Patterico's Pontifications

12/17/2016

Holy Family, Holy Cow!

Filed under: General — Dana @ 3:23 pm



[guest post by Dana]

Like many of you, I have been decking the halls in preparation for Christmas. As is the custom, I pull out the 50 year old, well-worn nativity set that was inherited from aging parents long-since passed away. And because life is full of calamity, this holy family and friends are in a bit of disarray. Over the years, one or another of the hand-painted figurines have experienced some sort of physical trauma. Life comes at us fast, and there are no exceptions. Hence a regal wise man in flowing robes is now without arms and thus without a gift for the newborn Savior. A humble shepherd following the Star to see the miracle at hand, hasn’t got a head on his shoulders. Literally. Instead it sits next to his feet because no matter what glue has been used, he just keeps losing his head. Yet most distressing of all, Baby Jesus has gone missing. No matter how hard I’ve tried to locate the lost Savior, the little bed of straw continues to hold a child-made “clothespin Jesus” impersonator. Thankfully, Mary and Joseph have remained intact. And in spite of her missing babe, Mary’s face remains a steady composition of serenity as if she never doubted from the get-go that her child was meant to transcend the constraints of this fallen world.

Anyway, I was weighing out replacing this imperfect band of misfits and rebels daring to believe that the Glorious Impossible had arrived, but when I saw this “new” take on the old family, my broken down nativity never looked so good:

untitled2

In the scene, Joseph — sporting a man bun — holds up a cellphone, Mary flashes a peace sign and Baby Jesus, wearing a beanie on his head, looks on. The Three Wise Men carry Amazon (AMZN, Tech30) Prime boxes and a shepherd sends Snapchat messages. Nearby, a cow enjoys gluten-free, all-natural grass feed next to a sheep wearing a Christmas sweater. Oh, and there’s a solar-powered stable, too.

I’m choosing to believe that along with being a “fun product,” its creators also intended it to be a clever social commentary accurately reflecting just how incredibly self-consumed and shallow our culture has become.

–Dana

69 Responses to “Holy Family, Holy Cow!”

  1. What a time to be alive.

    Dana (d17a61)

  2. you won’t believe how fast Mary lost that baby weight using this one weird trick

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  3. that one weird trick is jaw-dropping

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)

  4. I think it’s cute. Iconolaters might disagree.

    I was singing the Futurama Santa song at the mall, yesterday.

    In your face, Millennials!

    nk (dbc370)

  5. Joseph I’m just spitballing here, would not be a big selfie guy.

    narciso (d1f714)

  6. I saw that earlier and I wanted to buy one, but the price exceeded the value of the joke.

    JVW (6e49ce)

  7. $ 130.00 yikes.

    narciso (d1f714)

  8. Article said the biggest buyers were millennials and their parents. Figures. I would love it so much if the creators had intended to mock hipsters.

    Dana (d17a61)

  9. Just as with most adaptations of more recent vintage, all 3 of the wise men arrive on the same type of conveyence (in Scripture, 1 came on a camel, one on an elephant and the other on a horse).

    urbanleftbehind (847a06)

  10. Wait until a store such as Urban Outfitters starts marketing a nativity set where “Joseph & Mary” becomes “Joseph & Joseph” or “Mary & Mary.”

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)

  11. Sold out at $130.

    And appears to be made of plastic, a petroleum derivative.

    Humbug.

    DCSCA (797bc0)

  12. Greetings:

    My little green soldier guys used to stand guard around our creche. Rumors that there were also several fully staffed ambush positions were never verified.

    11B40 (6abb5c)

  13. And Sam tadros points some issues of note, not first world problems of course.

    narciso (d1f714)

  14. …its creators also intended it to be a clever social commentary accurately reflecting just how incredibly self-consumed and shallow our culture has become.

    Not quite as self-consumed and shallow as this WaPo writer seems to be:

    Our culture of purity celebrates the Virgin Mary. As a rape victim, that hurts me.

    If you would like to see how self-absorbed a feminist pastor can be, read the whole article . I especially liked this part:

    Still, I study her this time of the year — always dressed in blue with downcast eyes — and want to ask: “How was it really? And how do you feel about what the patriarchy has done with you?”

