Patterico's Pontifications


Would Somebody PLEASE Take Dinosaur Joe Back to the Retirement Home?

Filed under: General — JVW @ 2:34 pm

[guest post by JVW]

This is painful. Just watch the video (2:15 in length):

So in 135 seconds, we have the following:

* Long-winded Joe story from nearly 60 years ago told in front of a crowd of young people who look bored as all get-out.

* Joe with, what, three buttons undone on his shirt, just like the sexy mf’er that he has always been, using his cool aviator sunglasses for sweeping gestures.

* A mild cuss-word used, and then taken back, so that he can show us Joe is just a blue-collar Man of the People but also a good boy who doesn’t work blue.

* An archaic reference to a Hollywood star of the 1940s that no one in Joe’s audience has ever heard of.

* Macho posturing where Joe, the authority figure, lays down the law on a young rapscallion.

* A Joe altercation with life hanging in the balance, involving straight razors and chains, which comes off as cribbed from West Side Story.

* A Joe promise (though not quite “my word as a Biden”) that this story is true, even though at least half of it probably isn’t.

* The appearance of an elder white authority figure who steels Joe’s resolve and turns him into the street warrior that he was destined to become. (Dammit, Joe, he’s supposed to be black or Latino in this story!)

* Incoherent babbling as Joe adds unnecessary details.

* A helpful tutorial from Joe regarding how to properly prepare your straight razor for a street fight.

* Macho Joe swaggering up to the four razor-bearing black teens ready to rumble, but using his incredibly-honed diplomatic skills to defuse the situation.

Apparently there is at least a kernel of truth to this yarn, though I would bet dollars to dimes that Slow Joe has larded this story with details from the old Archie comics he read as a teenager and maybe a few episodes of Happy Days he watched from his Senate Office. Notice the young black kids who were no doubt coaxed or even prodded into participating in this blarney fest, and look at how they simply can’t believe that this ancient ofay is wasting their time with his noise.

And to think that it’s still nearly five months away to the first primary, eleven months to the Democrat National Convention, and fourteen months to the election. I don’t think I’m going to make it.


59 Responses to “Would Somebody PLEASE Take Dinosaur Joe Back to the Retirement Home?”

  1. it’s like diner (if it had been set in Wilmington) crossed with pulp fiction,

    narciso (d1f714)

  2. How could this tale have been improved?

    * When Joe name-checked Esther Williams he could have delivered a brief aside, “She was the J-Lo of my day,” to give the kids some context.

    * He could have named Corn Pop’s three companions. I would go for “Tyrone the Diceman,” “Wilmington Fred,” and “Stretch Washington.”

    * Again, the maintenance worker who plays the Mr. Miyagi role should have been black or Latino.

    * The four of them should have all gone out for Cherry Cokes at Sam’s Diner on Main Street after this was all over. Or one of them should have brought a gun the next day and busted a cap in Joe’s ass.

    I wonder if I could get a job as Dinosaur Joe’s tall-tale ghostwriter.

    JVW (54fd0b)

  3. Man… I don’t know about you, but I’m just getting a kick out of Bidenism these days.

    So much meme materials. 😉

    whembly (51f28e)

  4. Look at the poor kid with his goggles on his forehead. All the wants to do is go for a damn swim, but he has to participate in the Biden photo op instead. I feel for you, son.

    JVW (54fd0b)

  5. I think in Joe’s era it would have been a zip gun.
    He could have turned to the kids and explained to them how to make .22 with rubber bands and the radio antenna from a pimps Cadillac.
    Nicknames should have been “Booger” “Big Snake” and “Doodyshoe”

    steveg (354706)

  6. That he found that acceptable to say out loud with all those children around – let alone everyone else – is mind-boggling.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  7. Aunt Esther (h/t Sanford and Son) or Esther Williams, it either a half century or 70 years, take yer pick, lol.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  8. 5… lol.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  9. 2… even funnier.

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  10. Joe just wants to hit y’all with chains

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  11. That Warren choo-choo is comin’ round the bend folks, believe it.

    harkin (8f010c)

  12. That Warren choo-choo is comin’ round the bend folks, believe it.

    Yes. With the caveat that I got every single prediction I made in 2016 exactly wrong and have since admonished everyone to thus ignore any 2020 predictions that I make, I now see Elizabeth Warren as the most likely Democrat nominee.

