Patterico's Pontifications

6/7/2022

California’s Crazy Candidates

Filed under: General — JVW @ 4:31 pm



[guest post by JVW]

Sorry for the long silence on my end. I had a very nice vacation the past couple of weeks and ignored just about everything that wasn’t delivered in a pint glass.

We Californians have a primary election today and, as has become usual, we have a whole panoply of weirdos running on the ballot; to be specific: 23 candidates for the United States Senate and 26 jamokes who want to be the Governor of the Great State of California. Since that is way too many to provide a fulsome description of all of the great things they vow to do to us — whoops! I mean for us, for us — I thought I would provide a public service by distilling their campaign promises into one pithy statement. Here is how I read each of them, according to what they submitted in the Official Voter Information Guide. (Note: D is obviously Democrat, R is obviously Republican, PF is Peace & Freedom, G is Green, and NPP is No Party Preference.)

Candidates for the U.S. Senate

Douglas Howard Price (D) – The candidate of mindless platitudes that you’ve heard a thousand times before.

Obaidul Huq Pirjada (D) – Too dignified to have a published campaign statement.

John Thompson Parker (PF) – Socialism rocks; communism is even cooler.

Alex Padilla (D) – I’m the incumbent and there’s no way I’ll lose.

Chuck Smith (R) – God. Country. Marine Corps.

Akinyemi Agbede (D) – I plan to save America. Elect me and I’ll tell you how.

Cordie Williams (R) – I’m the mainstream Republican in a world of weirdos.

Don J. Grundmann (NPP) – Where there is a conspiracy theory, I believe it.

Eleanor Garcia (NPP) – I’m a socialist who loves Cuba and Israel. Go figure.

Mark Meuser (R) – I’m the non-politician politician.

James “Hank” Green (G) – I’m the middle-aged white male version of our Adorably Ornery Clueless niece.

Governor of California

Luis Javier Rodriguez (G) – I’m the middle-aged Latino — make that Latinx — male version of our Adorably Ornery Clueless niece.

Armando “Mando” Perez-Serrato (D) – I write like a poor man’s Abraham Lincoln, but I ask for donations via Apple Cash or Venmo.

Reinette Senum (NPP) – I’m a fourth-generation Californian fluent in vaguely leftist but plausibly centrist political clichés.

Antony Trimino (R) – My granddad fled commie Cuba and California is turning Castro-like.

Robert C. Newmann II (R) – I’m a Reagan Republican thirty years too late.

Jenny Rae Le Roux (R) – I’m a Republican, but I share with Democrats the same unshakable belief in government’s power to make things better, as long as our people are in charge of it.

Serge Fiankan (NPP) – COVID has caused the state to ally with corporations to keep us down.

James G. Hanink (NPP) – I’m staunchly pro-life in probably the most aggressively pro-abortion state.

Joel Ventresca (D) – Whatever Bernie Sanders believes, I also believe.

Leo S. Zacky (R) – I ran a poultry farm, so I have experience dealing with chickens and chicken shit.

Brian Dahle (R) – I’ll do good by undoing all of the stuff California Democrats have been doing the past 25 years.

Mariana B. Dawson (NPP) – “F all politicians.” [Note: Seriously. This is the entirety of her published candidate statement, verbatim.]

Daniel R. Mercuri (R) – God wants us to be free from Democrat slavery.

Christian Raul Morales (R) – My candidate statement is bilingual.

As you can see, thankfully not every candidate bothered to include a published candidate statement. The one person I wished had published a statement is Michael Shellenberger, a former Democrat turned No Party Preference after researching and publishing a book last year titled San Fransicko: Why Progressives Ruin Cities. I’m actually not too jazzed about voting this year, but I think I’ll vote for Shellenberger for governor in the hopes that he gets on the debate stage with Gavin Newsom and rips him a new one on all of the problems his book diagnoses. But it’s a near certainty that come November we’ll be electing the usual crop of Democrat hacks and time-servers.

Come to think of it, maybe I won’t bother to mark my ballot and turn it in tongiht.

– JVW

41 Responses to “California’s Crazy Candidates”

  1. My favorite candidate may be the Green Party gal who is running for State Controller and seems to think the Controller can unilaterally raise taxes and implement single-payer health care.

    JVW (020d31)

  2. What about the LA Mayor race and the San Francisco DA recall?

    Sammy Finkelman (1d215a)

  3. If you don’t like Che Guvera and AOC why are you living in california?

    asset (aa734d)

  4. If you don’t like Che Guvera and AOC why are you living in california?

    If I don’t care for an Argentine Marxist or a vacuous New York Sandersista then why do I live in California? What a curiously phrased question.

