So, five guys walk into a steakhouse…
[Posted by Karl]
I had the ill good fortune of dining tonight with JD, daleyrocks, carlitos and Dmac, who are just as interesting — if disappointingly polite — in person as they are here. Much meat was consumed, none belonging to us. NTTAWWT. We discussed the psychology of trolls, including the ne plus ultra of trolling from alphie/monkyboy, as well as the psychology of chief Rick Ellensburg sycophant Mona (this recent thread at Contentions gives you a peeky-boo into that abyss). JD was introduced to high-concept blogging of the sort that lands book deals. There was a brief moment where I thought the restaurant had lost my hood coat, but even that was resolved amicably. My best wishes go out to nk, who had to take a pass for reasons beyond his control.
I’m sure the others will have their version of what occurred. Don’t believe a word.
— Karl
And they actually showed you to a table,
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 8:52 pmor was that a trough?
That must have been a sock puppet daleyrocks who was reported to have joined the rumored uprising of jingoistic, xenophobic, misogynistic, homophobic, carbon spewing, gaia destroying, misanthropic, meat eating, Patterico fans spotted in the Chicago area.
That was not the daleyrocks I know who had a thoroughly enjoyable evening and will not tell anybody the story about the pineapple.
Many thanks to JD for instigating the event and I hope that his bail bondsman comes through for him in the morning. I understand that the bologna sandwiches served by the CPD are delicious.
What happens in Chicago stays in Chicago. Just ask Barack.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 8:56 pmI’m sorry I missed out.
And can we get daleyrocks to post the “And then the fight started” jokes he emailed us?
nk (bf9c84) — 1/27/2009 @ 8:58 pm“And they actually showed you to a table,
or was that a trough?”
The trough was afterward, I think.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 8:58 pmI envy you. Must have been quite an evening!
Brother Bradley J. Fikes, C.O.R. (0ea407) — 1/27/2009 @ 8:59 pmnk – Are those suitable for a family site?
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 8:59 pmI would’ve driven the 300 miles to Chicago for a free steak. 🙁
John Hitchcock (e29707) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:00 pmThey’re only suitable for a family site. Only married people will relate.
nk (bf9c84) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:01 pmThe comment doesn’t show up in preview so let’s see how a few look before dropping them all in.
And then the fight started:
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started…
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:06 pmI don’t believe I ever mentioned a table.
Karl (2491e1) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:07 pmWhen I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…
———— ——-
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…
———— ——-
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
———— ——-
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— —
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..
———— ——— ——— ——
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started….
———— ——— ——— ——
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started…..
———— ——— ——— ——
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy crap. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; then scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’
And then the fight started…..
———— ——— ——— ——
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’
And then the fight started …
———— ——— ——— ——
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary? ”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
And that’s when the fight started….
———— ——— ——— ——
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started….
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:08 pmI denounce you, daley. Tell me more of those jokes.
John Hitchcock (e29707) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:09 pmI went to a really good old school steak house not too far from Whittier and near the Northrop Grumman plant years ago. They had a great chop salad they did at your table and just perfectly done steaks. I can’t remember the name. Not a chain. A local established place.
Joe (17aeff) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:19 pmHow many more pages in that Henny Youngman book?
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:24 pmComment by Joe — 1/27/2009 @ 9:19 pm
Dal Rae!
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:27 pmI rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And then the fight started…
nk (bf9c84) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:31 pmHey! How come I didn’t get to meet any of you guys when I was in Chicago?
Patterico (cc3b34) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:34 pmStandards!
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:35 pmPatterico – Did you tell anybody you were coming?
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:36 pmMmmm . . . maybe not.
Patterico (cc3b34) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:44 pmDal Rae! That is definitely the place. Thanks AD. I love that restaurant.
Joe (17aeff) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:45 pmActually, I did. But it was March 2005. Not sure which of you were reading then.
Patterico (cc3b34) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:46 pmYes, it is a great restaurant.
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 9:49 pmWas always a fave of people who were connected.
The Dal Rae in Fullerton? I have been there!
I also grew up in Chicago.
Wow, all these connections…spooky.
Patricia (89cb84) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:00 pmA wonderful evening. Good company. Lots of dead animals consumed. Great conversation. After what has already been a long week, this was a great way to relax, and enjoy some quality time with good people. And do not let any of them lie about me, I am every bit as rude and crass in person as I am here.
Patterico – next time I am out in LA, we will have to do the LA version of this. Maybe Water Grille?
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:02 pmI have to admit that it was difficult to share a table with a group of guys that are so fucking racist, and members of the Patriarchy. But, I survived.
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:03 pmComment by Patricia — 1/27/2009 @ 10:00 pm
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:10 pmNo, in Pico-Rivera – cattywhumpus across the intersection from the Ford plant (before it was Northrup, now gone).
And none of you thought to drop me a line? I’m only in Peoria, for god’s sake…
Scott Jacobs (90ff96) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:19 pmWell, heck. If I had had reason to be in Chicago, I would have tried to add myself to the guest list.
