Patterico's Pontifications


Memo: Valerie Jarrett Is Awesome (Need Examples)

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 10:58 am


A soon-to-be-released book by Mark Leibovich reveals in excruciating detail the White House’s efforts to defend longtime Obama friend and adviser Valerie Jarrett in the run-up to a New York Times profile that ran in September 2012.

Leibovich, himself a reporter for the New York Times, got ahold of a White House memo titled “The Magic of Valerie” that included 33 talking points circulated throughout the administration.

Some of the Jarrett talking points are listed:

The magic of Valerie is her intellect and her heart

She is an incredibly kind, caring and thoughtful person with a unique ability to pinpoint the voiceless and shine a light on them and the issues they and the President care about with the ultimate goal of making a difference in people’s lives.

Valerie is the perfect combination of smart, savvy and innovative.

They save the best for the end:

Valerie is someone here who other people inside the building know they can trust. (need examples.)

Remember: your hard-earned taxpayer dollars went towards the creation of this memo.

I sure hope they found some examples.


  1. chicago trash needs p.r. halps

    please include writing sample

    Comment by happyfeet (8ce051) — 7/4/2013 @ 10:59 am

  2. Valerie Jarrett is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

    Why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?

    Comment by JayC (1dd9ba) — 7/4/2013 @ 11:01 am

  3. Valerie Jarrett donated a kidney to a person who didn’t really need it. She’s just that way.

    Comment by Birdbath (716828) — 7/4/2013 @ 11:08 am

  4. Valerie Jarrett is so caring, she donated her good looks to someone else…

    Comment by redc1c4 (403dff) — 7/4/2013 @ 11:47 am

  5. Valerie is someone here who other people inside the building know they can trust. She’s just like Rahm that way.

    Valerie is so awesome that kids in Chicago stopped shooting each other for 15 minutes last Monday.

    Valerie can make even Michelle look warm and cuddly

    Valerie Jarrett has great hair and doesn’t look like she drinks much

    Comment by SteveG (794291) — 7/4/2013 @ 1:23 pm

  6. Please gag me, with any type of dining utensil,

    Comment by narciso (3fec35) — 7/4/2013 @ 1:28 pm

  7. She does kind of look like she swallowed a spork

    Comment by SteveG (794291) — 7/4/2013 @ 1:33 pm

  8. Valerie can read cursive and says creepy ass cracker better than anyone ever and also is not retarded; sir – Rachel

    Comment by SteveG (794291) — 7/4/2013 @ 1:50 pm

  9. Before Michelle and Berry hit the big time, Valerie Jarrett was Bill Ayres’ bitch, now she doesn’t return his phone calls.

    Comment by ropelight (a82805) — 7/4/2013 @ 2:52 pm

  10. Valerie Jarrett is so thoughtful that she never interrupts the president’s golf game. She just makes decisions for him.

    Comment by daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 7/4/2013 @ 2:55 pm

  11. Valerie Jarrett is as much of a genius as Peter Gleick is.

    Comment by SPQR (768505) — 7/4/2013 @ 3:03 pm

  12. Don’t you be snoopin’ up my Va-Jay-Jay!

    Comment by Icy (48d2a0) — 7/4/2013 @ 3:04 pm

  13. Valerie Jarrett: Best muppeteer evah!

    Comment by Icy (48d2a0) — 7/4/2013 @ 3:06 pm

  14. He!!, has there been a liberal politician who wasn’t special in the eyes of the media. The hagiography the goes on in the make believe media regarding progs is off the hook. zippy, hitlery, the goracle, et al. The list is endless. Just look at what’s written abut any dim presidential candidate. Name one that wasn’t hailed a genius during an election cycle.

    Comment by Amalgamated Cliff Divers, Local 157 (f7d5ba) — 7/4/2013 @ 3:54 pm

  15. Valerie Jarrett is so kind, caring, compassionate and thoughtful that she makes Mother Theresa look like Hitler. Valerie is JUST.THAT.AWESOME.

    Comment by daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 7/4/2013 @ 3:59 pm

  16. Obama is God, Valerie Jarrett is Godette.

    Comment by Ipso Fatso (1e3278) — 7/4/2013 @ 4:06 pm

  17. Valerie Jarrett knows things.

    Comment by elissa (18e70c) — 7/4/2013 @ 4:09 pm

  18. Valerie Jarrett thinks people who actually run for office are stupid. Why bother?

    Comment by elissa (18e70c) — 7/4/2013 @ 4:11 pm

  19. Valerie Jarrett is so kind that she has helped to make life in the horrible prison of the White House actually bearable for First Lady Michelle Obama.

    Comment by daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 7/4/2013 @ 4:48 pm

  20. Valerie Jarrett is as much of a genius as Peter Gleick is.

    What a maroon.

