Sockpuppet Friday—The Olbervoid Edition!
[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here.]
As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sock puppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.
Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself, a lot.
And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.
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And for Friday frivolity, we have Jon Stewart imagining how MSNBC might replace Olbermann:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Olbertunity Knocks | ||||
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[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]
504,000 people disappeared—the Houdini effect now applies to job seekers!
Bureau of Labor Statistics (e7577d) — 2/4/2011 @ 10:55 amLIAR! AARON IS A LIAR!!! IT IS THURSDAY!!!
Kman (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 10:57 amIt really goes to
Narciso (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 10:59 amsay that the harbingers of
the
moment are at the gates like
the twisted brothers of the whim at the
whim.
Fuck you, I’m eating.
Carl's Jr (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 10:59 amI like to plagiarize. And bugger goats. And I am scared scared scared of brown people that can spell. And I heart the skin flute. And I lie. A lot.
William Yelverton (fc6858) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:01 amCan y’all help me. I have used like 83018358393747492 names so far, and I am running out of new ideas. Maybe I will just start using yours again.
William Yelverton (fc6858) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:04 amLaura Bush makes tasty pancakes like a dirty coozeburger.
Happyfeet (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:04 ambla bla bla bla bla
mutter mutter
O’Donnell bla bla devil bla bla bla
Dustin (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:05 amJon, Jon, Jon…! You weren’t supposed to use the Malkin meatbag clip!
The MBM (Make Believe Media [tm]), who's been working nonstop to keep that kind of thing under wraps (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:15 amI don’t care for red velvet palin vagina cupcakes—they make me queasy! I’d get a real life, but I’m better looking online.
sadhand (e7577d) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:16 amAaron, I just can’t quit you.
I am making a movie called “Brokeback Blog.” Who should play you? For my own role, I am thinking George Clooney. The young George Clooney.
Kman (c8876d) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:21 amNow that’s funny! I don’t care who you are!
sadhand (e7577d) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:27 amI liked Olbermann before he moved in with Barney Frank.There is something SO wrong with that.
Nancy Pelosi (eae6ea) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:31 amDear Ms. Pelosi: SIR! Have you no shame?
Barney Frank (eae6ea) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:32 amNancy: Daily Kos says you can’t help who you fall in love with. Up yours!
Keith Olbermann (eae6ea) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:33 amNot that there is anything wrong with that, Keith.
Kman (c8876d) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:34 amI heart Aaron. When I make the sweet sweet love to myself, I gaze longingly at a picture of what Aaron must look like, while listening to that interview where his melodious baritone fills my room with sound and love and excuse me …
Kman (b98cae) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:34 amI’m not prepared to comment on that. Neither is The President.
Robert Gibbs (eae6ea) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:35 amAfter we impeach him, we want to cut off Clarence Thomas’ toes and feed them to him one by one. And hang him. And string his wife up too. And send Clarence Thomas “back to the fields” even though he was never in the fields.
You think we’re kidding? Guess again.
He deserves it. Because you Reichwingers are violent racists. And Andrew Breitbart wants to see all black people go back into slavery again. We’re better than that. We only want conservative “blacks” to go back into the fields.
The tolerant, peaceful progressives of Common Cause (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:36 amI heart Aaron. When I make the sweet sweet love to myself, I gaze longingly at a picture of what Aaron must look like, while listening to that interview where his melodious baritone fills my room with sound and love and excuse me …
Comment by Kman — 2/4/2011 @ 11:34 am
In case anyone is wondering, this is NOT where I got my name.
Patterico's Pontifications, The Blog...of....Loooove (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:37 amNo. You need 3 periods in an ellipsis unless it closes a sentence.
Milhouse (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:41 amOkay. Got that one out of the way. Sorry, got a little worked up there for a moment. Maybe you heard me moan out Aaron’s name in the heat of passion? AAAAAWYN AAAAAWYN. Excuse me…. again.
Kman (85b089) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:42 amI thought you were supposed to be funny, I guess not. *sigh* This thread has just gotten… strange.
Chris Hooten (24973f) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:44 amComment by Milhouse — 2/4/2011 @ 11:41 am
*lets hair down, fluffs bangs*
Patterico's Pontifications, The Blog...of...F*ck You (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:44 amBetter?
