“Date the Atlas, Not the Shrug”
At the Huffington Post, Jennifer Grossman advises women to date according to the philosophy of Ayn Rand. (Eligible bachelors, take note: Grossman is an acquaintance who is smart and attractive; her advice is worth listening to!)
Far from retro, Rand’s heroines were independent, sexually liberated career women who multi-dated, and multi-married, until they landed their Hero. You don’t have to read Atlas Shrugged to date like its heroine, Dagny Taggart, who runs a transcontinental railroad while not capturing the hearts of captains of industry. You don’t have to understand Objectivism or ascribe to libertarianism to follow the simple, practical principles I’ve distilled from these philosophies and applied to real life dating challenges.
The rules work for women and men both, I think, and have worked for me — especially Rule #1: date (and if you’re lucky, as I am) marry someone you admire.
Rule #1: Don’t date men you don’t admire. He can be the most handsome man, the most fabulous lover, the most attentive partner, the most witty companion, but if you don’t admire him (not his biceps or bank account, but him as a person), the relationship is doomed to fail. Don’t know if you admire him? Ask yourself, would you be proud to introduce him at your college reunion? Do you listen to him recount his day and feel a warm glow of pride? Do you feel like you could point to him and tell children (yours or others) “grow up to be like him”? If the answer to any of these is “no,” or even “maybe,” then do your self esteem a favor and dump his ass.
Go over and leave an encouraging comment; HuffPo readers are not the type to be receptive to a message like this (although a surprising number of the comments are favorable).
Me, I am pleased as punch (where does that expression come from?) to be out of the dating world — and married to someone I greatly admire. If my kids grew up to be like Mrs. P., I would say: “Why do you keep voting the wrong way?” — but I would otherwise be the proudest dad on the planet.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:03 pm[Asshole alert: the following comment is obviously from a raging asshole. You have been warned. — Patterico.]
The dame’s biographical squib indicates that she was a 3d echelon aide to George Bush the Elder, i.e. that she’s a minimum of 44 years of age. A MyLife search suggests she is 48 years of age. And chattering about dating and proffering advice on dating and human relations. Sorry, unless this dame is one of the odd minority of women who’ve had to bury their husband in middle age, her personal status manufactures a crippling rhetorical failure. She’s been so pre-occupied evaluating men according to whether or not she ‘admired’ them or they ‘admired’ her that she never built a domestic life with any one of them.
Art Deco (ee8de5) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:18 pmArt Deco:
It’s wonderful that you have been able to totally understand everything about the life of Jennifer (or, as you would put it, “that dame”) in a couple of minutes of Googling, such that you were able to dismiss not only her piece, but her as a person. Truly, your amazing ability to sniff out the truth about “that dame” astounds everyone who crossed your path. Perhaps your incredible talents would be better suited to the HuffPo community (where I’m sure you’d fit right in) rather than here.
I’ll go ahead and set aside the sarcastic tone for a moment.
I told you in the post that I am a friendly acquaintance of Jennifer’s. That means I know her. Where in the hell do you get off talking like that about someone I know, on my site? Would you come into my house and insult another guest that you knew was a friend of mine? Your behavior is unbelievably boorish and offensive.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:27 pmIs it the Internet that sucks, or humanity? I go back and forth on this one.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:28 pm4. Plainly ours is a fallen nature and a fall which is ongoing.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:46 pmWhere in the hell do you get off talking like that about someone I know
From being alive, and from not having lived under a rock, I know that 48 year old spinsters are not the most persuasive dispensers of advice on human relations.
Art Deco (ee8de5) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:48 pmArt Deco pronounces his verdict on Jennifer:
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:53 pmEh, I dumped HuffPo commenting when they went to the facebook verification.
DejectedHead (532aac) — 11/8/2014 @ 6:54 pmI like to tell young people who are listening old men give advice because we have regrets.
My best advice: Don’t choose the spouse who’d be perfect with a tweak or two but the one you’re happy with as they are.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:00 pmI have no quibble with the items on her list, and particularly like her writing in the point you quoted above, Patterico. I’d seen the piece before you linked it, and wondered about its placement in the HuffPo.
Beldar (fa637a) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:00 pmIs it the Internet that sucks, or humanity? I go back and forth on this one.
