) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:51 pm

  54. oh. He wasn’t talking about Olympia Snowe?

    Comment by happyfeet (3c92a1) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:53 pm

  55. Sarah Palin is a slutty slut slut what sleazed around Alaska in a low cut snowsuit nailing hoopsters when she was a television hoochie and then Gov Tundra Tart

    Comment by The Left (ddebbb) — 3/2/2012 @ 6:59 pm

  56. I agree with the you, cupcake man,

    Comment by Bill Maher (87e966) — 3/2/2012 @ 7:01 pm


    A little levity … Enjoy.

    Comment by JD (ddebbb) — 3/2/2012 @ 7:09 pm

  58. more levity. Run for your lives!

    Comment by Levi Strauss (9bb4a0) — 3/2/2012 @ 7:15 pm

  59. stand a little taller, viking person

    Comment by happyfeet (3c92a1) — 3/2/2012 @ 7:17 pm

  60. My reproductive rights are personally and deeply held, stemming from an emanation of a penumbra of privacy. They are so deeply held and so personal that I expect everyone else to pay for them. And I expect payment for my sexual activity through financing via a nominally-Caholic college,despite the fact that premarital sex is a sin to the Catholic Church.

    Plus going to CVS and paying a $30 co-pay once a month for the Pill is a pain in the ass. And this whole “grow up and get a job”-can we get over that bullshit too?

    Comment by Sandra Fluke (ea1809) — 3/2/2012 @ 8:37 pm

  61. No, no no! He’s totally right about this! The build-a-bear group is behind them all, and they’re controlled by the LIIIIIIZZZZZZAAAAARRRRRDDDD PEOPLE!

    Comment by Alex Jones (c104c9) — 3/2/2012 @ 9:40 pm

  62. So Ace is throwing having a meetup in Santa Monica in my memory this Sunday evening, March 4? That’s nice. Wish I could make it but I’m going to be catching up with Cathy Seipp.

    Psssst – You won’t believe this! God is really a Pa *0-28^-mT-Ctag FSM stQ文rp_czx_yt$ontrol chars=”2Y83#文w字 <MT-tag strip_control文chars="2MT-tag 文str文ip_controlchars="2


    Comment by Andrew Breitbart (1f29aa) — 3/2/2012 @ 9:43 pm

  63. I smoked a bowl to you andrew. I’m allergic to beer.

    Comment by Ghost (c104c9) — 3/2/2012 @ 9:55 pm

  64. Lizard people?


    Comment by Sleestak (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:02 pm

  65. Goodbye law school; hello, internship with Gloria Allred!

    Comment by Sandra Fluke (8c44ff) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:08 pm

  66. It ain’t easy being sleazy…

    Comment by Sleestak (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:10 pm

  67. the hell you say

    Comment by nadia! (3c92a1) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:14 pm

  68. What she said!

    Comment by Rubio4Prez (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:15 pm

  69. #63
    And hello lifetime supply of birth control from PP for being their new spokes…man?

    Comment by Ghost (c104c9) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:29 pm

  70. We can supply the dispensers.

    Comment by CEOofPEZCandy,Inc. (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:33 pm

  71. For free birth control, just think of me.

    Comment by Nancy Pelosi (1f29aa) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:36 pm


    Comment by Sleestak (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:37 pm

  73. There are a lot more conspiracies in here. It’s just taking some time to process them all.

    Comment by AndrewSullivan'sLiver (3681c4) — 3/2/2012 @ 10:47 pm

  74. Geez, that aids related dementia is really speeding up. As for who will play him I’d suggest Tom Hanks as he has similar political beliefs as well as prior experience in the role from “Philidelphia” and the endings would be similar.

    Comment by scr_north (c253d3) — 3/2/2012 @ 11:08 pm

  75. Hey sandra, I have a opening for a 30 year old slut.

    Comment by Heidi Fleiss (44de53) — 3/2/2012 @ 11:58 pm

  76. George, wipe your lips.

    Comment by obowma (44de53) — 3/3/2012 @ 12:08 am

  77. Does Rob Reiner act? If not, can John Goodman wear a beard and shave his head?

    Comment by Ghost (c104c9) — 3/3/2012 @ 12:17 am

  78. I’m on to you, Sleestak! Blik taq mawlok bichtuk!

    Wait, does that mean I’m a lizard people too?

