Sockpuppet Friday–the Jersey Shore Zapruder Edition!
Guest post by Aaron Worthing. Follow me on Twitter @AaronWorthing.]
As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry on this thread. The usual rules apply.
Please be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.
And remember, the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.
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And for this week’s Friday frivolity… let me introduce it this way. Years ago, I was a fan of E!’s Talk Soup, especially in the Kinnear era. For those too young to remember, it was a comedy show that showed clips showing “highlights” (loosely defined) from the various talk shows (not to be confused with the current show, The Soup, which is a spiritual successor to the show and it also very good). Back then one of the stand-out shows for sheer trash was Jerry Springer’s show. Of course, Springer was previously famous for losing his job as mayor of Cincinnati when he paid for a prostitute using a personal check. Springer’s show, back then, featured an all out fist fight in nearly every episode. So yeah, “highlight” really might not be the right word.
And my pet theory at the time was that the fights were fake. “It’s pro wrestling!” I told people. Why? Because if it as real, then week in, week out, people were committing assault and battery on that show, on camera, without consequences. “If it was real, the police would be there every day arresting those people until either people stopped, or the show was effectively shut down.” And of course there would also be lawsuits, etc. I mean, it is just an opinion based on those legal realities, but I think my reasoning is pretty solid, there. And if it wasn’t fake, then it would demonstrate a scandalous failure by the local police.
Which brings us to more or less the modern equivalent of Springer’s show: Jersey Shore. Back when hurricane Irene threatened the Eastern coast, I tweeted to Governor Christie’s official twitter account: “@GovChristie is there any way you can make sure the cast of Jersey Shore is DIRECTLY in Irene’s path?” Sadly, tragedy did not strike and they are on something like their fifth season. And what do you know? It looks fake, too. Over at IGN, they have video of comedian Sean Kitzner, breaking down a scene on the show frame-by-frame, showing strong evidence that at least one of the girls’ rampages was as their tans. I will try to act surprised.
[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]
Cain is a sleazy opportunist.
MasterProjectionist (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 7:55 amCain is a man utterly devoid of princviple-Perrytards who believe feminazis are right about Cain.
MasterProjectionist (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:14 amprinciple*
MasterProjectionist (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:14 amSouth Park captured the essence of the show with our bit on Snooki, m’kay?
Mr. Mackey (fbf87d) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:27 amwow… leftwing sleaze alert!
ColonelHaiku (fbf87d) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:51 amMy blackberry battery lasts longer than kim Kardashians marriage…
The Realist. (cc176d) — 11/4/2011 @ 9:02 amAs the acknowledged master of fakery and prevarication, I scorn the amateur efforts of those twits from Jersey Shore. Please note that I have the ultimate credential, a PHD degree. (Piled Higher and Deeper) The entire cast belongs on “The Gong Show”
Baron von Munchausen PHD (5a3146) — 11/4/2011 @ 9:14 amThe surge in the recent polls in Cain’s favor owes itself to the fact that the racists Republicans have become victims of reverse racism. They have been Obamasized. No one wants to have it in their conscience that they stopped a black man from being the first Republican President of US of freaking A! Hahaha.. So bring it on sexual harassment suits. He aint going nowhere!
The Realist. (3dadb6) — 11/4/2011 @ 9:14 amNo sock here…cleanup quick on aisle 5. Even in the socky thread we shouldn’t stand for this sort of vomit.
Pious Agnostic (7c3d5b) — 11/4/2011 @ 9:44 amThank you magic eye in the sky. The current #5 by ColonelHaiku is unobjectionable.
Pious Agnostic (7c3d5b) — 11/4/2011 @ 9:58 amThe realist
I have put your first comment in moderation. I know this is a silly thread and maybe you didn’t mean it but I think that is a bit much even for satire. Feel free to appeal my decision to Patrick. The comment is invisible but not deleted so he can completely reverse my decision.
Aaron Worthing (b07f68) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:00 amYour welcome, pius.
Now I have to work on passing Obama’s jobs bill because apparently that is what I want…
The Eye in the Sky (b07f68) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:06 amI’m broke.
Who would think a fool with no marketable skills, susbtance abuse issues and the ability to lose fistfights with walls would also waste millions of dollars?
