Patterico's Pontifications


Someone Writing the UT-Austin Police Blotter Has a Sense of Humor

Filed under: General,Humor — Patterico @ 7:10 pm

The payoff is the last paragraph, but somehow it seems funnier to read it all in context, alongside the more serious entries.

October 23, 2013

Campus Watch: Below is a summary of campus activity reported to or observed by the University Police Department between Friday, 10/18/13 and Wednesday, 10/23/13.

Theft: A UT Student reported his iPhone 5 as stolen from the Gregory Gym basketball court area. Estimated Loss Value: $400.00 Occurred on: 10/22/13, at 8:00 PM.

Theft: A Non-UT subject reported his black Galaxy S4 phone as stolen from the Jester Academic area. Estimated Loss Value: $300.00 Occurred on: 10/20/13, at 6:59 PM.

Assault, Criminal Trespass: A Non-UT male subject was seen yelling at a Non-UT female subject in the 2000 block of Speedway. The male subject struck the female subject causing her to fall to the ground before fleeing the area. A UT Police Officer responded to the area and arrested the subject for Assault and Criminal Trespass. The subject was transported to Central Booking and was released to TCSO personnel. Occurred on: 10/20/13, at 1:10 PM.

Graffiti, Criminal Mischief: A UT Student reported seeing Texas A&M themed markings made in white spray paint on the tiger statue near the Texas Memorial Museum. Additional markings were found around the Doty Fine Arts, Thompson Conference Center, LBJ Library and Performing Arts Center areas. All of the additional markings were made in maroon and white spray paint. Coincidentally the Texas A&M football team had a devastating loss to the Auburn Tigers earlier the same day. Unlike the Texas A&M loss, these blemishes found on campus can and will be removed as soon as possible. Estimated Removal Cost: $525.00 Occurred on: 10/20/13, at 4:49 AM.

Hook ’em Horns!

Thanks to a tipster.

15 Responses to “Someone Writing the UT-Austin Police Blotter Has a Sense of Humor”

  1. DIng.

    Patterico (9c670f)

  2. ha ha.

    Ag80 (eb6ffa)

  3. I so look forward to my daughter going to college.

    nk (dbc370)

  4. i got drunk at UT once cause I drank too much alcohol

    happyfeet (8ce051)

  5. true story

    happyfeet (8ce051)

  6. When I was a kid, I worked on the campus newspaper at Texas A&M. My job was covering local news, so I had to read the police reports every day.

    So, one day, I get a call from a reporter or researcher from Texas Monthly magazine. She asked me about a police item that said an A&M student had his pot plant stolen.

    If you are familiar with Texas Monthly, they stole an idea from Esquire magazine to do an annual feature called the “Bum Steer Awards.”

    Anyway, I told her that the College Station police department reported potted plants as “pot plants.”

    She said oops, well it’s really too late to change the Bum Steer edition. I really don’t know why she called me.

    That edition of Texas Monthly included an item about an Aggie reporting his marijuana plant being stolen to the police. You know, because Aggies are stupid. If you are outside of Texas, choose whichever college football team you don’t like.

    I tell that story to tell you this…

    Actually, no I don’t have to tell you anything. Believe what you want, but think about it first.

    Ag80 (eb6ffa)

  7. Best line I heard when the Aggies joined the Southeast Conference: Texas A&M is the only school that can look at Alabama and snort, “Huh, damn liberals.”

    JVW (709bc7)

  8. I could rent a rifle at UICC’s indoor range when I was there. I don’t think they let you do that anymore.

    nk (dbc370)

  9. JVW,

    That’s one of the things I like best about Aggies.

    DRJ (a83b8b)

  10. Apparently graffiti tagging the UT campus has been an October tradition since 2011. Sounds like fraternities or some other organization and it’s probably meant as a prank, but the link says it’s a state jail felony so it could get someone in big trouble.

    DRJ (a83b8b)

  11. the UT police blotter is small potatoes. for true literary excellence, the only police dept worth considering is Unalaska, Alaska, in the rollicking crab hub of Dutch Harbor. the Anchorage Daily News regularly prints some classics…

    John Cunningham (93685c)

  12. An offense under this section is a state jail felony if:
    (1) the marking is made on a school, an institution of higher education, a place of worship or human burial, a public monument, or a community center that provides medical, social, or educational programs; and
    (2) the amount of the pecuniary loss to real property or to tangible personal property is less than $20,000.

    Yeah, they could really get in trouble for this.

    I actually drove by some of this. I’ve seen TAMU graffiti regularly on UT Austin art and landmarks since about 2006 or so. I have never seen a single Sooner or TTU vandalism of the school. This year’s vandalism is the nastiest yet that I’m aware of. The media kept out some of the offensive details, but most of the patrons of that museum are elementary students, and the vandalism of the [awesome] saber toothed tiger statue took trashy to the next level.

    Obviously most Aggies are better than this. For some reason TAMU has always had this faction of really nasty fans too. I thought it was simply them taking football too far, but I guess not.

    I loved the bit about TAMU’s loss to the Tigers. They usually lost to UT as well.

    Dustin (303dca)

  13. Sweet. Thanks for sharing this, it made my day. Hook ’em!

    Beldar (9d4d3f)

  14. You know the story of how Bevo got his name, I hope, Patrick? It was the result of a somewhat similar Aggie prank many, many, many decades ago, but I’ll leave it to your and your readers’ googling skills to find the details.

    Beldar (9d4d3f)

  15. Aggies are not nasty. A true Aggie would never do what has been alleged.

    Regardless, I know exactly how Bevo got its name and now I have to retract my previous sentence.

    Also, most old Aggies really appreciate the response of t-sips after the stack collapse.

    Ag80 (eb6ffa)

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