Patterico's Pontifications


Someone Tell Kathleen Parker . . .

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 10:26 pm

. . . she doesn’t do humor well.

P.S. Or incisive analysis, for that matter.

46 Responses to “Someone Tell Kathleen Parker . . .”

  1. Eeesh.

    Patterico (8b3905)

  2. cnn had to pull her idiot ass off the tv posthaste even though they paired her with a genuine *connoisseur* of whores

    that’s how bad she sucks

    happyfeet (d09198)

  3. 2. Client #9’s star burned too bright, we thought she the black hole in orbit about him.

    gary gulrud (dd7d4e)

  4. The piece gets “better” during its latter paragraphs, wherein the emphasis is on pointing out how bad for the country Obama’s proposals are.
    But no, not funny at all.

    Icy (TrvthBtOld) (c6c993)

  5. I didn’t make it more than 1/3 the way through. Bad! And she is a good writer most of the time.

    Patricia (be0117)

  6. No, she hasn’t been in at least four years,

    narciso (ee31f1)

  7. Its a shame she attempted to frame her contrast between Romney and Obama with humor that clearly falls flat, because she does makes good points that once again show what we’ve got and what we could have had.

    Humor can be a deadly weapon in skilled hands. Or, it can have the impact of a squishy Nerf dart in the hands of an amateur.

    Dana (292dcf)

  8. The column by Parker and this one convince me the Washington Post editors have a strange sense of humor.

    DRJ (a83b8b)

  9. how does somebody NOT like eggnog

    happyfeet (c5dee3)

  10. Inconceivable!

    After Thanksgiving eggnog becomes its own food group, suitable for the main course of a breakfast or lunch.

    MD in Philly (3d3f72)

  11. In Parker’s case, she never stopped drinking, hence this column,

    narciso (ee31f1)

  12. 2.cnn had to pull her idiot ass off the tv posthaste even though they paired her with a genuine *connoisseur* of whores

    that’s how bad she sucks

    Comment by happyfeet (d09198) — 12/2/2012 @ 6:15 am

    Spitzer never struck me as a “genuine *connoisseur* of whores.”

    I don’t know if I qualify as one either. You’d be surprised how many guys in the Navy don’t pay professionals (or part-timers) for sex. It warps the social scene when the USN pulls into some third world port like Mombasa. Thousands of guys, each one ready willing and able to spend more money in a night than the locals will make in a year. (We referred to the local coinage as “gravel,” as in “you have any money on you?” “No, just a pocket full of gravel.”) So when you do pull into some port like Mombasa women flood in from all over East Africa to hopefully bank a year’s worth of cash over the course of how many days the battle group’s going to be in port. If they really hit the jackpot they’ll hook up with some 18 year old who’s just off the farm for the first time and he’ll experience things no one ever did to him before and, oh yeah this is love, let’s get married. The squadrons used to get together and form a betting pool as to which one would have the first sailor coming back to the boat wanting to put in a special request to get hitched.

    To cut to the chase, hookers were everywhere. And while I and a lot of other guys operated by the rule “do I really want my grandma reading about this in the paper tomorrow” if I was going to sing Karaoke in Pohang or play Jenga in a Bangkok bar it was going to be with a hooker.

    So I’d buy them beers and tip them nicely because of course they were working and time’s money. And through years of forced association I’ve learned a couple of things about hookers that I think are relevant to the topic.

    1. Nobody in their right mind is going to put up with a hooker who thinks she’s worth several grand a night. I don’t even know Ashley Dupres, and I’m already tired of putting up with her crap.

    I think Elliot Spitzer demonstrated that only an idiot pays thousands of dollars a night for some chick who’s no better looking than some Colombian babe trolling the hotel bar for Secret Service agents or Dominicans working resorts for Democrats by the stupid way he was caught. Wire transfers to offshore accounts.

    No *connausseur* he. Pretty much an amateur.