    Walter Cronanty (f48cd5)

  15. That kind of stupid ratifies Romans 1, it burns to the scalp.

    narciso (d1f714)

  16. I only encountered this level of unknowledge in Candida moss, because it takes great effort to get there.

    narciso (d1f714)

  17. Yes, Romans 1 seems especially fitting.

    Walter Cronanty (f48cd5)

  18. Considering the European appearance of Christ in countless classic pieces of art, this doesn’t bother me too much.

    The evil behind it? Classic Progressive attempt to change understanding. Words and pictures have no real meaning. THAT frosts me to no end.

    Ed from SFV (3400a5)

  19. Remember the wise men had been tasked by herod to look for the messiah, David Morrell the guy behind first blood has his own spin on the tale.

    narciso (d1f714)

  20. Truly the gifts have special significance, this is commodified chrustianuty devoid of faith.

    narciso (d1f714)

  21. So is nobody going to mention Dr. Heimlich’s passing today?

    He was 96 and that guy looked way better than George Soros.

    A month from now he will still look better.

    Pinandpuller (b62a7f)

  22. I discovered that my nativity, put out for the first time after years in the closet, is missing Jesus too. Really don’t know what to do.

    Denver (ca4a38)

  23. Maybe miss everhard should read Luke 1 as a start.

    narciso (d1f714)

  24. @urbanleftbehind: (in Scripture, 1 came on a camel, one on an elephant and the other on a horse).

    Cite? Because Matthew 2:1 is it, for canonical Scripture:

    1 Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men[a] from the east came to Jerusalem,

    2 saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose[b] and have come to worship him.”

    3 When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him;

    4 and assembling all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he enquired of them where the Christ was to be born.

    5 They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet:

    6 “‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for from you shall come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

    7 Then Herod summoned the wise men secretly and ascertained from them what time the star had appeared.

    8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.”

    9 After listening to the king, they went on their way. And behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was.

    10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy.

    11 And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshipped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh.

    12 And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way.

    Elephants do not appear in the Bible, although “ivory” does in Kings, Chronicles, and the Revelation.

    Gabriel Hanna (14083c)

  25. Those two knuckleheads will be the first to go when the shit-ite hits the fan. And it always does, eventually.

    Tossing out the gravitas of thousands of years of Judeo-Christian reverence and Western civilization? Pathetic.

    Patricia (5fc097)

  26. Elephants do not appear in the Bible, although “ivory” does in Kings, Chronicles, and the Revelation.

    Also Psalms.

    Milhouse (40ca7b)

  27. I discovered that my nativity, put out for the first time after years in the closet, is missing Jesus too. Really don’t know what to do.

    Denver (ca4a38) — 12/17/2016 @ 11:24 pm

    A true hipster would not let a crisis go to waster and would do “Black Jesus” or “Transgender Jesus”…

    Colonel Haiku (2601c0)

  28. @22 Denver

    Mary and Martha had a similar problem several decades later.

    Pinandpuller (f41797)

  29. That cow is lucky it isn’t in California or it’d have a tube up the butt to capture the methane.
    Jerry Brown is drifting off into insanity over this whole climate change nonsense

    steveg (5508fb)

  30. A scripturally illiterate nation, is how we come to this poinnt

    narciso (d1f714)

  31. Might be a good way to represent the difference between Julian and Gregorian calendar.

    Put a little sign ‘due in 13 days’ instead of plastic baby Jesus.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  32. I suppose one could get their story only a little mixed up by saying
    Of course you can’t find baby Jesus here
    Why would you even look
    He is ascended
    And one day return,
    Remember?

    I think that is the Cliffs notes version of the story.
    (Do those still exist?)

    MD in Philly (f9371b)

  33. Yes its like that snl episode of Jeane Kirkpatrick and random high school students on jeopardy

    narciso (d1f714)

  34. We have a traditional Nativity Set on the mantle. Darth Vader may be lurking nearby. We also have a Playmobile set which is actually quite nice.

    Finally, we have a third made of porcelain that I don’t remember where we got it but Mrs Agnostic puts it in the dining room.

    Pious Agnostic (e9063c)

  35. freddy is a big dog

    whereas hillary is a nasty little pig

    america today is a study in contrasts

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  36. Mr happyfeet, I saw Freddy, too!
    That’s a big dog. He makes Marmaduke look like one of Paris Hilton’s toy dogs!

    I would much rather have a seven foot tall Freddy lounging around in the hallways of the White House than a six foot tall Michelle! … or a 5’5″ nasty Hillary woman!