I go back and forth on that also. I figure it’s the chickenshit part of humanity that the internet allows to speak forth. In person people don’t tend to speak to each other like that. It’s not something that is easy to do in person, and really easy to do on the interwebs. It’s human nature in all it’s glory.
MSL (5f601f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:02 pmSee, Patterico, that’s what the Internet does. I have always, always thought that your website is like a party at your house. I think you are a very tolerant host. But I am glad to see you defend your friends…as as a true host would.
And people who lack the civility to know that (or at the very least to read what you wrote carefully) don’t have to be at your party. There are lots of parties to attend on the Internet, after all.
Somewhere along the line, our culture has come to confuse honesty with tactlessness, civility with weakness, rudeness with conviction.
As you say, a strange world.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:04 pmHey Beldar,
As it happens, Mrs. P, whom I admire greatly, is in your town tonight. For a college reunion.
(I’m pretty sure the reason I’m not there is not because she would be ashamed to introduce me as her husband at her college reunion, but because we could not afford for the whole family of four to go to Houston for a weekend.)
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:05 pmPunch pleasing derives from the puppet shows of old.
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/as-pleased-as-punch.html
Gazzer (cb9ee2) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:07 pmPlus Simon, anonymous commenters are much “braver” then they would be in person.
Gazzer (cb9ee2) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:09 pmThat’s true, Gazzer. Being kind is somehow weak these days.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:10 pmPatterico, I hated being single. I was married in my 20s and it didn’t work out. Being single in my 30s was not great—especially when folks wanted relationships so they wouldn’t be alone. Dogs are good for that feeling.
I’m lucky to have found someone special at the end of my 30s, and as you know, I have MANY reasons to admire her. I try to—borrowing from “Saving Private Ryan”—to be worth what I have.
So your friend’s advice is sound.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:13 pmArt Deco, can we have your name, age, picture, and other details, to assess your qualifications to opine?
Somehow, I suspect these details will not be forthcoming.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:16 pmI discussed it with the daughter — read parts of it with editorial comments. I do not approve of multi-dating, multi-marriage.
Heh! I told her about Objectivism, and that Ayn Rand was drunken, drug addicted adultress who nonetheless called herself the “ideal woman”, and the daughter chimes in with “The perfect woman” which is in fact the word Rand used, not “ideal”.
She already knows I admire her mother. We left it with one caveat: Be careful not to admire someone so much that you subjugate your self to his.
And with our motto for a while now: Boys are like buses; there will be another one coming along soon. 😉
nk (dbc370) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:18 pmOn behalf of assholes:
The world is full of people who want to play the Good Cop. While any job worth doing is worth doing badly your Truth cannot be revealed but in relief.
Thank God for a really, talented Bad Cop, the totally committed asshole.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:22 pmI’m not sure I buy into this advice, it sounds a lot like telling little girls they are princesses and not to marry anything less than a prince because they are Special. It’s one thing for society’s high flyers to talk about marrying top shelf partners, because such people exist in the world where they are found. But most people in most places are just ordinary, flawed people and while they may have their upside, there is not much to admire when you’re looking at a factory worker or a plumber compared to say, a big business CEO.
What you’re left with to “admire” becomes trivial, things like honesty and hard work, which are virtues, sure, but hardly the sort of thing that has college friends gasping in wonder at a reunion. People admire accomplishments and stature, not character. If women were to follow this advice, most women would never marry because there just aren’t enough guys with the stature to measure up, marrying an “ordinary” man then becomes a failure of sorts.
Mr Black (25ee86) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:27 pmPatterico
MSL (5f601f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:28 pmThat wasn’t Art’s self portrait in post #7?
Not true of everyone, and not true of anyone I care to associate with. I feel sorry for you that you clearly have no conception of this reality.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:30 pmNah. I suspect he is nowhere near as good looking as that fellow. He certainly is welcome to provide all his personal information and prove us wrong. Chance of that happening: zero.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:39 pmIn my experience, those who harshly criticize others under an anonymous handle are the biggest losers on the Internet.
I’d bet the deed to my house that this applies to Art Deco, the coward.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:41 pmAccomplishments and stature (reputation) are what you see of someone when someone knows you’re looking.
