Patterico's Pontifications

8/28/2012

David Brooks: Unfunny Moron

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 10:20 pm

Get ready to GUFFAW!!!!

Romney was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal.

. . . .

Romney is also a passionately devoted family man. After streamlining his wife’s pregnancies down to six months each, Mitt helped Ann raise five perfect sons — Bip, Chip, Rip, Skip and Dip — who married identically tanned wives. Some have said that Romney’s lifestyle is overly privileged, pointing to the fact that he has an elevator for his cars in the garage of his San Diego home. This is not entirely fair. Romney owns many homes without garage elevators and the cars have to take the stairs.

One major difference between me and David Brooks: I know that I’m not funny.

Andy Levy: “I’d like to thank David Brooks for showing everyone just how hard it is to write comedy.”

The New York Times ombudsman, on his way out the door, conceded that the paper is liberal. Ya think? When the “conservative” columnist earns water cooler kudos by penning ultralame jabs at the GOP nominee?

Nobody but nobody would care about this putz if he didn’t publish his drivel in the New York Times. And that paper would not publish him if he were a real and persuasive conservative. So he attains his “relevance” (such as it is) by being a smug cocktail party non-conservative.

Incredible.

53 Responses to “David Brooks: Unfunny Moron”

  1. this is not a person oft-accused of being self-aware, this david brooks

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  2. That’s code for anti-Mormonism.

    AZ Bob (1c9631)

  3. what the f would anyone do with 24 million jujubes anyway

    at some point you’ve got enough jujubes is my understanding

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  4. ____________________________________________

    And that paper would not publish him if he were a real and persuasive conservative.

    Which is a sign of just how emotionally and operationally leftwing they’ve become. That’s because their former (and now deceased) token Republican/conservative, William Safire, truly leaned right and was a very credible assessor of the political scene.

    Similarly, the Los Angeles Times once had its own token in-house conservative opinion maker, that being cartoonist Michael Ramirez—so good that even the Pulitzer people managed to grin-and-bear-it and gave him a few awards. The latter person has since been replaced with a garden-variety, run-of-the-mill liberal.

    If such businesses — such publications — are economically gasping and wheezing in this era of berserk-o liberalism and Barry Soetero, then the symbolism and appropriateness of that are quite perfect. I once believed the pluses of such newspapers (ie, their coverage of non-partisan, non-political topics, including things like sports) outflanked their minuses. But not anymore.

    Mark (cf1ca8)

  5. What color were those jujubes?

    RACIST!!!

    Icy (c5308a)

  6. Methinks ’tis time for our Miss Brooks to go ‘on assignment’

    At one of those special getaway spas . . . the ones with bars on the windows and pillow-top walls.

    Icy (c5308a)

  7. It’s odd. I mean, I would expect that having actually, you know, worked hard for a living in the business world…well, Mitt Romney would have a crease in his pants far superior to that of the Mom jeans worn by the current President.

    And as we all know, Mr. Brooks loves him a nice crease in Obama’s slacks.

    On that subject, let’s review Mr. Brooks’ thoughts about the President:

    http://hotair.com/archives/2009/08/31/the-obligatory-david-brooks-really-impressed-with-obamas-pants-post/

    Now, that’s comedy writing.

    Simon Jester (4a751d)

  8. Are you kidding, Patterico? Think of all the fun we are missing out on by not applying Brooks’s brand of — uh — “humor” to the current President:

    Obama was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“You didn’t nurse me yourself!”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first teleprompter at 24 months. The teleprompter allowed him to dazzle his teachers when he expertly read the words they wanted to hear, “Pubic sector workers are the backbone of society,” though it was later discovered that he had not yet learned what a backbone was.

    . . . .