The Situation (9e308e) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:26 am@realist…
The Protester (81198e) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:26 amyou suck! That goes way beyond mere satire. This one is personal. Denounce yourself!
Complimentary trips back to the 80s! Get yer tickets, right here! No problem at all – you’re welcome.
The Alan Parsons Project (3e92e3) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:28 amI’m COLD! Some stupid chicks got to the free scarves before I did! And where’s my organic free-range goat’s milk ravioli! PBJs SUCK!!!
MOMMMMMMMMM!
OWSer, sobbing in his poopy tent (3e92e3) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:31 amWe’re going to use this thing called a laser, developed by Alan Parson, why are you laughing.
dr. evil (0fc95f) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:31 amNot laughing at all. In fact here’s the remix for ya…
The Alan Parsons Project (3e92e3) — 11/4/2011 @ 10:39 amThis is Ceti Alpha 6
khan noonian singh, (0fc95f) — 11/4/2011 @ 11:16 am@Aaron, keep posturing. You know am right. Search yourself for therein lies the truth. 🙂
The Realist. (a06736) — 11/4/2011 @ 11:23 amI’m really hurting after Scott felt the need to kick me 750 times.
Dr.Evilsgonads (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 11:52 amMark my words, all of these non-existent sexual harassment lawsuits will doom Herman Cain’s he-wasn’t-really-running-anyway candidacy.
I’ll bet you all 2 million Jooooos in Iran that I’m right!
EricPWJohnson (5dc5b3) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:04 pm@#7– What’s ‘The Gong Show?’ Surely the kids remember Kinnear left ‘Talk Soup!’ back in ’95.
Gene, Gene The Dancing Machine (9d1bb3) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:14 pmI was right about Sarah Palin. You know I will be proven right about Herman Cain. I am all knowing. Even from wherever I pretend to be at the moment.
EPW Johnson (c65c00) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:29 pmWhen do I get my film back?
Ghost of Zapruder (c65c00) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:31 pmThis is the moment when the seas stopped rising! This is the moment!Hoep and change!
Uh, yeah, I was kind of full of shit from the beginning. C’mon-I never ran a damn thing in my life othter than my mouth. But I can sell false hope to guilt-ridden liberals like nobody else. Guess I’ll have to sic the MSM on who ever runs against me.
And I don’t know shit about math or any of that economics stuff. I didn’t take any of those math classes-too hard.Embargoed my grades to stop you from seeing that the transcripts say “Barry Sotero-Exchange Student”, and all the groovy pointless gut classes I took.If we have some “Black Studies” or “Transgendered Himalayan Agriculture” issues, got that covered. And it’s not like a had a job other than …nah, didn’t really have any job at all. Not ever. What the fuck did I do before politics? Who can count to $14 billion anyway. Keep printing Jacksons, Ben.
[note: released from moderation. –Stashiu]
President Obama (9e308e) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:39 pm“Ain’t she sweet;
Sugar Cain (9d1bb3) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:41 pmSee her walkin’ down the street;
Now I ask you very confidentially,
Ain’t she sweet.”
Uuemployment would have reached eleventy had it not been for the messiah!
Nancy Pelosi (721840) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:44 pmHerman Cain should just join the OWS, then he wouldn’t have to worry about sexual harrassment allegations.
99%er (721840) — 11/4/2011 @ 12:48 pmDid you know gorebull warming causes ice to shatter and transform into mini icebergs.
DebbieSchlussel (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 1:30 pmI had something like sex with this black guy. Coulda been Cain. Or was it McCain?
Snooki from Joisey (7051ab) — 11/4/2011 @ 1:34 pmEXCUSE ME!!!!!
Vickie Guerrero (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 1:37 pmYeah… on that… uh… Jersey Shore thing… yeah… on that…. I just wanna say… that… uh… yeah.
The Boss (6451eb) — 11/4/2011 @ 1:54 pmInsulting Islam is not the same as insulting Jews you POS imams.
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 2:00 pmWell all over and oh, oh, over, things are tough all over; Well all over and oh, oh, over things, things are tough all over.
See… like… I’m still relevant, too. Like, y’know…. yeah.
ONE MORE TIME…
J. Cafferty (6451eb) — 11/4/2011 @ 2:01 pmThings are tough all over
Things are tough all over
Things are tough all over
Things are tough all over
Things are tough all over
and oh, oh, over
Things are tough all over
Things are tough all over
and oh, oh, over
Things are tough all over
Things are tough all over
and oh, oh, over
Things are tough all over.
