Patterico's Pontifications

He’s taunting you.

Patricia (4117a9) — 9/28/2007 @ 10:33 pm

Usually when cats pee outside of the box there’s a reason, either behavioral or medical, see
here. Good luck!

David Kane (c80d27) — 9/29/2007 @ 4:28 am

Excerpt from the diary of a cat:

“In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.”

Don’t turn your back on them, Patterico.

nk (7d4710) — 9/29/2007 @ 4:39 am

The cat is sick and needs medicine.
Instructions for giving your cat a pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down, remove ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to friend’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get friend to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA* to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Hazy (c36902) — 9/29/2007 @ 5:07 am

When I took up the carpets, I was amazed at all the places the cat had peed. The day they were installed, I sat down with the cat and said, “You think because I’ve been your human for 15 years, that I value you more than $4000 worth of new carpet. But that’s not true. I don’t. The new carpet is more important. You have been warned.” The next morning I went downstairs in the dark. The cat followed, and sat on the stairs, watching. I threw myself down onto my yoga mat, right into a big pond of fresh green catpiss.

When I stood up, more sad than angry, and more bepissed than both, he walked up the stairs, past his catbox, and stepped out the open window. I closed it behind him, and for as long as he lasted, he was an outdoor cat.

Never believe they do it for any reason other than vengeance.

Close the window behind them.

Simon Kenton (19874b) — 9/29/2007 @ 5:52 am

Patterico,

Take one capfull of vinegar and put it in a spray bottle with the balance of water. Spray the area where the cat-pissed. The animal will not piss in that spot again.

Unless the cats are trained to go in the designated cat/litter box, indoor cats will continually “mark” their territory thru-out most of the carpeted area. Lightly spraying the obvious areas (with diluted vinagar)will leave them with fewer options.

Rovin (7f64b8) — 9/29/2007 @ 6:51 am

install a kitty door so your cat can go outside when it feels urges. i have the world’s best cat, and she comes in and out the kitty door when she wants to. i also have three of the world’s most vicious ganders, but they’re too big to fit through the kitty door.

assistant devil's advocate (8c04f1) — 9/29/2007 @ 7:23 am

You really should be used to it by now… alphie still posts here, doesn’t he? 😉

Stashiu3 (992297) — 9/29/2007 @ 8:11 am

Get yourself a good bowling ball mortar and teach them a lesson

Cat Hunting with Bowling Ball Mortar

TomHynes (6c7892) — 9/29/2007 @ 8:38 am

install a kitty door so your cat can go outside when it feels urges.

The cats always have unfettered access to their litter box. That’s not the problem.

Patterico (2a8eaa) — 9/29/2007 @ 9:00 am

Forget about trying to stuff a pill down a cat’s throat (funny piece though-above). Just smash it to powder between two spoons and add it to a small portion of wet food (so it sticks). Even if your cat eats nothing but dry food (ours does), they all LOVE tuna fish. Break up a tablespoon of it, add the powdered pill and tabby will practically inhale it.

Kranky Old Guy (c269bc) — 9/29/2007 @ 10:06 am

I put up with a lot from my cat, but when he peed on the bed when I was in it…that was too much.

I disowned him. He still lives with us, but my husband takes care of him.

The cat doesn’t care, but I feel like I stood up for myself and showed him who’s boss.

Cats have a way of making you believe crazy things like that.

MamaAJ (788539) — 9/29/2007 @ 10:17 am

Please consult a veterinarian.

gp (7bd55a) — 9/29/2007 @ 11:21 am

there’s a product called “feliway” which is supposed to prevent cats from urinating where they shouldn’t, ask your vet about it, i’ve never had to use it.

assistant devil's advocate (8c04f1) — 9/29/2007 @ 11:28 am

A coyote carried my cat away several weeks ago. I no longer have that problem.

Bud Dickman (9477a7) — 9/29/2007 @ 11:42 am

Cats are smart. Assuming it’s not a medical problem, I think your cat(s) may be insubordinate. That leaves you with two choices: Get a pet psychologist to help you connect with your cats, or get a big dog and let him handle it.