    2. You can’t tell me that 22 year old Ashley Dupres had anything interesting to say. Which, when you get down to it, puts her in the same category as Kathleen Parker. They hooked her up with Client Number 9, and once again he was with a woman who had nothing interesting to say. Just look at what she writes.

    Can you imagine this woman inflicting herself on you at a dinner party. She’d be droning on convinced she’s witty and clever because she’s got a writing gig at the Washington Post and you’d be contemplating slitting your wrist with the steak knife.

    I can honestly tell you that your average third world sex worker is more entertaining just to hang out with than Kathleen Parker.

    Steve57 (1922f2)

  13. You don’t pay hookers for the sex, you pay them to go away after the sex.

    askeptic (2bb434)

  14. I’ll say it…”Kathleen Parker, you’re no Mark Steyn or James Lileks.”

    Elephant Stone (65d289)

  15. Jeez I never even been to Asian Hand Job Lady and we counted how from my apartment in LA it’s just like 52 steps plus she takes amex

    Yeah I live in the valley it’s kinda seedy

    but still even though my parents are dead like whitney houston lucille ball and lyndon baines johnson I’m pretty sure they’d find out

    happyfeet (c5dee3)

  16. 13.You don’t pay hookers for the sex, you pay them to go away after the sex.

    Comment by askeptic (2bb434) — 12/2/2012 @ 1:31 pm

    If you’re high-profile enough you can’t really pay them to go away. Because whatever you’re willing to pay, they figure it’s worth more. And more. And more.

    You’ll notice that celebrities use that “I don’t pay for sex I pay them to go away” line when they get caught.

    Just like herpes they don’t really ever go away.

    Steve57 (1922f2)

  17. I understand the idea that eggnog has too many calories and you just have to make choices sometimes but that’s different than letting your i hate eggnog freak flag fly

    happyfeet (c5dee3)

  18. I’ll bet she has “That garlic aroma that could level Tacoma”.

    mg (31009b)

  19. If you giys keep talking ’bout hookers next thing you know nk’ll be here to discuss “swimming in sewers” again. Do we really need that?

    elissa (aaf139)

  20. no plus you can get hepatitis

    happyfeet (c5dee3)

  21. Forget Lileks and Steyn, she doesn’t hold a candle to Florence King, but she does follow the party line, recall that ridiculous Newsweek cover, touting ‘the war on women’

    narciso (ee31f1)

  22. elissa, I’ll try not to talk about hookers anymore. I cancelled my cable so I didn’t have to be constantly reminded of hookers, what with paying for sex apparently being the fast track to getting your own talk show or a star on Hollywood Blvd.

    It’s just that this topic invites it. I see the name “Kathleen Parker” and I think “client no. 9.”

    Then I wonder what kind of woman would agree to host a show with client no. 9. Then I read what she writes and I conclude only a woman with no talent.

    The only way she’ll get a TV show is if she’s willing to appear with a guy who’s achieved national fame for paying for sex.

    So what does that make her?

    Then she bombed. It turns out she’s not as interesting as some guy who pays for sex with hookers. I can also tell you she’s not as interesting as your average southeast asian sex worker. Most of whom speak several languages and have had some mind-blowing life experiences.

    I imagine if Kathleen Parker told me about her life I’d either be asleep or suicidal before she got around to how mean the other girls at her prep school were to her.

    Steve57 (1922f2)

  23. so what does that make her indeed

    happyfeet (c5dee3)

  24. Actually, Steve57, I found your commentary interesting and insightful as I have and always will have, zippo experience there. I agree that Parker’s move to host a show with a man who has such little respect for women, was telling.

    In the linked to WaPo piece, Parker sacrificed salient points on the altar of gimmicks and self-aggrandizement.

    Dana (292dcf)

  25. That’s kind of a ‘bug not a feature’ with her, she does begrudgingly admit that Romney was right, but
    she was too entranced by ‘narratives’ for it to really matter,

    narciso (ee31f1)

  26. there’s no such thing as zippo experience with whores in barack obama’s America

    happyfeet (c5dee3)

  27. Geez, I’m on the compulsive comma train today. Meh.

    Parker was just to clever by half.

