Parenting Advice
[Guest post by DRJ]
Some people believe we should raise children with permissive parenting to promote creativity and avoid conflict.
Other people believe we should raise children with structure and calm assertive energy as modeled by the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, with animals.
And one guy really did raise his child by only speaking Star Trek’s Klingon for the first 3 years of his life:
“I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language,” Speers told the Minnesota Daily. “He was definitely starting to learn it.”
And get this, Speers says he isn’t really a huge Star Trek fan.”
If there’s one constant in parenting, it’s that kids are resilient. Now it’s time for a poll:
– DRJ
I don’t think I fit into your poll. What do you think?
Comment by John Hitchcock (3fd153) — 11/22/2009 @ 7:47 pm
If only it were true.
Comment by Mike K (2cf494) — 11/22/2009 @ 8:00 pm
should be another polling option, “My Kids are out in the world now”.
Comment by PCD (74f8a9) — 11/22/2009 @ 8:53 pm
I never got Star Trek. I denounce myself.
And I think someone that experiments with their children like that is a douchenozzle. I bet he voted for Barcky.
Comment by JD (3ae2fd) — 11/22/2009 @ 8:53 pm
I have no idea what my children will do in the future.
I do know that I’m taking my first-born son down to my alma mater this weekend to see if he is interested. He will be interviewing for honors assignments at the same time.
I also know that he has being sought by Ivy League colleges and others because of his grades and test scores.
And, I know he is a good guy.
He didn’t accomplish his success because of me. He did it because he’s smart and has a great mother.
I have no doubt that my daughter will do the same in her endeavors.
I really don’t believe that I’ve had that much to do with their success.
My only contribution is to allow them to seek their own goals, encourage them when I can, and stand aside as they achieve them.
I see no reason to change my course as they grow into adulthood — as much as I would like.
That’s why I voted call me in 10 years and I’ll let you know.
Comment by Ag80 (3d1543) — 11/22/2009 @ 9:24 pm
Speaking Vietnamese around the house has slowed my 18 month old’s English development. But she is picking up signing and prolly speaks better Vietnamese than me.
Comment by JD (72cf0d) — 11/22/2009 @ 9:36 pm
Fixed.
Comment by Stashiu3 (44da70) — 11/22/2009 @ 9:41 pm
None of these are as bad as the Swedish couple who are raising their child with no reference at all to its gender. They are not allowing any one to know the childs sex in order to “avoid stereotypes.”
Comment by Have Blue (854a6e) — 11/22/2009 @ 10:07 pm
And the best comment I have seen on this case was the one from a ‘person of Swedish extarction’ who said, “Let the kid grow up and then tell him he’s Norweigen.”
Comment by Have Blue (854a6e) — 11/22/2009 @ 10:09 pm
JD, you ‘never got’ Star Trek?
You should denounce yourself, you anti-Klingon racist!!!
Comment by Icy Texan (576eab) — 11/22/2009 @ 10:35 pm
guns aren’t the problem: what we need is a licensing and waiting period requirement for having children. that cooling off period is so important in preventing tragedies.
with kids, i’m thinking 15 years instead of the 15 days with guns, simply because the potential for damage is so much higher with babies.
i know everyone here will support me in this, because it’s FOR THE CHILDREN!
Comment by redc1c4 (fb8750) — 11/23/2009 @ 12:28 am
I fit in the fourth category: Wrapped around her little finger. Thankfully, she is a good-hearted, good-natured and independent (not clingy) child, and does not take advantage of it, or our lives would be hell.
Comment by nk (df76d4) — 11/23/2009 @ 4:22 am
My philosophy of parenting has always been thus:
If your kid grows up and is not a drug addict, hooker, or serial killer, then you done good.
Mine is 17 so I still don’t know. I’m in the “ask me in 10 years” camp.
Comment by Jaynie59 (18e5d1) — 11/23/2009 @ 5:04 am
Having looked at the results of the poll, I would say that the vast majority are lying (unconsciously). I would also say that your final choice (10 years) is not enough. You should have given a choice as follows
“Ask me when my grandchildren are grown.”
Comment by Sabba Hillel (153338) — 11/23/2009 @ 5:06 am
Put me squarely in the ‘winging’ it category. With 2 special needs boys (high-functioning autism), there’s not really much traditional parenting going on around my house. We do try to encourage the boys to be creative, but my younger son, in particular, doesn’t seem to have that ability.
