Patterico's Pontifications

Not all of these are wrong. Some of them are rather insightful. Number 7, for instance, is absolutely correct.

I did like the spelling test where the only word correct was “illiterate”, though.

malclave (1db6c5) — 12/26/2013 @ 7:58 pm

That had to be a put-on, malclave.

No. 19, the Chinese immigrant letter, is priceless. It’s so “in your face” to the social-counscience-raising jerk of a history teacher who assigned it.

nk (dbc370) — 12/26/2013 @ 8:04 pm

I think the teacher’s answer to Question 1 is awful. A number is not even because the digit in the ones place is even; that’s the definition of begging the question. A number is defined as even because it can be divided by the number two with the result being an integer, I.e., without a remainder.

JVW (709bc7) — 12/26/2013 @ 8:40 pm

I too was quite impressed with the Chinese letter home.

NaBr (d2443a) — 12/26/2013 @ 9:36 pm

Without knowing what the letter said, I really don’t know whether to be in awe of the student or merely impressed.

malclave (1db6c5) — 12/26/2013 @ 9:44 pm

It’s a tie between 7 & 8, although 2 & 3 are pretty good, too.

Kevin M (536c5d) — 12/26/2013 @ 9:46 pm

29 is probably correct.
9 is almost certainly accurate…unfortunately.

6 and 4 are my favorites.

Ibidem (1f9ebd) — 12/26/2013 @ 10:23 pm

I liked 10, 20, and 37.

10 is true.
20 is helpful.
37 is brief.

Tanny O'Haley (c0a74e) — 12/26/2013 @ 10:58 pm

Good yuks, I used to love watching Art Linkletter interview young children.

mg (31009b) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:37 am

In #20, the kid got it right. They’ve mislabeled the legs of a 3,4,5 right triangle. X is 3 and the leg labeled 3 is actually a 4.

ropelight (1c1500) — 12/27/2013 @ 6:34 am

I saw this already last Friday. Jonah Goldberg linked to it in the Goldberg File. He said:

This is great. 38 test answers that were wrong but awesome nonetheless.

I don’t actually look at too many of the links (although maybe it would be good if I did) but I had to see this. I saved the web page, and it looks like it is exactly the same page you link to.

It has the same title: 39 Test Answers That Are 100% Wrong But Totally Genius At The Same Time. (Jonah Goldberg did say 38.)

There are commments on that web page, too.

I liked that Chinese letter in actual Chinese, too, one of several that I really liked, but what I don’t know is if that actually is real Chinese.

(could be, there are people from China who also go to a Chinese school – they’d have to to learn how to write > Chinese.)

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:02 am

Good catch, ropelight.

In Biology, would “junkies and hookers” be correct for “two things commonly found in a cell”, do you think?

nk (dbc370) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:05 am

Yes, Sammy. And not just the Chinese.

— Mama, why do I have to go to Greek school?
— Don’t you want to know how to write a letter to your mother-in-law?

nk (dbc370) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:11 am

10. In Question 20, it is mislabeled – but they always say anyway, diagram not to scale.

And the question was “Find x” and the student wrote down:

Here it is – and drew an arrow to it!

======================================

Similarly, Question 1: “How do you know? (that 68 is either even or odd)

And the answer was “Because I’m smart.”

The answer wanted was some way to determine whether a number is odd or even, but it’s just a bunch of words the teacher had said.

=======================================

2. Name the quadrilateral, and the student gave them names: Bob, Cate, Hary, etc.

Write

And the student wrote

a. 0.5 ____ or ____ 1.0

b. 3.2 ____ or ____ 3.02

and so on.

==========================================

6. Imagine you lived at the same time as Abraham Lincoln. What would you say or ask him?

A. I’d tell him not to go to a play ever, [should be a period, but there should be a comma, but after play)

But this is a wrong answer. It wasn’t if you had a time machine and could speak to him. If he lived at the same time, he wouldn’t know there’d be a problem with a play. Of course, he’d still have his own idea from 150 years later, so it’s not a good question, really.

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:15 am

In question 2, the system does not produce what’s in the box. I thought that might happen.

But what I wrote and what the question had, was a lesser than sign and a greater than sign and the word “OR” in the middle. In other words, which number is smaller or bigger.

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:17 am

I can’t figure out what’s going on in #4 at all.

I can see it has something to do with chemistry, but I don’t know what the question is, or how Matata might be an answer to it.

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:23 am

Hakoona Matata, a Swahili phrase, meaning “no worries” or “no problem”.

Yes, I ~~am a linguistic genius~~ Google it.

nk (dbc370) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:27 am

My wife read the letter… Basically, it is a straight forward letter home.