    JVW (020d31)

  5. What about the LA Mayor race and the San Francisco DA recall?

    Neither one is on my ballot. For the record, I would probably vote for Rick Caruso and I would certainly vote to recall Boudin.

    JVW (020d31)

  6. These are the two people I have narrowed my choice down to for the privilege of losing to the excessively tiresome Ted Lieu in November.

    Ariana Hakami – Afghani immigrant from the Soviet invasion era. Seems conservative enough for me. Doesn’t mention Trump. Has her campaign P.O. Box in my town (sometimes the little things make all the difference).

    Joe Collins III – Navy veteran. Big on school choice. Received endorsement of California GOP (not sure if this is a plus or minus).

    If anybody wants to weigh in with advice, I’ll probably wait another hour or so before marking down that vote and walking my ballot across the street to the polling location.

    JVW (020d31)

  7. By the way, I love this guy who uses space on his campaign homepage to outline the dirt on him:

    Let me get this out of the way now since it’s about to get ugly from the left throwing stones!

    1. Yes, I was a drug dealer.

    2. Yes, I was a drug addict.

    3. Yes, I have been clean for 21 years.

    4. Yes, I slept around a lot.

    5. Yes, I have been divorced twice.

    6. Yes, I have lied many times in my life.

    7. Yes, I have stolen things.

    8. Yes, I have kids outside of marriage.

    9. Yes. 15 years ago I had a business that went belly up.

    10. Yes, I was sued in civil court because of that business.

    11. Yes, I pled no contest.

    12. Yes, I paid every dime that I had to pay.

    13. Yes, I have made a million mistakes in my life.

    14. Yes, Jesus saved me from all of this above and has given me a new life!

    15. I am not ashamed of my failures, my failures have been my best education along the way.

    You can read a complete breakdown of all my failures and Gods goodness to save me in spite of those failures in my book From Death to Destiny. For those that want to know all the dirt, you could at least support our cause while you attempt to gossip.

    But even my voting whimsy has its limits. I don’t want to be in the position of someday opposing the candidacy of Hunter Biden only to have my vote for this fellow thrown right back in my face.

    JVW (020d31)

  8. Why doesn’t AOC live in California? I’ll tell you why.

    First, New York needs a token Latinx. California is chock full of them. Second, on her best day, she could never compete with California girls of any sectionality.

    nk (1a359e)

  9. Sorry for the long silence on my end. I had a very nice vacation the past couple of weeks and ignored just about everything that wasn’t delivered in a pint glass.

    I did that for most of the 80’s. Or so I’m told.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  10. Christian Raul Morales (R) – My candidate statement is bilingual.

    Is either one in English?

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  11. If you don’t like Che Guvera and AOC why are you living in california?

    Probably because, like me, our great-grandparents built California and then the locusts came. But, like nearly every Venezuelan would wish, I emigrated.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  12. I guess they’re saving up all the crazy-ass initiatives for November.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  13. Like this one that has completed circulation:

    1916. (21-0022A1)
    PROVIDES FUNDING FOR PANDEMIC DETECTION AND PREVENTION BY INCREASING TAX ON PERSONAL INCOME OVER $5 MILLION. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT AND STATUTE. Random Sample Count 06/03/22 (PDF)

    Summary Date: 11/22/21 | Circulation Deadline: 05/23/22 | Signatures Required: 997,139 – (25% of Signatures Reached 02/15/2022 (PDF))

    Increases tax on personal income over $5 million by 0.75% for 10 years, and allocates new tax revenues as follows: 50% to the California Institute for Pandemic Prevention (established by this measure), to award grants for research and development of technologies to detect and prevent future pandemics; 25% for public health programs for pandemic preparedness; and 25% for improvements to school facilities to limit disease transmission. Creates Independent Scientific Governing Board to administer the Institute; requires board members have specified medical, technological, or public-health expertise. Summary of estimate by Legislative Analyst and Director of Finance of fiscal impact on state and local governments: Increased state tax revenues that likely would range from around $500 million to $1.5 billion annually for the ten-year period the new tax would be in effect. Revenues entirely would support activities related to infectious disease control and pandemic prevention. (21-0022A1.)

    https://www.sos.ca.gov/elections/ballot-measures/initiative-and-referendum-status/initiatives-and-referenda-pending-signature-verification

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  14. Someone wants a personal piggy bank.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  15. Or this one. See if you can spot the trend.

