Patterico's Pontifications


Anonymous Lawyer

Filed under: General,Humor,Law — Patterico @ 7:27 pm

Anonymous Lawyer, the online diary of a crusty hiring partner at a large California law firm, is one of the funniest blogs I have ever read. Here is a taste:

I’m not in a very good mood — I didn’t get a chance to play golf yesterday, I got an angry e-mail from a client, and my wife thinks I should mow the lawn myself while I think we should just hire someone to do it for us even if it costs more than it should — so I got into the office about a half-hour ago, and decided I’m going to make someone’s day miserable, just for fun. I decided today would be a good day to have an associate “update our relationship information” at some of my more important clients. Which means calling into them and making sure all of the same people still work there, and seeing if there are any problems brewing that they just hadn’t gotten a chance to come to us with. Trolling for business, basically — but also updating records and making sure everything’s fine. Because there’s a chance they’ll really have a legal question, I can’t have a paralegal do it. So I’ve got a sixth-year associate who — once she gets into the office — will spend about 12 hours today on the phone. I mean, it’s something that has to be done every so often. I’m not sure there’s any reason why it has to be done today. Or by this particular associate. But oh well, too bad for her.

The site is fiction, written by a third-year law student at Harvard. And there’s now a novel — with Howard Bashman running a contest for advance copies. Someone named Rory Miller (who, as it happens, I have met) will be getting an advance copy for coming up with the theme of the contest:

Keeping with the theme of the blog (and, I’m assuming, the novel), you should hold a contest where readers submit their own stories, true or false, of the most egregious and misanthropic behavior of a lawyer they’ve had to work under.

The contest will be judged on the sheer display of soulless hatred for the attorney’s fellow man.

Congratulations to Rory. Now go check out the blog. It’s genius.

UPDATE: Here’s more:

[W]henever someone has “mock trial” listed on their resume, I like to ask them if they enjoy being in a courtroom. Because if the answer’s yes, guess what? You’re not working here, because you’re not going to see a courtroom for four years. But if you’re on the “mock document review” team, you’ve got an offer on the spot.

So very true.

3 Responses to “Anonymous Lawyer”

  1. OMG LMAO!

    I love this line:

    “With summer programs set to begin in just over a week at most firms, I’ve been receiving lots of e-mails asking if I have any advice for making the most out of a summer at a firm, making a good impression on the attorneys, and getting an offer. I thought about this for a few minutes in the bathroom this morning, and came up with ten tips for law students looking to me for summer advice.”

    Thought about it for a few minutes in the bathroom? ROFL.

    Dwilkers (a1687a)

  2. I can’t find it in the archives currently, but my favorite one is where, when confronted with a prized associate who’s pregnant, he considers asking her to get up on his desk because he has a coat hanger on the back of his door.

    And we can all dream about the propaganda put out by various firms about how they’re “trial lawyers” and whatnot, can’t we?

    Angry Clam (fa7fff)

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