    Obama is also a passionately devoted family man. After getting his mentors in the corrupt world of Illinois politics to arrange for a four-year-long paid maternity leave for his wife, Barack helped Michelle raise two perfect daughters, the maximum allowable amount for a progressive family who cares about overpopulation and the environment (unless they apply for a Gore/Edwards/Kennedy exemption). Some have said that Obama’s lifestyle is overly privileged and slightly scandalous, pointing to the fact that he has a wine cellar in his basement and the home was purchased with the help of a convicted felon. This is not entirely fair. The wine is really for when Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn drop by and the Obamas hardly know Terry Rezko, they are merely acquainted with him through their mutual friend Rod Blagojevich.

    See how much fun it can be? And I didn’t even have to talk about the crease in Obama’s pants and the corresponding bulge in Brooks’s!

    JVW (edec8d)

  9. May I say Brooks is gay? Not to step on happyfeet’s feet. Which would be lame. But I am, too, so I think I’m allowed. Lame. (Gay, you’ll need to find out up close and personal. Ladies first, please.)

    And since this is a joke thread, who knows the joke for this punchline, “Heck, there go my Sundays”?

    nk (875f57)

  10. Shamelessly Googled NK,

    12 Women an One Man

    A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.
    The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the
    women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two
    women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off.
    One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat
    nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.
    The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in
    the boat. As he got out the first guy said “Oh my God buddy, am I ever
    glad to see YOU, To which the second guy responded “Well alright
    sweetie! It’s been a long time for me too.”
    The first man exclaimed “Oh hell, there go my Sundays!”

    Gazzer (a90f39)

  11. I believe that you can know a man by the company he keeps. And in the age of the Internet, I guess that would mean “people with whom he is popularly associated.” Fortunately, these days, Google has that little feature where you can see, when you searched for someone, other figures who get similar search results.

    Four of the five names that came up when I searched for David Brooks: Mark Shields, Paul Krugman, Tom Friedman, Maureen Dowd. The only conservative who made the list was George Will. One conservative in five. I kid you not.

    Then I picked another name at random to search: Victor Davis Hanson. The top five “associated” results I got with him? Thomas Sowell, Mark Steyn, Charles Krauthammer, Michelle Malkin, Hugh Hewitt. Conservatives all, baby.

    For the learning-impaired: Brooks is not a moderate conservative, because he is not a conservative of any stripe. Gimme a Q! Gimme an E! Gimme a D!

    Demosthenes (03df03)

  12. Unfunny moron is way to kind for this traitorous hack.

    mg (44de53)

  13. For satire to work doesn’t have to be kind of, you know, funny?

    Ralph Gizzip (5ab3ea)

  14. “Nobody but nobody would care about this putz if he didn’t publish his drivel in the New York Times.”

    Word.

    gary gulrud (dd7d4e)

  15. And people take what is written in the New York Times seriously, why exactly?

    C. S. P. Schofield (4feea2)

  16. David Brooks aspires
    to be Charles Grodin but he’s
    too gay not funny

    Colonel Haiku (83ebf2)

  17. David Brooks is a simple tool.

    Comanche Voter (29e1a6)

  18. I guess there must be something wrong with me. I thought it was pretty funny.

    Don’t get me wrong. Brooks is a tool. But I wouldn’t be surprised if Romney found the piece a bit amusing.

    Roland (5ff18d)

  19. Those Comedy stylings don’t compare with ‘Obama is like the Mountain, (too which I would say, more like an Iceberg) or Sarah is a cancer upon the GOP.
    One is reminded of Samuel L. Jackson’s earlier profane laden riffs to common sense.

    narciso (ee31f1)

  20. Picking on Mrs. Romney was waay tge F##K over the line

    The whole article was, Mitts a nice guy. Sorry your candidate can’t even take a joke about a birth certificate.

    Thank goodness Mitt isnt thin skinned enough to send out his journalist enablers to do his dirty work.

    Yeah, now I’m donating to Mitt.

    EPWJ (d84fb0)

  21. Its also time to end the charade with Jaum williams and give him the boot for insulting Mrs. Romney’s life story as if he knew her.

