Thursday Morning Catblogging
Ah, cats. Is there anything they can’t do? What other pet solves so many of life’s problems, while teaching its owner so many life lessons?
For instance, if you leave a treasured possession within squirting distance of a cat’s pee-hole, it will happily perform the valuable service of dousing your possession with the most vile-smelling liquid known to man. This teaches you not to treasure your possessions — an important philosophical lesson.
Overly clean carpets are the bane of almost every homeowner’s existence. Cats can eliminate this annoying problem with any number of devices, including (but not limited to): the aforementioned toxic urine, the slimy pile of vomit, and its closely related cousin, the hairball.
Many of us are plagued by too much sleep. If you suffer from this affliction, get a cat. Problem solved! It can arrange to run across your head at unpredictable and unholy hours of the night, jolting you from a pleasant slumber.
I am sure there must be some downside to having a cat. But I can’t imagine what it could be.
Speaking as a cat owner (who is very familiar with all of the “upsides” you mentioned) there indeed is a “downside” to owning cats – if you’re not careful they can squirm their insidious way into your heart with cute antics and “endear” you to them sometimes to the point where they begin to seem more like children than animals. Be very careful to guard against that condition as it is irreversible…
Scott (57c0cc) — 12/1/2005 @ 8:13 amTwo cats walked into our house a couple of years ago; they were in disrepair, and had been roaming wild for a while.
We let them stay.
We are retarded. However, my wife is more retarded; when the cats meow and claw her at 4 a.m., she gets up and gets them food; this leads to a regular cycle of meowing and clawing. Their first few tries at me may have drawn blood, but I didn’t move. So, now she suffers.
–JRM
JRM (de6363) — 12/1/2005 @ 8:27 amIt could start barking … that would be worse.
Kevin Murphy (6a7945) — 12/1/2005 @ 9:16 amThere’s nothing like the feeling as a cat rubs his/her head against your face, purring the whole time.
Andy (571e90) — 12/1/2005 @ 9:49 amThere are lots better feelings, Andy. Like a Cavalier King Charles spaniel who greets you with excitement when you come home, anxious to be near you every waking hour, who curls up next to your pillow, lovingly putting her head on yours as you go to sleep, with a gentle lick now and then.
And Patterico, don’t let anyone know the address of the condo you are selling. This is more than you want people to know about your living conditions. You are not allowing this beast into your new home are you?
ManlyDad (af1233) — 12/1/2005 @ 10:12 amThere are lots better feelings, Andy. Like a Cavalier King Charles spaniel who greets you with excitement when you come home, anxious to be near you every waking hour, who curls up next to your pillow, lovingly putting her head on yours as you go to sleep, with a gentle lick now and then.
Better? For you apparently. Myself, I’d say both cats and dogs have a lot of love to give their owners in their own ways and when you really get down to it comparing the two animals is a bit like saying “my kid’s better than YOUR kid!”
Scott (57c0cc) — 12/1/2005 @ 11:22 amCats are evil little monsters. They are lovable evil monsters, though.
JeremyR (ac4388) — 12/1/2005 @ 12:40 pmAnother upside: discovering the only graceless cat in the world.
My cat, Kip, has a tendency to fall on his back, rather than his feet, when playing. But when he plays with his favorite toy, a fishing pole-style thing, he plays like a wide receiver – he doesn’t care where or how he lands. It’s so cute.
But a little nerve-racking for me, when he bangs his head on the coffee table. Yeow.
darleene (87ceaf) — 12/1/2005 @ 12:43 pmMy Cavalier is better than your cat!
There–I said it.
ManlyDad (af1233) — 12/1/2005 @ 1:08 pmThere–I said it.
That’s a big step forward, MD. I’m proud of you.
Scott (57c0cc) — 12/1/2005 @ 1:46 pmPatterico, it sounds like you need another cat. Well, you are in luck, I just so happen to have one that I am trying to
Roscoe (713860) — 12/1/2005 @ 2:30 pmget rid ofgive away.And Patterico, don’t let anyone know the address of the condo you are selling. This is more than you want people to know about your living conditions. You are not allowing this beast into your new home are you?