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)

  37. fortune?

    fortune has smiled on us this day

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  38. For the person who claimed the wise men came 1 on a horse, 1 on a camel, and 1 on an elephant, I have other sad news for you. The Bible does not say “Three wise men”. It says “wise men”. People of modern times, not actually knowing the Bible, counts three named gifts and declares that means three gift givers. That is fallacious reasoning.

    And to the female pastor who is inflamed by the Virgin Mary, if you don’t repent of your evil sin, you will spend an eternity in Sheol as Jesus says to you “Begone from me! I never knew you!” I can say without a shred of doubt that you, woman, are not a Christian. And, as Jesus also said, it would be better for you if you had a millstone strapped around your neck and you were cast into the ocean than the punishment awaiting you after your death.

    John Hitchcock (5dfa58)

  39. way to keep it light

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  40. Mr Hitchcock, we recommend a light beer and some chips with salsa

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)

  41. No they deserve ridicule, she deserves contempt.

    narciso (d1f714)

  42. isn’t Jesus kinda at the point where he should be glad they’re talking about him at all

    i mean

    do you have cable?

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  43. i watched this video this weekend where Sarah Michelle tried to sell me on these “curated” baking kits where i could make tasty treats with my kids

    she looked awesome and she still has that voice

    she needs a real agent though jesus

    she does *not* have good people

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  44. link

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  45. she married superlatively well though

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  46. No, HF, the Creator of the Universe doesn’t need to be glad blasphemers are “talking about Him at all.”

    John Hitchcock (5dfa58)

  47. R.I.P. Zsa Zsa Gabor

    Icy (4a75f4)

  48. she really lived the whole life that one

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  49. well then I can’t help him Mr. H he’s gonna have to resuscitate his career on his own maybe them duggar chicks can help

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  50. Ethan hawk doesn’t know phillipians

    narciso (d1f714)

  51. yeah well they elected duterte lol

    how’s that workin out

    happyfeet (28a91b)

  52. I don’t care if it
    Rains or freezes
    As long as I’ve got my
    Plastic Jesus
    Ridin’ on the dashboard
    Of my car
    Through my trials
    And tribulations
    And my travels
    Through the nation
    With my plastic Jesus
    I’ll go far

    Ridin’ down the thoroughfare [YouTube -musical accompaniment]
    With a nose up in the air
    A wreck may be ahead
    But he don’t mind

    Trouble comin’
    He don’t see
    He just keeps his eye on me
    And any other thing that lies behind [YouTube]

    papertiger (c8116c)

  53. Greetings:

    it maybe night
    it may be scary
    I’m okay
    got my Virgin Mary
    riding on the dashboard of my car/

    11B40 (6abb5c)

  54. Sucks for them, I suppose, happy. As much as we should in-source our female nurses, what should be the next go-to land for that role?

    urbanleftbehind (847a06)

  55. Mr Hitchcock, Jesus isn’t the “Creator of the Universe.”
    His Father is — but he isn’t.

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)

  56. He is one in the same, cs, and this used nit to be a controversial view not so long ago. Jesus birth preceded the one of John the Baptist, and the circumstances behind that were remarkable.

    narciso (d1f714)

  57. In the beginning was the Word
    And the Word was with God
    And the Word was God
    And the Word became flesh.

    John Hitchcock (5dfa58)

  58. I’ve always had a soft spot for the “Athanasian” Creed
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Athanasian_Creed

    Kishnevi (1bcb64)

  59. Didn’t figure Cruz Supporter for an Arian.

    Maybe we can get into homoousian vs homoiousian.

    Gabriel Hanna (14083c)

  60. Jesus is consubstantial with the Father, so Catholics go with homoosius – on account that there is not one iota of difference between them. Too bad it caused a schism.

    felipe (023cc9)

  61. I forgot the “u”. by the way, “chch”: y’know what’s missing? “ur.”

    felipe (023cc9)

  62. That was the Arian or the orthodox, Joseph’s is unclear whether xzaacharias who was slain was John the Baptist father.

    narciso (d1f714)

  63. …Nearby, a cow enjoys gluten-free, all-natural grass feed next to a sheep wearing a Christmas sweater.

    Is that an Alpaca sweater, or synthetic?