    JVW (54fd0b)

  13. And to think that it’s still nearly five months away to the first primary, eleven months to the Democrat National Convention, and fourteen months to the election. I don’t think I’m going to make it.
    One must hang on until the Democratic National Convention in Milwaukee. It may make 68 look like Sesame Street!

    mg (8cbc69)

  14. There is no way that Biden will become Warren’s VP, although there are no term limits.

    Kevin M (19357e)

  15. I now see Elizabeth Warren as the most likely Democrat nominee.

    Warren has the advantage that she can appear “Presidential” in the old pre-Trump sense. She’s not stupid, although she seems quite willing to oppose obviously-correct ideas (e.g. nuclear power to fight global warming) if that’s what it takes to get some POWER!

    Kevin M (19357e)

  16. I laughed from beginning to end! Great post, JVW.

    Dana (fdf131)

  17. haha hilarious. those kids just want to play, Crazy Uncle Joe. The audience laughed, so looney and meandering as it was the story did connect. He must have told it 200 times. This guy won’t be the nominee though. Yep the Warren choo-choo is comin..

    JRH (52aed3)

  18. I recollect the time…
    …Toddy Sparks got his horse stole.
    Jace Summers stole it.
    Just up and stole it.
    It was up by Del Rio.
    Old Todd ‘e got even, though.
    He sure did.
    Put a rattler in Jace’s blanket.
    Bit him through the neck.
    Buried him in a thunderstorm.
    Summer of ’71 it was.

    nk (dbc370)

  19. Dyna-Moe Humm Dinosaur Joe

    I couldn’t say when he’ll fin’ly go
    But I just heard a guy named Dinosaur Joe

    He strolled to teh mic, said look here, folks
    Don’t laugh at me ‘til I tell some jokes
    (Y’jes don’t do it)

    He told a little story ‘bout one Corn Pop
    Said “you wear pomade, wear a cap up top”

    They took it outside, then it got real weird
    Four men with razors but there weren’t no beards
    (Grabbed a chain, an’ they got down to it)

    They spun and slashed but the blood wouldn’t flow
    They just couldn’t cut on Dinosaur Joe

    Dinosaur Joe
    Dinosaur Joe
    Where’s this Dinosaur
    Gonna go
    Tells the same tall tales
    An’ he’s talkin’ slow
    He’s the Dinosaur, Dinosaur, Dinosaur
    He’s the Dinosaur Joe

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  20. in the debates, he’s been coming off as incoherent and rambling. the idea of a trump/biden debate is horrifying.

    i don’t understand why he’s leading in the polls.

    aphrael (3f0569)

  21. Because he’s still the most rational-sounding of the Democrat pack, aphrael.

    nk (dbc370)

  22. LA Times (aka, El Segundo Times), has visibly cooled on Harris, with who they were smitten all thru 2016-2018. They even had praised her Spotify list. Warren seems to be taking the front spot.

    The entertainment community people I know (all corporate none talent), seem to favor Biden. Not the crazy people who want to abolish the border. But this stuff must make it difficult.

    Harcourt Fenton Mudd (0c349e)

  23. No, no, no, Joe — never give up! Never, ever, ever give up!

    B.A. DuBois (80f588)

  24. Would Somebody Please Take Dinosaur Joe Back To The Retirement Home?

    Jurassic Park.

    Movie theatres, spas, cable TV… even a gift shop.

    “We spared no expense.” – John Hammond [Sir Richard Attenborough] ‘Jurassic Park’ 1993

    DCSCA (797bc0)

  25. Biden, IMO, is too old to be president, but not because of that story. I presume there are others here that are some part Irish Catholic. My mom’s side of the family is and Biden is a very typical Irish Catholic character. Great-Uncle Eddie told stories in exactly that way. We didn’t take him too seriously, because they were half balderdash, but he was trying to connect as best he could and we loved him, so we were fond of the stories anyway. Biden is recognizable in more than just a name recognition way. Don’t underestimate him, there are a lot of Irish Catholics in states that could go either way this next time and they all have an Uncle Eddie that they love.

    Nic (896fdf)

  26. Allahpundit has more – apparently the story *is* true, and corroborated by multiple pieces of evidence.

    Good lord: Joe Biden’s “Corn Pop” story is true?