> The young George Clooney.
Yeah, you should have seen how good i was in Batman and Robin. Because evidently no one actually saw that movie. at least not all of it.
George Looney (e7d72e) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:03 pmIt vass some of my best verk
arnold schwartznegger (e888ae) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:06 pmForgot the link to A Chorus Line which might actually have made that funny…dammit.
I remembered my 3 ellipses though!
Patterico's Pontifications, The Blog...of...F*ck You (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:08 pmArnold
Compared to your stint as governor, your work in Batman and Robin was genius.
The people of California (e7d72e) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:09 pmIt vass some of my best verk
Comment by arnold schwartznegger — 2/4/2011 @ 12:06 pm
Not mine though, not by a long shot. Mriao!!
Uma Thurman (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:10 pmComment by Uma Thurman — 2/4/2011 @ 12:10 pm
You can say that again.
what's left of O-Ren, Gogo Yubari, and the Gang of 88 (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:16 pmNow, with Keith gone, I am the Worst Person in the World!
Joe Biden (b8ab92) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:36 pmDon’t you just miss Keith?? I know I do.
Rachael Maddow (8f2e89) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:43 pmI don’t.
Ed Schultz (8f2e89) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:43 pmUs too. He spoke for us.
misogynist blowhards everywhere (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:45 pmYou’re just jealous cuz we get all the attention now.
Miss Precious Perfect, and the Olbermann bathtub/cry room (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:47 pmBe sure to check out our new Gosnell™ scissor line due this fall.
Fiskar Industries (e7577d) — 2/4/2011 @ 12:59 pm@10
Kman, having the opportunity to portray you is why I got into acting in the first place. And I’m really touched that you apparently found my performances in Facts of Life so moving as to give me this chance.
The Young George Clooney (4f3ec1) — 2/4/2011 @ 1:12 pmWe have job openings for office managers and staff.
Planned Parenthood (a2a019) — 2/4/2011 @ 1:18 pmSkills optional. Open minds a must.
Warm bodies are pretty much all we require, IYTWIMAITTD.
Planned Parenthood (325a59) — 2/4/2011 @ 1:21 pmHaving no soul is always a help.
PP (d4bbf1) — 2/4/2011 @ 1:30 pmThankfully the lighting here at the Hyatt is so much better than the Hilton.
I think it’s the carpet-beige reflects the light better-it’s called uplighting-for you civilians.
But, really-it’s not all about me.
Anderson Cooper (fd190b) — 2/4/2011 @ 1:48 pmJeez could you tell the people outside to –
“Calm down!”
We’re having trouble with the audio and no one can hear Piers!
Anderson Cooper (fd190b) — 2/4/2011 @ 1:50 pmJon, Jon, Jon. You are supposed to say “MMMommy, mmmommy”! into the mask. Lemme show you how it’s done.
Dennis Hopper (02954a) — 2/4/2011 @ 2:37 pmyo, white boy, get me some more wine.
Valerie Jarrett (fb8750) — 2/4/2011 @ 3:07 pm@36
Planned Parenthood, I’ve heard a lot of good things about your work, and I think I’d fit in well with your organziation.
Kermit Gosnell (4f3ec1) — 2/4/2011 @ 3:17 pmGood luck trying, buddy. That position is MINE!
Jeffrey Dahmer (b66a8d) — 2/4/2011 @ 3:21 pmWonder if I am entitled to unemployment now that I have been fired. Hopefully 99 weeks of funemployment.
Amy Woodruff (8f2e89) — 2/4/2011 @ 3:46 pmWell, if anyone deserves 99 weeks’ pay it’s you. Making sure we ended up dead must have been very stressful. And exhausting.
the thousands of unborn children killed under your management, looking forward to meeting you face to face in the afterlife (b66a8d) — 2/4/2011 @ 4:03 pmIn behalf of the CBC, I demand they arrest those who would declare that an african american be lynched….
Jimmy Clyburn (0cd6a2) — 2/4/2011 @ 4:46 pmOpps my mistake. Lynch him since he escaped the platation..
