Patterico's Pontifications

I’ve abandoned my plans to save/invest for retirement. Now, I am going to run for mayor of Bell, CA. I figure after one term on that salary, I’ll be set for the remainder of my days.

Some chump (4c6c0c) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:27 pm

Those evil vietnamese are trying to take my job!

(click on my name to get a link to understand the context–if it works)

Loretta Sanchez (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:28 pm

Did you see me before the senate today? Man, I don’t get it. I brought my “A” material. I mean come on, I offered to put video of my colonoscopy into the congressional record. I joked that corn packer was a term for gay Iowans. That is like funny stuff, but man, that room was like dead silent. They looked at me like I f-rted in church.

What’s the deal, man?

Stephen Colbert (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:31 pm

Why don’t I get any respect here?

imdw (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:31 pm

What happened to forgive and forget?

Bill Ayers (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:34 pm

Going to actually be myself.

Can i make a suggestion, Patterico. You should pick out your favorite five sock puppet posts and create one of those voting things to let us pick our favorite.

Aaron Worthing (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:35 pm

I am so sick of the dishonesty that goes on, on the internet.

Moby (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:37 pm

Sorry couldn’t resist

Democrat who not only loves Palin, but also defends her attack on ObamaCare, and quotes Alinsky to boot (c9795e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:39 pm

You know who needs a good space program, Iran, that’s who. The United States is just the country to help them with it, too, and create good old American jobs in the process.

Joe Biden (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:39 pm

I believe in my party’s ability to absorb the incredible and devastating losses in the midterm elections that I will be responsible for.

Barrack Obama (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:40 pm

House Democrats are clamoring to have Obama campaign with them.

Nancy Pelosi (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:41 pm

Of course I think it’s appropriate, for Colbert to testify. He’s an American, right? He comes before the committee, has a point of view, he can bring attention to an important issue like immigration.

I think it’s great.

(that’s not actually a joke. Except for inserting a few words for clarity, that is a direct quote from Pelosi)

Nancy Pelosi (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:44 pm

The trick sir is to bend the electoral loss curve in an upward direction…

David Axelrod (c9795e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:45 pm

How racist am I?! I was probably a Grand Kleagle prior to becoming a lawyer, and hit my inner racist until those coloreds got into the DOJ.

DOJ Attorney Coates (3086d2) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:47 pm

I think I have come up with my reelection slogan and I wanted your feedback.

“We can absorb four more years of my governance.”

Barrack Obama (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:47 pm

#

I am so sick of the dishonesty that goes on, on the internet.

Comment by Moby

Who in the F#@# do you think you are? You’re just some F@#$ING nobody jackass! Your principles are negotiable, such as the principle of not calling out dishonesty.

Idiot.

Mark Levin (b54cdc) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:49 pm

Dear Satan,

Its been a while since I have been in my coven. But I am begging you, dark lord, “please, please, make Castle mount a write in campaign. Its my best chance.”

Christine O'Donnell (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:50 pm

Today’s LA Times editorial on the Republican Pledge to America points out that the right has offered up nothing but its old, tire ideas. Any third grader will tell you that you can spend your way out of a recession. But the all the right does is say “No.” I say let’s spend another Trillion Dollars on Recovery Signs.

Liberal facist (f57a20) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:51 pm

#11

House Democrats are clamoring to have Obama campaign with them.

Comment by Nancy Pelosi — 9/24/2010 @ 12:41 pm

Oh, really?

John Boehner's Tan (9c62d9) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:52 pm

I believe that we cannot get by without illegal immigration. Don’t you understand that these are jobs that Americans won’t do? And by “Americans,” I mean white people.

The fact is white people are not meant for manual labor, like these darkies from Mexico. We all know it is true!

Stephen Colbert (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:55 pm

Mark Levin-

What if I wore a skirt and called you Kermie….

Chris Christie (565543) — 9/24/2010 @ 12:56 pm

You right wingers are irrationally worshipping a group of founding fathers that were as stupid as you are.

You should be enlightened like me and believe that the constitution was written in magic ink that changes its meaning and legal effect all by itself!

Shooter (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:00 pm

Mr. Coates,

You sir, are a liar. I would have remembered you if you were in the Klan.

Zombie Senator Byrd (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:02 pm

I am so bummed they took out my video from Sesame St. We were going to have a special feature where I leaned toward the camera and taught them how to count to two.

Katy Perry (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:03 pm

You know, I really like the idea of intentionalism. It’s a hill I’d die on – to save my own ass, of course. But sometimes the ideal can be sacrificed for the greater good.