My life is terrible… only 10 people injured yesterday… Opened a store… Don’t speak much English but understand what the white men want… I am doing well, don’t worry… Hope to see you soon

(I did not take notes as she translated).

BfC (a1cf00) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:29 am

It’s from the Lion King. The pig’s and the weasel’s signature song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB5ceAruYrI

nk (dbc370) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:31 am

These kids have been given too many participation trophies.

AZ Bob (ade845) — 12/27/2013 @ 7:54 am

11. is correct. WTF?

CrustyB (5a646c) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:02 am

Are you for real, Sammy?

JD (d094ca) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:47 am

Kudos to the teacher in Question 8, who appears to have the good sense to accept that answer (if the red check-mark indicates “correct”).

JVW (709bc7) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:51 am

In number 2, there are three rectangles, one of which might be a square. and two parallelograms, one of which might be a rhombus. Even if you accept the scale as being what it seems, there are still two rectangles.

Kevin M (536c5d) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:53 am

BTW, #8 is a brilliant and concise answer.

Kevin M (536c5d) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:57 am

Are you for real, Sammy?

There are times when I think Sammy is a Turing test that slightly misses the mark.

Kevin M (536c5d) — 12/27/2013 @ 9:00 am

In #2 the right edge of the paper is cut off, but if that is all there is, there are five quadrilaterals and only 4 choices.

Which is something you see reasonably often in a test. It prevents someone from using a process of elimination, or makes it harder.

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 9:54 am

21. Comment by CrustyB (5a646c) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:02 am

11. is correct. WTF?

It’s obviously not what the teacher is looking for. that’s why the etacher wrote: “nice try”

Not understanding what is wrong with that answer would be slightly missinmg the mark in a Turing test.

The big question is: what wa sthe teacher getting at?

My thinking would be the answer sought for is that the microscope wasn’t focused properly.

You couldn’t really answer without having heartd the teacher discuss something.

Otherwise other possible answers would be:

1) There’s nothing on the slide.

2) The specimen is not lit.

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 9:58 am

28.

Or she’s blind.

CrustyB (5a646c) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:04 am

If this were the linguistic-location drill, the answer for “where did Sammy go?” would be “’round the bend…” in my neighborhood.

He is starting to sound like Dr. Sheldon Cooper; possibly too much Big Bang Theory…

gramps, the original (64b8ca) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:09 am

29. That’s the most improbable one of all. If that were true, why would she be looking through the microscope in the first place?

Looking at this more closely, the teacher actually was open to a number of possible answers [ Suggest one reason why not ]

But what he wanted was something to do with not using the microscope correctly.

Not a vision problem.

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:15 am

The interesting quirk on Question 2 is that each of them should be answered with “parallelogram.” All of them (with the exception of maybe #5) also have secondary answers, but I wonder if the test designer understands that each figure is in fact a parallelogram.

JVW (709bc7) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:18 am

Please stop, Sammy! Take a week off or something. You don’t need to comment about…well, everything.

If your therapist hasn’t told you that what you’re doing is neither healthy nor normal, seek a second opinion.

Huitzilincuatec (f7d5ba) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:22 am

Bfc at 18:

I did not take notes as she translated).

But, still:

The letter says:

My life is terrible…

But also:

I am doing well, don’t worry…

I gvuess that’s possible, but I think the student changed their mind about what to write.

only 10 people injured yesterday…

What happened? Was there an avalanche? A mudslide? An earthquake? A train accident?

Was it near him, or was it something that was in the newspaper that peoplle told him about?

(

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:33 am

30. Comment by gramps, the original (64b8ca) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:09 am

He is starting to sound like Dr. Sheldon Cooper; possibly too much Big Bang Theory…

No, Sheldon Cooper is from Texas, I wouldn’t sound like him..

http://bigbangtheory.wikia.com/wiki/Sheldon_Cooper

Of course, you don’t know to what degree a fictional character can be consistent, or plausible.

His early experiments sound a little bit like what this person did:

http://www.amazon.com/s/?tag=patterspontif-20&link_code=wsw&_encoding=UTF-8&search-alias=aps&field-keywords=%22radioactive+boy%22&Submit.x=0&Submit.y=0

He got his radioactive materials out of smnoke detectors. The really bad stuff was carted off to an ordinary landfill. Super-precautions were taken with what remained once they knew about it.

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:41 am

#29 is pretty original.

Why didn’t the teacher say 90?

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:48 am

Why didn’t the teacher say 90?

Or, more reasonably, 40. Although Warren might have had the same answer even then.