    Dave (1bb933)

  27. Allahpundit has more – apparently the story *is* true, and corroborated by multiple pieces of evidence.

    Yeah, I linked to the same Tweets that Allahpundit linked and I characterized it as having “at least a kernel of truth” — and damn, wasn’t that pun on the name Corn Pop clever? Get it? Kernel. Corn Pop. Hello? Is this thing on?

    Anyway, I’m guessing the general outline of the story is true, but that Biden is embellishing the details along the way. I too have a three-meter board story from my lifeguarding days featuring a tough hombre named Mad Dog. I’m serious about this; this isn’t me mocking Dinosaur Joe. This guy Mad Dog would come in to our pool and dive off of the high board. He was a pretty good diver in a very untrained but recklessly brave way, but he constantly broke the rules by doing things like taking multiple bounces on the board and diving before the area below had been cleared. Anyway, one day I am guarding on the stand nearest the diving well and Mad Dog climbs to the top of the board and starts bouncing one, two, three times. I snap at him “one bounce!” like a lifeguard ought to, but then he does a front dive in the straight position, but for some inexplicable reason decides to keep his hands at his sides rather than have them out in front of him as proper form dictates. He doesn’t go straight into the water but hits it at an angle, so instead of landing in the ten-foot depth area he lands in about the seven-foot depth area and the first thing that hits the water and the pool bottom is his face. He comes to the surface bleeding from a giant cut at the top of his head, so I blow my whistle and yell “Backboard!” signifying the dreaded backboard routine, a high-stress operation that lifeguards hate.

    Now if I were Joe Biden, I would then start embellishing this story with tales of my heroism: how I had to fetch Mad Dog from the bottom of the pool, how I had to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, how I had to swim him over to the shallow part of the pool while protecting his head and neck, and maybe how I used some dull bolt-cutters to break open the rusted lock on the pool’s back gate so that the ambulance could pull up to the pool’s edge, how the emergency room physician credited my quick action for saving Mad Dog’s life, etc. The truth of the matter is that Mad Dog was dazed, probably concussed, but he climbed out of the pool himself and refused medical attention. I don’t recall that we saw him again for the rest of the summer.

    Anyway, when Dinosaur Joe started talking about a lifeguarding story featuring the three-meter board, I was expecting a little bit more trade talk from him and not a bit about how he took care of some uppity Negroes from Wilmington.

    JVW (54fd0b)

  28. El cid is a great movie about joe biden. Dick durban says impeachment of kavenaugh is off the table. Democrat base needs to support nancy pelosi. Base to dick durban we will be primaring you along with pelosi.

    lany (0f89c9)

  29. The kernel of truth here is that someone with the nickname cornpop existed, that he went to the same pool, and had some sort of interaction with slow joe that involved them eventually playing basketball because slow joe is relatable and we all know he played b-ball with bo. Yes, this story is generally true, or maybe mostly true, or some sort of true in the way that any good heartwarming story about a guy playing basketball with tough inner city kids grew up to play basketball with the president in the whitehouse should be true.

    Super cereal folks, if the only reason to doubt this story is because cornpop sounds fake then stop your doubting ways you dastardly doubters. #manbearpigisreal

    Frosty, Fp (f27e97)

  30. That Warren choo-choo is comin’ round the bend folks, believe it.

    Yes. With the caveat that I got every single prediction I made in 2016 exactly wrong and have since admonished everyone to thus ignore any 2020 predictions that I make, I now see Elizabeth Warren as the most likely Democrat nominee.

    JVW (54fd0b) — 9/16/2019 @ 3:27 pm

    I agree with this and it worries me.

    -I don’t agree with her policy preferences, ideology, or general philosophy.
    -She’s smart.
    -She’s hard working.
    -She’s shown to be more focused on results than on image / brand.
    -She has deep personal knowledge about the areas she’s focusing on; finance, trade, and the economics of healthcare.
    -Because she’s been working in these areas she’ll be able to build a deep bench of qualified people.
    -Her vision of trade aligns with Trump and he’s already done the heavy lifting of making populism mainstream. I don’t know how quickly the GOP will be able to pivot back to free trade and balanced budgets.

    This all adds up to someone that will be effective at doing things I don’t want to be done.

    Time123 (69b2fc)

  31. This story about Cornpop is funny, and it shows the Biden is weird and out of touch. This would be devastating if he were running against Ted Cruze. But if he wins the nomination he’ll be running against Trump, who is off the charts weird and so far out of touch he might as well be from another planet.