PS. The ‘perfect parent’ doesn’t exist…
Comment by JEA (0ccd61) — 11/23/2009 @ 5:41 am
I believe there must be structure in all relationships – especially when raising children. We only have one – and are very fortunate she caught on to the lessons early. I think too many parents give mixed signals to their kids and the confusion leads to many small and bigger problems.
You can be your kid’s best friend by leading by example and sticking to your principles.
Our daughter lost her hearing in one ear at an early age. So we all learned sign language together just in case. Kids are a sponge – and the more you encourage, the larger that sponge will be – and the more information they will soak up. Klingon is not a language.
Comment by Corwin (ea9428) — 11/23/2009 @ 5:49 am
Yeah, the klingon thing is pretty damn stupid – I always say there’s no qualification exam to be a parent, & this knucklehead proves it. And why anyone wuold use their kid for some idiotic developmental theory is beyond assinine.
But you all signing up for ASL lessons together is great. Even if she never needs to use it, it will help her to communicate with others who might otherwise be unavailable to her. Keep going with that.
Comment by JEA (0ccd61) — 11/23/2009 @ 6:58 am
My adopted Korean child never learned Korean. She speaks perfect English and can swear like a Marine. Comes in handy when you are an auto mechanic.
Comment by PCD (74f8a9) — 11/23/2009 @ 7:49 am
AFAIK Klingon is a human language.
Whether the dad actually understands this remains a mystery.
Comment by HappyFourth (211bbb) — 11/23/2009 @ 7:52 am
“Carries a baseball bat and gets good results.”
Comment by mojo (8096f2) — 11/23/2009 @ 8:01 am
“My adopted Korean child never learned Korean.”
Kind of a shame to lose that. When my dad & mom took in our cousin as a kid, he lost his Spanish too.
Comment by JEA (0ccd61) — 11/23/2009 @ 8:59 am
Of making books there is no end and much study is a weariness of the flesh;
…
In much wisdom there is much frustration and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Comment by nk (df76d4) — 11/23/2009 @ 9:19 am
When your children grow up to achieve successful and happy lives, take full credit. If they become druggies, democrats or other losers, blame evil companions.
Comment by BarSinister (9a86c3) — 11/23/2009 @ 9:28 am
Heh, thanks for that BarSinister. A good friend of mine taught his little kids that those irritating Japanese Beetles are called Democrats. You should have seen the reaction when one them said, at church, “Look, Dad. A Democrat!” (Good thing he didn’t follow that with, “I’ll kill it.”)
Personally, we raised our kids with good structure, but with some areas where they had freedom to try their own things, and freedom to fail and learn consequences. Now the youngest (of 4) is off to college and we’re proud of how every one of them has turned out.
Comment by Gesundheit (254807) — 11/23/2009 @ 10:59 am
You lack a fourth option – namely, “I provide a strong, stable leadership and guidance to my child, and apply discipline and rewards frequently as their performance and behavior merit.”
The two options other than “winging it” are soft-headed newage crap, and you don’t provide an option that won’t turn kids into beta pushovers.
Comment by David Krishan (e97c2f) — 11/23/2009 @ 12:16 pm
You should consider reading the Cesar Millan links, David. You sound a lot like him.
Comment by DRJ (dee47d) — 11/23/2009 @ 12:29 pm
We’re sort of half-way between structured and winging it, but so far, they seem to have turned out alright.
Comment by The proud daddy Dana (474dfc) — 11/23/2009 @ 6:00 pm
Some weak earthling spewed:
Dar quK d’schock-Bet. Cho’ i chU!
Comment by Koloth (474dfc) — 11/23/2009 @ 6:05 pm
Did you ever hear of the preacher who said, “Once I had no kids and 4 principles of good parenting, now I have 4 kids and no principles”.
A child is a child and needs guidance and instruction, but guidance and instruction does not mean being a stiff taskmaster. At times we’ve erred in either direction, but our two oldest (thankfully) have followed some pointers from Mark Twain, who was surprised, when he hit 21, how much smarter his dad had become.
Mom and dad being a good team is very important, IMHO, and it’s easier to know what is the wrong thing to do than the right. I think having raised children to adulthood ought to be an additional requirement for the presidency. Just think who that would have eliminated in the last 30 yrs!!
Comment by MD in Philly (227f9c) — 11/23/2009 @ 7:50 pm