Kevin M (536c5d) — 12/27/2013 @ 10:56 am

Just noticed: A comment on the website says the translation is:

I live here terribly. Poor working condition, lack of benefits. But don’t worry, only around 10 people get badly injured everyday. I am very careful. We open a small shop. The business is quite OK.
Though I’m not good at English, I still can understand a bit what those white men say.
I work hard here, hoping to be outstanding some day. Will take care my health too! How are you there? Miss you, wish to be able to see you more often.

I think, to really sound Chinese, the language should be telegraphic, because Chinese has no syntax (and therefore sentences can be understood in a number of different ways an that explains the differences in bteh translations.)

One problem: Is he working, in some place where ten people get injured every day (!) – out of how many people? – or did he open up a shop??

Or is he there with his son, or more likely, some other relative, and they are partners? This story needs an editor.

Sammy Finkelman (d22d64) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:18 am

O my G

JD (5c1832) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:20 am

No superego.

Huitzilincuatec (f7d5ba) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:22 am

Before I even clicked the link, I knew that 50% of the comments would be from Sammy.

Pious Agnostic (c45233) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:37 am

Sammy’s translation is 100% in agreement with what my wife said.

BfC (a1cf00) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:47 am

The interesting quirk on Question 2 is that each of them should be answered with “parallelogram.” All of them (with the exception of maybe #5) also have secondary answers, but I wonder if the test designer understands that each figure is in fact a parallelogram.

For that matter, each one of them is a quadrilateral, of which parallelogram is a subset. And each one of them is a closed figure, of which quadrilateral is a subset.

Chuck Bartowski (7f50c5) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:56 am

42. Comment by BfC (a1cf00) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:47 am

Sammy’s translation is 100% in agreement with what my wife said.

Your wife said My life is terrible… while the other translation said I live here terribly but probably really means something like conditions are awful – and he later explains – but not for him (because he is very careful.)

But, in another respect, your wife’s translation sounds better. Your wife said only “10 people” were injured “yesterday” while the other translation said only “around 10 people” get “badly injured” “everyday.”

(See here, the problem with Chinese having no tenses shows up. Your wife has it as a single incident and past tense, while the other translation has it as a continuing present tense.)

I wonder if even Chinese coolies would stick around for long if 10 people (out of what – can’t be much more than about 150) get badly injured every single day, and I can’t think even a child would imagine that.

Her translation – yesterday, but not every single day, and the people were injured but not “badly” injured – is different, and makes better sense.

I also like “Don’t speak much English but understand what the white men want…” better than the alternative translation of: “Though I’m not good at English, I still can understand a bit what those white men say.”

It’s also a bit more telegraphic, too, and doesn’t fill in so much.

Another difference is, your wife said: I am doing well while the alternate translation is: hoping to be outstanding some day which sounds like he is would-be Horatio Alger.

(I am pretty sure those are translations of he same Chinese words)

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:26 pm

O my G. Again

JD (d094ca) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:29 pm

Sammy – Have you ever considered creating your own website to explore these critical issues?

daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:32 pm

Again, my wife read it out earlier–I wrote the post without her there… I was just trying to say it was a normal letter written to the test.

My fault.

BfC (a1cf00) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:35 pm

JD #39 *and* #45 … careful ! You do not want to sammify yourself, do you ?

Hmmm … I wonder if insammity is contagious ?

Alastor (2e7f9f) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:38 pm

“Sammy’s Soporific Stupefactions”

daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:42 pm

Sammy… you not numbah one translator, you numbah ten!

Colonel Haiku (6d651d) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:45 pm

Dude’s got game!

http://www.policeone.com/bizarre/articles/6693951-Ore-man-on-meth-fights-off-12-cops-while-masturbating-in-bar/

Colonel Haiku (6d651d) — 12/27/2013 @ 1:01 pm

(With apologies in advance to our respected bloghost !)

Hey ! The dude’s a Frey, after all ! Of course, the headline should have been “All jacking up on meth !” …

(apologetic yet unrepentant grin)

Alastor (2e7f9f) — 12/27/2013 @ 1:14 pm

Colonel – Man’s gotta do whatta man’s gotta do.

daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 12/27/2013 @ 1:21 pm

The headline could have been worse: “Man beats off 12 cops…”

Sorry ladies, the devil made me do it (with apologies to Flip Wilson).

gramps, the original (64b8ca) — 12/27/2013 @ 1:31 pm

A&E blinks… fascists & anuses, but i repeat myself, hardest hit.

http://minx.cc/?post=346038

redc1c4 (abd49e) — 12/27/2013 @ 4:08 pm

@28

Regarding the microscope… from an actual situation I experienced while in the Army:

“Someone forgot to pack the damn power cords before flying the equipment donw from Germany to Turkey.”

Or would that fall under “the specimen is not lit”?