Peace out, you RINO Jew-hating guild-dwellers.

Jeff Goldstein (30ac20) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:05 pm

Like the Marauder’s Map.

shooter (30ac20) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:06 pm

I hate to say it but Obama is a cold fish. When I was president, I let people know that I felt their pain. And their breasts.

Also, yike, what the hell did my wife do to her hair? I am glad i am not sleeping with that!

(follow link to see)

Bill Clinton (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:08 pm

What do you mean, “Like voting for Castle?” We have ideals to uphold here. You fucking jackass surrender-monkeys make me sick. I’m gonna go spoon with Mark Levin and try to teach him some big words.

Jeff Goldstein (30ac20) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:09 pm

I am so frustrated with how things are gong for my party, I swear I could punch a hippie!

David Axelrod (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:10 pm

I’m so pissed off write now I’m ready to drive to Mississippi to help register whites to vote!

Tim Gadsden (569c8b) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:19 pm

I am glad i am not sleeping with that!

F’ off, Bill. I hate to think of all the various places your genitals, not to mention your cigars, have been.

Besides, the gentle, warm touch of another woman is so much more satisfying to me.

Hillary Clinton (3e3a7c) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:20 pm

Hey any of you see any job openings? I am kind of out of a job today…

Jeff Zucker (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:21 pm

Did you know that conservatives smell especially bad compared to progressives. No, really it’s true.

Harry Reid (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:23 pm

GOOD DAY, SIR!

All the Young Glenns (126f09) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:23 pm

Hah, ‘write’ now! Who edited this?

Tim Gadsden (569c8b) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:24 pm

Bill,

Also, yike, what the hell did my wife do to her hair?

Youre supposed to pull gently down on the hair to make her skirt rise, just like on our forthcoming Barbie doll (we got stimulus funds for making those, too!).

Hey man, you were the inspiration, after all!

Mattel (b7f440) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:24 pm

Comment by Katy Perry

That was funny, it counts.

Patterico #2 (3d3f72) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:24 pm

What do you mean, “where”? Everywhere!

What do you mean, “how do I know”?

Harry Reid (30ac20) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:24 pm

I am a cunt.

I know: not that funny. But it’s true.

I really am just a little bitch.

serr8d (c218bd) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:25 pm

How about that Kirsten Gillibrand. She’s really hot. I’d like to ramrod her campaign, if you know what I mean and I think that you do.

Harry Reid (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:25 pm

I wanna be Barbie.

That bitch has everything.

Meghan McCain (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:31 pm

Meghan, you can’t be Barbie,

‘Cuz I wanna be Barbie

Everybody wants to f*ck Barbie.

And that bitch has everything.

Amanda Marcotte (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:34 pm

It is really tragic that the borderline retarded, but sweet person known as Teresa Lewis, was executed in Virginia for the sophisticated and premeditated murder for hire she carried out.

I mean what did she do to deserve this?

All that happened was that she married a man who had a step son who served in Iraq. While in Iraq, her husband took out a life insurance policy on the son of $250,000. How could she be expected to resist that temptation? So she decided to have her step-son killed. And of course, since her husband was the beneficiary, she would have to kill her husband too, to get the money. So she enticed two men with sex—including sex with her 16 year old daughter—to murder her son and her husband. Then that night, she prayed with her husband, then got out of bed, unlocked the front door and locked the family pitbull in another room so it couldn’t interfere. Then the two men came in and murdered both men with shotguns she purchased.

See what I mean? She is a sweetheart. And clearly this person who carried out a sophisticated, premeditated murder for hire is too stupid to be eligible for the death penalty.

But alas, these barbarians in Virginia killed her anyway.

(maybe not funny, but this lawyer kind of pissed me off)

James Rocap, Esq., Ms. Lewis’ Defense Lawyer (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:41 pm

“Boehner affair”? Geez, sometimes I hate my last name.

John Boehner (d25c82) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:44 pm

Eventually, one of our dishonest hatchet jobs timed to do electoral damage will actually work out.

NY Times (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:47 pm

Question for lawyers: If I took an oath to testify honestly before Congress, but I played a fictional character in answering the questions, can I get in trouble?

Stephen Colbert (d25c82) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:49 pm

Really, I am seriously worried that I will be convicted of lying to congress, and then I would be sent to prison, in Iowa, and be “corn packed.”