Pass my Jobs bill or the world will be engulfed in a fireball.
Obama (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 2:09 pmPass my jobs bill, or a comet will hit the planet and kill us all.
Many qualified economists will tell you this.
Correction: a guy I think may be a leading economist believes this.
Uh,check that: some guy Austen Goolsebee says he knows who may have taken an economics class in college thinks this jobs bill is a great idea.
Ya got me: I’m making it up. I don’t know shit about economics. Math neither.
[note: released from moderation. –Stashiu]
Bugg (ea1809) — 11/4/2011 @ 3:00 pmPass my Jobs bill or the world will be engulfed in a fireball.
Hey folks, I’d just like to take this opportunity to reinforce that I have absolutely NOTHING to do with this bill…
Steve Jobs (f1c59f) — 11/4/2011 @ 3:58 pmIn the meantime folks, did you hear they just renamed a high school in NJ for Snooki?
Before Snooki, it was named for Thomas Jefferson. But nobody at the school had ever heard of him. Plus, what’d he do for anybody lately?
Proud 2011 HS Grad (f1c59f) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:01 pmI really don’t understand the problem with dealing with OWS protests.
Cartman showed us the answer six years ago …
SPQR (26be8b) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:04 pmDid you leave out the bolded words?
DRJ (a83b8b) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:05 pmI’ll bet you all 2 million Jooooos in Iran that I’m right!
Bet I can beatcha to it.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (f1c59f) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:06 pmIt is not my fault my fund collasped. Obama, the French and Germans didn’t bail out Greece. And since my $12 million are wages to me, they get preference in bankruptcy. Na, Na, Na,
Corzine (a1fcca) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:19 pmCorzine? Who’s that guy? Never heard of him.
Obama, POTUS (a1fcca) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:24 pmLook at me! Look at me! I’m the one who gave you foreign policy victories. Like attacking a country without Congressional authority, causing overthrow of a government. Supporting fringe political movements (except in Iran), and bad mouthing Isreal. You owe me one Barrack boy…
Hillary C (a1fcca) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:29 pmIt’s now nuked and the “regular” who posted it should consider themselves warned. That was well beyond the bounds of satire and I would believe potentially actionable.
Stashiu3 (601b7d) — 11/4/2011 @ 4:43 pm“When the moon hits your eye
Dean Cain (9d1bb3) — 11/4/2011 @ 5:17 pmLike a big pizza pie,
That’s amore!
When the world all seems fine,
Like when Perry’s had wine,
That’s amore!”
The St. Louis Cardinals won what? Isn’t St. Louis some place we fly over heading West. No matter, someone setup the robo pen and I’ll send a personal note to the team members. We should have them in the White Hosue soemtime prior to the election, like maybe next summer?
Obama POTUS (a1fcca) — 11/4/2011 @ 5:32 pmI was harrassed so much I settled for a mere $45,000, chump change for the big company, rather than go to court for the big bucks and lose.
Cain accuser (a1fcca) — 11/4/2011 @ 5:36 pmHey all you occupiers, I so beleive in your cause, I am gving away 90% of my wealth so I’m in the 99%.
Moore the fat man (a1fcca) — 11/4/2011 @ 5:42 pmHa, just foolin’ ya!
I’d rather live in a land where the government doesn’t blow up buildings on purpose with thermite paint, and tolerates grown men who wear feather boas to work.
I’m outta here.
Jesse Ventura (ea1809) — 11/4/2011 @ 6:23 pm“She’s got legs, she knows how to use them.
ZZ Cain (9d1bb3) — 11/4/2011 @ 6:46 pmShe never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She’s got her dimes; most of them mine,
Stays out of sight; settles it right,
She’s so fine, it’s no crime;
The girl is alright; she settles it right.”
The left love to say everything is caused by gorebull warming.
Enough chicken littleists.
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 6:48 pmand please stop the Hitler was a jew bullcrap that is a vicious rumor which cannot be proved and is easily debunked even by wikipedia.
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/4/2011 @ 6:59 pmI’m sitting here by myself in the parking lot of the First State Bank of Waxahachie. It’s Friday, so everybody’s at the football game, I guess.
