Patterico's Pontifications


The Cells Are Dying at an Alarming Rate

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 10:53 pm

I can feel my brain dying, little by little.

Is it because of my undiagnosed sleep apnea? No . . . I’m sure that’s killing brain cells, but that’s not what I mean.

Is it because of the cheap weeks-old red wine I’ve been drinking at my Mom’s house? If you could taste it, you’d easily guess that stuff is capable of killing all kinds of brain cells . . . but that’s not what I mean either.

No, my brain is dying because we spent the last couple of hours watching TiVoed versions of some game show called “Deal or No Deal.”

This is the most mindless show you have ever seen. The squeezing sensation in your skull is the feeling of your brain atrophying at an alarming rate — like you’re the subject of a documentary on brain disease, filmed using time-lapse cinematography.

And it has Howie Mandel.

Oh, man.

We’re gonna watch a movie now: Thank You for Smoking. Time to get more of that cheap, cheap wine.

26 Responses to “The Cells Are Dying at an Alarming Rate”

  1. If you’ve got to watch that stuff at least get yourself some better alcohol … Estancia Cabernet, perhaps?

    Anwyn (a130c1)

  2. Wow, and you usually drink two-buck Chuck, dontcha? Take it easy, pal.

    See-Dubya (f7706f)

  3. Would you have preferred, Patterico, many moons ago, to have glugged your way through Three’s Company, Fantasy Island, Night Court (a Harry Anderson burlesque sitcom that I bet you know a little about as a DDA, Patterico, seeing as it took place in an inner-city courtroom), or The Dukes of Hazzard, Patterico? All were brainless, pan-roasted by the critics… and, today, all considered TV classics.

    qdpsteve (cd214a)

  4. i don’t have a tv in my house, but during a christmas visit to a friend, i too was subjected to this awful show.
    the player was the manager of the “santa lodge” in “santa claus, indiana” who styled himself the “king of christmas”. he was an overweight buffoon who i might have called brainless, except that he had memorized the names of all the bimbos on the stage holding the cases. i was slightly embarrassed for the view of america that foreigners would be getting watching this.
    i took the opportunity to explain game theory to the home audience, most of whom had no idea what i was talking about. total value of cases outstanding divided by total number of cases outstanding equals discounted value of the proposition; the moment the banker offers more than the discounted value, take the money and run.
    greed, glitz, bimbos, drug ads, ain’t that america? apparently i drink much better wine than you do, but it wasn’t nearly good enough.

    [This is the same episode we just watched. The wine is just what my mom happened to have sitting around. — P]

    assistant devil's advocate (2ded86)

  5. I find that beating my own crotch with a ball peen hammer has more utility than watching that program.

    AndrewGurn (71ea27)

  6. Contrary to the usual theories of vacation and rest I contend this sort of thing is why work seems so much more easy to endure after time off.

    Dwilkers (4f4ebf)

  7. My daughters got me the first season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine on DVD for Christmas; I’ve already been through ten episodes!

    DS9 is the best of the Star Trek series for both character development and sci-fi content.

    Dana (3e4784)

  8. ADD is, presumably, aware that this is an imported game show, and therefore, any foreigner who’s sneering might want to check their own TV schedule first?

    Many of the more popular game shows begin in Britain. This includes not only “Deal or No Deal,” but also “The Weakest Link” and “Dancing with the Stars.”

    But, hey, why not swipe at those shtoopid Americans when you get the chance? And I’m sure that foreigners drink far better stuff than what Patterico is. Like beaujolais nouveau or kvas?

    Lurking Observer (ea88e8)

  9. It’s mindless — and depends on the mathematical illiteracy of the guests and audience.

    Drives me nuts, and I’ve only seen it once.

    rightwingprof (5649f5)

  10. Oh come on..Deal or No Deal is a great way to kick back and one can NEVER get enough Howie Mandel.

    barb (bc9813)

  11. Heh, when I saw Thank You For Smoking in the movie theater, I ended up smoking right in the theater. My friends were so embarassed they all moved down several seats away from me. 😛

    And yah, Deal or No Deal is shite.

    CorinthianJest (210cdc)

  12. If you have apnea get in to see a doctor and fix it or treat it with a breathing machine. Don’t wait for a heart attack to prod you into it.