Stephen Colbert (e7d72e) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:51 pm

What Colbert did was far more reprehensible than when I lied to Congress about something that was legal at the time.

Roger Clemons (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:53 pm

We readily acknowledge that we cannot beat you at the ballot box, or on the substantive issues this election cycle, because well … we screwed the proverbial pooch. However, our friends at the NY Times can help us make up some sex scandal accusations to throw at fake orange tan dude.

Daily Kos (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:55 pm

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;
Witches’ mummy; maw and gulf
Of the ravin’d salt-sea shark;
Root of hemlock digg’d i the dark;
Liver of blaspheming Jew;
Gall of goat, and slips of yew
Sliver’d in the moon’s eclipse;

Christine O'Donnell (58f925) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:55 pm

Colbert’s okay but he couldn’t follow me with a guide. I’d crush that Congress gig.

Dennis Miller (8501d4) — 9/24/2010 @ 1:59 pm

I just read that Andrew Breitbart, he of the dishonest editing and false smears against the honest people of ACORN, will soon by indicted for his role when his employee, James O’Keefe breached national security by posing as a phone technician in the lobby of Sen. Landrieu. This I know to be true.

EPWJ (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:00 pm

I am the staunchest. Christie O’Donnell is a bewitched nutjob who will destroy Team R and the Tea Party both of which I am huge fans of. Principles be damned, elect me some Team R.

Patterico (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:04 pm

I keep getting filtrated so I cannot properly tell you how much of a snowbilly hicktard Momma Grizzly Palin and her McCain fellating wenches are.

happyfeet (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:05 pm

Look, I could have stuck an extra E and H in my name too.

Donnie Boner (8501d4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:06 pm

Boehner claimed he has never been in a tanning bed, or used tanning products. Can I get a lie detector?

Or, have the Dems been mocking someone because of the color of his skin?

Honesty Police (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:07 pm

The state of California is crumbling from the weight of numerous problems imposed by liberal politicians — unemployment, debt, political corruption, and unchecked immigration. Let me finish the job.

Jerry Brown (1b5bad) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:10 pm

I am the staunchest. Christie O’Donnell is a bewitched nutjob who will destroy Team R and the Tea Party both of which I am huge fans of. Principles be damned, elect me some Team R.

Comment by Patterico

Principles like honesty and sincerity are less important than the principle of believing in the most popular and published pundits and the most basic and unverified claims of anyone who claims to be a Republican.

I’m glad to see Patterico’s sock coming around to my POV!

My way is both impractical, unlikely to help America at all, and slightly evil, but it also is extremely lucrative!

Mark Levin (b54cdc) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:11 pm

I apologize to everyone. I was having a little moment, an episode if you will, and posted a blizzard of comments under the name of pam. I am exploring my multi-gendered identity, seeking to come to terms with who I am. Whilst stuck here in hickbilly ‘tard land where the mouth-breathin’ KKK members live, trying to teach their ‘tard kiddies how to play a delicate instrument like the flute, it helps me in getting through the day to believe that all that do not think like me are dum dum dum and racist and it has been scientifically shown to be true which explains you ReichWingNutz’ war on science education and your belief in new earth creationism and you are too stupid to vote and this is the kind of tangent I get off on and in fact this is making me a little tingly so each this hilljack racist paella cook while I go worship Barack Obama a President that you teabagging racists only hate because he is black and your Boner’s plan will take away health insurance from tens of millions and add trillions to the debt and you guys just suck.

William Yelverton (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:13 pm

Your friends have been making jokes at my expense for years.

Donnie Boner's Boner speaking to Donnie Boner (8501d4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:14 pm

All of this press about Christine O’Donnell being a teenage witch… she totally stole that from me!

Sabrina (1db6c5) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:15 pm

Yelverton, with your man-boobs and my voice, we might just make a plausible ‘Pam.’

Mark Levin (b54cdc) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:16 pm

Sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable. Like when I go for a job interview.

Mrs. Boner (8501d4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:17 pm

I think what people did in high school and college should be waaaaaaaay off-limits during campaigns.

Oh, and I am smarter than you.

Barack Obambi (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:17 pm

Midget sprinters what make veggie paella do not have man boobs, Levin. Why are you so jealous of me? I come armed with facts.

William Yelverton (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:19 pm

The Professor of Plagiarism, Willie the racist hilljack skin flute playing serial plagiarist Yelverton is a mendoucheous twatwaffle. That is all.

JD (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:21 pm

Speaker Boehner, oops, Rep Boehner – When did you quit sleeping with the lobbyist for your corporate overlords?