Character is what you see when they don’t know you’re looking.
Patterico, your friend sounds like someone who’s a joy to know.
htom (9b625a) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:48 pm18. ” I admire her mother”
I guess I can learn leave it right there.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:49 pmHuffpo and your friend and repeating Biblical admonition, whether they know it or not.
MD in Philly (f9371b) — 11/8/2014 @ 7:56 pmWives are instructed and encouraged to “respect” their husbands. I think “respect” and “admire” are largely overlapping, and do not require perfection.
It is hard to sustain a deep and meaningful relationship with someone you don’t respect/admire.
I read a little bit of brain over heart in it, too. Admiration is not the same as love. Maybe brains as a brake on the heart? Anyway. The Arabs say: It’s not important that a woman loves her husband; it’s important that he loves her.
nk (dbc370) — 11/8/2014 @ 8:07 pmI wish Mrs. Patterico a fine reunion (Rice, yes?) and safe travels. She may be frustrated by the traffic if she’s trying to travel anywhere in SW Houston inside the Loop, though, as it’s perpetually snarled right now due to spectacular mismanagement of routine road & highway maintenance. (A Democratic friend of mine, albeit from a camp of rival Democrats, tells me that the Mayor has been deferring maintenance for budgetary reasons until she was termed limited, so now that which ought have been spread over six years is being done in less than two. But I don’t follow these things myself.)
Beldar (fa637a) — 11/8/2014 @ 8:09 pm*term-limited
Beldar (fa637a) — 11/8/2014 @ 8:10 pmYes, Rice.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 8:12 pm27, 28. Ephesians 5:21ff.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/8/2014 @ 8:31 pmGeez, I’m still stuck on “dame”. Seriously???
Dana (8e74ce) — 11/8/2014 @ 9:05 pmArt Deco CALLS IT LIKE HE SEES IT, Dana!
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/8/2014 @ 9:18 pmThat “dame” is as hot as lava, and seems to have an incredible head on her shoulders. She is the kind of person that makes dinner parties interesting.
JD (cde6be) — 11/8/2014 @ 9:41 pmIts a shame that Mr. Black has such a poor opinion of the working stiff.
I don’t think people admire accomplishments so much as they envy them. That factory worker who clocks in on time day in and day out, puts bread on the table and a roof over the heads of the family even in the toughest of times is someone to admire. There are too many people out there who have kind of misguided concept that they, they, should not have to work real hard, or at least at the same job for years; they are too good for that. That factory worker does what he (or she) has to in order to provide for the family. I can see no reason to criticise the wife who can point out to the kids what their father does for them and proudly tell them that if they “grow up to be like him” they will be good people.
There will be no college reunion to worry about, but if he can score a couple of overtime Saturdays, they can probably get to their high school reunion where she can brag on him.
There are a lot of jerks and dick-heads occupying corner offices. The America we are lamenting the loss of was built on the integrity and “get ‘er done” attitude of ordinary people. And for no other reason they are due some admiration.
/end rant/
Gramps, the original (9e1415) — 11/8/2014 @ 9:57 pmDon’t give up hope, guys. You don’t need to be alone. http://imglols.com/wp-content/main/2012_04/why-girls-fall-in-love.jpg
nk (dbc370) — 11/9/2014 @ 4:22 amSomehow, I suspect these details will not be forthcoming.
1. I’m not in the business of giving relationship advice, or, really, any sort of advice over the internet (other than to suggest by implication that the young should be very chary about liberal education, something most of them figure out themselves).
2. I participate in these boards to discuss issues, not to discuss me, my ‘relationships’, my domestic life, my work life, or my avocational life.
3. I’m not interested in discussing her, either. However she’s played her cards, it likely seemed like a good idea at the time (which is the case with all of us), and may or may not seem so retrospectively. Whether she’s right or wrong (wrong, mostly, I think, but that’s neither here nor there), she’s drawing on personal experience, not social data collection (which last lacks a certain texture). Someone in her personal state and with her history (elements of which are incorporated into the article and its coda, requiring nothing from me) compromise her as an effective witness. That’s true whether or not she’s your friend and whatever the granular details of her life are.