    1931. (21-0037A1)
    PROVIDES FUNDING FOR PROGRAMS TO REDUCE GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS BY INCREASING TAX ON PERSONAL INCOME OVER $2 MILLION. INITIATIVE STATUTE. – Random Sample Count 06/03/22 (PDF)

    Summary Date: 01/10/22 | Circulation Deadline: 07/11/22 | Signatures Required: 623,212 – (25% of Signatures Reached 02/16/2022 (PDF))

    Increases tax on personal income over $2 million by 1.75% for individuals and married couples and allocates new tax revenues as follows: (1) 45% for rebates and other incentives for zero-emission vehicle purchases and 35% for charging stations for zero-emission vehicles, with at least half of this funding directed to low-income households and communities; and (2) 20% for wildfire prevention and suppression programs, with priority given to hiring and training firefighters. Requires audits of programs and expenditures. Summary of estimate by Legislative Analyst and Director of Finance of fiscal impact on state and local governments: Increased annual state tax revenue ranging from $3 billion to $4.5 billion, with the additional revenue used to support zero-emission vehicle programs and wildfire-related activities. Potential increased state administrative costs paid from other funding sources that could reach tens of millions to the low hundreds of millions of dollars annually. Net decrease in state and local transportation revenue of up to several tens of millions of dollars annually in the initial years, and growing to up to a few hundreds of millions of dollars annually after several years. (21-0037A1.)

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  16. OF course, the other shoe just had to drop. A sane reaction to all this ballot-box taxing. I particularly like the bit I bolded:

    1935. (21-0042A1)
    LIMITS ABILITY OF VOTERS AND STATE AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS TO RAISE REVENUES FOR GOVERNMENT SERVICES. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT.

    Summary Date: 02/03/22 | Circulation Deadline: 08/02/22 | Signatures Required: 997,139 – (25% of Signatures Reached 03/16/2022 (PDF))

    For new or increased state taxes currently enacted by two-thirds vote of Legislature, also requires statewide election and majority voter approval. Limits voters’ ability to pass voter-proposed local special taxes by raising vote requirement to two-thirds. Eliminates voters’ ability to advise how to spend revenues from proposed general tax on same ballot as the proposed tax. Expands definition of “taxes” to include certain regulatory fees, broadening application of tax approval requirements. Requires Legislature or local governing body set certain other fees. Summary of estimate by Legislative Analyst and Director of Finance of fiscal impact on state and local governments: Lower annual state and local revenues, potentially substantially lower, depending on future actions of the Legislature, local governing bodies, voters, and the courts. (21-0042A1)

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  17. Just write in George Gascon, JVW. If Californians are Eff’d, we should at least make it quick.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  18. OF course, the other shoe just had to drop. A sane reaction to all this ballot-box taxing. I particularly like the bit I bolded:

    This is the Massachusetts rule, which I like a lot. The voters of the Bay State can vote to raise taxes if they wish, but they are not allowed to appropriate the money. Only the legislature and governor can. When I was living there, the Democrats and their allies rammed through a tobacco tax increase with the promise that it would go towards the nation’s most lavish and well-funded anti-smoking and tobacco-cessation programs. The tax passed and the Democrats in the legislature dutifully wrote the legislation for a giant anti-smoking state bureaucracy. Governor Weld vetoed the bill (this was when he had just barely enough legislative allies to uphold his vetoes) and instead used the revenue to plug budget deficit holes. You should have seen how the anti-tobacco crowd squealed, but they could do nothing about it.

    JVW (020d31)

  19. Just write in George Gascon, JVW. If Californians are Eff’d, we should at least make it quick.

    Chesa Boudin may be out of work after tonight, and given that Los Angeles seems to enjoy voting in San Francisco retreads. . .

    By the way, did you guys know that San Francisco is in the horrible dysfunctional mess it is in because of — wait for it! — Republicans, even though there hasn’t been a Republican mayor since the 1960s? So suggests New York Magazine, so it must be true. The NY Mag editor who issued that stupid tweet has been rightfully dragged for it, but this is exactly the media is such an easy object of derision these days.

    JVW (020d31)

  20. California’s Crazy Candidates

    They ain’t the brightest bulbs in Iowa, either. 88 year old Chuck Grassley won his primary and will run for another Senate term.

    DCSCA (98b3c1)

  21. Republicans, even though there hasn’t been a Republican mayor since the 1960s?

    A Republican candidate is lucky to get into double digits in San Francisco. I remember when there were GOP Congressmen from other places in the Bay Area, but never San Francisco.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  22. Mariana B. Dawson (NPP) – “F all politicians.”

    I love this.

    Dana (1225fc)

  23. @18:

    It was actually supposed to be disqualifying if an initiative dealt with two issues. One that set term limits and also limited legislative pensions was struck off for that.

    But apparently you can tax smokers, or millionaires, or left-handed nose-pickers and use the money for painting murals at the beach, and that’s just fine.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  24. @22. Mariana B. Dawson (NPP) – “F all politicians.”

