[guest post by JVW]
This is painful. Just watch the video (2:15 in length):
I have no comment outside of urging everyone to watch this incredible clip.pic.twitter.com/e19hQSDNug
— Jerry Dunleavy (@JerryDunleavy) September 15, 2019
So in 135 seconds, we have the following:
* Long-winded Joe story from nearly 60 years ago told in front of a crowd of young people who look bored as all get-out.
* Joe with, what, three buttons undone on his shirt, just like the sexy mf’er that he has always been, using his cool aviator sunglasses for sweeping gestures.
* A mild cuss-word used, and then taken back, so that he can show us Joe is just a blue-collar Man of the People but also a good boy who doesn’t work blue.
* An archaic reference to a Hollywood star of the 1940s that no one in Joe’s audience has ever heard of.
* Macho posturing where Joe, the authority figure, lays down the law on a young rapscallion.
* A Joe altercation with life hanging in the balance, involving straight razors and chains, which comes off as cribbed from West Side Story.
* A Joe promise (though not quite “my word as a Biden”) that this story is true, even though at least half of it probably isn’t.
* The appearance of an elder white authority figure who steels Joe’s resolve and turns him into the street warrior that he was destined to become. (Dammit, Joe, he’s supposed to be black or Latino in this story!)
* Incoherent babbling as Joe adds unnecessary details.
* A helpful tutorial from Joe regarding how to properly prepare your straight razor for a street fight.
* Macho Joe swaggering up to the four razor-bearing black teens ready to rumble, but using his incredibly-honed diplomatic skills to defuse the situation.
Apparently there is at least a kernel of truth to this yarn, though I would bet dollars to dimes that Slow Joe has larded this story with details from the old Archie comics he read as a teenager and maybe a few episodes of Happy Days he watched from his Senate Office. Notice the young black kids who were no doubt coaxed or even prodded into participating in this blarney fest, and look at how they simply can’t believe that this ancient ofay is wasting their time with his noise.
And to think that it’s still nearly five months away to the first primary, eleven months to the Democrat National Convention, and fourteen months to the election. I don’t think I’m going to make it.