Disciplining Children And Social Media
[guest post by Dana]
With the rise of technology, it’s a new day for just about everything, including disciplining children. Raising a stir after his Facebook post disciplining his daughter, Kevin Jones’ garnered over 271,000 likes and more than 83,000 shares. This is “social media discipline.”
Here is Jones’ post:
Since my beautiful daughter Janiya wants to be grown & lie about her age. Saying she is 14,15,16,&18 years old. She claims to be in love and going out with a boyfriend which is completely against my rules!!!! I uncovered that she has been doing this for quite some time. She also has snuck and obtained social media accounts, also against my rules!!!! Heres the consequences behind her actions. An age defining shirt. Yes people she is 5’9 & 10years old.
Some commenters were fully supportive:
Lately, every form of punishment for children seems to be considered by most either embarrassing or very harsh. When children embarrass their parents in public, society condemns the parents and says that they need to discipline their children. Why can’t parents discipline children publicly? If your child stole an item from a crowded store in your presence, would Psychologists prefer parents not to chastise the child in front of others who saw the child stealing, just because the child may feel embarrassed? If we are in an internet era, and the child has already posted her pictures, why is society condemning this father for trying to deter predatory elements such as paedophiles, risky and horny teenagers etc, that she has and would have attracted or who could have negatively changed her future paths of life? This is the most innovative form of punishment that I have seen in a long time. She publicly displayed herself to those boys and men when she knew it was against her father’s – and the same hypocritical society’s – rules, and she is getting suitable punishment, not torture, not abuse, publicly.
And some commenters, while agreeing with Jones’ intentions, questioned the execution:
I applaud you brother for your intentions, but its a sad day in our society and culture when a parent disciplines their child through the same outlet that drove the behavior. Social media has caused our kids to forget what it means to be kids and has caused parents to forget how to be parents. The focus should not be on how viral this post has gone or how many comments it has received, but why would a 10-year old feel the need to seek the attention of an older male at such an early age. Fathers, we need to love on our daughters to the point that when they are approached by older guys, they know and can recognize what real love is and not feel the need to seek the attention and attempt to fill an empty void in their lives. We as fathers are the first person our daughters date. They compare every male that enters their lives to us. It is by our actions that define what a man is and exhibit that behavior based on how we treat the women in our lives. Again, I applaud you brother for your intentions, but when was the last time you dated your daughter??
It’s been a long time since I’ve disciplined kids, so I would be curious to hear from parents who are still in the throes of it, as well as from those who disciplined their kids before the existence of social media, via the old tried and true methods, including restriction, confiscation of items important to the child, loss of privileges, etc. Do you think public shaming (if we can call it that) is effective, damaging, or just another desperate attempt by parents struggling to do their best and keep control over those they love the most?
–Dana
Hello.
Dana (8e74ce) — 11/1/2014 @ 7:12 pmIt used to be a running joke with the daughter when she was small, “We’re your parents; it’s our job to embarrass you”. But at twelve going on thirteen, with all the insecurities of a girl that age, embarrassing her is the very last thing we want to do.
Of course, my daughter is an intelligent, good-hearted, and gentle-souled child and responds to teaching from likewise intelligent, good-hearted, gentle-souled, nurturing parents. I don’t know about other people’s kids.
nk (dbc370) — 11/1/2014 @ 7:22 pmGood.
Michael Ejercito (4775b5) — 11/1/2014 @ 7:53 pmIt depends on the child. In this case, where her partners in crime will serve life-long sentences on the sexual offender lists, perhaps it’s needed.
This is not a new problem. In the early 1960’s I know of a 14 yo who was “passing” as both 18 and 22. (And she had done the same in a different university when she was 12!) Her mistaken partners’ lives would not have been ruined then because there was not the public pressure for extreme punishment of those who were deceived.
htom (9b625a) — 11/1/2014 @ 8:08 pmOver time, the only effective method of dealing with this sort of problem is to instill values into the child that will lead the child to conclude on his or her own that dressing this was is a bad idea. Some rebelliousness in response must be expected, and the degree of same will indeed vary from child to child. But rules aren’t the solution. Values are.
Beldar (fa637a) — 11/1/2014 @ 9:33 pm… *dressing this way is a bad idea.
Beldar (fa637a) — 11/1/2014 @ 9:33 pmI still have young kids, so this kind of issue hasn’t come up yet. But honestly, I don’t think I’d ever have this type of problem to begin with. I agree with both of those comments posted.
DejectedHead (532aac) — 11/1/2014 @ 9:34 pmMy most effective disciplining came with my first granddaughter, when she was two or so. Her mother dropped her off for an extended visit (she was Airborne at the time and had frequent field training deployments of up to four weeks at a time – a grandparents’ dream), but warned us she had discovered the word ‘no’ and it had become a favorite.
My wife opened our business and I took over at lunch until closing. So I had to get the child up, get breakfast, dressed, etc., to go to the bank and run errands in the morning. We were running late one day and I told her to put away her toys and get her shoes on.
She said, ‘NO!’
With a warm laugh, I smiled at her and said lovingly, “But sweetheart, you can’t say ‘no’ to Granddaddy.”
“Oh,” she replied. No problems after that, and she’s in college now.
Estragon (ada867) — 11/2/2014 @ 1:26 amI wonder how long before this will be another story about an abusive black father.
Mike K (90dfdc) — 11/2/2014 @ 8:04 amI’m sure it isn’t a surprise to any parent, but children are individuals and what works for one will not work for another. My oldest daughter wouldn’t behave until I used the Uncle Buck threat – “I’ll pick you up from school wearing a purple bathrobe and pink fuzzy slippers!” Embarrassment in front of her peers worked as a motivator. This is the same sort of thing, and I heartily endorse it.
tweell (b1022d) — 11/2/2014 @ 10:38 amPublic displays of rebellion often deserve public displays of discipline. I’m all for standing kids in the front corners of the classroom, taking them out in the empty, tile-floored halls mid-class so many other classes can hear the loud crack and know exactly what happened, etc, etc.
Chances are, this 10 year old girl will grow up to thank her daddy for caring enough to discipline her. Mine did.
John Hitchcock (240ca9) — 11/2/2014 @ 11:13 amRegarding Beldar’s statement, I didn’t really have any serious problems with my daughter’s choice of attire until she was on her own. (5’0″ super baggy pants hanging off her butt, blech) I had a sliding scale of things. You cannot, I don’t want you to, I don’t care, I want you to, you must. She knew the deal, cannot and must were absolute. The rest had my input but her ultimate decision.
John Hitchcock (240ca9) — 11/2/2014 @ 11:17 amPublic shaming worked on my daughter.
She was told to clean up her room or she wasn’t going to like the way I was going clean it. Guess she didn’t believe me. Waited patiently for her to come walking home with her friends and then I started tossing everything out her bedroom window onto the front yard. It wasn’t put up it went out the window. Guess the sight of her underwear floating down got her attention.
Never had the problem since.
Gerald A 11/2006 (2c96c6) — 11/2/2014 @ 2:29 pm