@30
He is starting to sound like Dr. Sheldon Cooper; possibly too much Big Bang Theory…

There ain’t no such animal.

malclave (1db6c5) — 12/27/2013 @ 4:26 pm

so the man anus vs. vagina death cage match is postponed for now as both sides reach an uneasy truce

This. Is. NOT. Over.

happyfeet (8ce051) — 12/27/2013 @ 5:43 pm

Great example of where standardized testing gets us.

kansas (ad6b2e) — 12/27/2013 @ 6:10 pm

Mr. Feets – Looks like anal leakage to me.

daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 12/27/2013 @ 8:23 pm

The answer to number 7 was completely accurate.

Michael Ejercito (906585) — 12/27/2013 @ 9:31 pm

meanwhile the Marine Corps has, unexpectedly, figured out how to make sure that all female recruits get the proper score on the pull-up portion of their PT test at the end of boot camp.

http://weaponsman.com/?p=12566

redc1c4 (abd49e) — 12/27/2013 @ 11:49 pm

I liked that Chinese letter in actual Chinese, too, one of several that I really liked, but what I don’t know is if that actually is real Chinese.

The reply on that test would have been truly humorous and quite elaborate if the student who wrote it isn’t Chinese or doesn’t know the Chinese language. If so, he or she deserves an “A” for creativity (and over-the-top cheekiness) alone.

Mark (58ea35) — 12/28/2013 @ 4:07 am

A&E blinks… fascists & anuses, but i repeat myself, hardest hit.

They (the “they”) don’t do too good when they take it to the public, do they? They got their heads handed to them with Chik-fil-A too.

And Jesse Jackson tried to horn in too. Drunkard, adulterer, swindler, extortionist, reviler. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is his personality profile.

nk (dbc370) — 12/28/2013 @ 5:05 am

“They (the “they”) don’t do too good when they take it to the public, do they? They got their ~~heads~~ narrow behinds handed to them with Chik-fil-A too.”

FIFY, nk…

Colonel Haiku (5c1c4c) — 12/28/2013 @ 7:32 am

Momma told me never fight the vagina.

daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 12/28/2013 @ 9:13 am

SF: I liked that Chinese letter in actual Chinese, too, one of several that I really liked, but what I don’t know is if that actually is real Chinese.

The reply on that test would have been truly humorous and quite elaborate if the student who wrote it isn’t Chinese or doesn’t know the Chinese language. If so, he or she deserves an “A” for creativity (and over-the-top cheekiness) alone.

But it is Chinese, as first Bfc at 18 told me on 12/27/2013 @ 7:29 am – and later I discovered at about 11:18 am – all times on Patterico are Pacific time – that there was a translation in one ofthe comments on the test questions and answers web page. That I therefore found out independetly that it was real Chinese was all I was trying to say.

I saw some problems with the Bfc version, but overall, (although partial) it reads better than the web page comment translation.

The student probably didn’t realize maybe taht it wasn’t supposed to be in Chinese, or maybe just decided to make it more real. And I think had some more information than what he or she got in that class.

Comment by Mark (58ea35) — 12/28/2013 @ 4:07 am

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/28/2013 @ 7:07 pm

50. Comment by Colonel Haiku (6d651d) — 12/27/2013 @ 12:45 pm

Sammy… you not numbah one translator, you numbah ten!

I don’t know any Chinese – but that kind of situation hasn’t stopped people (justifiably actually really) from picking Bible translations, or translations of the Koran.

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/28/2013 @ 7:11 pm

I know a few things about Chinese

This is the most extended bit of Chinese I know: (I am informed it is Cantonese)

Some say “E” “E” Some say Sam-ee. Some say Tet E. Soem say say-ee. Some say “Hey!”

Sammy Finkelman (117043) — 12/28/2013 @ 7:13 pm

Loved the advice to Abraham Lincoln.

rochf (f3fbb0) — 12/29/2013 @ 9:22 am

I think the answer to question 8 probably wasn’t intentional, because there’s no period after the word This.

Sammy Finkelman (b9404b) — 12/29/2013 @ 1:04 pm

I would not be a-laughin’ if my kid brought answers like these home.

Dirty Old Man (5b158d) — 12/30/2013 @ 5:36 pm

Have I told you about our new grading scale:

A – Average
B – Below average
C – Can’t have dinner
D – Don’t come home
F – Find a new family

I found it as the Asian grading scale on the internet and my daughter now recites it to everybody. She’s ok with Average.

nk (dbc370) — 12/30/2013 @ 5:45 pm

Actually, in an XML sort of way, number 3 is correct.

Larry Geiger (d4c284) — 1/9/2014 @ 1:03 pm

12/26/2013

Wrong But Funny Test Answers

73 Responses to “Wrong But Funny Test Answers”

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