Patterico's Pontifications

10/26/2018

Enjoy My Latest Column Bashing the [Insert Pejorative Group Name Here]

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 7:15 am



It’s Mad Libs Enraged Libs! Or: how to write that column when the deadline is in five minutes and you can’t think of anything new to say:

But what gets me is how these ____________(pejorative group name) are always trying to act like they’re better than us _______________(positive group name), the way they constantly _____________(disfavored activity). You know who I mean: people like ____________(disfavored person) and ______________(disfavored person). But in the end, all they are is _____________(pejorative group name) who do nothing but sit around and ____________(disfavored activity) and wouldn’t know how to ___________(favored activity) if _________________(favored person) took them by the hand and showed them. And no matter how much these ______________(pejorative group name) go to their cocktail parties in the Hamptons and ________________(disfavored activity), these ______________(pejorative group name) will never be as good as us __________(positve group name). The truth is that these ____________(pejorative group name) are jealous of ______________(favored person) because he is one of the ______________(positive group name) who really know how to _____________(favored activity). So buy my book and totally own these _______________(pejorative group name), make ____________(disfavored person) cry, and show all those ___________(pejorative group name) how we _____________(positive group name) act.

Select from the following:

Pejorative group names: pussies, twits, weenies, NeverTrumpers, dorks, Fredocons, sissies, weasels, posers, scolds
Positive group names: real conservatives, Normals, real men, good Republicans, unruly ruffians
Disfavored activities: sip Zima, sell cruise cabins, trash Donald Trump, lecture about morals
Favored activities: bang hot porn stars, fight dirty, destroy the left, own the libs and the pinkos
Disfavored persons: Ben Sasse, Jeff Flake, Bob Corker
Favored persons: Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump

[Cross-posted at The Jury Talks Back.]

41 Responses to “Enjoy My Latest Column Bashing the [Insert Pejorative Group Name Here]”

  1. I love our president 😊

    happyfeet (d177e3)

  2. Nice sunny day where I am at.

    Bob the Builder (9af831)

  3. Living in paradise😎🏄🏾🌴

    mg (a05430)

  4. I had a Zima last week as a joke, and I didn’t hate it. It’s not my thing really, but the day was hot, and it was iced down. I didn’t have a second one, but it wasn’t the worst thing ever.

    Colonel Klink (Ret) (309751)

  5. What deadline?

    harkin (7f4688)

  6. FloridaMan arrested!!!!

    Colonel Haiku (f2bc98)

  7. Schlicter? Is that you? Schliiiiiiiicterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

    Gryph (08c844)

  8. 4… what a ringing endorsement!!!

    Colonel Haiku (f2bc98)

  9. But what gets me is how these lawyers are always trying to act like they’re better than us Trump supporters, the way they constantly shower, shave and brush their teeth. You know who I mean: people like Patterico and Beldar. But in the end, all they are is #Nevertrumpers who do nothing but sit around and read books and wouldn’t know how to make a meth pipe from a beer can if Steve Bannon took them by the hand and showed them. I give up. It’s not funny anymore. And no matter how much these RINOs go to their cocktail parties in the Hamptons and to work every day, these country club cuckservatives will never be as good as us Trump supporters. The truth is that these closet Hillary voters are jealous of Donald Trump because he is one of the #RealMen who really know how to put the blocks to a nrop star.

    nk (dbc370)

  10. I do know Art, he’s 8 years older than me so we didn’t have any overlap, but that is a sad tale. Probably the most talented QB OSU has had till maybe Haskin’s.

    Colonel Klink (Ret) (374967)

  11. Zima is like a fun Alka-Seltzer, reminded me of 1994 with that one.

    Gryph, dont you mean Sphincter or Schiester?

    urbanleftbehind (5eecdb)

  12. My cousin played with Schlicter’s successor Mike Tomczak in High School (TF North, Calumet City IL), and also intramural’d at Eastern Illinois with Sean Payton.

    urbanleftbehind (5eecdb)

  13. This cannot be applied to both sides of the political spectrum.

    “cocktail parties in the Hamptons” is a pejorative that aplies onl;y to liberals.

    Sammy Finkelman (102c75)

  14. Angry Native-American for Trump?

    Colonel Haiku (f2bc98)

  15. Not to bring everyone down, but I checked the center of the swamp 4chan, and apparently, bomber man is actually pretty well-known loon. There are a bunch of close-ups of his van. http://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/190887790

    I have to go take a shower after getting 4chan all over me. Typical #falseflag stuff, because no one would put all those stickers on their car. Of course, I can drive around Northern Kentucky and see stuff like that every day. I don’t do stickers on my cars.

    Colonel Klink (Ret) (374967)

  16. Caravan news: live chopper coverage of arrested suspect’s vehicle festooned van w/Trump stickers being hauled away along Florida interstate.

