Patterico's Pontifications

6/10/2005

See Dubya: Codeword: Fabulous!

Filed under: General — See Dubya @ 12:23 pm



In the spirit of the New York Times, I realize that the best thing I can do with confidential information about secret US operations is to make it public immediately. So, without further ado:

EYES ONLY! CODEWORD: FABULOUS!

TO: Porter Goss, Chief Spook
FROM: Bureau of Dirty Tricks
RE: Progress on Operation LANCOME

Boss: Our plan to feminize and emasculate the Arab street continues apace. Phase I is well underway.

BACKGROUND: During the 1960’s the COMMIES were able to subvert and feminize American culture by introduction of massive amounts of ironic reserve into the cultural mainstream. Their subsidies of recreational drugs OTB (other than beer), ridiculous fashion, and whiny rock stars further undermined American confidence and led to a period of malaise in the late 1970s.

PHASE I: We have begun introducing new reports into the culture re-imaging European and Arab masculinity. Some of our operations are overt, such as this writeup from the State Department (attached) , about a new class of successful metrosexuals who moisturize and get manicures. We are also introducing black operations, such as the introduction of this report through one of our agents in France:

“The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned,” said Pierre Francois Le Louet, the agency’s managing director.

NB: LE LOUET (codename LE PEW), is secretly a full-on supporter of the Iraq War and owns every John Wayne movie ever made. Our agents confronted him with this fact and threatened to expose him to the fashion industry unless he agreed to transmit OPERATION LANCOME propaganda on our behalf.

Using the French Press will help to percolate this new idea through Paris’ large Muslim population, and from there it will filter back to the Middle East. The choice of Paris was deliberate, in order to reduce collateral damage, as there is not a robust population of manly heterosexuals there to be subverted by our campaign. Expect further endorsements of the metrosexual ideal to appear in the foreign press soon.

PHASE TWO: Underway. Massive, hilarious decadence will be introduced into the Middle East. We will introduce a chain of manicurists (tentatively titled “Brainwash!”) across the Middle East which will dispense fashion advice and also secretly test subjects for subcutaneous explosives residue, thereby identifying potential terrorists. The male moisturizers they sell will include a high dose of estrogen, which will further feminize the populace and render them non-threatenting.

We will also open a chain of partner-swapping clubs, to exploit AGENT LE PEW’s suggestion:

“We are watching the birth of a hybrid man. … Why not put on a pink-flowered shirt and try out a partner-swapping club?” asked Le Louet, stressing that the study had focused on men aged between 20 and 35.

Which is, of course, the prime jihadi demographic. The partners they swap will use the chance to identify and exploit new intelligence assets and introduce social diseases to identified risks. Meanwhile, should the pink-flowered shirt becomes the new jihadi uniform, it will be much easier to distinguish them from normal, hard-working apolitical Middle Easterners.

PHASE THREE: US Military, Law Enforcement, and Intelligence Personnel will be instructed to terminate with extreme prejudice any well-manicured, pleasantly scented person wearing a pink flowered shirt, at home or abroad.

One Response to “See Dubya: Codeword: Fabulous!”

  1. “BACKGROUND: During the 1960’s the COMMIES were able to subvert and feminize American culture by introduction of massive amounts of ironic reserve into the cultural mainstream”

    I thought it was because of that 50’s kitsch.

    But hell’s ya. What the arab world needs is a good 60’s: liberalism and feminism!

    actus (cd484e)


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