Nothing personal to the Jews in Isreal, but I need to kiss some arab butt. Goodbye pres. of egypt…
Obamaman (0cd6a2) — 2/4/2011 @ 4:50 pmJust because a federal court held us in comtempt over the oil drilling and held Obamacare was unconsitutional doesn’t mean we have to listen to them. After all, who is going to enforce it?
Eric Holder (0cd6a2) — 2/4/2011 @ 4:53 pmSay, Eric and Obamaman: ixnay on the utt-kissing-bay and illing-dray. It make me think of that dreamy Aaron, and all he cares about are Cylon-plastic breeders. Heteronormative thinking!
Kman (c8876d) — 2/4/2011 @ 5:28 pmWhen is Aaron going to realize I disagree with him so he will notice me? Please, please notice me, Aaron.
Kman (8f2e89) — 2/4/2011 @ 6:06 pmOH GOD, man. GROSS. Stop doing that.
Kman's Monitor (b54cdc) — 2/4/2011 @ 6:12 pmWell at least that didn’t take long.
Kman's monitor (85b089) — 2/4/2011 @ 6:23 pmNever does.
Kman's right hand (4f3ec1) — 2/4/2011 @ 6:26 pmAaron Worthing, you are not only the “Worst Person In The World(TM)” but you dare to drag my name down inviting all the 56 numb-skulls above to be funny. They aren’t! In fact, a cursory survey of the above has allowed the reactionary readers of this worthless blog to be exposed to grossness, cheap humor which really isn’t funny and libeling my wonderful persona. For that there is no forgiveness. Aaron Worthing: Deservedly the Worst Person In the World.
K. Olberman (4a1023) — 2/4/2011 @ 10:09 pmTruer words have rarely been said on this blog…
Chris Hooten (24973f) — 2/4/2011 @ 10:18 pmTurns out I’m not funny at all. Who woulda thunk it?
But I do love me some partners of terrorists!
Chris Hooten (c218bd) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:06 pmActually, I’m pretty effing funny, or you wouldn’t be such an effing pussy and erase everything, huh? Moron.
Chris Hooten (24973f) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:09 pmNow I guess this blog is full of conspiracy theorist p*ssies who can’t stand up for themselves, and just erase posts willy-nilly.
Chris Hooten (24973f) — 2/4/2011 @ 11:14 pmAaron, my song to you: Quando,Quando,Quando
Kfapilicious (e7577d) — 2/5/2011 @ 11:09 amWills, are we expecting a wedding gift from the Obamas? This package is beautiful except for the strange ticking sound.
Kate Middleton (68ff46) — 2/5/2011 @ 4:47 pmLOL
I love bashing women too, Chris. Fist bump!
and agreed on the rampant paranoia here. What conspiracy theories! Based on evidence as thin as criminal convictions and multiple news stories, a bombing victim, and Brad Friedman’s tax forms, they proved Brad was working closely with a con artist who blew a man up with bombs.
But the kooky part comes next: they said that was wrong! Even though they are liberal!
That’s just nuts.
Take it from me, Chris. I have my thumb on the pulse of the mainstream, and it is kooky to call aiding liberal terrorists immoral.
Olbermann (b54cdc) — 2/5/2011 @ 4:53 pm(This is a serious comment from Patterico)
Chris:
Your sock-puppet comments were all along these lines: “Hrrr hrrr, my name is [JD, Dustin, etc.] and I sure do love to stick my head up my ass. Hrrr hrrr!”
Yeah, that’s hilarious.
Patterico (c218bd) — 2/5/2011 @ 5:20 pmKaboom! went the gift from Bearick and Mrs. O.
I really think Grandmum is completely right about these people. I really do.
Kate Middleton (352bcf) — 2/5/2011 @ 5:28 pmPatterico, at least he’s improving.
SPQR (26be8b) — 2/5/2011 @ 5:29 pmYa frickin pμΣΣιεΣ! I knows I’s fμηηγ!
Chris I Mahoot (e7577d) — 2/5/2011 @ 5:54 pmIt are a fact!
Chris "Jeenus" Spooten (e7577d) — 2/5/2011 @ 6:03 pmHooten owns a horse too.
SPQR (26be8b) — 2/5/2011 @ 6:06 pmWhich end, SPQR?
Simon Jester (c8876d) — 2/5/2011 @ 6:07 pm