    Keep On ‘Truckin.

    DCSCA (797bc0)

  17. …too bad it couldnt have been an OJ’s Bronco situation, DCSCA. I was about to place my bet on a Stoneman Douglass H.S. Junior Achievement chapter, but alas.

    urbanleftbehind (5eecdb)

  18. A lucky lottery winner happened to have snapped some shots of the van at a stop light in South Florida, he’s trying to sell them while the stories hot. https://twitter.com/thereal_mo01/status/1055844641952665600

    Colonel Klink (Ret) (374967)

  19. How in the world did you overlook the all-purpose “cuck” as one of the pejorative group names?

    JVW (42615e)

  20. Fauxcohontas hardest hit.

    Colonel Haiku (f2bc98)

  21. Was this BIG CHIEF who used to comment on Politico back in the day?

    urbanleftbehind (5eecdb)

  22. His businesses say Native American, but his LinkedIn page said he was Philipino, or at least his grandfather, but he also seems like a small time conman criminal, so who knows.

    Colonel Klink (Ret) (374967)

  23. Telling that the piece bashing a Trump supporter was written by the host…the piece bashing the New York Times for publicizing a Trump assassination was not. Telling…

    Bill Saracino (78f41f)

  24. Telling that the piece bashing a Trump supporter was written by the host…the piece bashing the New York Times for publicizing a Trump assassination was not. Telling…

    Telling that you personally attacked me and will take a week off from commenting as a result.

    Patterico (115b1f)

  25. How in the world did you overlook the all-purpose “cuck” as one of the pejorative group names?

    I thought about it. But the main target of this satire doesn’t use that term, at least that I have seen. Oddly enough.

    Patterico (115b1f)

  26. 26. Pat, it’s Schlichter, right? Come on. You can tell me. It’ll be our little secret. 😛

    Gryph (08c844)

  27. Bill Saracino left a comment in moderation that persuaded me to extend his one-week ban to a lifetime ban.

    Patterico (439c68)

  28. I should probably explain how he accomplished this. The short answer is: sarcastic assholery.

    Patterico (439c68)

  29. It’s hard trying to curb my sarcastic assholery. It would help if I had a brain.

    mg (9e54f8)

  30. Wild game in dodger stadium, but seriously L.A. Fans are weak. The place was half empty by the 11th inning.

    mg (9e54f8)

  31. Since the proprietor likes Norm McDonald here’s a refurbished joke:

    Stormy Daniels has a book coming out that recounts all the lurid details of her encounter with Donald Trump. It retails for $25 but for $35 she’ll show you.

    Pinandpuller (fa8b73)

  32. Colonel Haiku

    Something I learned in the last couple of years is that ‘Zima’ means ‘Winter’ in Russian.

    The Doors-Spanish Caravan h/t Albeniz-Asturias

    Pinandpuller (fa8b73)

  33. mg, maybe a Purge was effective at midnight PDT. When the Raiders played at the Coliseum (’82 to ’94) they never scheduled home Monday night games.

    urbanleftbehind (7ca14a)

  34. It’s all fixed and it’s all about maximizing MLB revenues, mg. Write this down: The Dodgers will win the World Unserious Series in extra innings in the seventh game.

    nk (9651fb)

  35. The Schlicter Formula.

    Paul Montagu (7b9e3b)

  36. This is all just sour grapes. Kurt is a fine upstanding gentleman, once as #NeverTrump as you, who simply recognized and adapted to the changing political news marketing landscape competition for easy cash and eyeballs better than you did. Accept your personal and fiduciary loss in honest libertarian fashion and switch to the New Right script, as the merchants and bureaucrats of the cities have done happily for all rulers since time immemorial.

    Remember: There are only two races: rich and poor. Rich get to condescend and spew moronic trash anonymously through the mainstream media, advertising, and education policy. Poors like you have to do it using your real name through social media. Such is the way of things in the Age of Cesar.

    Julius Cesar (204754)

  37. Mr. VPN, how are you, today?

    nk (9651fb)

  38. Saw Koufax beat twins in 7 during the 1965 World Series. Let’s go Red Sox.

    mg (536c95)

  39. 37. Fine upstanding gentleman? Whatever. He’s as Trump-humper as they come. Contrary to what seems to be popular belief among Trump humpers, it is possible to sacrifice one’s moral authority on the altar of political expediency even if it is said to be for the right reasons. After 2024, Trump will no longer be in office and his knob polishers will have to get used to not “winning” anymore.

    Gryph (08c844)

  40. JC just shat away the goodwill from his well thought-out “This is America” post in the crazy bomber thread.

    urbanleftbehind (7ca14a)


Powered by WordPress.

Page loaded in: 0.2112 secs.