The Jury Talks Back


For the record…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Scott Jacobs @ 6:15 am

I hate mashed potatoes as made by my family.  Maybe not the way they ALL prepare them, but the version that arrives at the Family Thanksgiving Feast o’ Gluttony fill me with rage, and cause me to wish harm upon people.

See, in general, I love mashed potatoes.  A little lumpy, thick, with a bit of skin?  I will nearly fill my plate (there might be a clue there why I’m 5’8 and around 220 lbs).

So every year for the past 5 or so I have gotten a heaping helping of the white fluffy stuff I see mid-table at this yearly family gathering, and always – like Lewis Black and candy corn – I end up pissed because the damn potatoes have had sugar added to them.

These aren’t a meringue, people.  NO SUGAR!!!!



  1. Sugar? In mashed potatoes? WTF?
    Some whole milk, some butter, a little salt. Mash them up. That’s it. Anything else is sacreligious!

    I think some serious disowning is called for.

    Comment by Jim Armstrong — 11/26/2008 @ 6:23 am

  2. That’s an outrage. Tell ’em you want some wasabi for your stuffing because you want them to be just as ridiculous.

    Comment by Pablo — 11/26/2008 @ 6:26 am

  3. Try a little olive oil, crushed garlic and salt to taste. I don’t want them too fluffy but I don’t like them too lumpy either. I use a blender.

    Comment by nk — 11/26/2008 @ 6:27 am

  4. “I hate mashed potatoes as made by my family.” Scott, maybe _you_ should make the MP this year.

    Comment by gp — 11/26/2008 @ 6:41 am

  5. I’m going to. I just can’t believe this family of serious eaters – lordy, you should see us – allows this to happen.

    I suspect I know what idiot is doing it, and It takes all my willpower to NOT have words with her.

    But yes, this year it is classic mashed potatoes and described by Jim.

    nk – I don’t like LOADS of lumps, but there has to be some lumps for texture…

    Comment by Scott Jacobs — 11/26/2008 @ 6:47 am

  6. I should point out that 95% of that side of the family is so damned bleeding heart, it’s scary.

    Though for my Aunt Jean and Uncle Dick (those who raised my dad), I think it is because when they were younger, you could believe what the news tolds you, that it was factual and almost comepletely without bias. Now that is no longer the case, and father and I must constantly correct either huge gaps left by the reporting, or correct outright errors. Uncle Dick is a salt-of-the-earth kinda guy, I really think I’ll enjoy talking about the bailouts this gathering… I suspect many there will be in favor of bailing out Detroit, and boy, won’t THAT make for fun conversation. :)

    Comment by Scott Jacobs — 11/26/2008 @ 6:52 am

  7. Sugar? May all the saints preserve us!

    Chopped up hot red pepper, maybe. Onion, maybe. Sweet potato cubes, maybe. Garlic, maybe.

    No sugar. No. DO NOT WANT!

    Comment by htom — 11/26/2008 @ 7:32 am

  8. Eeew.

    Comment by aphrael — 11/26/2008 @ 7:33 am

  9. Yeah… yeah, that’s an atrocity.

    Cream, butter, minced garlic. Use red potatoes. Leave about fifty percent of the skin on the potato.

    Comment by Leviticus — 11/26/2008 @ 7:39 am

  10. Mmmm Red Potatoes…

    *insert Homer Simpson-like drooling*

    Comment by Scott Jacobs — 11/26/2008 @ 7:41 am

  11. Sugar? Good lord. Red potatoes (I like the skin), salt, pepper, milk, and butter. That’s all you really need. If you want to go crazy, toss in some garlic and rosemary.

    But sugar? Do they not realize that sweet potatoes are an entirely different vegetable and not a style of preparation?

    Comment by tjwilliams — 11/26/2008 @ 7:43 am

  12. Yeah. Get them some yams or something. Make your own MP and see who the cretin is who pours sugar on them.

    Comment by Kevin Murphy — 11/26/2008 @ 8:27 am

  13. I’ll take my sugar in long, starchy molecules, like, say, POTATOS. Geesh. I’m of Italian descent and dated a girl from a German family. I appreciated the effort her mother went through to accomodate/impress me with her spaghetti sauce, but sugar don’t belong in that, either. Put it in a bowl on the table and make fun of those who want to ruin their own food!!

    Comment by Chris — 11/26/2008 @ 8:50 am

  14. Yukon Gold with the skins on, roasted garlic, sour cream, milk and diced scallions with salt and pepper. Save the sugar for candied yams.

    Comment by Barsinister — 11/26/2008 @ 9:17 am

  15. “there might be a clue there why I’m 5′8 and around 220 lbs”

    Scott – Dude, does TLove know you have big bones?

    Here’s a video of Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg making mashed taters for your edification:

    Comment by daleyrocks — 11/26/2008 @ 10:13 am

  16. Let me be the first to declare my full support for the right of idiots to cook inedible potatoes.

    Comment by aphrael — 11/26/2008 @ 10:22 am

  17. Sure, they have the right, up until it threatens MY taste buds…

    Comment by Scott Jacobs — 11/26/2008 @ 10:25 am

  18. No mashed taters on our table this year, Scalloped sweet taters and yams will have to suffice.

    NO added sugar either!

    If they desired mashed taters, they can bring their own.

    But thanks for the thread as many great tasting ideas were brought up. Olive oil and Garlic, right on top. Oh and that’s fresh garlic too!

    Comment by TC — 11/26/2008 @ 11:28 am

  19. Is it possible that what you thought to be mashed potatoes was actually mashed parsnips ? They look very similar, and usually have a similar texture (texture-lumps and all) yet parsnips have a definite sweet/sweeter taste …

    Comment by Alasdair — 11/26/2008 @ 2:53 pm

  20. Yukon gold, lots of butter, garlic, sour cream, and horseradish.

    Sweet potato pie and pumpkin pie with lots of Cool Whip is best saved for dessert. Not that I will get to eat any of that this year.

    Comment by JD — 11/26/2008 @ 3:52 pm

  21. Mashed potatoes are one of the great God-given gifts on Earth. It seems a crime to ruin them.
    Do you think she’s adding whipped cream when the recipe calls for whipping cream or heavy cream?

    I made three pies today, and the yeast roll dough is in the ‘fridge. I can’t wait to eat tomorrow.

    Comment by MayBee — 11/26/2008 @ 4:39 pm

  22. I’m positive culinary crime is taking place when one adds sugar to mashers. Shameful.

    MayBee, besides always enjoying your thoughtful comments, I’m impressed with a yeast roll dough. I made two pumpkin and one apple/pear pie today and felt pretty smug about such accomplishments. But a yeast bread takes it to a whole different level!

    Comment by Dana — 11/26/2008 @ 5:50 pm

  23. But a yeast bread takes it to a whole different level!

    Dana- It is my Grandmother’s recipe and I love the rolls. When they work out. One year I lived in a very humid place and the rolls came out like stones. My dad loves to tell the story of when my mom made them and they tasted like her hand lotion. I’ve decided part of the Thanksgiving tradition fun is the yearly yeast-roll crap shoot.

    Comment by MayBee — 11/27/2008 @ 9:39 am

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