    EPWJ (d84fb0)

  22. The Times, exists on the charity of a Mexican oligarch, who profited from the peso collapse in
    1994, they could have tried a Russian one, but they
    have standards.

    narciso (ee31f1)

  23. This is serious journalism? I guess he couldn’t defend Obama.

    Dennis D (d91acc)

  24. 20, 21. Yea! We have our eye on Twister, but Ann and Paul give us hope, along with a properly caged and restrained Sununu.

    gary gulrud (dd7d4e)

  25. 18. “The cars made to take stairs” line was ok.

    gary gulrud (dd7d4e)

  26. JVW wrote:

    The teleprompter allowed him to dazzle his teachers when he expertly read the words they wanted to hear, “Pubic sector workers are the backbone of society,” though it was later discovered that he had not yet learned what a backbone was.

    Are you saying that, at 24 months, he did know what “pubic” sector workers were? Enquiring minds want to know! :)

    The nitpicking Dana (3e4784)

  27. Comment by The nitpicking Dana — 8/29/2012 @ 7:25 am

    Uh-oh, Freudian moment. I might have meant that line for the Bill Clinton parody.

    JVW (edec8d)

  28. You have to admit, Mr Brooks faced a very serious challenge. Trying to make adults acting like adults seem funny would be a major challenge for anyone.

    Mitt Romney grew up wealthy, and made himself much wealthier. He married a great woman, and stayed married to her. His wife and he reared five kids, none of whom had made the news for DUI arrests or snorting cocaine. If he has cheated on his wife, dozens of political opponents in both primary and general elections have been unable to discover it. He ran successful businesses, and was a successful governor.

    How do you make fun of a record like that?

    The serious Dana (3e4784)

  29. Come on, that WAS funny! I would think even Mitt Romney got a chuckle out of it.
    Lighten up!

    P. Kenny (94e764)

  30. Mitt Romney grew up wealthy, and made himself much wealthier.

    I read where he got $0 as in zero from his father’s wealth, that it all went to (BYU?).

    Ann Romney’s story talks about them scraping to make ends meet in college in a poorly furnished basement apartment while in college (in one way no big deal, lots of people did that, but not if they were wealthy).

    MD in Philly (3d3f72)

  31. Comment by JVW — 8/28/2012 @ 10:58 pm

    I think that was far better. Maybe you should submit it to Townhall.com or somewhere and see if you can get a column of your own. Really.

    Whose column would get more interest, David Brook’s or JVW’s spoofing Brooks 2 days later.

    MD in Philly (3d3f72)

  32. Some commenters on the Times page are claiming that Brooks is attempting to parody the left-wing attacks on Romney. If true, it is a half-assed attempt, to say the least, and comes off as more of a P.J. O’Rourke “all politicians suck” sarcasm piece.

    Icy (c5308a)

  33. Good stuff, JVW !

    Elephant Stone (65d289)

  34. I don’t believe the inheritance story, MD. Sorry.

    Rich people knew how to create in vivos and pour-over trusts even 40 years ago. When they wanted to avoid inheritance and/or gift taxes. I imagine the same thing can be said of Joseph “Merchandise Mart” Kennedy’s heirs.

    And we already discussed how much Elizabeth Edwards left to John.

    nk (875f57)

  35. Newspapers will print anything or allow their websites to contain any posts against the GOP or any non-democrat. See what my local rag allowed to be posted, and they never ban lefties for what they’ve banned others for:

    grumpy2 posted at 10:52 am on Thu, Aug 16, 2012.
    Posts: 143
    I hope we have violent riots. Random acts of violence against the wealthy.. It only seems fair. Perhaps some of you guys should grow some nads. Just another scare tactic by the right wing. The lies and distorttions keep coming.. Just begin the violent
    end of the right wing hysteria..

    PCD (1d8b6d)

  36. Just like Peanuts, re-running old Bill Safire columns would be more illuminating than anything his replacement has, or can, offer.

