Patterico’s Biggest Fan
How dare anyone out there make fun of Patterico after all he has been through?! He lost his keys! He was on hold for more than an hour! He has two friggin’ kids! His wife . . . well, she’s actually really cool, but . . . Leave him alone!! All he cares about is his readers and making money off of them. HE’S A HUMAN! What you don’t realize is that Patterico is writing you all these blog entries and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him. He hasn’t performed on stage in years — since portraying Bill Burke at a Shearman and Sterling anniversary party. His blog’s motto is “Harangues that Just Make Sense” for a reason, but all you people want is MORE . . . MORE . . . MORE, MORE, MORE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! You are lucky he even blogs for you BASTARDS! LEAVE PATTERICO ALONE!! Please. Perez Hilton talked about professionalism, and said if Patterico was a professional he would never refer to Perez Hilton, no matter what. Speaking of professionalism, when is it “professional” to publicly bash someone who is going through a hard time with his spam filter. Leave Patterico Alone. Please . . . Leave Patterico alone . . . right now . . . I mean it. Anyone that has a problem with him you deal with me, because he is not well right now. Leave him alone.
Leave Patterico alone.
(Allah said there would be hundreds of take-offs on Chris Crocker’s homage to Britney Spears. I’m just doing my part to make the prophecy happen.)
(If this didn’t make any sense to you, click here. To see what a national craze this is becoming, click here and here.)
UPDATE: Because I care about you, the reader, I’ll embed the video that gave rise to this post. Why should you be the only person in the world who hasn’t seen it?
Well … actually … I never thought what she did was music. I turned off the sound on the MTV video. And I like her more zoftig and mature. I’m getting more fat and gray with the years, too. Ok, I’m a pig.
BTW: Q. What is the definition of tone-deafness? A. A blind man listening to The Spice Girls.
Comment by nk — 9/14/2007 @ 5:59 pm
I thought Crocker’s video was a parody of the right’s defense of Patraeus, wasn’t it?
Comment by alphie — 9/14/2007 @ 6:00 pm
You need a video … and more cowbell.
Comment by DRJ — 9/14/2007 @ 6:09 pm
alphie, your thoughts are nothing any sane person would want to delve into.
Comment by nk — 9/14/2007 @ 6:10 pm
Don’t worry Patterico, help is on the way. I posted a link to this thread back at The Festering Swamp and specifically noted for David Ehrenstein to read it. I’m sure he’ll be here to provide you some moral support and make you feel better in no time!!
Comment by qdpsteve — 9/14/2007 @ 6:13 pm
DRJ #3:
I got a fever, and the only prescription… is more cowbell!
Comment by Itsme — 9/14/2007 @ 6:21 pm
if patterico ever goes on tv showing a bare, bloated midriff, i will hack into his blog, close him out as admin and present you candid photos of nude seniors.
Comment by assistant devil's advocate — 9/14/2007 @ 6:44 pm
I thought Crocker’s video was a parody of the right’s defense of Patraeus, wasn’t it?
Actually, Staunch Brayer, it was a parody of Leviticus defending your right to post comments devoid of fact, logic reason or ethics.
Comment by Paul — 9/14/2007 @ 6:44 pm
candid photos of nude seniors
Only if it’s Mamie Van Doren, ADA.
Comment by Paul — 9/14/2007 @ 6:45 pm
I thought Crocker’s video was a parody of the right’s defense of Patraeus…
Obviously, it is a parody of the MSM’s defense of Hillary.
Comment by Perfect Sense — 9/14/2007 @ 6:53 pm
For those that don’t know, Alphie/Moby is a parody of Alphie.
Comment by Robin Roberts — 9/14/2007 @ 7:03 pm
Who’s Brittany, and why are you wasting band-width on her?
Comment by Another Drew — 9/14/2007 @ 7:29 pm
I embedded the Crocker video in an update, for anyone who is confused about this.
Comment by Patterico — 9/14/2007 @ 7:37 pm
ROFLMAO!! You just can’t make this stuff up!
Seriously, has that girl had her meds checked lately?
Comment by Subvet — 9/14/2007 @ 8:37 pm
It’s a dude.
Comment by Patterico — 9/14/2007 @ 8:40 pm
god almighty, this is a fad? just awful, i couldnt get thru the first link.
Comment by james conrad — 9/15/2007 @ 12:43 am
I was quite happy being the only person in the world who hadn’t seen it.
Comment by Gerald A — 9/15/2007 @ 2:03 am
Has Patterico made a music video called “Gimme Less”? If so, i’ll defend it.
Comment by David Ehrenstein — 9/15/2007 @ 5:05 am
I try to refrain from offering advice, Patterico, but in your case it seems warranted: Go buy a couple of bottles of Sterling’s Three Palms 1999 Merlot that my esteemed pal, Tom Rinaldi of Duckhorn fame, personally blended (he now heads Provenance Vineyards). Then spend a quiet evening on the patio with your wonderful wife. Good for the heart, good for the soul, and damned well good for the cammaderie!
You still have time out there to score the vino…
PS: Loved the post.
Comment by Deborah — 9/15/2007 @ 1:44 pm
(Ahem) That would be “camaraderie”, a mispelling of which I may directly attribute to Three Palms Merlot….
Egads.
Comment by Deborah — 9/15/2007 @ 2:16 pm
God that… Guy? is a complete loser…
Comment by Scott Jacobs — 9/15/2007 @ 2:47 pm
Chris Crocker could be an invaluable asset during a SCOTUS confirmation.
Comment by Andrew — 9/15/2007 @ 4:15 pm
. . . and, still haven’t seen it . . .
. . . and really don’t care about . . ., who was that again?
Dave
Comment by Dave — 9/15/2007 @ 4:34 pm
“Actually, Staunch Brayer, it was a parody of Leviticus defending your right to post comments devoid of fact, logic reason or ethics.”
- Mark David Chapman
You’re more obsessed with attacking alphie than I am with defending him, Paul. Nobody else on this site creams their pants every time he drops a post.
Comment by Leviticus — 9/17/2007 @ 1:16 pm