    Words to live by- as Stormy Daniels might say… and likely etched on D.C. Madam Deborah Palfrey’s grave stone as well.

    DCSCA (98b3c1)

  25. CA race to watch: 22nd CD, where David Valadao (R-Hanford) is fighting off a challenge from a Trumpist who’s upset that Valadao voted to impeach Trump. Competitive seat assuming that the Trumpist doesn’t win.

    Trump himself is staying out of it. Pelosi’s PAC has been running ads to support the Trumpist challenger.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  26. Can we please stop letting public defenders pretend to the office of DA? (in case you are interested, the law enforcement person I know in Santa Clara Co basically is disgusted by the entire group of candidates for DA. Rosen is apparent a dick who thinks an ivy league degree can substitute for experience and that being his political supporter makes you a good lawyer. The PD is a PD. Chung has very little experience and, you might notice, an ivy league degree, which is possibly most of the reason he got hired in 2018.)

    Nic (896fdf)

  27. I still have PTSD from all the crazy ballot propositions during the time I lived in California.

    There are just too many layers of government in California, and the propositions are one of those layers.

    norcal (3f02c4)

  28. In the recall, Mando’s webpage talked about draining Lake Tahoe to water the central valley farms.

    How can you have missed O’Dowd, the single issue Senate candidate who knows how to build bug free flawless software and thinks self-driving cars are a plague that must be stopped?

    aphrael (fe3818)

  29. There are just too many layers of government in California, and the propositions are one of those layers.

    The initiative was supposed to be a check and balance against the power of the legislature, but it’s been hijacked by part-time control freaks to be a second (and less honest) legislature.

    I love the one about taxing kazillionaires in order to fill a slush fund that will be under the control of the initiative sponsors if history repeats (Meathead Rob Reiner and the tobacco-tax fund).

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  30. I think all these crazy candidates are part of a conspiracy to make the mainline nutjobs look good. Trump should have “thought” of it.

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  31. How can you have missed O’Dowd, the single issue Senate candidate who knows how to build bug free flawless software and thinks self-driving cars are a plague that must be stopped?

    I limited the candidates I listed to those who submitted an item for the Official Voter Information Guide. Obaidul Huq Pirjada, for example, didn’t bother to include a statement, though he did submit his picture and his campaign email address for inclusion.

    JVW (020d31)

  32. Chessa Boudin is out as SF district attorney. Amazing given that he is a lefty and yet apparently, residents felt he was too soft on crime and/or have had enough it altogether. Guess it wasn’t just the Republicans who wanted him out after all…

    Dana (1225fc)

  33. @31 Good riddance. Now it needs to happen to George Gascon.

    norcal (3f02c4)

  34. I’m for Zacky, the poulty farmer, because the chicken metaphors almost write themselves.

    AJ_Liberty (411e90)

  35. Chesa Boudin was the product of the same wave of lawlessness across the country that almost got Trump reelected and led to the attempted overthrow of the government on 1/6/2021. I’m glad to see that the draining of the orange boil is also causing the peripheral infections to subside.

    nk (1a359e)

  36. Honestly, Trump supporters should be on Chesa Boudin’s side for sticking it to the liberal elites. Why should the common people have to play by Marquess of Queensberry rules when the godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts don’t?

    nk (1a359e)

  37. you forgot quiche-eating

    Kevin M (eeb9e9)

  38. Them too.

    And if you think I’m entirely unserious, consider who does “gentrification”. They want safe streets just as much as they want good sex, warm bathrooms, and fashionable shoes.

    nk (1a359e)

  39. > I limited the candidates I listed to those who submitted an item for the Official Voter Information Guide.

    Ahh. I ran down the campaign website or campaign twitter or campaign instagram of every candidate who had one. It took weeks.

    aphrael (fe3818)

  40. I ran down the campaign website or campaign twitter or campaign instagram of every candidate who had one. It took weeks.

    You are a far better citizen than I am. One of my notions is that if a candidate can’t even get his or her act together enough to meet the deadline for submitting material to the Voter Information Guide, they aren’t going to be very well organized in the job.

    And yet I voted for Michael Shellenberger, who missed the deadline, and I note that Governor Gavin didn’t bother to submit a page either. But of course the governor is the guy whose campaign was so disorganized that he didn’t even get to declare himself a Democrat on the recall ballot.

    JVW (020d31)

  41. I mean, for Governor Newsom, the issue is that he’s too arrogant to care about the rules because he’s above them.

    In 2010 I voted against two Democrats in the general election — Newsom and Harris. I am displeased with the effects of that election.

    aphrael (4c4719)


Powered by WordPress.

Page loaded in: 0.1373 secs.