Patterico's Pontifications

9/5/2016

Clickhole: “Why I’ve Decided To Take A Gap Year Before Joining ISIS”

Filed under: General,Humor — Patterico @ 8:53 am

Blogger Tristan Beverly at Clickhole:

Why I’ve Decided To Take A Gap Year Before Joining ISIS

In the face of unprecedented pressure to succeed, today’s young adults have less time than ever to form their identities and discover who they want to be. The narrow, sheltered world of childhood can only prepare you for so much and offers little chance for kids to expand their perspectives and nourish their souls. All of this is why I’ve decided to take a gap year before I join ISIS.

As I see it, I’ll have the rest of my life to concentrate on violently establishing a universal caliphate. Why not have a little fun first?

People might look at my desire to take a gap year as a sign I’m not fully dedicated to jihad. But it’s quite the contrary. I just want to be prepared to take on all of the things I’ll be learning. When I sit down to learn to field-strip my AK-47, I don’t want to be daydreaming of what it’d be like to walk along the White Cliffs of Dover. I want to know what it’s like firsthand.

Do I want to establish Allah’s kingdom on Earth? Of course I do. But I can’t think of a better way to prepare to destroy every country in the European Union than to travel through them with nothing but a change of clothes and a few Kerouac novels in my backpack. Being able to take in the collection at the Louvre with my own eyes will not only be a mind-opening experience; but it will also help me prepare for the work I’ll be doing with ISIS destroying priceless works of art around the world.

It goes on like that. Brilliant.

7 Responses to “Clickhole: “Why I’ve Decided To Take A Gap Year Before Joining ISIS””

  1. Clickhole is part of The Onion, in case it was not obvious.

    Patterico (bcf524)

  2. yes, but unlike the onion, since univision bought it, it shows some wit,

    narciso (732bc0)

  3. The Onion has wit.

    Or at least the book “Our Dumb Century” had.

    Sammy Finkelman (337057)

  4. It’s funny, but a better (and more accurate) version might be something like “why I have decided to spend a year doing low-impact ‘community service’ projects before spending the next four years in a never-ending party.” That seems to describe most of the “gap” years that I am hearing about.

    JVW (f97acd)

  5. more like

    “why I have decided to spend a year doing low impact ‘community service’ projects before spending the next 11 years in a never-ending party on the taxpayers dime.” BHO

    steveg (5508fb)

  6. Maudie coughs to press on B-tchforce One.

    The topic? Look over there! Russian squirrels!

    Anybody who doesn’t believe there’s a-corn of truth about her health problems is a nut themselves.
    =cough=… =cough=…. =cough,cough,cough=

    DCSCA (797bc0)

  7. #NeverTrumpers are behaving like the country can afford to endure a four year gap. (LOL)

    Cruz Supporter (102c9a)


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