    Time123 (69b2fc)

  32. Biden’s just old. His brain doesn’t connect with his mouth the way it used to. Trump plays dumb but he is smart canny and his secret weapon is he can’t lose. If he wins he is more powerful than ever if gets beat he goes back to mara lago and plays golf and counts his billions and starts TRUMP TV to compete with Fox News. So unlike the earnest Dems he doesn’t give a f*.

    I think you are spot-on with your assessment of Warren time123. She will also be formidable. A bunch of suburban women who might never have voted Republican will hold their nose and vote for her cause they have actual morals and family values are more than a cute slogan. The pu$$y grabber will be sent back to Mara lago poor guy.

    JRH (52aed3)

  33. Pretend it’s Trump instead of Biden saying this. All of a sudden, no big deal.

    Patterico (115b1f)

  34. Just watch the video (2:15 in length):

    I’m going to have to use a different browser in a different computer to hear this video.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  35. @33 you mean like claiming you helped look for survivors in the WTC wreckage when you didn’t? Or that you saw Muslims celebrating the attack when you didn’t? You mean things like that? Or did you mean making up quotes from other world leaders?

    Time123 (f5cf77)

  36. well trump was actually on the grounds of the site, according to german tv, I know Time lied to us, shockah:

    narciso (d1f714)

  37. I think the rule should be that when you say dumb stuff, or lie, it should get an appropriate amount of attention and an appropriate amount of criticism. This will hopefully discourage people from saying dumb stuff and lying. Plus this whole thing is funny AF so we should take the opportunity to laugh.

    Time123 (f5cf77)

  38. “This would be devastating if he were running against Ted Cruze.”

    Ted ain’t no Chevy, he’s a lion 🦁.

    Colonel Haiku (404947)

  39. 33/ People don’t care very much if either Trump or Biden is lying, but they assume that Trump is always lying. While with Biden, the accusation is he can’t get his facts straight, even f=if he wanted to.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  40. re politico

    “The problem was it wasn’t true. The driver of the truck, Curtis C. Dunn of Pennsylvania, was not charged with drunk driving. He wasn’t charged with anything. The accident was an accident, and though the police file no longer exists, coverage in the newspapers at the time made it clear that fault was not in question. For whatever reason, Neilia Biden, who was holding the baby, ended up in the right of way of Dunn’s truck coming down a long hill.”

    narciso (d1f714)

  41. Narcisso, here’s a link with the details. Looks like trump walked down to take a look and lied to German media about helping.

    Can’t really laugh at this one. It’s just sad when people try to borrow glory like and puff themselves up like this.

    Time123 (a7a01b)

  42. Trump says he went down to Ground Zero to “try to help”

    He doesn’t say that there was anything for him (or men who worked for him) that they wanted him to do.

    He’s not saying that he visited Ground Zero more than one time. He’s not saying that the men who went with him were laborers or wanted to do something that day. He is saying he went to inquire.

    Presumably if there was something special he could do. But they didn’t need his expertise.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  43. Correection: Trump claims he went down to Ground Zero on Sept 11, 2001. (was that even possible? he would have had to pull strings)

    At that stage there would not have been anything for anybody to do.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  44. Does TIME magazine still stand by its 2004 story that Donald Trump was in Chicago that day?

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  45. Sammy, he was likely trying to create a personal connection between himself and the tragedy to increase the impact of his praise to the first responders. This is normal.

    But for whatever reason he chose to puff himself up and claim that he tried to personally help. This is not normal, and there’s no evidence it’s true. He’s a rich guy. If he’d wanted to help he’d have been able to do so in a meaningful way. There is no evidence that he did. But he keeps saying he did.

    Feel free to care about this or not, as you please.

    Time123 (a7a01b)

  46. I don’t think Trump was claiming he trieds to personally help. He was claiming he went down (and while he was there, probably inquiring about damage to his building or buildings) asked if there was something his organization was needed for. I wouldn’t read it any other way.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  47. it’s the closest contemporaneous claim, like the post reporter, who denied his own reports re 9/11, not account three even 15 years later,

    narciso (d1f714)

  48. like with this piece, there must be some link to morris back in the 60s, right,

    narciso (d1f714)

  49. Sammy, here’s what he told the German TV station in the interview

    Trump was several blocks from ground zero just two days after the attack, where he did an interview with a German news station. In the interview, the business mogul then asserted that he had “a lot of men down” there.