    Dana (292dcf)

  28. To = too…

    Dana (292dcf)

  29. Dana, have you read Greg Gutfeld’s new book? He makes a couple of points that are relevant. First, that folks on the Left think they are part of the “Kool Kadre,” just like in high school…sneering, ignoring, or condescending toward the “not cool” crowd. Second, he remarks (similar to my “marinating” in Leftism comment) that most media types are soaking in progressivism (like the old dish-soap commercial: “…your soaking in it!…”). He has a rough sense of humor, but he might could be a Right of center of Jon Stewart.

    And his comments about Stewart were spot on, and made me laugh.

    Simon Jester (c8876d)

  30. Parker has been incoherent for many years now.

    SPQR (768505)

  31. Parker should be working for a food magazine writing about California cuisine.

    mg (31009b)

  32. Comment by Steve57 (1922f2) — 12/2/2012 @ 2:02 pm

    I am devastated to find out that there is no honor among hookers.

    askeptic (2bb434)

  33. Comment by happyfeet (c5dee3) — 12/2/2012 @ 3:12 pm

    Which is why I wear latex gloves when shaking hands with a politician.

    askeptic (2bb434)

  34. Children shouldn’t be allowed to read Kathleen Parker’s columns. And neither should parents.

    Elephant Stone (65d289)

  35. Mg @ 31,
    I agree. And she would be dwell in the Napa Valley wearing Ralph Lauren country chic…

    I will give Parker kudos for pointing out the yet still double standard in the public square with regard to the Petraeus affair..and yet subsequently makes her buddy-buddy show with Spitzer all the more troubling, I guess. But still, she makes a valid point.

    In the meantime, our urgency to apply different standards to women than to men deserves scrutiny. For women, there’s no margin for error in public life, yet men walk away virtually unscathed — reelected to office, rehired by Wall Street, reassigned to a new parish, rehabilitated by the mere act of entering “rehab.” Puhleez.

    Dana (292dcf)

  36. “…no margin for error…”
    Unless those transgressions are the Hutu/Tutsi Genocide, the bombings of two East African Embassies, and the murder of a U.S. Ambassador.

    Then you get a pass.

    After all, it’s not like it’s a real phuque-up.

    askeptic (2bb434)

  37. askeptic – baby seal in French is phoque

    As in the sometimes-Glaswegian Scotticism – Goan’an get tae baby-french-seal outtie here, ya bampot !

    Alasdair (a28b33)

  38. Why do writers say they believe in conservatism, but write as if they are appeasers for the regime?

    mg (31009b)

  39. Because they want to make sure they still get invited to all the good cocktail parties.

    SPQR (768505)

  40. mg – are writers not human, like thee and me, and, as such, we do that which we have been hired to do, most of the time ?

    dana #27 – we are all part of comman humanity, in that subgroup known as the commantariat …

    Alasdair (a28b33)

  41. Alasdair- being a human, I would rather be set on fire, than be on stage with client #9.

    mg (31009b)

  42. mg #41 – indeed, some will do almost anything to be the toast of the crowd …


    Alasdair (a28b33)

  43. OT, but to quote feets, “no one tells us anything”

    Did ya’ll hear about the terrorist bombing in Arizona on friday:

    I didn’t think so.

    MD in Philly (3d3f72)

  44. Conservative writers are about to become the human doo doo bird.

    mg (31009b)

  45. MD, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.

    Icy (TrvthBtOld) (c6316e)

  46. Actually, askeptic, there is honor among prostitutes. At least in some parts of the world.

    You just can’t rip the hookers off like the Secret Service or New Jersey Democrats do when they go abroad.

    They’ll pretty much treat you like you treat them. Try to burn them and they’ll return the favor.

