Thanks for reading in 2013. This is the best group of commenters on these here Intertubes. It is a pleasure to ring in the New Year with you.
If you weren’t familiar with the channel, this might seem shocking:
I can’t editorialize any better than Ken White from Popehat:
.@MHarrisPerry, you and your panel may find my multi-racial adoptive family hilariously incorrect as well. Will this be a regular feature?
— Popehat (@Popehat) December 30, 2013
PS @MHarrisPerry if you could airbrush some of my chins when you mock my family's skin color that would be swell. Thx
— Popehat (@Popehat) December 30, 2013
The frustrations of an entire Metroplex, neatly summarized in a whimsical children’s song:
“The three words that define your player evaluation are as follows, and I quote: Stink! STANK! STUNK!“
Well, there’s certainly nothing disturbing about this:
Eliot Spitzer lusted after violence, a former hooker says in a new tell-all book — revealing in graphic detail how the love gov pinned her to a bed inside a posh, Murray Hill apartment and then gripped her by the neck until she feared for her safety.
The violence was scripted by Spitzer, who wanted his hooker to follow a role-play dialogue in which she would pretend she had just taken a self-defense class.
The kinky politician would then pretend to test her skills by announcing, “Well, then, let’s see if you learned anything,” and attacking her.
“The more struggle there was, the more he was into it,” foxy blond escort Rebecca Woodard recalls of her sadistic tryst with Spitzer, whom she serviced for $1,500 at the behest of notorious hooker booker Kristin Davis.
Can’t we get this guy elected to something?
Dave Barry has great commentary on this in his 2013 roundup:
It was the Year of the Zombies. Not in the sense of most of humanity dying from a horrible plague and then reanimating as mindless flesh-eating ghouls. No, it was much worse than that. Because as bad as a zombie apocalypse would be, at least it wouldn’t involve the resurrection of Anthony Weiner’s most private part.
We thought that thing was out of our lives forever, but suddenly there it was again, all over the Internet, as Weiner came back from the political grave like the phoenix, the mythical bird that arose from the ashes to run for mayor of New York and use the name “Carlos Danger” to text obscene photos of its privates to somebody named “Sydney Leathers.”
Speaking of pathologically narcissistic sex weasels: Also coming back from the dead in 2013 to seek elective office in New York (What IS it with New York?) was Eliot “Client 9” Spitzer, who ran for city comptroller under the slogan: “If you can’t trust a proven sleazebag with your municipal finances, who CAN you trust?”
Read the whole thing. I may quote more from it in the next couple of days, because a) hey, easy content! and b) it’s very funny. Dave has a very solid outlook on Obama and the fiscal disaster we face in the this country. One more quote:
[January] begins with a crisis in Washington, a city that — despite having no industries and a workforce consisting almost entirely of former student council presidents — manages to produce 93 percent of the nation’s crises. This particular crisis is a “fiscal cliff” caused by the fact that for years the government has been spending spectacular quantities of money that it does not have, which has resulted in a mess that nobody could possibly have foreseen unless that person had a higher level of financial awareness than a cucumber. At the last minute, congressional leaders and the White House reach an agreement under which the government will be able to continue spending spectacular quantities of money that it does not have, thus temporarily averting the very real looming danger that somebody might have to make a decision.
Eliot Spitzer for nothing; Dave Barry for President.
[guest post by JD]
Christmas with young kids sure is fun. My 5 year old is giddy with anticipation, and my 12 year old doesn’t really believe, but isn’t quite ready to let go of the idea yet. They got to open gifts from each other tonight, and tomorrow, Santa comes. The likely screaming and shrieking over the One Direction tix might register on a seismograph. The NORAD Santa tracker app provided endless fascination.
Traveling to Louisville, Illinois, and Utah between now and Monday.
I hope you and yours are happy, healthy, and safe. I don’t know many of you in real life, but this is a great community of people. You guys make me laugh, beat my head against the wall, smile, and think. Thanks for making my life richer.
Regular readers will remember a fun video about regional dialects that I published here on Thanksgiving. Well, now the New York Times has gone and created a 25-question quiz that claims to be able to place your dialect on the map. I learned about it from my brother-in-law, who lives in Lexington, Kentucky — and whose map put him in Lexington, Kentucky. (Each quiz generates a map with three cities whose dialects are most similar to yours. Lexington was one of the cities on his map.) As for me, here is my map:
That . . . is pretty much dead on. Sure, I live in California, but I speak pretty much the same way today as I always have — and I grew up in Fort Worth, one of the towns on my map. All my towns center narrowly around the area where I grew up. That makes sense to me, as I think my speech patterns have changed very little since I was a teenager. It gives people in California fits at times. I think I have mentioned before how I got back a transcript where my “y’all” was annotated with a parenthetical reading “phonetic.” And how I had an interview with a law firm once in Los Angeles, years ago, where a woman asked me if I really said “y’all.” I opened my mouth to say “yes” and the male interviewer snapped: “Of COURSE he doesn’t! He speaks English!” (I didn’t get the job.)
Our kids’ maps center around California: Long Beach, Corona, Fremont, and Glendale are the types of towns I see on theirs.
This thing seems to be going viral. Our waitress last night had just taken it. It’s all over Facebook. Fun stuff.
Is your map accurate? What questions amuse you? And: are there really people out there who call a median “neutral ground”? Do y’all think a street is some kind of a battlefield? What is wrong with you? Learn to speak correctly!