DRJ (ec59b5) — 9/29/2007 @ 11:46 am

Yeah, Pat, please have the cat checked at the vet’s.

When mine did what you’re discribing it was because she had a pretty bad urinary tract infection.

Well, she did it shortly after I got her too, but I switched to a cheap litter right before she started doing it. Went back to the normal stuff, and she stopped right away…

Scott Jacobs (a1de9d) — 9/29/2007 @ 2:16 pm

The cat had been reading the blog, and saw the pictures of where y’all went on vacation — and didn’t take him. Now you know what he thinks about that.

Dana (d671ab) — 9/29/2007 @ 2:24 pm

If it’s a female, change the litter, if its a male take it to the pound.

Hazy (56a0a8) — 9/29/2007 @ 3:17 pm

Cats tend to be very fastidious animals, and can’t abide their litter boxes not being up to “spec.” This means not only scooping out feces, but changing the litter itself a couple of times a week, and even more often if more than one cat uses the same box.

If I let the box go a day or two longer than the cat is used to, she begins voiding in my room, usually in the bed, as if to say “see how you like it.”

Robert (91f2c5) — 9/29/2007 @ 4:47 pm

I used to have two cats who peed all the time in the house due to chronic urinary tract infections, so yes, get a urinalysis of the cat. I swore I would only get another animal if I got all linoleum floors with a drain in the middle like they have at the zoo.

But the new cat lives outside mostly–he’s a stray–and I do nothing to disabuse him of the notion that he is a guest in my house. He obeys all the rules abd has a lovely time, and so do I.

Patricia (4117a9) — 9/29/2007 @ 8:12 pm

I think it’s sheer perversity.

My cat has access to a cat door and a litter box (I have to lock the raccoons out at night). Last year she peed right on one of my Christmas presents … watching me out of the corner of her eye the whole time.

The other day I smelled something wrong in my closet, and sure enough she had found her way to a dark corner and peed in my Reeboks.

Itsme (92753f) — 9/29/2007 @ 8:57 pm

A teaspoon of pumpkin (pie in a can) will keep your cat free from urinary track infections.

Boulder (87848a) — 9/30/2007 @ 3:13 am

More proof that conservatives just aren’t cut out for cats.

Xrlq (74550b) — 9/30/2007 @ 4:44 am

Nothing like having them sleep under the bed covers or climb the christmas tree

krazy kagu (272de2) — 9/30/2007 @ 7:36 am

Cats are quite willing to take care of the litter business on their own, outside. But they feel that if you lock them in the house they have a right to expect you to provide clean litter box. Whenever I’ve failed in that task, past the cat’s personal threshold, it’s let me know in no uncertain terms. Peeing on the bed with me in it is not unheard of.

Perhaps you need to reconsider whether you are willing to coexist with a self-centered, self-aware and independent animal. A natural libertarian, with all the attitudes that implies.

Putting it the garage did not solve the problem.

Kevin Murphy (0b2493) — 9/30/2007 @ 4:59 pm

Note that our house now has 2 cat doors.

Kevin Murphy (0b2493) — 9/30/2007 @ 4:59 pm

Putting it the garage did not solve the problem.

As long as they’re in the garage it does.

I’d leave them there (or outside) forever if it were up to me.

Patterico (2a8eaa) — 9/30/2007 @ 5:01 pm

Think of it as patience practice for having teenagers.

DRJ (ec59b5) — 9/30/2007 @ 5:03 pm

Reading this bought back to mind one of my father’s favorite sayings . . . “The best toy a kid can have is a cat and a can of kerosene.” Love that alliteration.

Thanatopsis (961989) — 9/30/2007 @ 5:14 pm

I am a good, attentive cat owner and mine had urinary problems that got much worse early this year. Vet thought she had acute feline urinary tract infection and we treated as such. Things got worse — she not only peed in front of me and on the bed, but even on me. Turned out she had a bad stone in her bladder that a quick surgery solved.

nosh (013b68) — 10/2/2007 @ 6:12 pm

9/28/2007

Friday Cat Blogging

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