We at the respected FactCheck.org have decided to fact check Mitt Romney’s speech, to note in an objective and dispassionate manner what a liar Mitt Romney is. We will do this in the traditional manner: not by noting actual factual mistakes, but by claiming the speech was misleading because Romney did not make the same arguments that Democrats make against him.

First, Romney tried to portray himself as a decent family man. Left unmentioned was the fact that he put the family dog on the roof of his car.

Romney tried to claim his time at Bain Capital as an example of success, citing numerous companies that succeeded. The audience would have no way of knowing that some other companies failed.

And Romney attempted to paint a picture of Mormonism as just another religion, when everybody knows it is a scam involving a guy and a bunch of plates and they don’t even drink alcohol or even coffee and how crazy is that?

Finally, Romney praised Paul Ryan’s speech, when we here at FactCheck.org revealed that Ryan got his facts wrong. Of course, Ed Morrissey says we got our facts wrong, but who are you going to believe? A partisan hack blogger or a respected fact checking organization?

[Editor’s note: to those who say this post is not funny, I will note that David Brooks is published in the New York Times. Thank you.]

Golf = racism.

Chicago = racism.

Having a convention at the scheduled time = racism.

In case you missed the theme: you are a racist.