Patterico's Pontifications


Son of A Gum!

Filed under: General — Dana @ 6:06 pm

[guest post by Dana]

We haven’t reached peak gun-hysteria yet, but we’re getting there:

A student at Lehman High School student reportedly asked for some chewing gum, but another student thought the student said “gun,” KCEN reports.

No gun was found and Hays County, Texas school district spokesman Tim Savoy insists the school was never in “lock down,” though school administrators did “hold students in their extended class periods to investigate the concern with little to no disruption to their schedule.”

Here is a copy of the letter the principal sent home to parents:

Dear Lobo Parents,

This morning we received a report from a student that there was allegedly a weapon on campus. After investigating the concern, it was determined that a student thought he heard the word “gun,” but in fact it was another student asking for some “gum.”

The safety of our students is always foremost on our list of priorities, so we take these concerns seriously. We continue to encourage students to report anything they see or hear that causes them concern. Fortunately, in this case, it was a misunderstanding and there was no threat to our school or need to conduct a lockdown.

Because we are conducting the PSAT, we were able to hold students in their extended class periods to investigate the concern with little to no disruption to their schedule.


Michelle Chae
Principal, LHS

Here is a comprehensive list of words that begin with “gun” and should be immediately banned from public discourse lest another near-tragedy nearly happen:


And it only gets worse:


(Haha! Just kidding! The gun doesn’t really shoot gumballs. It just looks like it. You have to unscrew the cap of the container in order to get to the gumballs. Talk about dodging a bullet, eh?)


28 Responses to “Son of A Gum!”

  1. Hello.

    Dana (86e864)

  2. Cue the ‘take the money and run’ clip.

    narciso (ee1f88)

  3. I tried Narciso, but couldn’t embed it correctly. I’ll ask Patterico if he will. It was the first thing I thought of! Great scene.

    Dana (86e864)

  4. Damn gum’mint!


    Kevin M (25bbee)

  5. They already know not to say “niggardly.”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  6. Maybe Texas should have signed on for Common Core. It seems to me that its public schools could use a touch of professionalism of any kind.

    nk (dbc370)

  7. Isn’t gunsel (an effeminate homosexual male) already banned?

    max (4fdf98)

  8. Dear Lobo Parents,

    I find this very insensitive to the Werewolf-American community.

    JVW (ba78f9)

  9. Especially as someone who identifies as trans-lupine myself.

    JVW (ba78f9)

  10. You can beat a man down to the point he just gives up. A boy, though, will always pick up a stick and he will do with that stick as every boy has done since the first. You can take the boy out of nature, but you can not take nature out of the boy. Well, until he grows up and decides that his best chance at finding a girl or boy results in this.

    Ag80 (eb6ffa)

  11. That kid’s a real pistol

    steveg (fed1c9)

  12. I wonder when calling something a hatchet job will earn jail time or when it will be illegal to call the offense “run and gun” or to use the shotgun formation

    steveg (fed1c9)

  13. With A Gun Pack O’ Gum by Steely Dan

    I could be wrong but I have seen your face before
    You were the boy that I saw running from his door
    You owed him money for the packs you got before
    Pack o’ gum
    Pack o’ gum
    You will be what you are just the same
    Did you pay the little man for teh pack in your hand
    Or leave him lying in the rain?

    You have a habit and you need some Juicyfruit
    You owe him money so he’s givin’ you teh boot
    He slapped your hand so you kicked his hairy root
    For some gum
    For some gum
    You will be what you are just the same
    Did you pay the little man for teh pack in your hand
    Or leave him lying in the rain?

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  14. This is what happens when Texans roll out the welcome mat for Californians

    steveg (fed1c9)

  15. Not sure I want to find out what happens if I tell someone there that I have a clock in my pocket…. Might mistake the c for a g.

    IGotBupkis, "Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses." (225d0d)

  16. No more reading Gunga Din in school. Rudyard Kipling should have know better than to use a name that started with Gun.

    J Peterson (90d7d6)

  17. I had it ahead of instapundit, put I couldn’t post,

    narciso (ee1f88)

  18. And I remember when the best gum was “Bazooka” brand. The little comic strips that came with it would be deemed politically incorrect by today’s standards, most likely.

    Its a wonder that any kids come out of public school even half-way squared away.

    Gramps, the original (bc022b)

  19. You’ve forgotten words containing or ending “gun” — and “gum” !

    htom (2e07e4)

  20. So funny! Kids shooting kids…friggin hilarious!! Are they stupid or just ignorant?

    CastawayPhilly (50970f)

  21. Blue Mn. believes in starting them early.
    Those loonatics!!

    mg (31009b)

  22. Where are there “kids shooting kids”? Which comment? Or is that a little Perry?

    Rev. Barack Hussein Hoagie™ (f4eb27)

  23. ‘it’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham’ woody stopped being funny by 1980 tops, I’m including the mcluhan cameo.

    narciso (ee1f88)

  24. Mia Farrow must have wreaked havoc on his inferiority complex. It’s hard to fill Sinatra’s… err (ahem) … shoes.

    nk (dbc370)

  25. I never thought he was funny, narciso.

    Rev. Barack Hussein Hoagie™ (f4eb27)

  26. I nver realized just how violent the coffee shop in teh TV show Friends was.

    malclave (4ddf38)

  27. Is that Tom Servo?

    10SCgal (845346)

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