Patterico's Pontifications


Mentally Handicapped Man Challenges Obama to Contest: Who Can Do a Better Job Running the Country?

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 4:26 pm

[Warning: this is your official satire alert.]

In the wake of President Obama’s refusal to respond to a Special Olympian’s challenge to a bowling match, another mentally handicapped individual has upped the ante.

Yesterday Kolan McConiughey, a Special Olympics competitor with a bowling average of 266, challenged Obama to a bowling contest — a challenge to which the White House responded: “no comment.”

Today, has learned that another mentally handicapped man, Cyrus Bennett of Great Neck, NY, has issued a new challenge: he says he can do a better job running the country than Obama.

“Some people think that mentally handcapped people can’t function, but I function a lot better than this guy,” Mr. Bennett told in an exclusive interview. “My IQ may be lower than par golf, but even I know that you can’t play U.S. DVDs in England.”

“Let’s see,” Bennett said. “The Dow has cratered since this guy was elected, he’s arranging bonuses for AIG executives who took billions of our taxpayer dollars due to their incompetence, and he’s underestimating his deficits by trillions.” Bennett added: “If I’m even $5 off at the McDonald’s register at the end of my shift, they’ll fire my ass — and I’ve worked there for 15 years. Who do you think is better qualified to run the government?”

“Look, I dress myself, I drive my car to work, and I work eight hours a day at a responsible job,” Bennett said. “And if I nominated someone to be the Treasury Secretary, I’d make sure he had paid his taxes. You don’t need a triple-digit IQ to figure that one out.”

Bennett added that he’s a better bowler than Obama, too. “That’s not saying much,” he snickered. “There’s a lot of things I can do better than that guy,” he said.

“Look, my IQ may be a few points lower than Obama’s, but I’m not a complete imbecile,” Bennett told, adding: “Technically, my cousin Joey is — and even he could do a better job than this moron.”

The Shared Sacrifice, Part 37

Filed under: General,Obama — Patterico @ 8:26 am

The Beverly Hills Courier:

President Barack Obama checked into The Beverly Hilton Wednesday night.

Every President from John F. Kennedy to Bill Clinton has stayed in The Beverly Hilton’s Presidential Suite. Obama is now among them. The President is in Los Angeles as part of a tour of southern California that includes several stops up and down the coast and an appearance on The Tonight Show.

The Presidential Suite is a three-room suite that measures 1,870 square feet. It includes a master bedroom and living room and has views of Wilshire Boulevard. Amenities include two 42-inch plasma televisions and a 13-inch LCD screen in the spa bathroom as well as a patio, fireplace and library area.

Sounds nice. I have a couple more questions.

How much did it cost?

Whatever the price, our Barry deserves it. You don’t want it to be a schlock affair, after all.

Was there waygu steak?

Was the thermostat in the spacious living room set high enough to grow orchids?

Final question: ready for your tax hike? It’s only patriotic, you know. We all have to sacrifice.

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