Art Deco (ee8de5) — 11/9/2014 @ 5:01 amForget it, Patterico. You’re not going to get an honest discussion from Art Deco. Nobody here has yet. You’re going to get regurgitation of a thesaurus. Verbosity and longwindedness which he “fancies” he can pass off as profundity.
Or there’s a simpler explanation, from the song by Super Tramp:
There’s some they do and some they don’t
nk (dbc370) — 11/9/2014 @ 5:15 amAnd some you just can’t tell
And some may will and some may won’t
And then there’s the one Art Deco inflates.
Whenever I see a falling star. I always wish for a hundred years together with my better half
mg (fcabf1) — 11/9/2014 @ 5:19 amYou know, when someone snarks about a pretty, smart, and successful woman, you just have to wonder about motivation. Oh well.
Mg, I am with you. My wife is MUCH better than I am; her only fault is her taste in men. So I work hard to be worth what I have.
Patterico’s post reminds me of an important truth I try to teach my sons: if you want people to value you, you must value yourself. That doesn’t mean walking around spraining your shoulder while patting yourself on the pat. Arrogance is a fault. It does mean trying to be worth the regard you receive.
Thank you, Patterico. It’s a nice party you have here.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 5:30 amEmpiricism depends on actually having sufficient experience from which to generalize, to decide between alternatives, to simply establish a fact.
I am so happy my little girl is bright, very social, athletic and especially cute. I just hope she proves wiser than I.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/9/2014 @ 5:47 amPoor choice by that old chap, Art Deco. Odd duck.
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/9/2014 @ 6:01 am@artdeco 2.
was written by Patterico, not Jennifer Grossman!!
Sammy Finkelman (89ef89) — 11/9/2014 @ 6:43 amActually, daley, my favorite part is how our duckish friend’s own comments could be applied to himself.
The self-examined life is rare, I think.
Personally, I suspect he responded without thinking much, and doesn’t want to walk it back.
The hint that the person is a friend of Patterico’s should have been indication enough to, um, be polite.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 6:45 amI was just telling the daughter where the word censor comes from, and his role in the Romans Senate. One of the things a Senator could be censored for was uxoriousness — showing affection for his wife in public, and public included just one of his own children. (True, Cato did it to one Senator.) So, the first known “stay in the closet” law in Western civilization was for happily married men?
nk (dbc370) — 11/9/2014 @ 6:53 amIf that is true, nk, then I am Grand High Lord of Uxor.
Good thing I am not in the Roman Senate.
What I am is in my second marriage, and learned the hard way to appreciate things. I’m lucky beyond words.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:00 amIt’s in Plutarch’s Life of Cato the Elder.
nk (dbc370) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:02 amOh, I don’t doubt you.
But then, I never did care for hummingbird tongue in honey and similar delights of the period.
The language was cool, however.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:19 amMy wife and I are visiting our oldest daughter in breckenridge co.
mg (fcabf1) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:21 amI am so fortunate to have them. The older I get the more I realize what a fool I was. With two daughters and my wife no one could be luckier than me.
10 – 4 Simon.
mg, you know the saying: youth cries out for justice, but age hopes for mercy.
I was a fool beyond words in my 20s.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:23 ammg, we should form a club: The Charitable, Wise, and Experienced Order of Uxor. We could be co-Pooh-Bahs.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:24 amHere’s a thought, Simon. You wrote, “if you want people to value you, you must value yourself”. Well, when you evaluate someone, you are automatically giving yourself value. You’re working under your implicit presumption that you are qualified to make that judgment.
I don’t know how that comports with strictures about acceptance and humility, but given all my other sins, whether from a humanistic or Christian viewpoint, I don’t care. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a goat. 😉
nk (dbc370) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:27 am“Uxor” is “wife”, you guys. You can’t be Lord of Uxor and uxorious at the same time. 😉
nk (dbc370) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:29 amI’m in Simon.
mg (fcabf1) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:45 amAh, c’mon, nk. There are many paths to wisdom. I’m with Socrates: “My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:46 amMore seriously, as for valuing oneself, nk… Well, I know far too many men who emphasize their deficiencies and shortcomings. Eventually, their girlfriends or wives believe them. As I said, it is unseemly to sprain your shoulder patting yourself on the back. But to be “worth it” and to value yourself is something that most women admire. And why not? Again, to repeat myself, there is a difference between this and arrogance.
