[guest post by Dana]
There is Danger from all Men. The only Maxim of a free Government, ought to be to trust no Man living, with Power to endanger the public Liberty. — John Adams
I typically don’t publish silly reflections from earnest journalists (or anyone else, for that matter) that make me snort derisively, but because Virginia Heffernan’s foolish tweet is so unintentionally instructive as a reminder of how not to view any sitting president, or government itself, I just had to share it:
No, Ms. Heffernan, President Obama wasn’t your father. No president is anyone’s father. That is not who the President of the United States is, or was ever meant to be. Moreover, the person who understands basic human nature and the real role of a “father” would never want to consider any president their “father”.
Of course Heffernan is not alone in her feelings about Obama as her “true father”. This from the Washington Post back in 2012:
In 2008, with the whole “hope and change” narrative – not to mention his youthful good looks and energy – Obama was situated somewhere between Jesus Christ and Rock Star in our collective unconscious. But now look at him. After four sobering years of economic crisis and an Arab Spring that just won’t quit, that increasingly-visible graying of the hair above his ears is symbolic. The President has aged, matured, and – like the rest of us parents – seems both wiser and wearier as a result.
It’s evident in the way that he speaks to us. As I’ve watch the presidential debates with my own kids, I’ve been struck by how parental he sounds. Particularly in the third and final debate, where the president could barely mask his disdain for Mitt Romney’s less-than-up-to-date grasp of our military, many pundits – including my colleague, Melinda Henneberger – saw his tone as patronizing, and wondered whether it wouldn’t alienate undecided women voters in particular.
Patronizing? Perhaps. But isn’t that what parents do? They tell us what’s good for us in an “eat your spinach” sort of way and get exasperated, at times, when we just don’t “get it.” And the most annoying part of that schtick, as we all know, is that they’re often right.
It helps that the president is himself, by all accounts, a devoted father…
None of which is to take anything away from Romney, who also appears to be a devoted family man. But somehow, Romney doesn’t come across as our collective Dad. That may be because since he hasn’t (yet, anyway) inhabited the Oval Office…
After her husband was no longer the president, Michelle Obama likened her husband as the good father, and Trump as the irresponsible father:
“I think what we see is what happens when we take things for granted. For the eight years Barack was president, it was like having the ‘good parent’ at home,” she said at the Simmons Leadership Conference in Boston.
“The responsible parent, the one who told you to eat your carrots and go to bed on time. And now we have the other parent. We thought it’d feel fun, maybe it feels fun for now because we can eat candy all day and stay up late, and not follow the rules.”
Lest you think this misconception of the role of a president happens only on the left, John Kasich reminded us it also happens on the right:
“I was a congressman in a governor’s office. And one day, my wife says, you know, I was still, like, being a smart aleck, thinking I could say jokes. I was moving a little too fast. My wife says: ‘You’re the father of Ohio. Why don’t you act like it?’ Its in the book – and I changed.
When you’re running a big job like that, you have to not only use your head, but your heart, and they have to work together. And what he needs to know is he’s the father of America, and that carries a heavy responsibility.”
And then there is our current president. Jim Geraghty at NRO warned us about the president-as-father problem when he shared a moment from one of Trump’s campaign rallies:
A historically literate conservative stands on a soapbox, addressing a crowd.
“As Americans, we are born free men and women. Our rights are endowed by our Creator, and our forefathers fought and died to protect that principle,” he pleads. “We do not need a nanny state! We are not children! The state is not our family! The president is not our father!”
To which all the Donald Trump supporters in the audience reply: “Daddy’s going to win! Daddy’s going to win! Hooray!”
Michael Cohen – that Michael Cohen once said, “To those of us who are close to Mr. Trump, he is more than our boss. He is our patriarch.”
I don’t know how much Virgina Heffernan is representative of our nation as a whole, but I think on both sides of the aisle, the country is made up of more damaged adults with unresolved daddy issues more than we’re willing to admit. And they’re looking for a surrogate father in the Oval Office. And worse, too many politicians are more than willing to assume that role. The dangers of of a symbiotic neediness and arrogance speaks for itself. This results in a diminishment of real-life fathering, and can be seen when one considers the tremendously difficult, time-consuming and frequently heartbreaking work that good fathering in real life requires. And especially when one considers that good fathering – real fathering – comes from an individual who loves his child so much so that he would not hesitate to lay down his life for him. This is not your president, then or now. Even if that president sees himself as such. Even if you see him that way. He isn’t. And he should never be regarded as such.
Geraghty, in his prescient warning, summed it up:
If you’re hoping Trump will be that strong, protective father figure you always wanted, you’re going to be deeply disappointed. You’re also going to be disappointed by Clinton, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, or Bernie Sanders. This isn’t a matter of their character; it’s a categorizing error. The job of the president is not to be your dad. If you want a mentor — an older, wise voice of experience in your life, go ahead and go find one. The world is full of good people who can perform that role. But the folks busy competing to be the next commander-in-chief aren’t among them.
There’s something a little unnerving about an eagerness to see a famous person you don’t know as a father figure. Maybe it’s not quite as bad as the people who talk to their televisions as if the characters can hear them, or the horror-movie-watcher who yells out, ‘Don’t go in there!’ as if the person on the screen can heed the warning. But it certainly suggests the same blurred line between daily life and the faraway world of famous figures on the screen.
P.S. As for Heffernan’s stated concerns about the media: It looks like she is very much a part of the media.
(Cross-posted at The Jury Talks Back.)
–Dana