Daily Kos (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:22 pm

Coates is a filthy teabagging racist.

Eric Holder (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:23 pm

insert gifreakingnormous wall of text here proclaiming superior knowledge and insight on all subject matter that have been discussed or will be discussed and that progressives are simply smarter

shooter (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:27 pm

Behold! I have created a mass-hypnosis machine, capable of making every American (including Chris Christie) believe that Chris Christie has already served two terms as governor!

ASSISTANT: Uh, Dr. Weird? Weren’t we supposed to use that research grant to analyze internal polls about Deval Patr—?

Shut up! Now… onward to victory!

Christie/Frylock 2012

Dr. Weird (6ca166) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:28 pm

CALL ME DOCTOR YOU INFERIOR BEAST !!!!!!!!

Karl Steel is not a porn name. I swear.

Karl "Dr" Steel (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:29 pm

We want to talk about the issues, but that orange racist in the House wants to turn back the clock and do everything that Bush did but more and starve grandparents and children and take health insurance away from people causing mass deaths and write checks to millionaires earning $250K and roll back environmental protections to the Stone Age and all sorts of other bad things, but they will not engage us on the issues.

Barack Obambi (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:36 pm

I just bought my first car, and expect to see it shortly thereafter for a profit of approximately 500%.

Dmac (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:37 pm

Call me Doctor Senator, you military baboon!

Dr. Senator "Dr." "Senator" Barbara Boxer (2a3d8a) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:37 pm

That Dmac sure does not seem to understand simple economics. Can I get you a textbook?

imdw (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:39 pm

^hey, stop posting in my name!

I also know all about hyperinflation since I was a fluffer on the set of the new flick called North Pole.

imadouchebag (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:39 pm

I also know about hyperinflation since I substituted for Rick Eller’s Cabana Boy while I was lounging in Brazil.

imadouchebag (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:41 pm

I’m going to crush all you witch – loving Tea Partiers who can’t seem to stop masturbating.

imadouchebag (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:42 pm

The multiplier effect of the effective rate of return of the next nominal denominational dollar distributed diagonally dentra de do douches would bring us out of Bush’s recession if you reactionary xenophobic populists would quit spouting your fiscal illiteracy as gospel.

imdw (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:42 pm

I’m going to crush all you witch – loving Tea Partiers who can’t seem to stop masturbating.

^hey, stop posting in my name!

Mike Castle (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:43 pm

Stop calling each other names, and if you wankers don’t start defending me on BradBlog, I’m going to really come after you!

Pat Errico (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:44 pm

I am the staunchest and if it was not for your teabagger purity tests I would rightfully take my seat in the Senate.

Mike Castle (b537f4) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:45 pm

@74. Yes, please get me an economics textbook, because then I can sell it for a profit of 400 percent.

And call me Doctor, you ninnies.

I hear you singin’ in the lines.

Dr. Wichita Lineman (2a3d8a) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:45 pm

I’m going to post ten links that back up my prior statements, but you’ll notice that none of them have any actual relation to the subject of this thread. But link on them anyway, because you’ll agree that I’m a sooper genius and you’re barely intelligent enough to even have me recognize your feeble existence.

shooter (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:47 pm

Chris Christie and Chris Coates … are both … the Worst Person in the World.

Edward R Olbermann (1b5bad) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:48 pm

My father gave me this seat, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to roll over and allow a legitimate election say otherwise! I have to run because the 50 people in this room in front of my podium tell me so!

Lisa Murky (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:50 pm

I’m going to succeed at doing everything Ahnuld said he would do because I have mad skillz and he’s an incompetent immigrant weakling klutz.

Meg Whitman (e0cdc9) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:51 pm

Hey, who do you have to blow to get elected around here?

Charlie Cristo (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:52 pm

Harry Reid’s fecal matter is a fossil fuel.

Nancy Peelosis (d61c0d) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:53 pm

I’m the true conservative in this gubernatorial race, the only candidate who has ever cut taxes and worked for a balanced budget.

Jerry Brown (e0cdc9) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:56 pm

Mary Katharine, please explain what “sock puppet” is for me and those viewers who aren’t familiar with the term.

Bill O'Reilly (1b5bad) — 9/24/2010 @ 2:56 pm

It was once alot of fun to come here and read all the racist comments, call people racist, and especially call people “mendoucheous twatwaffles” but now, this is not fun anymore with all of the original posters actually posting in their real names. Now, there are actually no racist or mendoucheous twatwaffles here anymore, so….