Simon Jester (0ee9ab) — 11/9/2014 @ 7:48 amAsk yourself, would you be proud to introduce him at your college reunion? Do you listen to him recount his day and feel a warm glow of pride? Do you feel like you could point to him and tell children (yours or others) “grow up to be like him”?
Most of the people at the Huffington Post (ie, of the left) swoon over or make a million excuses for reprobates like Bill Clinton, etc. So that’s the biggest irony of the piece by Jennifer Grossman.
Mark (c160ec) — 11/9/2014 @ 8:13 amI am proud to say I am happily married to my high school sweetheart and have been so for 39 years as of this coming January. She has stood by me through good and bad times and to say I cherish her doesn’t do it justice. She will always be the love of my life and I am fortunate beyond words.
Happy wife, happy life.
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 11/9/2014 @ 8:21 am“Actually, daley, my favorite part is how our duckish friend’s own comments could be applied to himself.”
Simon – I think the irony that his comment was based upon personal experience and not social data collection with no evidence supporting whether he is right or wrong was definitely lost on the cad. While he he may imagine himself sipping a glass of sherry around the Algonquin Round Table, I don’t believe he has the chops for it.
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/9/2014 @ 8:26 amCol. – Good stuff
One life
mg (fcabf1) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:04 amOne wife
Best friend
I think the irony that his comment was based upon personal experience and not social data collection with no evidence supporting whether he is right or wrong was definitely lost on the cad.
1. Is she 48 years old or not?
2. Is ‘dating’ a common activity of 48 year old women? Was it in 1958?
Art Deco (ee8de5) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:16 amquintupledown
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:20 amamen, mg… I had a gun in my ear when I wrote that, but teh sentiment does express my true feelings.
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:22 am63. Irrelevant. Digging deeper.
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:32 amArtdeco @63, 66.
Again…
Jennifer Grossman didn’t write:
Patterico did!
Sammy Finkelman (89ef89) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:49 amHey, you guys are blessed, no doubt, and moreover, testifies to your precocious acquisition of wisdom.
But, puhleese, my nose is full already.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/9/2014 @ 9:51 amBeen lurking for a while (just love this site and all its commenters) but this thread’s particularly interesting because of the discussion Art Deco sparked.
I’m smiling because reading all the terrific responses following, it’s really heartening to see such a defense of character as the finest thing to admire in a fellow human being.
Can only add: it seems lost on Art Deco that right out of the gate, he generalizes about a whole demographic not being qualified to give advice on human relations (oh the irony — so tactful) but right after, proves his own expertise in the matter by insulting the friendly acquaintance of the host of the blog he’s visiting.
That, and this — when he made that comment:
People admire accomplishments and stature, not character
I thought immediately of my dad: he married young, had a nonflashy computer hardware job with IBM his entire life, got up every morning and faithfully went to work and just as faithfully came home at night, put his paycheck in front of my mom every two weeks and spent time with the house and us five kids on the weekends. He taught the five of us integrity, faith, fidelity, a kickass work ethic and impeccable honesty. He had no stature or accomplishments (as the world would define that term anyway) and was never famous or had a lot of money. He died in 1999 and will always be my hero.
It is truly a shame that Art Deco has the attitude he has about character. It is really the only thing, in the long run, truly worth admiring in life.
no one of consequence (d3b5d8) — 11/9/2014 @ 10:56 amPatterico, your friend sounds like a lovely and intelligent woman. It reflects badly on single men, not her, that she has yet to be snapped up.
Perhaps a once-young man whose head had been turned by glitz and obsequiousness will find something enduring and worthwhile in that strong and accomplished lady. Youthful dating isn’t kind to such women.
bridget (37b281) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:02 am67. Irrelevant
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:14 amno one of consequence,
I think it was some other poor soul besides Art Deco who made that comment about character.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:15 amThere are, I think, two things going on here:
1) Art Deco is a boor. Probably a boor who resembles the guy in comment #7, but we have no way of knowing that. All we know is that he feels comfortable running down someone personally while hiding behind a veil of anonymity, making him, by definition, an abject coward.
2) We know from previous comment threads that Art Deco is hostile to libertarian philosophy. For what that’s worth.