    Comment by Alex Jones (c104c9) — 3/3/2012 @ 12:23 am

  79. You would know if you were running the world!


    Comment by Sleestak (3681c4) — 3/3/2012 @ 12:50 am

  80. When I was ten years old, my first crush told me he liked someone else and didn’t need my permission to kiss them. I hates them! I hates them!

    Comment by Excitable Andrew (49d034) — 3/3/2012 @ 3:21 am

  81. Sandra, that mean old Rush shouldn’t pick on you like that. Why don’t you stop by the White House and we can chat about it. I’ll give you a call when the wife and the girls are on a trip.

    Comment by POTUS (a1fcca) — 3/3/2012 @ 3:50 am

  82. You know, Sarah warned me about you,

    Comment by benjamin netanyahu (87e966) — 3/3/2012 @ 5:40 am

  83. There are different grades of crude, some of the different cat crackers needed, and the effects on end cost, yet have never worked a day in the oil industry.

    We need to be refining and blending even more different grades of gasoline. “Chicago summer blend” is different from “Chicago winter blend” is different from “southern Illinois summer blend” is different from “Indiana winter blend” and so on. The more blends we have — the better.

    Further, there’s a myth out there that there are arbitrary limits on what refineries can emit. This is FALSE.

    I predict the East Coast is going to experience a steep decrease in gas prices.

    Final point – One wonders what the whiny NorthEasterners would be doing if this were a nasty winter … like Sweden ad Russia are having.

    Suffering Voters


    Comment by acat (136132) — 3/3/2012 @ 6:30 am

  84. I put you in charge, and you do this;

    Comment by herb simpson (87e966) — 3/3/2012 @ 6:32 am

  85. Man, this Sandra Fluke got on national television for inconveniences to her sex life? I had to live in a #@%! ditch in Crawford, Texas for a month to get on TV! That hardly seems fair!

    Comment by Cindy Sheehan (063632) — 3/3/2012 @ 8:04 am

  86. I enjoy a Lindsay Lohan with my cigarette.

    Comment by Quart O'Scotch (9d1bb3) — 3/3/2012 @ 11:40 am

  87. Check out the photo spread in the next issue of Hustler – Horny Women of Georgetown Law School!

    Comment by Larry Flynt (bf33e9) — 3/3/2012 @ 4:37 pm

  88. Posted 3/2/12 ‘Quote of the Year,’ “Conservatives used to take it, and we’re not taking it any more.– Andrew Breitbart”

    Posted 3/3/12 “…Rush Limbaugh Apologizes to Sandra Fluke”

    Short year– and hilarious.

    Comment by Conservatives Say The Funniest Things (9d1bb3) — 3/4/2012 @ 3:22 am

  89. Mitt’s my man!

    Comment by Ozzie Nelson (9d1bb3) — 3/5/2012 @ 6:51 pm

  90. Mine, too, Ozzie.

    Comment by Ward Cleaver (9d1bb3) — 3/5/2012 @ 6:52 pm

  91. Let me fix you two some sandwiches and cookies.

    Comment by June Cleaver (9d1bb3) — 3/5/2012 @ 6:55 pm

  92. “I don’t consider myself to be a wealthy person.”– Anne Romney

    Comment by Conservatives Say The Funniest thnigs (9d1bb3) — 3/5/2012 @ 7:11 pm

  93. Rush Limbaugh is a big, fat idiot. And I outta know. Stop wheezing, cut your losses. do the mia culpa and eat that humble pie, one piece at a time, chubb-o-gut.

    Comment by Don Imus (9d1bb3) — 3/5/2012 @ 10:59 pm

  94. That’s my line, Don.

    Comment by Al Franken (d22d64) — 3/7/2012 @ 1:55 pm

  95. Has everybody noticed how much more moderate, calm and reasoned I am about the subject of Rush Limbaugh than even my press secretary?

    Comment by Barack Obama (d22d64) — 3/7/2012 @ 1:56 pm

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