    Because Lord knows sheep are notoriously unable to withstand cold weather as they don’t produce any sort of hair themselves that could keep them warm enough to where they don’t need sweaters.

    I look at that nativity scene and can only conclude or Islamic enemies have a point; we are ripe for the plucking. Manbuns and all.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  64. That kind of stupid ratifies Romans 1, it burns to the scalp.

    narciso (d1f714) — 12/17/2016 @ 7:35 pm

    It’s depressing. You do realize that there is a movement afoot to declare Romans just the opinion of a repressed, self-hating homosexual. And, further, that scripture isn’t theopneustos or God-breathed. Jesus isn’t who he said he was, he was just some iron age Jew who couldn’t possibly know what we know today.

    And the people who insist on this destruction of Christianity demand the right to call themselves Christians. No outrage is too much for them to relinquish the title.

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2015/03/17/im-a-presbyterian-minister-who-doesnt-believe-in-god-2/

    I thought this was a joke. It isn’t. The Episcopalians are slightly better, I suppose.

    http://www.christianpost.com/news/episcopal-priest-defrocked-after-refusing-to-recant-muslim-faith-37847/

    This was an amazing case. This priest was the head of faith development for her church or diocese (the Episcopalians are dying so rapidly I don’t know if that’s a distinction that matters). And she saw no conflict between the Christian view of Jesus and the Islamic view of Jesus.

    Because she belonged to denomination that has no Christian view of Jesus! They have no faith in the authority of scripture. And that was demonstrated when her bishop (in Boston, if the Episcopal Church in the US isn’t dying why does this priest near Seattle have a bishop in beantown) gave her six months to think about it.

    A priest of I believe over twenty years, the head of faith development, and she can’t see a conflict between the Jesus of the New Testament who proclaims His divinity and the Isa of the Quran who denies his divinity.

    The deeper sickness being revealed by her hierarchy giving her half a year to think about it, as if she shouldn’t have been defrocked immediately for arriving at that cognitavely dissonant conclusion after a couple of decades as an ordained minister.

    We are definitely going to be in for a rough time, narciso. There are two ways to fight an ideology as professed by groups inspired by the theology of the Muslim Brotherhood. Militarily and spiritually. And we have abandoned our capacity to do either. We have, in two words, no faith.

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  65. To the Church in Laodicea…
    That was written for our time.

    John Hitchcock (5dfa58)

  66. and that is sadly the kind of ecumenical heresy that the antichrist would enable

    narciso (d1f714)

  67. get yourself
    a sweet Madonna
    dressed in rhinestones
    sitting onna
    pedestal of
    abalone shell.

    Going ninety
    I aint scarry
    cause I’ve got
    the Virgin Mary
    promising
    that I won’t
    go to hell.

    papertiger (c8116c)

  68. John Hitchcock, you sir know your Bible!

    Steve57 (0b1dac)

  69. http://babalublog.com/2016/12/05/the-dissident-and-cubas-brutal-dictator-fidel-castro/

    …By his own account, the young Valladares was an early supporter of Castro’s revolution, taking a job in the Office of the Ministry of Communications for the Revolutionary Government, where he worked as a postal clerk. But all of that changed when he was asked to put a communist slogan on his desk. It comprised three simple words: “I’m with Fidel.” He refused.

    A young artist and poet who also happened to be a Christian, Valladares understood the meaning of the request. What he did not know, and could not know, was how far his own government would go to bend him to its will. Soon after his refusal to comply, Valladares was arrested by political police at his parents’ home. Faced with trumped up charges of terrorism — a favorite tactic of the Castro regime for silencing dissent — he was given a 30-year sentence.

    Valladares would spend time in different prison camps for the next 22 years. The first, La Cabaña, forged some of the very worst memories. “Each night, the firing squad executed scores of men in its trenches,” he told the Becket Fund, which last year honored him with its Canterbury Prize, given annually to a person who embodies an unfailing commitment to religious freedom. “We could hear each phase of the executions, and during this time, these young men — patriots — would die shouting ‘Long live Christ, the King. Down with Communism!’ And then you would hear the gunshots. Every night there were shootings. Every night. Every night. Every night.”

    I remember Hemingway’s answer to how he went broke. “Slowly at first, then all of a sudden.”

    That’s how you lose your freedoms, too.

    A lot of us also may have to pay the price of discipleship “all of a sudden.”

    Steve57 (0b1dac)


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