Putting everything together, I conclude:
3) Art Deco would give his left testicle to spend an hour with someone like Jennifer, and the fact that she is out of his league, and that she espouses a philosophy of freedom that he hates, causes him to lash out in an impotent manner.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:15 amFrom past threads we also know that Art Deco typically heads straight for the ad hominem attack. Now we know he heads for the ad feminem attack as well.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:19 amlookin’ for mainline
Colonel Haiku (2601c0) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:23 ami couldn’t hit it sideways
like sister ray say
I think it was some other poor soul besides Art Deco who made that comment about character.
Patterico (9c670f) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:15 am
Yep, you’re right – Mr. Black, and apologies to Art Deco. Thanks, Patterico. “Poor soul” is a great choice of words.
no one of consequence (d3b5d8) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:23 am69. Character and spirit are often synonymous in usage.
DNF (b18ba5) — 11/9/2014 @ 11:24 amI read the same “biographical squib” and came away with the impression that this is an incredibly intelligent, capable, charitable, driven woman who has accomplished more in her short life than anyone that I know personally. The fact that she has proven herself as a researcher, manager, writer and can express herself in at least four languages should be enough to make anyone admire her. Being beautiful to boot, that’s just icing. 😎
I would guess that, like many intelligent, beautiful women have learned, a significant portion of men are too intimidated to ever take the chance of showing their interest. Many women I know have this problem where the men who ask them out are often the very ones that an intelligent, self-confident woman would want nothing to do with.
One can only surmise that Art Deco is made to feel inadequate by her mere existence, so he must throw mud to make himself (herself?) feel better about being … not so much.
Easy Target (dca0ea) — 11/9/2014 @ 1:27 pmMany women I know have this problem where the men who ask them out are often the very ones that an intelligent, self-confident woman would want nothing to do with.
I’m curious as to why you think this is? Are men so self-deluded or is simply the thrill of the chase?
With regard to Art Deco, all I will say is that he sounds old school, of a certain time when “dame” was used to describe strong-willed, independent women who stood on their own two-feet during a time when women typically let their man stand for them. I didn’t want to overreact to that specific turn of phrase.
Dana (8e74ce) — 11/9/2014 @ 1:33 pmI never ceased to be amused at the energy that the online left puts into bashing a dead for three decades Russian-American author–and with the same tiny pool of largely dishonest talking points, too. It’s almost as if her ideas were inconveniencing their agenda or something. . .
M Scott Eiland (8d3966) — 11/9/2014 @ 3:26 pmIt’s sad when nice people have trouble finding mates. I think this happens to men as well as women. Finding a suitable mate is hard because we don’t spend as much time out doing things outside work and home as we used to. I guess that’s why online dating services are more common, and why more people end up marrying someone they meet at work. Also, both people have to be ready to make a commitment so timing matters, and our marriage timetables aren’t as in sync as they used to be because both men and women have career goals.
DRJ (a83b8b) — 11/9/2014 @ 4:50 pmIn matters of love, the participants should inquire of others’ opinions, but they usually don’t.
Denver Todd (77a6d5) — 11/9/2014 @ 5:12 pmDana (8e74ce) — 11/9/2014 @ 1:33 pm
From my observations, there are a lot of narcissistic jerks who chase every good looking woman they come into contact with. For some, it is the chase, for others, they just think every woman should jump at the chance to bask in the light of there unjustifiably huge ego. Often, these guys are good looking but not overly bright. Usually, they are also not very mature.
I have several friends who are intelligent, good looking women who lament how the men that approach them are not of the caliber that they are interested in. A couple of them never dated in high school because most boys thought them out of their league and the ones who approached them were the arrogant, intellectually stunted types that they were not interested in. The ones who ended up married had to step up and seek out the people they were interested in and be the person to make the first approach.
I only found out a couple of years ago that one of the girls I was interested in, but thought out of my league, was interested in me. Missed opportunities as we were both long term committed to others before discovering that the attraction was mutual. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if only I had a higher self esteem as a young man. Then I realize that I am incredibly happy with the woman I love and would not want to change a thing that might have precluded our relationship from happening.
Easy Target (dca0ea) — 11/11/2014 @ 10:16 am