    AD-Restore the Republic/Obama Sucks! (b8ab92)

  37. Comment by PCD — 8/29/2012 @ 8:46 am

    “grumpy2″ seems to be laboring under the delusion that in a violent confrontation, the VRWC will flee the field. Well, he can take that to his grave, for he won’t survive to see the finale.

    AD-Restore the Republic/Obama Sucks! (b8ab92)

  38. 30, 34. I read those autobiographical stories too, young marrieds in school raising kids, apparently penniless.

    All they really stipulated however, was that their day-to-day expenses, like groceries and utilities, weren’t fronted.

    gary gulrud (dd7d4e)

  39. David Brooks is King of the second-tier opinionators that are willing to accept the title “Conservative” in order to be paid to write middle-of-the-road Liberal commentary. “Journalism’s” equivalent of Al Jolson.

    Dave (93bfc3)

  40. nk, just checking here….

    Mitt Romney’s inheritance in his words

    reff (4dcda2)

  41. 37, AD, my point was lefties prevoke violence, but are NEVER punished for it. In the local rag’s preference, grumpy2 is allowed to post, but people like me are banned.

    PCD (1d8b6d)

  42. Comment by nk — 8/29/2012 @ 8:17 am
    Comment by gary gulrud — 8/29/2012 @ 10:21 am
    Comment by reff — 8/29/2012 @ 10:40 am

    Thanks reff for the link and info.
    IMO either Ann Romney told essentially the truth and their “wealth” was reflected by their $62 dollar a month apartment or it wasn’t.

    Of course, it wouldn’t be the first time a politician or politician’s wife was deceitful, but I’ve never heard anyone claim that previously about Ann Romney.

    Even if they had zero financial help, did Romney have some opportunities granted him that others with his same skill did not have? Probably so.

    At least it seems Romney is willing to say who helped pay for his house.

    My parents gave us a car as a wedding and graduation present too, a Chevy Impala that was about 8 years old with 80,000 miles on it.

    MD in Philly (3d3f72)

  43. PCD, Yes, Lefties love to spout off.
    Invariably though, they let their mouths write checks their a$$es can’t cash.
    grumpy will never see the conclusion of his violent confrontation – his participation will terminate well before that.

    AD-Restore the Republic/Obama Sucks! (b8ab92)

  44. Invariably though, they let their mouths write checks their a$$es can’t cash.

    There’s a reason internet tough guys have a lot to prove and no better way than the internet. The real world offers the couch potato no realistic chance of posing like that.

    Dustin (73fead)

  45. 18. Comment by Roland — 8/29/2012 @ 5:57 am

    I guess there must be something wrong with me. I thought it was pretty funny.

    To be funny, there has to be something true in it.

    There’s nothing true about:

    There was, frankly, a period of wandering. After hearing Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side,” Romney decided to leave Mormonism and become Amish. He left the Amish faith because of its ban on hair product, and bounced around before settling back in college. There, he majored in music, rendering Mozart’s entire oeuvre in PowerPoint.

    Or…

    After his mission, he attended Harvard, studying business, law, classics and philosophy, though intellectually his first love was always tax avoidance. After Harvard, he took his jawline to Bain Consulting, a firm with very smart people with excessive personal hygiene. While at Bain, he helped rescue many outstanding companies, like Pan Am, Eastern Airlines, Atari and DeLorean.

    (These are all companies that went bankrupt in the late 1980′s or in the 1990s.)

    If you wanted to write something like 1066 – imagine where somebody attempts to write about Romney and everything is wrong, maybe you could justify some of it, but it is too pointed.

    Sammy Finkelman (d22d64)

  46. 31, 33. Yes I thought what JVW wrote at 8 was far better – and more accurate, although it did have some things it shouldn’t have.

