Patterico's Pontifications

6/28/2009

HuffPo Blogger: My Boyfriend Is Poorly Endowed

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 6:24 pm



Man, I’d hate to be Jill Rachel Jacobs’s boyfriend:

As someone of the female persuasion, I have spent a lifetime supporting the adage that size doesn’t really matter. Now I am relegated to role of poker-faced cheerleader since my not so well-endowed boyfriend’s attempts to satisfy in the boudoir have fallen short due to the severe emotional trauma he has suffered resulting from this latest attempt at envelope-pushing programming by cable TV producers.

Ouch.

Well, nobody reads the Huffington Post, do they?

P.S. How long has she been dating Keith Olbermann anyway?

P.P.S. Half the commenters over there are saying her piece is satire. The other half are asking why she’s telling the world her boyfriend has a small wiener. If it’s satire, I’m sure the boyfriend is OK with only half of HuffPo’s readers thinking he has a Vienna sausage in his pants.

36 Responses to “HuffPo Blogger: My Boyfriend Is Poorly Endowed”

  1. Getting high and getting abortions: that’s all the lefties care about.

    Alta Bob (851ed8)

  2. Class shows, doesn’t it?

    The ironic part is how the HuffPo would respond to a male writer penning an “ironic article” about his girlfriend’s weight issues.

    But…that’s different!

    Eric Blair (acade1)

  3. If she watches enough cable TV, she will learn there are these penis enhancement thingys. I don’t know if they work having never felt the need. She might just be a good testimonial (testosteronial ?).

    Mike K (2cf494)

  4. Size is a relative thing. Is it the dipper that is too small or is it the bucket that is too big? Not that I have a dog in this fight but if the lady’s you-know-what is only half as big as her mouth ….

    nk (bef3ab)

  5. I wonder how many people who read the HuffPo know that that tattoo story photo next to the “Hung” piece shows a tattoo that is the death poem of a character in Shogun. If you are going to sport an ugly tat, why not do something original or, at least, classical?

    Mike K (2cf494)

  6. So that is DSCSA’s girlfriend. Now it is all beginning to make sense …

    JD (be212f)

  7. Expect DCSCA to drop by and prove this for us 😉

    JD (be212f)

  8. Hey so Keith Olberman nickname de boudoir is “Short Round” and he’s got a a small caliber gun. I’m so glad to learn that.

    Mike Myers (674050)

  9. I’m with the satire crowd. She can always dump the BF if he’s not getting the job done so why bitch about it like she just discovered a debate that’s been going on forever and guy’s mock each other about.

    I feel sorry for DCSCA.

    daleyrocks (718861)

  10. The show seems like a comedic winner to me. One of my friends was asked to move to Oz by a guy with a puny porker. The small penis was a deal breaker. So where do those guys with dangling dorks put it? Seems to me men would please their women better taking a lesson from Ernst Grafenberg’s book and stimulating that elusive G spot.
    Did anyone really think Jacko actually mated with the mother of his children?

    aoibhneas (55634c)

  11. I feel sorry for DCSCA.

    Comment by daleyrocks — 6/28/2009 @ 8:08 pm

    Why? The suggestion that he might have a girlfriend is likely the biggest compliment he has ever gotten.

    nk (bef3ab)

  12. “Why? The suggestion that he might have a girlfriend is likely the biggest compliment he has ever gotten.”

    nk – You are right of course. If she dumps him, JD or Lovey could always send him some goats.

    daleyrocks (718861)

  13. nk, that is devastating. I didn’t think he even had a boyfriend.

    Mike K (2cf494)

  14. Did anyone really think Jacko actually mated with the mother of his children?

    Lisa Marie Presley did say that Jackson was very much the hetero guy (ie, apparently in bed) when he was with her. However, unlike the big-boned, turkey-baster second wife, Lisa Marie at least was thin and attractive.

    he might have a girlfriend is likely the biggest compliment he has ever gotten

    Moreover, there is the fact that over 80% of the GLBT crowd is of the left and generally always votes for Democrats. So in light of that, the issue of a person’s concern about male endowment can be applied and read in any number of ways.

    Mark (411533)

  15. To go back to our host’s post, it cannot be re-emphasized too much that the most important things to the left are their gonadal urges. Want them on your side? Just let them have their meat.

    nk (bef3ab)

  16. Yeah, I know – just look at the way these Democratic governors have allowed their gonadal urges to interfere with their duty to their constituents in the past few weeks.

    Oh, wait.

    Leviticus (1f2312)

  17. Everything is small compared to a child’s head.

    Or as wonderful southern black man (Charlie from Fayetville) once told me, “if you been ’round long enuff u no day ain’t no thang too big for da chooch, dat shit can take anythang so long as you work it.”

    I never forgot Charlie, twenty years and counting. Sound advice for many things in life if you ask me.

    HeavenSent (1e97ff)

  18. As someone of the female persuasion, I have spent a lifetime supporting the adage that size doesn’t really matter.

    baffling.

    happyfeet (e8d590)

  19. Surely Leviticus is above using a word like gonadal.

    carlitos (84409d)

  20. Now, now, Leviticus, which true Democrat would dare be unfaithful to Obama? They’re just patiently waiting their turn.

    nk (bef3ab)

  21. feets makes a good point. why would a person of the female persuasion have a dog in this fight… I’m a rethuglican gun owner with a sports car, so of course, I’m overcompensating for something, but SRSLY.

    carlitos (84409d)

  22. I win.

    Leviticus (1f2312)

  23. LOL

    carlitos (84409d)

  24. I am somewhat surprised that anyone at the Huffington Post is capable of sexual activity.

    Ken Hahn (15021d)

  25. Way too much information!

    GM Roper (d53336)

  26. If it’s satire, I’m sure the boyfriend is OK with only half of HuffPo’s readers thinking he has a Vienna sausage in his pants.

    That’s considered small? Oh, dear…

    JohnW (a62b24)

  27. If it’s not satire, I’d be expecting said boyfriend to respond in like manner – he could start with her relative merits (or lack thereof) from the ankles upward.

    Dmac (f7884d)

  28. Not HuffPo boyfriends, Dmac. Have you heard the expression “beta male”?

    nk (bef3ab)

  29. Or “houseboy”, “cabanaboy”? In any case, there has been surgery available to ladies, for at least sixty years, to make sure that their pencil ____ boyfriends fit “down there”. (cf, Mario Puzo, “The Godfather”)

    nk (bef3ab)

  30. “Johnson?”

    mojo (8096f2)

  31. Now, now, Leviticus, which true Democrat would dare be unfaithful to Obama? They’re just patiently waiting their turn.

    That gives a whole new meaning to “getting on board the Obama train”

    Steverino (69d941)

  32. Does he really have a small organ?

    Or is he simply stuck playing in a cathedral?

    Anon 1:50 (922c4b)

  33. That gives a whole new meaning to “getting on board the Obama train”

    Well, we know King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia was first, and that Hugo Chavez of Venezuela was second. Still waiting to see if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong Il will be third or fourth. Maybe the fifty-three million here should stop waiting and take the situation in hand.

    nk (bef3ab)

  34. I’m glad Jill’s not my girlfriend.

    trentk269 (086ecc)

  35. A fine argument in favor of the metric system is that 155mm sounds so much better than 6 inches.

    Barsinister (9171c6)

  36. Have you heard the expression “beta male”?

    I had not – pretty funny, though.

    Dmac (f7884d)


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