Regular readers know that I am seeking a Nobel Peace Prize nomination, since I believe I am more deserving than murderer Stanley “Tookie” Williams. In evaluating our respective qualifications, I think that the public should be able to evaluate our handiwork. Mine is available on this blog. Flopping Aces has examples of Tookie’s handiwork, here.
Ah, cats. Is there anything they can’t do? What other pet solves so many of life’s problems, while teaching its owner so many life lessons?
For instance, if you leave a treasured possession within squirting distance of a cat’s pee-hole, it will happily perform the valuable service of dousing your possession with the most vile-smelling liquid known to man. This teaches you not to treasure your possessions — an important philosophical lesson.
Overly clean carpets are the bane of almost every homeowner’s existence. Cats can eliminate this annoying problem with any number of devices, including (but not limited to): the aforementioned toxic urine, the slimy pile of vomit, and its closely related cousin, the hairball.
Many of us are plagued by too much sleep. If you suffer from this affliction, get a cat. Problem solved! It can arrange to run across your head at unpredictable and unholy hours of the night, jolting you from a pleasant slumber.
I am sure there must be some downside to having a cat. But I can’t imagine what it could be.