    Barack helped Michelle raise two perfect daughters, the maximum allowable amount for a progressive family who cares about overpopulation and the environment (unless they apply for a Gore/Edwards/Kennedy exemption)

    …is far better than:

    After streamlining his wife’s pregnancies down to six months each, Mitt helped Ann raise five perfect sons — Bip, Chip, Rip, Skip and Dip — who married identically tanned wives.

    One has some possible truth behind it, and the other one doesn’t.

    Sammy Finkelman (d22d64)

  47. 32. Comment by Icy — 8/29/2012 @ 7:58 am

    Some commenters on the Times page are claiming that Brooks is attempting to parody the left-wing attacks on Romney. If true, it is a half-assed attempt, to say the least, and comes off as more of a P.J. O’Rourke “all politicians suck” sarcasm piece.

    The letters to the Editor the New York Times published on this today (August 29) were not all the same. It looks like they were chosen to reflect different points if view (regardless of the proportions they got) something which is not so usual for the New York Times letters page.

    One letter (the lead one) says “David brooks must be aware that the best satire, like the best lie, is that what is most true.”

    That’s is of course what is wrong with that whole column.

    Then it tries to argue it’s not true. You know what this letter writer writes is not true?

    That Romney was not a successful business leader (or he hurt other businesses) that he was not a superb family man that he was not an effective Governor that he was not devoted community leader and that he was not a prudent decision maker.

    Actually of course David Brooks was taking down all those things in a very unfair way.

    He gets the dog in (which because it is true, is not so bad)

    The Romneys had a special family tradition. The most cherished member got to spend road trips on the roof of the car. Mitt spent many happy hours up there, applying face lotion to combat windburn

    The second letter says it’s very funny. On the surface he skewers Mitt Romney. But conservatives
    say it’s sarcasm – he’s making fun of Democrats portrayal of Mitt. But wait maybe he’s making fun of conservatives who make fun of Democrats, he writes.

    The third letter expresses disappointment that the writer’s one time hero wrote such a thing.

    The fourth letter is about the Frank Bruni column the same day which was also about Romney, but straight. Bruni’s favorite story about Romney, he said, was when Romney was campaigning for the Senate in 1994, trying to shake hands and he spotted a woman who sort of covered her face with her left hand. Romney says: “I know. You haven’t got your make-up on yet.”

    She tells him no, that’s not it.

    Romney says: “You do! You do! He grabs her hand and shakes it saying “Good to See you”

    Now this woman had probably really been a Democrat
    for Ted Kennedy. And in any case, Romney didn’t connect.

    The whole idea of the column is that Romney is missing something.

    So anyway this fourth letter is pro-Romney saying he;s running on his record, it’s not American idol and we’re not voting for the person with the biggest smile.

    Sammy Finkelman (d22d64)

  48. Brooks is certainly a tool. This column is written at a 4th grade level.
    Does he have no idea what “project much?” means?

    ps – Fla AG Pam Biondi is 7 or 8 times larger that I thought. she’s gotta be at least 6’10 with MadMen style double d’s. Speaking at convention just now she is towering over her fellow AG from Georgia Sam Olens, himself no sickly mite.

    Biondi will be a national figure soon but right now her polish needs some polish.

    miked (04e8ba)

  49. Bondi is the fascist idiot dumbass who turned the Trayvon Martin dealio into a farcical Kafkaesque charade

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  50. plus she has the fashion sense of an ugly fat girl

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  51. I,for one, welcome my Biondi robot overlords

    morrissey (09ad71)

  52. it’s just Bondi I asked the googles

    happyfeet (3c92a1)

  53. I don’t know if it was previously commented on but Roger Cohen (or maybe the non Pajamas Simon, I forget which) wrote a column saying that the Obama team are ‘kool aid drinkers’ relative to their belief in Obama. But here’s the thing – he argued that it was a GOOD thing. Obama is so kool he can do all your thinking FOR YOU, saving you the bother, of, you know, thinking for yourself.

    East German Judge (a5dac7)


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