    Leon (429dd3)

  13. I “watched” the Deal or No Deal episode on Christmas night. I use quotes around watched because the TV was on, but I was talking on the phone to my best friend and so was completely distracted from the action for most of it. Other than drinking, I figure that’s probably the best way to watch that show. 😉

    sharon (dfeb10)

  14. @lurking observer:
    if you read my comment carefully, you know i don’t have a tv (and my position has hardened over the last several days). i have no idea where the damn show came from.
    thank you for your self-revelatory knock on beaujolais and kvas. i had a bottle of beaujolais just last night, it’s a wine i like once in awhile ever since our table was served a bottle when i was 15 years old, in dijon, france.
    as a student of russian language, culture and cooking, i am also familiar with kvas, made right, it’s wonderful. it’s a nutty brown brew somewhat like beer, redolent of the fermented black bread used to make it, with grace notes i associate with leaves on the forest floor (also present in some fine burgundies). i call it “earth champagne”. for your own benefit, make a resolution for 2007 that you will broaden your culinary perspective slightly beyond the burger king.

    assistant devil's advocate (d438d3)

  15. ada – Your comment about how to value the amount the banker should pay/contestant should be willing to accept is correct.

    What you failed to comment on – but I suspect you find obtuse – is the inane “Let’s see if you made a good deal by opening your case” segment, which assumes that the wisdom of a decision can only be properly evaluated through hindsight based on perfect information after all risk has been eliminated.

    SmokeVanThorn (97d6f6)

  16. How about a nice school board meeting over on KCLS-58?

    Now, if they give you a chance to change your case, should you take it?

    which assumes that the wisdom of a decision can only be properly evaluated through hindsight based on perfect information after all risk has been eliminated.

    And why not, as this is how we judge life?

    Kevin Murphy (0b2493)

  17. @smokevanthorn:
    si senor. i also tried to explain to the gathering the fundamental tenet of decision analysis, that a good decision is different from a good outcome; a good decision is measured by what was known to the decisionmaker at the time of the decision.
    the part of the show you referenced makes perfect sense – from the standpoint of the producers, trying to sell as many ads per unit of prize money as they can.
    the show could be improved if, instead of having the dollar amounts concealed in cases, they were stenciled in washable paint between the breasts of the bimbos. instead of “open your case” it would be “doff your top”. the primal allure of perky, bodacious ta-tas is even referenced in the bible, where the song of solomon describes an eyeful pair as “like two young roes feeding.” let’s get some roes in here!

    assistant devil's advocate (d438d3)

  18. Second to the comment on sleep apnea. If you even suspect that you’ve got it, get a sleep study and find out if you need treatment.

    The first day that I slept at home with my CPAP, I woke up the next morning and thought to myself, “I don’t feel stupid.” I had been so sleep-deprived that I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t solve problems that I knew I should be able to solve.

    Getting treated is better.

    Bill Roper (7a3469)

  19. I know you’ve written this post in jest but, seriously, someone in your extended family wants to watch these shows. Sit back, watch them enjoy the shows, and cherish these moments. You won’t lose any brain cells doing that.

    DRJ (51a774)

  20. Patterico, may I make a gift suggestion for your mother for next Christmas? How about a case of good red wine? You owe to your fellow Californians, and yourself.

    Humm. Patterico Television Wine Tasting. Enough of that lamb, chicken, beef stuff. The waiter says “I would suggest a 92 Cabernet with “Law and Order”, although a shot of fine single malt scotch would go with “24”.

    tyree (78955d)

  21. I work in research on obstructive sleep apnea. Wine or alcohol of any kind tends to reduce the muscle tone of the pharyngeal muscles and that increases the collapsibility of the airway thus predisposing for obstructive sleep apnea. However, you dont the nearly the amusement factor in blog chats from sober remedies. You pays your money and takes your choice.

    Reynolds Sterling (ba12a2)

  22. Why haven’t you gotten your sleep apnea diagnosed? Get it diagnosed and treated. The sooner, the better.

    Check out [some site — deleted] for some good information. Maybe the guy on that site can help you!

    Joe (f951d6)

  23. It has been diagnosed, thanks. I’m on a CPAP — but sometimes I wonder if the “cure” is worse than the disease.

    Patterico (2a65a5)

  24. CPAP isn’t so bad, is it? I mean, seriously, when you get down to brass tacks, having air blow up your nose, while you sleep, using a silly little mas that’s held on your head by straps, is not a bad setup to help prevent or lessen your chances of all sorts of nasty things, such as heart attacks, stroke, depression, car accidents, diabetes, and such.

    Those people who have undergone UPPP and other body-altering surgical procedures — and then later have to resume using CPAP or BiPAPonly then with a full face mask because they can no longer maintain a seal because the tissues at the back of their mouth and in their throat are no longer there — that sucks!

    I am sorry to see you deleted the link to Awake In America’s site. That program could help others that stumble across this discussion. It’s a non-profit, so it isn’t like it is some sort of “competitor” or something.

    Joe (f951d6)

  25. Joe, how does the state of throat tissue affect the sealing ability of a mask on one’s face?

    Pablo (99243e)

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