Racist, sexist, specie-ist xenophobe that I am, I probably would have fit right in.
But I have been enjoying the restaurant recommendations. When I mentioned I would be traveling to Philadelphia in May, some of the Philly locals posting here told me where to get a real cheesesteak.
Not that I will be able to eat one, I suppose (darned doctors), but I can appreciate one!
So, what did you reprobates order at your Haters Dinner? Enquiring minds want to know.
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:25 pmScott – I put it in several comment threads a couple days ago …
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:29 pmJD and Karl – I wonder if Lovey will get anxious about the portion of conversation devoted to her.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:31 pmAs in none, because she’s not important.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:32 pmEric – We ate at a Brazilian Churrascaria, where they carry around large skewers with huge chunks of dead animal stuck on the skewer. They cut the meat right onto your plate. Many animals died in order for us to have much fun. Filet, lamb, pork, shrimp, oysters, ribeye, roast, ribs, you name it …
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:33 pmdaleyrocks – Is that the part of the conversation where we were talking about bi-polar people?
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:34 pmI asked for tofu beef and the waiter tried to stab me with the carving knife. Some people have no sense of humor. He must have been a liberal, or an illegal immigrant.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:35 pmJury’s the only SURE way to get my attention. I have classes on now, guys… I can’t sit in front of a computer all day like I could when I was only working… 🙂
Scott Jacobs (90ff96) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:37 pmI have heard of that kind of restaurant! Sounds like it was a great time, other than for the animals consumed.
I would have ordered a round of Pisco Sours for the table, as the Flaming Sword of Carnivory drew nigh.
I like those “show restaurants.” When I lived in LA, there was a great Moroccan restaurant called Dar Maghreb that was a lot of fun—the belly dancers looked very exotic, but spoke with Bronx accents. In LA?
There isn’t great ethnic food here in the Northwest. Nor have I found a great steakhouse. But the fish is good.
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:37 pmJD – It might have been the aspergers or schizophrenia part.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:37 pmEric – In Minnesota you can get Walleye on a stick. It’s popular at fair type events. You could cut off hunks at peoples’ tables. That would be sort of similar to tonight. You could probably do it with other kinds of fish and improvise on the stick size. Just sayin’.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:41 pm#35 – Both, likely.
Eric – Considering that there were always at least 5-7 waiters walking around with huge chunks of dead animals on spears, it was remarkably not-showy.
Now, the amount of food that carlitos, Dmac, Karl, and daley ate was remarkable. The table scraps they left behind were enough to feed sub-Saharan Africa for a year. At one point, the waiter asked me if my friends knew what a fork was.
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:42 pmAha! There are churrascarias in both Seattle and Portland, so next time I trek away from my peaceful academic grove (riiiggghhhht), I’ll experience a Flaming Sword of Carnivory!
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:47 pmAlmost sounds like “Medieval Times”?
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:48 pmDeep fried bacon, on a stick, is a millionaire idea just waiting to happen.
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:49 pmIf only they served the food Viking style …
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:50 pmJD, don’t you love it when waiters get smarty?
When he or she asked you if your friends knew what a fork was, you could have asked her if she knew was a tip was!
But then, waiting tables is hard work, and I don’t mean lifting platters. Servers often get the wiseacre customers who think they are so original, as in:
Daley, you have to admit that “Walleye on a Stick” sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, or something Ace might write.
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:51 pmJD – I was a little embarrassed that I had to explain what the five second rule meant to one of the waiters when I dropped some of my food on the floor and I beat him to it and he wanted to take it away from me. It wasn’t as sophisticated a place as I thought.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:53 pmEric – In this case, the waiter did not actually speak English, and he was right that my compatriots were devouring food without utensils, sometimes even before the food touched their plates. It was a spectacle.
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:54 pmComment by daleyrocks — 1/27/2009 @ 10:53 pm
He probably just wasn’t used to dealing with children?
AD (db1953) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:55 pmdaleyrocks – 5 seconds? 15 seconds at compound JD
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:55 pmYou folks have been to the World of Bacon website, right?
http://bacontoday.com/
They even discuss how to make or purchase chocolate covered bacon. I feel ill even reading about it. But in a good way.
Enough food porn.
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:55 pmEric – How can you make jokes about walleye? Babe Winkelman would be tying himself in knots if he heard you.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:56 pmJD, it sounds like you folks were practicing for one of those Capital One credit card commercials—with you all playing Viking barbarians.
But I could see why you wouldn’t snipe back at the server, who after all was carrying a Flaming Sword.
Discretion and all that.
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:57 pm“He probably just wasn’t used to dealing with children?”
We were wearing full body bibs.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 10:57 pmAnd Depends.
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 11:00 pmI once had a job interview in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, daley, and one of the senior professors gave me a long, detailed discussion on the healthful aspects of walleye fishing, preparation, and consumption.