I think I’ll leave now, and go the way of so many others, and just go away….

JD (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:09 pm

Racist.

JD (d9926c) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:12 pm

I are not racist. I are JD.

And, you are a sockpuppet. Stop lying about it.

JD (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:15 pm

If you disagree with me, then you are a racist.

I'm The Denouncer (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:29 pm

I think I will disagree with you, and since I’m not possibly a racist, because I am the one who calls others racist, and you, ma’am, are a racist.

JD (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:32 pm

We Oceans got together and chatted after that campaign speech by BHO claiming that his election would make us recede. We thought that was funny.

The Oceans (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:32 pm

See? Racist.

I thought this was clear.

I'm The Denouncer (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:33 pm

Megan McCain

You are nothing without us.

Meghan McCain's Boobs (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:34 pm

I denounce boobs too.

I'm The Denouncer (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:42 pm

I have a confession. Aaron was right. I am not an atheist because I examined the evidence and all that.

You see, I was sexually abused by a monk. Or really, a whole monastery. I am telling you, they passed me around more than Paris Hilton. I am still trying to get the videos off the internet. Who knew those bastard monks would master youtube? And man, when they tied me to the fence in the donkey pen that night… I am telling you I was bleeding rectally for a week.

I have repressed this memory for years, until I was watching Stephen Colbert. You see, the monastery was in Iowa. I was a corn packer. Oh, so much corn was packed in me. I can’t even look at a bowl full of corn, it makes me cry.

So I just wanted to share my personal revelation and ask that you understand. I am sorry for being such a jerk.

Shooter (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:42 pm

I also denounce Wang-DeCock.

(Follow link for explanation.)

Denouncer (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:44 pm

I’ve denounced my eyes for reading Shooter’s comment at 3:42.

I'm The Denouncer (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:47 pm

Shooter,

I have a confession to make. At one time I was an Iowan monk. Yes, I corn packed you.

Can you ever forgive me?

Do you think you could help me get to the bottom of Sarah Palin’s scheming uterus?

Andrew Sullivan (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:53 pm

The Denouncer is really JD as a sock puppet!!!

He is the real racist mendouceous twatwaffle!!!

See? Told you! Now!

JD (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:53 pm

Andrew Sullivan

You are a complete pervert. It is disgusting to have sex with a man. You should be having sex with nine year old girls like me! I kill you now!

Mohammed (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:56 pm

Btw, the way if you draw me, even a dreaded stickfigure of blasphemy, I WILL KILL YOU!

Especially you, J.D., you trend-setting infidel!

Mohammed (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:58 pm

;-{

The face of mohammed

Molly Norris from points unknown (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:59 pm

I am telling you that if you don’t like Obama’s policies, you are a racist!

Nathan Bedford Forrest (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 3:59 pm

Hey…I’m scared….he might be the real mohammed, if he can predict that with such accuracy….

JD (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:00 pm

Okay, I admit it. I am a clown. Seriously, I mean i humped podium once, imitating Bill Clinton and Monica. I’m a joke.

Rev. Wright (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:00 pm

You could not possibly be Nathan Bedford Forrest…he could neither read nor write….you sir, are a Confederate Racist!!!

Stars and Bars forever…..

the real reff, not the sockpuppet pretending to be him... (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:01 pm

Of course I am the real Mohammed. In fact, I am required to disclose that I live in your neighborhood and to advise you about my relationship with Aisha. Man this Megan’s law stuff is such a pain in Allah’s ass.

Mohammed (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:02 pm

I denounce Mohammed too. Denouncements all around! I’ll even put them on ice.

I'm The Denouncer (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:05 pm

As an ice pack and pole cover, (heh, did you see what I did there?) I don’t normally involve myself in politics. However, I am announcing that I am now thicker.

I would like Al Gore to come suck my bergs. Tell him to bring his Oscar.

Arctic Ice Pack (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:11 pm

By the way, can someone direct me to the nearest elementary school? I don’t think I had a date since before Ramadan.

Mohammed (f97997) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:13 pm

I wanna be Barbie.

wheeler's cat (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:41 pm

Have you seen me do the thorazine shuffle?

wheeler's cat (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:43 pm

Somebody punish me with a baby, anybody, please!

wheeler's cat (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:45 pm

Please, help me! Michelle knows kung fu and she is so strong. Rahm and David have put this thing around my waist that knocks me down if I try to do anything other than play golf.