    I probably should explain a few things. In many countries in Asia bars, pubs, clubs, etc., employ “hostesses.” They’re just their to pour drinks and keep you entertained for as long as you stay in the bar. And only for as long as you stay in the bar. In places like Japan or Chinese pockets scattered across Asia such as Hong Kong or Singapore men spend a lot of time socializing with their coworkers or business associates and it’s just assumed that they’re going to want female companionship. So the bars hire women to provide that.

    Then there are places who employ women we referred to as “hostitutes.” And “employs” isn’t really the right word because usually the women aren’t there of their own free will and it isn’t like they’re the ones who are going to get to keep the money. Often they’re lured from poorer countries to wealthier countries, or poorer regions of a country to wealthier areas of the same country, through false pretenses. Sometimes they’re just sold into it by their families. The result is the same; they’re told they owe a huge debt for transportion, room and board, or their sale price and they’ve got to work to pay it off.
    They’re not there just to keep guys company and the party moving along in the bar.

    I’d avoid the overt sex industry businesses as it’s not my cup of tea. Most of the places I lived and worked prostitution was either legal or so narrowly defined that a lot of erotic services and supposedly erotic entertainment aren’t illegal. I got talked into going to one of the sex shows that are ubiquitous in the tourist traps of Thailand and it was pretty degrading. Not just for the girls. I felt degraded just for watching for like five minutes before walking out to go take a shower. What’s been seen can’t be unseen.

    Other places aren’t so obvious about what business they’re in. If a bar is operating an illegal unregistered pay-for-sex service it’s not going to be immediately apparent. Because then they’d get busted. The authorities are willing to ignore quite a bit as they’re either on the take or consider it best that they just regulate it rather than drive the demand underground, but not if someone insults their intelligence by rubbing their faces in things. Those places have to be discreet to get by under the radar. So there is a legitimate business operating as a front.

    I suppose there are legitimate businesses in Thailand where the hostesses, waitresses and the bartenders really are just hostesses, waitresses and bartenders, but I never found one. I thought I did once in Bangkok; if I remember correctly it was called the King’s X. It was quiet and clean, nobody was putting on a sex show, and the girls were nicely dressed and friendly. So I sat down and killed some time playing Jenga with the bartender.

    It took me a few days to get clued in that, nope, those girls were hookers, too. But by then I decided I wasn’t going to try and find a new place to go hang out when I needed to get out of my hotel room. The girls weren’t trying to bother me with a sales pitch. I didn’t have to witness some girl from some stone age hill tribe in Chang Mai or Burma pop balloons with darts shooting out of body parts that never should have darts placed in them. And I really like playing Jenga and that was the only place in Bangkok that I was aware even had the game and someone willing and able to play it.

    Sometimes you find yourself alone with a few days to kill in a strange city where you know no one and that’s all you can really hope for.

    Just so you know the on-base social scene in WESTPAC was pretty warped, too. It wasn’t like certain members of the wives club or even women in the military didn’t know a business opportunity when they saw one.

    And I’ll tell you this; if you want to find really good Thai food in Japan go to the pub-snacks where the Thai girls are working. If you treat them right they’ll make you some of whatever it is they’re eating. If they decide to like you they’ll do things like cook for and you don’t have to pay them. If they trust you enough they’ll even ask you to hold onto their secret stash of money they’ve been hiding from the mama-san and her other partners in crime. Which is clear sign you can trust them.

    I’ve found that a hooker you can trust to be great tour guides. They’ll show you what sights there are to see while making sure you don’t get ripped off by the local scam artists or get robbed or killed by wandering into the wrong part of town.

    It’s a lot better than hiring a cabbie to take you around as the cabbies are often the scam artists you need to watch out for.

    So, yeah, there is honor among prostitutes. Some prostitutes.

    I can also say the third world hookers usually have more profound, insightful comments to make than anything I’ve ever read or heard Kathleen Parker say. Most aren’t stupid; they usually speak several languages and have been brought up through the school of hard knocks.

    Steve57 (1922f2)

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