    “We have over 100, another 125 coming,” he said at the time.

    There is also an image of Trump outside the New York Stock Exchange on Sept. 18, 2001, a week from the attacks.

    But there is still no evidence that Trump helped at ground zero in the immediate aftermath of the attacks.

    Alles in a separate interview with PolitiFact in July said that he had no knowledge of Trump being at ground zero or sending at least 100 workers to help. Alles told PolitiFact that he was at the scene 20 minutes after the second building collapsed.

    “I was in a supervisory role with the fire department at the time,” he said. “I was there for several months — I have no knowledge of his being down there.”

    In addition, Alles said “there would be a record” if Trump had sent a crew of at least 100 workers to help out at ground zero.

    Maybe we’re just reading him differently. But it sounded to me like he was claiming he helped when he spoke last month. Sad thing is, his money and connections could have had a big impact if he’d wanted to make one.

    Time123 (a7a01b)

  50. @47, No idea what you’re trying to say here.

    Time123 (f5cf77)

  51. two days after the attack

    Consistent with having been in Chicago on September 11, 2001, although being in Chicago is not consistent with seeing anything on September 11 other than on television.

    “a lot of men down” there. “Down there,” being Lower Manhattan.

    He owned or operated a building there: 40 Wall Street, between Nassau Street and William Street, about 5 blocks south and between 2 and 3 blocks east of the World Trade Center. Built in 1930. 71 stories tall. At the time it was built, it wss in compettion to be the tallest building in thr world.

    There are a bunch of possible lies connected wth Trump’s statements about that building, like waht he paid for it. He tried to sell it in 2003, but couldn’t get his price.

    On May 20, 1946, a United States Army Air Forces Beechcraft C-45F Expediter airplane crashed into the north side of that building. It was the headquarters of the Bank of Manhattan (founded by Aaron Burr with a trick because the Manhattan company was mainly supposed to bring water to Manhattan which it didn’t) until it merged with Chase to form Chase Manhattan

    “We have over 100, another 125 coming,”

    To his building. Not at one time. They work in shifts. This is the number of different people who might be called to do some work connected with the building, including plumbers and electricians wo work at many different locations. And the number is exaggerated.

    But there is still no evidence that Trump helped at ground zero in the immediate aftermath of the attacks.

    Nor any evidence that he ever claimed that he did. He just said he and his people were around there.

    Sammy Finkelman (8dcc71)

  52. Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom
    Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom

    It was a night like some forty million years ago
    Joe lit a cigarette, grabbed a monkey skull to go
    The night was cold as ice, the stars were in a swirl
    Joe felt a little tired, so he watched Milton Berle
    And petted the dinosaur, Joe petted the dinosaur

    Open teh door, get on teh floor
    Everybody pettin’ teh dinosaur
    Open teh door, get on teh floor
    Everybody pettin’ teh dinosaur
    Open teh door, get on teh floor
    Everybody pettin’ teh dinosaur
    Open teh door, get on teh floor
    Everybody pettin’ teh dinosaur

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  53. Politifact for the hack win!!!

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  54. It is okay in Firefox.

    Joe Biden attempts to explain things to people younger than him, or who didn’t live there then, but he doesn’t explain enough.

    mild cuss-word used, and then taken back

    They laughed at that.

    Who remembers the straight razor? Jpe Biden expected his audience to, or someone in his audience.

    It is a good story. He apologized for one thing and the “bad dude” took it as satisfying him, even if that had not been all that bothered him.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  55. Esther Williams was famous as a swimmer (she later on maybe made movies but she was famous as aswoimer

    So he calls him Esther. An insult, an insult anyway (meaning he thinks he is a big swimmer – but he;s not) and an insult to a man. The second time Biden mentions the name in the story he adds the last name.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  56. ong-winded Joe story from nearly 60 years ago told in front of a crowd of young people who look bored as all get-out.

    They weren’t all bored.

    The girl standing behnd the word City looked to her left to try to visualize the diving board.

    But I think in the end they didn’t comprehend it. Too many unexplained terms.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  57. * Incoherent babbling as Joe adds unnecessary details

    The details are necessary, but he doesn’t add enough of them. Otherwise he can’t tell the story – only maybe the gist and even that needs footnotes.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  58. “Despite US population of only 330 million, Biden says child tax credit would put 720 million women back into the workforce.”

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  59. his brain is 20% oatmeal.

    Time123 (89dfb2)

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