Help me! Please, help me! All I want to do is eat my waffle.

Barack Obama, The President Elect (db4a41) — 9/24/2010 @ 4:54 pm

it’s shame family
can be torn apart by a
pack of polar bears

ColonelGore (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:00 pm

Wheeler’s cat is a copycat….worse than a sock puppet…

He must be related to Nathan Bedford Forrest…

the real reff, not the sockpuppet pretending to be him... (176333) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:01 pm

Barack, I told you that you can’t do anything else because shut up.

Michelle's Arms (c7cad6) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:02 pm

FACT: Obama can calculate your guilt just by looking at the numbers in your checkbook.

ColonelHaiku (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:08 pm

Leave Polanski alone… hasn’t he suffered enough?

CharlesManson (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:11 pm

Al Qaeda: ‘We shove bombs up our butts’

ColonelHaiku (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:13 pm

“Long live the fighters”

paul atreides (6709ab) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:14 pm

Saudis say the word ‘assassination’ will never be the same…

ColonelHaiku (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:14 pm

Richard Gere denies Al Qaeda membership

ColonelHaiku (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:14 pm

Experts: ‘assassin hid bomb in anal cavity adjacent to brain’…

ColonelHaiku (1546ed) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:15 pm

Mr President, I’m exhausted.

TOTUS (fd1f4b) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:33 pm

I’m soooooo much smarter than you Republitards that you’ll never guess who wrote this.

You bloviating illiterates can call me,
Nofanofrightwingers

Michael Hiltzik (a18ddc) — 9/24/2010 @ 5:35 pm

Mohammed – you and your pedophilic roman polanksi inspiring child buggerer, when you are done with Aisha, you can start in on the goats, once Yelverton and crissyhooten are done with them.

JD (6bef06) — 9/24/2010 @ 6:01 pm

I’m hot! I’m hot!

kirsten gillibrand (not harry reid's pussycat) (ee5c8d) — 9/24/2010 @ 6:06 pm

I wanna arrest Obama for throwing me under the bus.

wheeler's dead cat (ee5c8d) — 9/24/2010 @ 6:12 pm

I see a future for comedians in Congress. At least we’d get something for our money.

Mark Twain (e8af2b) — 9/24/2010 @ 6:33 pm

You know Congress is stupid when the smartest man in a hearing room is Stephen Colbert.

H.L. Mencken (ee5c8d) — 9/24/2010 @ 6:40 pm

You know Congress is stupid when the smartest man in a hearing room is John Conyers.

H. L. Mencken (9c62d9) — 9/24/2010 @ 7:04 pm

We have to spend our way out of the deficit. During a recession like this we will have big deficits. But that’s all part of the plan.

See, when the economy recovers (and it HAS TO recover, it always does!) we can run SMALL or medium-size deficits every year, from now until eternity.

It’s a good plan.

Anyway, what I was saying is that the economy ALWAYS recovers. It’s like a law of nature. So we’ll just pass all this hard-left stuff, and when the economy recovers, WE will get the credit, and Americans will all become left-wing forever and ever.

The economy is going to recover no matter what we do, so it’s okay to pass government healthcare, cap and trade, raise taxes, and give out lots of stimulus cash to our pals. That’s not going to hurt the economy.

It doesn’t matter who spends the money, the important thing is that money gets spent, so we might as well let our friends do all the spending.

If we need more money, we can just squeeze rich people and businesses a little harder. Like I said before, the economy WILL recover, and we will always have rich people and businesses to take money from. That’s why they’re here. So we can take their money and make government bigger.

And if a big business goes under? That’s okay too, just look at GM. We made a silver lining out of that cloud. Everything turned out alright for all of our friends.

So don’t worry. Let’s just keep doing what we’re doing. We have a master plan to transform America!

Nancy Pelosi (a37fb6) — 9/24/2010 @ 7:29 pm

135.I wanna arrest Obama for throwing me under the bus.
Comment by wheeler’s dead cat —

That too was very funny.

Patterico #2 (3d3f72) — 9/24/2010 @ 7:46 pm

Party at the Chrysler plant tonight.

Be there or be square.

Barack (940075) — 9/24/2010 @ 8:24 pm

It’s the Friday sale on bacon stretchers

glenn (5c7ef4) — 9/24/2010 @ 8:48 pm

I remember Christmas of 2004, sitting in my basement in Cambodia. I remember what it was like to be shot at by JD and Colonel Haiku and daleyrocks, and have the President of Fox News telling the American people that I was not there; the lurkers were not in Cambodia. I have that memory which is seared—seared—in me.