Lloyd came by earlier, but he ran out of Thunderbird and left.
Ever since Boyd at the Dollar General fired me, I’ve been sitting here to fight the power.
I felt bad when Mrs. Timmons from the high school walked by and told me she knew I was an idiot in ninth grade and told me to go home.
But I won’t do it. Well, until deer season starts.
Also, there’s a big race at Texas Motor Speedway this weekend, so I may wander over to the Quikee-Stop to watch Stewart beat Johnson’s ass with Cracker before Mr. Baird comes by to tell Cracker to get back to work.
Fight the power.
OWS-Mexia (ec45d6) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:35 pmHey, Hillary C! Who is “Barrack”, and what is “Isreal”?
Didn’t they teach you how to spell at Wellesley? or were you too busy licking carpet?
Chell Speck (5dc5b3) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:47 pmand please stop the Hitler was a jew bullcrap that is a vicious rumor which cannot be proved and is easily debunked even by wikipedia.
Comment by DohBiden — 11/4/2011 @ 6:59 pm
— When Aaron says “And remember, the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny,” he should use the above post as the prime example of what being funny IS!
Crumley the Comedy Critic (5dc5b3) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:54 pmWow, I haven’t posted here in a month but Andrew Breitbart just posted this on Twitter two minutes ago. Im not making this up –
AndrewBreitbart
I kid you not. At Cafe Milano in DC. NOW. @RepWeiner two tables away from me. Oh, and they know. They know. Life is weird.
Kaisersoze (298188) — 11/4/2011 @ 8:55 pm“Let’s get it on!
The Soul Cain (9d1bb3) — 11/4/2011 @ 9:48 pmIt’s time to get down!”
Mommy, mommy, why isn’t anyone paying attention to me crying? Why are all these scary people around? Why are you screaming? What will happen to me if one of these big men falls on me? Don’t you care?
Child Human Shield at the AFP Conference Blockade (3e92e3) — 11/5/2011 @ 7:28 amYes, she’s my child, and mind your own business, a******s! MY BODY, MY CHOICE! MY BODY, MY CHOICE!
NO JUSTICE NO PEACE! F*** THE POLICE!
Progressive liberal mom in $300 pink coat, wrapped in a snug layer of absolute moral authority (3e92e3) — 11/5/2011 @ 7:38 amNO JUSTICE NO PEACE! F*** THE POLICE!
Herman Cain and Speaker Gingrich are in Houston for a debate and didn’t invite me. What’s up with that?
Are they trying to say that I can’t hold my own in a Lincoln-Douglas format? I’m NOT stupid!! My mom had me tested.
So, if you think that candidates should be fair to sitting governors in their own state, you’ll avoid watching this 90-minute debate tonight on C-Span.
They’re both a bunch of wimmen-abusers anyway, but you didn’t hear it from me.
Gov Perry (563f77) — 11/5/2011 @ 10:32 amMY COMEDY IS FUNNY
YOURS AIN’T
PALIN IS A DOOPY HEADED HO.
Crumleyscomedyisfunnyyoursisnot (d54602) — 11/5/2011 @ 11:22 amBased on later comments? We know it’s Emperor. Oh yeah. Large amounts would be wagered. Large. Amounts.
The regulars who know by now the tells of the trolls (325a59) — 11/5/2011 @ 1:05 pmHey Chell Speck, sounds like you need to do some carpet licking. This can be arranged. Weiner’s wife could use some.
Hillary C (a1fcca) — 11/5/2011 @ 7:54 pmFYI Bill was never good at it.
Muslims cannot commit ethnic cleansing against each other.
Lefturd (d54602) — 11/5/2011 @ 8:35 pmWhat did the emperor say that was so wrong?
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/5/2011 @ 9:34 pmI use “what” when I mean “that” because I think it’s clever or something. stupid pop culture reference with the word “tasty” here!!!
crappyfeet (07a5ab) — 11/6/2011 @ 1:54 pmAll Germans are nazis
All italians are mussolini
All muslims are terrorists………………….screw you bigot.
Stereotype (d54602) — 11/6/2011 @ 1:57 pmHerman shares obamas stance on abortion-exactly which is why PP went after him because he is pro-aborton
😆
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/6/2011 @ 2:29 pm