    Comment by Milhouse (3d0df0) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:05 pm

  21. Valerie
    —apologies to Richard Thompson, and “Valerie”

    Oh Valerie! You got Obama’s ear
    Oh Valerie! You control what he hears
    Born in Iran with a Communist past
    If the public knew about you they’d be aghast
    The way you control the President and First Lady
    Well they’re wait, wait, waiting on Valerie

    Hey Valerie! She was part of a ring
    Valerie! That built public housing
    Collected immense subsidy sums
    For shoddy buildings, instant slums
    Lots of poor tenants now living in misery
    After en-, en-, enriching Valerie

    If you’re in the West Wing, better genuflect
    To all of her whims, wherever she directs
    If you don’t, never you fear
    In a twinkling you’ll find yourself out on your ear
    Yes, she’ll have you thrown out on your ear
    Oh Valerie! Oh Valerie! Oh Valerie!

    Well Valerie! When bin Laden was found
    Valerie! You turned the mission down
    Three different times you nixed the “gutsy call”
    Now Obama runs around spiking that football
    Oblivious that he risked popularity
    By wait, wait, waiting for Valerie

    She is unvetted and uncontrolled
    Wields massive power through a personal hold
    Isn’t it disturbing that such as she
    Can determine the President’s policy?
    Foreign and domestic policy?

    Oh Valerie! No-one knows what she do
    Valerie! She’s paid by me and you
    She quietly pulls strings behind the scenes
    Nobody knows what’s behind the screen
    Except that she’s Obama’s number one crony
    We don’t need, need, need any more Valerie
    Don’t need, need, need any more Valerie
    We don’t need, need, need any more Valerie

    Valerie! Oh Valerie! Well! Whooo!

    Comment by buzzsawmonkey (b3e454) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:17 pm

  22. Well played!

    Comment by daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:23 pm

  23. Never heard of Richard Thompson before. Wears a hat like Phil Keaggy and plays the guitar more like Leo Kottke (when not doing slide).

    But I wondered if it was the same song as “Valerie” by the Monkees

    By what I really want to know is whether there were any official WH replies to:
    (need examples.)

    Comment by MD in Philly (3d3f72) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:43 pm

  24. Valerie never did anything illegal… unless you count all those times she sold dope dressed as a nun.

    Comment by luagha (1de9ec) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:44 pm

  25. Was that the same one, Steve Winwood covered.

    Comment by narciso (3fec35) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:44 pm

  26. Valerie Jerrett is the power, and the one is her mouthpiece

    Comment by MD in Philly (3d3f72) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:46 pm

  27. Steve Winwood covered a Monkees tune??

    Being silly, time to go, g’night

    Comment by MD in Philly (3d3f72) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:47 pm

  28. Might have been a different lyric.

    Comment by narciso (3fec35) — 7/4/2013 @ 5:54 pm

  29. ValJar must be absolutely frothing at the mouth over this humiliation and being a world wide web laughing stock.

    Comment by elissa (18e70c) — 7/4/2013 @ 8:56 pm

  30. Begin or ebd all of these sentences with “For a communist POS,…”

    Comment by Bugg (b32862) — 7/4/2013 @ 8:57 pm

  31. Richard Thompson!

    please to not enjoy these Richard Thompson singings

    I dare you

    Comment by happyfeet (8ce051) — 7/4/2013 @ 9:13 pm

  32. She is an incredibly kind, caring and thoughtful person with a unique ability to pinpoint the voiceless and shine a light on them and the issues they and the President care about with the ultimate goal of making a difference in people’s lives.

    She shined a light on the voiceless, the helpless? Not funny at all. The only light that I can remember, was the light that that so-called doctor shined in my eyes as he tore me limb from limb from my mommy’s womb!

    Comment by An aborted baby (127915) — 7/4/2013 @ 10:27 pm

  33. Shoot Out the Lights is an awesome album.

    Comment by Jack Klompus (ddf2d4) — 7/4/2013 @ 11:03 pm

  34. Cannot decide which is more impressive about her-her totuting of fellow commie Van Jones, working for slumlord Rezko or trying to delay the OBL raid until Pannetta and Hilalry freaked out and read The One the riot act to disregard her idiocy.

    Comment by Bugg (b32862) — 7/5/2013 @ 7:27 am

  35. Valerie Jarrett is a white house puppet on strings controlled by George Soros.

    Comment by trav (b74721) — 7/7/2013 @ 1:56 pm

  36. In 2017, we are going to see the most hilarious avalanche of “tell all” memoirs from the Obama administration as the various back stabbing syncophants try to blame the other backstabbing sycophants for the massive failures of Obama’s terms.

    Comment by SPQR (60ba58) — 7/7/2013 @ 3:02 pm

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