You’ll hear no disrespect for Sander vitreus from me.
Eric Blair (e92b94) — 1/27/2009 @ 11:01 pmNice touch JD. At least I did not fill mine half way through the meal and have to change. I didn’t notice how many extras you carried, though?
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/27/2009 @ 11:03 pmdaley – sans gall bladder, my body now has a super-human ability to process food. I was still hungry, I just did not want to make a spectacle of myself.
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 11:13 pmIt saves a trip to the Men’s room. After all, you don’t want to miss any meat on a skewer. My favorite part was when the one dude got lazy and just slid the entire filet onto my plate.
Karl (2491e1) — 1/27/2009 @ 11:23 pmhttp://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com is EPIC !
JD (b5ad03) — 1/27/2009 @ 11:40 pm3 down, 4 to go! Great work, guys!
Pablo (99243e) — 1/28/2009 @ 5:08 am“3 down, 4 to go! Great work, guys!”
Pablo – JD, who somehow forgot to mention the waiters wanted to charge for two dinners during his above humble narrative, would knock racism off your list – wrath?
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/28/2009 @ 7:08 amHad a great time last night, but for a few reservations:
JD showed up in a kilt, then proceeded to stuff two pounds of Brazilian bacon down it. He was immediately denounced by all present.
Carlitos kept repeating Pacino’s line in Carlito’s Way, saying over and over…“You think YOU’RE BIG TIME?!!”
Karl’s tales of his adventures in audio were not fit for family consumption. Enough said.
Daley Rocks explained the origin of his call handle, and it’s much more disturbing than what Blago’s been up to recently.
Dmac (eb0dd0) — 1/28/2009 @ 7:42 amcarlitos – Dmac’s description of his thoughts about Amanda Marcotte didn’t really do it for me on the #1 scale, but when that sort of hot and very cooperative coat-check girl helped out, I became very lustful. I did say though, I wasn’t going anywhere near the pineapple story and I intend to keep my word.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/28/2009 @ 7:53 amFunny, I had the same thoughts as well, Daley. Hoo – ahh, I would guess that she makes some decent change on the tips (no pun intended).
Dmac (eb0dd0) — 1/28/2009 @ 8:17 amAnd yet I’m the one who ended up with the woman in the coat check room.
Just sayin’.
Karl (f07e38) — 1/28/2009 @ 10:29 amKarl, G, PG, R, or NC-17? I suspect G. 😉
John Hitchcock (fb941d) — 1/28/2009 @ 10:37 amBy coincidence, I just walked by a billboard for that place and it shows giant skewers of shrimp. I didn’t see no stinkin’ shrimp. It’s a conspiracy!1!!!!
carlitos (9e0bdf) — 1/28/2009 @ 12:31 pmJohn,
Alas, it was G; I was catching a lift home.
Karl (8672a9) — 1/28/2009 @ 12:58 pmcarlitos – Apparently the Gleeeens cabana boyz did not like you, because the shrimp dude stopped by at least twice.
So, the kilt thing was an exaggeration. It was too cold, and I could not find the right leggings. Plus, the murse was not big enough for the bacon.
JD (446d75) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:16 pm…I don’t know where you’ve been but I see you won first prize!
(Humming and dancing on his way out)
John Hitchcock (fb941d) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:29 pmI didn’t get no steenkin shlimp!
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:41 pm“And yet I’m the one who ended up with the woman in the coat check room.”
Karl – Which clinic did you go to today and how many days until you get the results back?
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:42 pmAnd there is the whole transsexual aspect.
NTTIAWWT.
Eric Blair (c8876d) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:44 pmdaley, you missed where he shamefully admitted it was a “G” rated experience. So he was full of bluster and image but fully lacking in substance.
Sounds like a liberal to me. 😉
John Hitchcock (fb941d) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:50 pmJohn – You need to remember the disclaimer in his post about not believing a word.
daleyrocks (5d22c0) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:54 pmDaley, are you saying his experience was NC-17 or are you saying there was no “there” there?
John Hitchcock (fb941d) — 1/28/2009 @ 2:58 pmI have to work on my inglespañologese. I likes shrimp.
carlitos (9e0bdf) — 1/28/2009 @ 3:14 pmEvery time I hear “Gleen” I picture Stimpy saying it for some reason. Gleeeeen! Gleeeen! Which is better than imagining a certain brazilian wifi-jockey saying it…NTTIAWWT
carlitos (9e0bdf) — 1/28/2009 @ 3:16 pmFunniest thread ever!!
Dana (137151) — 1/28/2009 @ 7:02 pm#79:
carlitos, I always hear it exactly the same way.
Seek help.
Karl (2491e1) — 1/28/2009 @ 8:29 pmI always picture someone saying “I keeeeeeeed, I keeeeeeeeeeeed.” Kind of like how that gaucho asked me “Would you like some shreeeeeeeeeeeemp sir?”
JD (a635b5) — 1/29/2009 @ 1:07 pm