Patterico's Pontifications

12/8/2015

What I Wish Obama Had Said

Filed under: General — JVW @ 1:46 pm



[guest post by JVW]

I’m a little late to the game regarding the preening p***y President’s address to the American people last Sunday night. I was having a beer at a brewery waiting for the Sunday night NFL game to commence and was a bit surprised that NBC joined the other networks in televising it. I’m sure that the administration had to assure them that President Petulance would wrap-up his speech well before the scheduled kickoff at 5:30 pm Pacific Time, and for once the blowhard kept it (somewhat) short. The television audio at the brewery was not on, so I didn’t hear what he said, though I did read the transcript later that evening.

As JD rightly characterized it, the address was vapid and the President pretty much went through the motions with his usual litany of banalities, the only real difference this time being that Obama no longer seems to have his heart in it and probably in his subconscious knows that he is a used-up gasbag just riding it out for thirteen more months. I sort of found myself trying to think up what he might have said that would have departed from his lazy and self-indulgent progressivism, and I kind of thought that this is what I would have liked to hear:

[He goes through his spiel about the victims, his resolve to eradicate the ISIS threat, how Muslims shouldn’t be treated unfairly, etc.]

I understand the anger and the frustration that many Americans have tonight that our efforts to defeat and contain ISIS have not proceeded more rapidly or achieved the sort of successes that we desire. I also understand that Congress has an important role to play in determining our policy going forward, and I am resolved to work closely with members of both parties — especially the majority party in both houses — to ensure that we present a united front in the War on Terrorism. To that extend, I want to make two major announcements:

First, I am aware that the House voted two weeks ago to place strict limits on the number of refugees we accept from Syria and Iraq, and to make substantive changes to the manner in which they are screened and processed by Homeland Security. Though I have previously stated my opposition to this bill, I concede that over two-thirds of House members voted in favor of this measure, including a significant number of members from my party. In light of this, I pledge my support of this bill and ask the Senate to pass it expeditiously at which time I will sign it in to law.

I also acknowledge that my administration’s relationship with Congress has deteriorated, and I pledge to rectify this and repair the damage. I have therefore requested and received the resignations of Secretary of State John Kerry, Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson, and National Security Advisor Susan Rice. All three have served honorably under difficult circumstances, yet I recognize that they no longer have the support of Congress and that we can’t afford to spend the next year in an ideological or political standoff. I will be working with the House and Senate leadership in coming weeks to find replacements for this important positions who can earn and maintain the confidence of the Congressional leadership.

Thank you. Good night and God bless America.

A conservative can dream, can’t he?

– JVW

20 Responses to “What I Wish Obama Had Said”

  1. What do I wish he’d said? I wish he hadn’t wasted my time repeating the same old same old.

    Comanche Voter (1d5c8b)

  2. Those words would take a level of self-awareness that I have yet to see in this president. Plus, I’m sure that ValJar would not have stood for it.

    rcw3000 (dbe57f)

  3. *snaps fingers*

    WAKE UP JVW!

    Pious Agnostic (4e1a81)

  4. WAKE UP JVW!

    Yeah. Sigh. it’s going to be a looooooooong thirteen months.

    JVW (d60453)

  5. And frankly he can can Ashton Carter too for all I care, though I don’t know that Carter is much to blame for Obama’s feckless policy.

    JVW (d60453)

  6. “It has become painfully clear, even to me, that I am totally unsuited to, and lack the intelligence, education, wisdom and judgment needed to perform my duties as President of the United States. Therefore, effective immediately, I am resigning and will retire to public life for the rest of my days.”

    THATS what our #SCOAMF should have said.

    anything else would have been, and was, a waste of time & oxygen.

    redc1c4 (51aab8)

  7. …I am resigning and will retire to public life for the rest of my days.”

    I am resigning and will retire from public life for the rest of my days.”

    FIFY

    ropelight (42d4f7)

  8. Better yet….

    “I acknowledge that my administration has been wrong repeatedly on foreign policy and that we would all have been better off had my 2012 opponent been elected. Therefore, I am announcing the resignation tonight of Vice President Biden, and I will forward the name of Mitt Romney to replace him. Upon his confirmation by Congress I will resign.”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  9. I mean, as long as we are dreaming, why not dream for a miracle?

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  10. Alternatively:

    “I have administratively suspended the 22nd Amendment and will run again for the Presidency.”

    Kevin M (25bbee)

  11. A conservative can dream, can’t he?

    That’s a heap of “hope and change.”

    Walter Cronanty (f48cd5)

  12. obama should’ve just said haha i flooded your town with a buncha terrorist refugee filth suck it losers

    happyfeet (831175)

  13. if i were him that’s what i woulda said and then I’d kick the cameras out of my office and light up a fatty

    happyfeet (831175)

  14. I didn’t listen to a word of it. Did he make a sound?

    nk (dbc370)

  15. I’m not interested in anything Obama has to say unless he’s announcing he’s retiring for the evening to his study with a glass of whiskey where he’ll “clean his revolver.”

    That may not make entire sense to anybody who isn’t familiar with late 19th century/early 20th century British euphemisms.

    But until then I’m not interested in anything TFG has to say on any subject.

    Steve57 (a13395)

  16. “It has become painfully clear, even to me, that I am totally unsuited to, and lack the intelligence, education, wisdom and judgment needed to perform my duties as President of the United States. Therefore, effective immediately, I am resigning and will retire to public life for the rest of my days.”

    My only edit would be his speech also containing: “And even as Democrats go, I’m exceptionally stupid and extreme in my liberalism…”

    Mark (74fce8)

  17. A conservative can dream, can’t he?

    According to the minutiae of the PPACA, popularly known as Obamacare, no he can’t.

    There’s a $50k/day fine if he does.

    We had to pass it to find out what’s in it. Only the children of illegal immigrants brought here “through no fault of their own” are allowed to DREAM in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    Steve57 (a13395)

  18. Heck, I can do one better for president petulant:
    [He goes through his spiel about the victims, his resolve to eradicate the ISIS threat, how Muslims shouldn’t be treated unfairly, etc.]

    Based on this incident, I am temporarily suspending immigration and visas from countries that support ISIL, or where they have a significant presence, effective immediately. This would include Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria. Until such time as the threat has passed, or adequate screening measures can be developed, this suspension will remain in place. I recognize that this is a burden to good, honest Muslims that only wish to be free of Isis, but the blame for their predicament is not the U.S., but the evil monsters that are promoting worldwide Islamic Jihad.

    Also I have instructed our military commanders in the field to increase our air attacks on ISIS targets effective immediately. I have also instructed them to modify the rules of engagement so that this evil organization can be destroyed faster. I acknowledge up front that the new relaxed rules of engagement will likely result in more civilian casualties, however, this must be balanced with the on-going threat and loss of life all over the world being perpetrated by ISIS.

    Finally, I call upon Muslim citizens of the United Sates, and the world. Islamic extremists are in the process of destroying your lives, reputations, and your religion. I am sorry to say there is no escape, no easy way out for you. I call upon you to resist. Resist the siren song of violent extremism. And I call on you to fight. Fight for your freedom to live and be as you please. Stop making excuses, stop believing in conspiracies, stop donating to Muslim charities that only provide aid and comfort to your enemies. Seek out those among you that support violence and extremism, and call them out. Confront them. Recognize that this is primarily a fight for your future, the future of Islam, the future of your children. The rest of American will stand behind you, will support you, but you must lead the way. It is your fight. We cannot win without you.

    Eramus (2cd2ac)


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