John Effing Kerry (4fbede) — 9/24/2010 @ 10:40 pm

Let’s get back to Boehner. It’s an awful, terrible, shameful thing for him to have an affair, we can’t allow scumbags in Congress. And he’ll never come close to my record – he’s a lightweight. Bill might come close…

Ted Kennedy (7720fb) — 9/24/2010 @ 10:48 pm

I totally abhor the yellow journalism tactics of liberal media tool Mike Stark. In order to ensure complete fairness to both Minority Leader Boehner and the previously unknown lobbyist concerned, we plan on putting a 24 hour watch on both of them for the next month, following which we expect to publish all our findings in the form of a discrete article buried as deep in our publication as we can go, the very last page. Simple decency demands no less.

Sincerely, Tony Frost
Editor In Chief
The National Enquirer

P.S. We pick up where the Times refuses to publish.

Tony Frost (32dc25) — 9/25/2010 @ 1:05 am

This scurrilous attack on John Boehner is something we can all easily get completely out of our society, simply by following my Two Step program: first, stop all masturbation, and second, stop all sex of any kind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8Uur58Idcw&feature=player_embedded

Christine O'Donnell (32dc25) — 9/25/2010 @ 1:27 am

Excuse me while I pet my coons . . .

. . . and No, that is neither racist nor a metaphor.

Harry Reid (8f4fd0) — 9/25/2010 @ 2:34 am

Better keep your ‘puppet’ in it’s sock, lest the terrible vengeance of the Lord fall upon you!

Christine-it's-all-about-the-O-Donnell (8f4fd0) — 9/25/2010 @ 2:38 am

I don’t think Harry Reid didn’t meant that she was hot hot.

Whoopi Goldberg (f9fe53) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:07 am

Any hot-bodied guy who masturbates, when there’s a lonely thirty-something cougar in Delaware just waiting to be asked, is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

Christine O'Donnell (db4a41) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:09 am

I’m not proud of my country now, either.

Michelle Obama (f9fe53) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:09 am

Let me clear: My kids are off limits to the press. They look great on the cover of my new book, don’t they?

Barak Obama (f9fe53) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:11 am

…..and that’s when I informed President Obama that I would be resigning from his administration. What was the point of staying on? He wanted to spread a false story about Boehner having an affair and I said, “Mr. President, there are 200 million Americans who not only think that they’ve been ass-raped by this administration and Democratic congress, but that you are also now demanding that they blow you to show their gratitude. And you want to accuse a nationally unknown figure of screwing just one other person, as if that compares unfavorably with your governance over the past 20 months?”

Later, I heard that Obama called the IRS and demanded they send over Boehner’s and Palin’s tax returns for the last 7 years. But I was gone by then.

David Axelrod (f9fe53) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:29 am

Oh, for pity sakes: I’m a lobbyist, and my role is V.P. for Government Affairs.

But I do have standards. For example, no turtles. Besides, that’s a senior V.P. responsibility.

Also, I do not now reside, nor have I ever resided, within the jurisdiction of the State of Delaware.

Lisbeth Lyons (32dc25) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:43 am

Hi everyone. Missed me? 8)

The Emperor (6e616b) — 9/25/2010 @ 7:24 am

Why does everyone think I have a character?

Stephen Colbert (e8af2b) — 9/25/2010 @ 10:07 am

I have no character.

Stephen Colbert (e8af2b) — 9/25/2010 @ 10:08 am

“clown nose, one, clown nose off”

john stewart (6709ab) — 9/25/2010 @ 10:21 am

Is it too late to say my wife is prettier than your wife?

President Barack H. Obama (9d1bb3) — 9/25/2010 @ 10:22 am

“Long before America was even an idea, this land of plenty was home to many peoples. The British and French, the Dutch and Spanish, to Mexicans, to countless Indian tribes.”

Countless Indian tribes (that shall remain nameless) cold glass of water in their face for garnering this simpering honorable mention, gee thanks… he is citing history, sort of? Land of plenty…nice touch, if he were addressing a grade school class instead of sucking up to the supposedly powerful Caucus…the one that can’t get their ubiquitous bills passed; “home to many peoples” including 20-30M foreign nationals.

Next stop: Aztlan reeducation centers to teach us about all the Aztec & Mayan that weren’t here but now really actually were!

OMG, they actually can be counted!

