Patterico's Pontifications

4/23/2013

First-Time News Anchor Curses As He Goes On Air, Loses Job

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 7:55 pm

I’m sure you have all seen this, but for those who haven’t, it’s a must see. Like virtually all my posts lately, it merits a strong language warning:

Poor guy.

The Girls Get Skirts! The Girls Get Skirts! or, If Paul Anka Delivered the Sorority Scold’s Rant

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 6:47 pm

After reading the hilarously profane letter from the girl Ace calls the “Sorority Scold”, I wondered how Paul Anka might have handled such a situation. I think it might have gone something like this (language warning):

Julia: First order of business. No pants at these social events. You understand that? See the pants that everybody’s wearing? Everybody pr… Where’s the, where’s the girl at the end, the new pledge, who’s missing?

Someone: She wasn’t wearing pants.

Julia: Yeah, I know. The other girl on the end had the pants. Skirts! Didn’t I say skirts?

Someone: Yep.

Jana: I thought she had a skirt.

Julia: You thought, you thought.. you thought, you thought 8 things tonight. You’re on fuckin’ notice, Jana. Do you have your head stuck under a fucking rock? I gave you a list, ya got half the list that I gave you – with instructions for what you wear and everything on it. OK? The girls get skirts. Don’t make a fuckin’ maniac out of me. The girls get skirts. D’ya understand? I will fucking cunt punt the next person I see wearing pants. We’re not going to be as strong as our weakest link! The girls get skirts. Y’understand that? This is like church, dances, like anything else. The girls get skirts.

That’s Just. The Fucking. Way. It Is!

Your first start was not FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. So there’s no confusion. When I tell you talk to the guys from Sigma Nu, that is what you do. And look at these guys when you talk to them. Let me ask you this. A pilot is in a plane when he’s landing, he not only looks at his instruments, he looks at the fuckin’ runway to make sure it’s there. What do you look at? Who’re you watching? Are you looking at your sisters? You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM.

What’s it going to be, girls? You want fucking Vinny Falcone in front? Do you want me to go up and get a chaperone who’ll sit and ride your asses? Is that what you want? D’ya want to be in this sorority? Where’s Jo?

There is a lot of loose shit going on and I’m telling you you girls are on thin ice. All right? Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to tell me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. I’m telling you right now. And when I fuckin’ move I slice like a fuckin’ hammer. You’ve seen it and I’ll do it again. When I tell you not to post game at other frats, you do not FUCKING post game at other frats. I will not put up with this shit. D’ya understand that?

That’s Just. The Fucking. Way. It Is!

Do you all get full value on your sorority dues? I want full attention on Sigma Nu. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! Do you hear me? D’ya understand that? Put me some fuckin’ knowledge in here!

YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE. I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU. That’s just the way it is around here. D’ya understand that? That’s how fuckin’ crucial this is. Sigma Nu frat members are the only important ones at that party.

Do you want to get kicked out of this sorority? Give me some intelligent fuckin’ answers. Who should you be talking to at the night time events?

Someone: Well I have an idea.

Julia: I don’t want an idea, I want to know what went wrong and I wanta know how to fix it. Where’s Jo?

Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. You understand that? It’s just the kick that I’m on, the mood that I’m on. I’m on that kind of an integrity kick. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. D’ya understand? You understand where I’m coming from with integrity?

If you post game at other frats, you’re gone. And that goes for everybody. And that’s Just. The fucking. Way. It is!!

Don’t make a fuckin’ maniac out of me!!

Where’s Jo?

Suspicious Burning Death in Rancho Palos Verdes

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 5:57 pm

This caused me to change my route to get home this evening:

Homicide detectives were investigating a suspicious death Tuesday afternoon after a body was found charred in a burnt SUV in a residential area of Rancho Palos Verdes.

A lady just outside the crime scene tape told me that she heard there had been a fire at a basketball court, but that there must be something else going on because the police had been there for a long time. Sure enough:

Aerial video showed crime scene tape blocking off a small basketball court where a white SUV that appeared burned was parked. Investigators appeared to be concentrating on the vehicle.

Sheriff’s Lt. Greg Ahn said the body was found in the back of the burnt car. . . . The Los Angeles County Fire Department initially responded to the scene to extinguish the car fire, then found the body inside, fire officials said.