Actually, I am exaggerating somewhat for comic effect. Our carpets are in very good condition, largely because we have a great carpet guy who really spends time getting them clean. We’re having it done again right now, and they will look and smell great throughout.
Patterico (fc1cb7) — 12/1/2005 @ 2:31 pmNice recovery. The sale value just went up a bit.
ManlyDad (af1233) — 12/1/2005 @ 3:07 pmIt has been my experience that the tendancy of a cat to pee outside the catbox is inversely proportional to the clenliness of the cat box.
One word for your new home: cat door.
Kevin Murphy (9982dd) — 12/1/2005 @ 3:26 pmMy cat had been named “Thy” (not as in “yours,” but as in a short form of the Greek for “God.” I was doing dryfiring practice in my bedroom, with a Garand that I kept in a foam-padded gun case. After a couple days, I picked it up, checked the chamber, shouldered it, and thought, “Jesus! There must be some rotten old Cosmoline left in this thing.” (A world-war II era preservative.) It reeked horribly.
Then I caught sight of the cat watching expectantly in the doorway. When it caught my eye, it bolted for the cat door and I realized what that stench actually was. Beneath the drizzled rifle were big ponds of fresh green catpiss beneath the foam of the case.
And that is how my cat earned and assumed the name of Sarah Brady.
Simon Kenton (bfdffd) — 12/1/2005 @ 3:48 pmYep cat vomit sure is fun to step in barefoot!! What’s also great is finding little dead birdies at the foot of the bed. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
brian (bbda7f) — 12/1/2005 @ 4:36 pmThe cats I mean.
brian (bbda7f) — 12/1/2005 @ 4:40 pmDarleene — your little fuzzball has nothing on our little clod. He has scoliosis (spine curvature, birth defect; we adopted him at age 2.5) and the endearing tendency to fall on his rump when reaching for a string directly over his head.
Then there’s our kitten who kept chasing birdies up and up and up a tree until he realized the distance to the ground was pretty far — so he proceeded to scream his head off until the Monkette2B pulled out a ladder and coaxed him down.
Cheer up Patterico, after all the little furballs could p–s themselves when you come home or eat their own poo.
Best critter story ever — from David Sedaris’ Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim:
He’s taking a walk with his redneck brother and the latter’s two dogs — a little pug type and a big great dane type. The little one stops and leaves a pile of guano. The brother snaps his fingers, the big dog swoops in and eats the poo.
David: Tell me that was an accident.
Brother: ACCIDENT? Hell, no, I’ve got this motherf—er TRAINED! Sometimes he’ll stick his nose to her a– and just eat that s–t on tap.
The Monk (82de29) — 12/1/2005 @ 4:59 pmI am not a cat lover but my husband is one. This reminds me that I should really look into and not just say I want a cat apron over his clothes so that when he hugs his cat, cat’s hair can stick to the cat apron and not his clothes. He hugs the cat downstairs and then comes upstairs and hugs me and I vicariously get cat’s hair on my clothes !!!
Cat’s Apron !!!!!
They need to open a store to sell devices to protect people living with cats ! and Cat’s Apron is one of them !!!!
Yi Ling (5865b9) — 12/1/2005 @ 5:07 pmThe reason there is no such garment, Yi Ling, is because it wouldn’t help. Cat hair is a remarkable substance, capable of getting into and sticking to absolutely anything and impossible to repel or completely remove.
The only real answer is to accept that you will wear as much cat hair as the cat does. Possibly more.
Catrandom (7b0205) — 12/1/2005 @ 6:18 pmCat hair? What cat hair?
Kevin Murphy (6a7945) — 12/2/2005 @ 9:12 amjamie king…
I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….
jamie king (eeabee) — 12/21/2007 @ 10:13 am