Akimel O’odham (Pima)
Apache
Cocopa
Cora
Guarijio
Havasupai
Hualapai
Huichol
Karankawa
Maricopa
Mayo
Mojave
Navajo
Opata
Pima Bajo
Pueblo
Seri
Tarahumara
Tepehuan
Tohono O’odham (Papago)
Tubar
Yaqui
Yavapai
Zuni

dudeabides (bc873a) — 9/25/2010 @ 12:26 pm

Here, here, dudeabides.

DRJ (d43dcd) — 9/25/2010 @ 12:28 pm

Well, crap! I was way too busy Friday afternoon to check on the site, and now it’s Saturday, and I missed my chance. 🙁

The disappointed Dana (8a8a86) — 9/25/2010 @ 12:35 pm

President Barack H Obama wrote:

Is it too late to say my wife is prettier than your wife?

Just more proof that our President is less than honest!

The Dana who can see (8a8a86) — 9/25/2010 @ 12:38 pm

Is it too late to say my wife is prettier than your wife?

You better believe it, honey! I’m bringing long overdue style and flair to the White House.

I’m BEAUTIFUL, baby, and my being First Lady is another reason I can, for the first or, uh, second time, say I’m proud to be an American!

Michelle Obama (411533) — 9/25/2010 @ 1:17 pm

Michelle Obama is the most beautiful female I’ve ever seen, surpassing all on Qo’noS!

Worf (fb9e90) — 9/25/2010 @ 3:25 pm

She is not beautifuller than I am!

B'etor (8a8a86) — 9/25/2010 @ 4:40 pm

I still remember, when Mom was in the kitchen getting dessert, that Dad would look at the both of us and say, “Kids, let the wookie win.”

That was always made us laugh.

Sasha Obama (f9fe53) — 9/26/2010 @ 1:09 am

I don’t want Sasha or Malia’s baby to be punished with a coat hanger.

VOR1 (23d8ae) — 9/26/2010 @ 1:58 am

There is not truth to the rumor that they are trying to cast me in a movie. And certainly they are not considering having me play the creature in “She-Hulk.”

Michelle Obama (f97997) — 9/26/2010 @ 9:39 am

I have announced a new get tough policy in dealing with foreign countries. Up until now, our foreign policy has been an embarrassment. The other day I met with the Amanutjob, the President of Iran, in one of the UN’s restrooms and asked him to stop his nuclear program. He refused, and to add insult to injury, he proceeded to give me a swirly and took my lunch money.

But then something happened. Michelle heard me crying in the restroom and when she learned what had happened, she confront Amanutjob and got my lunch money back. Noogies were applied, as were Indian burns. Er, I mean Native American burns. She may have even given him a purple nurple.

So tonight I announce that if any nation crosses America, I will send my wife to beat your leaders up. Thank you, and God bless America.

Barrack Obama (f97997) — 9/26/2010 @ 9:46 am

A predictable Bob Herbert column. You can just about smell the stench of compassion as he uses every hackneyed writer’s trick to make us feel guilty about the plight of life’s losers. The touchy-feely liberal MSM loves to visit soup kitchens and pretend to be the voice of conscience (more like whiny scolds). If Herbert is really so worked up about all of this, he should pay Vogt’s $3,000 medical bills. And why worry about the middle class shrinking? Any realist will tell you that it’s the shirkers who got the pink slips.

Mark (196ff8) — 9/26/2010 @ 1:27 pm

168- if someone else should play you in a movie, an ideal candidate is Whoopi Goldberg, but I’ve little doubt that the Hollywood Joos will go with half-breed Halle Berry. Still, happy and proud to see that the Messiah has the Justice Dept. protecting our abused black folk to detriment of the honky mf’ers. Praise Allah

Calypso Louie Farrakhan (798aba) — 9/26/2010 @ 2:38 pm

Where is she? Huh?

King Kong (6e616b) — 9/26/2010 @ 3:55 pm

Did somebody say sockpuppet?

Glenn Grisswald (e18507) — 9/26/2010 @ 4:40 pm

[under images of burned up San Bruno Residents]
Hey, we can spend tens of millions on salaries and failed BS initiatives – but $ 3MM on pipeline repairs? Nah! We are doing a great job! In fact, our executives saw what happened in San Bruno and they shouted: “Now you’re cooking with GAS!!”

Pacific Gas (74fd5b) — 9/29/2010 @ 1:07 am

9/24/2010

Sockpuppet Friday!

175 Responses to “Sockpuppet Friday!”

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