L.A. Weekly has the exact location if you’re interested for whatever reason.

The scene is just down the street from the location of a home invasion robbery that occurred last month. Naturally, I know of no connection between the two crimes.

Elvis Impersonator Framed For Ricin Attacks?!

Filed under: General — JD @ 1:14 pm

[Guest post by JD]

To paraphrase Jim Treacher, the only thing that could be stranger than an Elvis impersonator sending ricin-laced letters to US Senators and the White House would be for an Elvis impersonator to be framed for doing so. And who could have imagined that a story like this could be upstaged?!

I read a report earlier where he was released, but haven’t seen that confirmed yet.

More details here …

—JD

UPDATE BY PATTERICO: Reports say charges have been dropped.

What did they have on this guy before arresting him???

No Explosion at White House

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 12:09 pm

There was a hack of the AP Twitter feed.

I see people spreading the misinformation on Twitter so I wanted to help to crush the rumor as soon as I saw it.

UPDATE: TMZ:

The hacker group that claims responsibility for exposing private financial information about Michelle Obama and many other celebrities has issued an ultimatum to the U.S. Government — either declare war on North Korea or they will detonate bombs at the White House … TMZ has learned.

We’re told the group — which claims responsibility for swatting Rihanna, Diddy, Ryan Seacrest, Justin Timberlake, Paris Hilton, Chris Brown, Tom Cruise and others — contacted authorities through 911 and threatened to detonate 8 devices around the White House perimeter if President Obama does not declare war within 24 hours. There was a tweet that went out on the Associated Press’ twitter account saying, “Two Explosions in the White House and Barack Obama is injured.” The White House quickly discredited this as an “errant tweet.” We’re told the hackers are claiming credit for hacking AP’s twitter and posting the message.

TMZ is calling this a SWATting, but it’s not.

Max Baucus to Retire

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 7:58 am

Allahpundit says it’s not necessarily a good thing.

Tsarnaev’s Charges

Filed under: Brett Kimberlin,General — Patterico @ 7:20 am

Ken White from Popehat, a former federal prosecutor, explains:

The complaint charges Tsarnaev with two federal crimes: use of a weapon of mass destruction under Title 18, United States Code, Section 2332a and malicious destruction of property resulting in death in violation of Title 18, United States Code, section 844(i).

. . . .

So, what does the government have to prove? On the WMD count, they have to prove that Tsarnaev “(1) knowingly used, or attempted or conspired to use, a weapon of mass destruction, and (2) knowingly did so against persons in the United States.”

. . . .

[The destruction of property charge] requires proof of the following elements: that Tsarnaev (1) maliciously; (2) damaged or destroyed a building; (3) by means of fire or explosive; and (4) the building must have been “used in interstate or foreign commerce or in any activity affecting interstate or foreign commerce.”

I thought section 844(i) sounded familiar, and I was right. Here’s how the Federal Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit described Brett Kimberlin’s criminal history:

After being convicted of the bombings and related offenses, Kimberlin was sentenced to a fifty-year term of imprisonment for manufacturing and possessing a destructive device, and malicious damage by explosives with personal injury in violation of 26 U.S.C. §§ 5861(d) and (f), and 18 U.S.C. §§ 844(f) and (i). He received a concurrent twelve-year sentence for impersonating a federal officer, illegal use of a Department of Defense insignia, and illegal use of the Presidential Seal in violation of 18 U.S.C. §§ 912, 701, and 713, respectively, and a five-year term for receipt of explosives by a convicted felon in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 842(i)(1). Finally, he was given a four-year sentence by the United States District Court for the Southern District of Texas on an earlier, unrelated conviction for conspiracy to distribute marijuana.

Subdivision (i) of section 844 has different penalties depending on whether the bomb caused injury and/or death. Bad luck for Tsarnaev that he killed people. If he had simply maimed a dude, the way his brother’s bomb blew off Jeff Bauman’s legs, or the way one of Brett Kimberlin’s bombs blew off Carl DeLong’s leg, maybe he could have served a few years and then become a lefty political activist who harasses people for a living. As it is, Tsarnaev is potentially looking at the death penalty.


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