Patterico's Pontifications


Sockpuppet Friday (DOMA arigato, President Obama edition)

Filed under: 2012 Election — Karl @ 10:39 am

[Posted by Karl]

As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.

Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.

Any discussion that is not funny where people want to get angry at each other is are strictly prohibited.  Offending comments will be summarily deleted and the violators flogged.

And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.

Liberals, when not spending your money, are kind of a cheap date, aren’t they?

President Obama declared his personal support for same-sex marriage yesterday, but the White House chose not to push for the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act today.

“Well, party platform issues are for the party to decide,” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said when asked if Obama would call for the repeal of DOMA and endorsement of pro-gay marriage language in the party platform.

Gutsy call!  Not to mention incoherent, although Jonathan H. Adler notes it:

The problem with the President’s position is that it cannot be reconciled with the Administration’s stance on the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act. According to Attorney General Eric Holder, he and the President concluded that the constitutionality of legal distinctions based upon sexual preference cannot be defended. In their view, because DOMA precludes federal recognition of same-sex marriages, it violates the constitutional guarantee of equal protection under the Fifth Amendment. Further, according to Holder’s statement, they concluded that no “reasonable” constitutional argument could be made in DOMA’s defense. Yet if DOMA is unconstitutional under equal protection, which applies to the state and federal governments equally, then how could any state law barring recognition of same-sex marriages survive constitutional scrutiny?

Now, legal types can be more nuanced about this, but you can be sure the folks swooning over Obama’s announcement of his personal opinion are not.  And given that Obama’s opinion is that states should decide, I again wonder how the folks who think recognizing same sex marriage (and gay rights generally) to be the preeminent civil rights issue of the day embrace Obama’s embrace of states’ rights.  After all, they would never accept that position regarding interracial marriage would they?  If Obama took that position… maybe.


59 Responses to “Sockpuppet Friday (DOMA arigato, President Obama edition)”

  1. Ding!

    Karl (f07e38)

  2. Can you imagine where we’d be if the Equal Rights Amendment DID pass?

    Phyllis Schaffley (bf8ad7)

  3. What exactly is the constitutionality of running guns to Mexican drug cartels again?

    Ghost (6f9de7)

  4. See, I told you President Obama has a big stick!

    Joe Biden (58dde3)

  5. So, what’s the President’s position on interracial necrophilic gay marriage?

    Gerry Studds (bf8ad7)

  6. I learned about democracy in Cuba from a Pastor’s for Peace website and a
    book by a former Nicaraguan leader. From what I can tell, here is how
    Cuba’s system works, which looks good to me. President Bush apparently
    thinks he
    should be the dictator of Cuba. He’s trying to tell them how to change
    their democracy. He wants political parties, which would allow
    mafia-ridden political machines to form.


    The government also amended the constitution at this time in
    1992 to make the system more democratic. They now have tiny
    neighborhood size election districts. All people in a
    neighborhood, not just those in the Communist Party, can nominate
    candidates for the National Assembly and the candidates they select do not
    have to be in the communist party. The people select two to eight
    candidates from which one will be elected. On election day,
    98 percent of the people come out to vote for their

    These Representatives of the National Assembly come together to select a
    president of the National Assembly and to select a group of people to
    represent them in the Council of State.

    The Council of State nominates a candidate to be the
    president of the Council of State. Castro receives 100 percent of the
    votes for this high position.

    This system may prove to be infinitely more
    democratic than a system where you never see the face of the people who
    nominate the candidates, though you feel sure its representatives of
    wealthy businessmen whose interests clash with the common good. And
    you don’t know the people they nominate.

    Annie Birdsong (64388b)

  7. Sadly, this Obama fella seems to have no concept of the dignity of the Office of President of the United States of America. If he did, he’d have fired some of his dam**d so-called advisers who don’t seem to know their rear ends from a hole in the ground. You can quote me on that, fellas. Now excuse me, I’m late for my walk.

    Harry S. Truman (255b30)

  8. I guess I won’t be moving to North Carolina !

    Charles Johnson, proprietor of (0ae97d)

  9. “Since we do reserve the federal authority to make you buy products you don’t want, all you Bible belt people will be upset to learn that we intend to pass a law declare an executive order forcing you to buy gay porn !”

    Obama's Solicitor General (0ae97d)

  10. I like big butts and I cannot lie…well, that is to say, not big butts per se, but people who have butts. Which is not to say that I don’t like people who don’t have big butts, but purely from a theorhetical perspective regarding the phenomenon in general, people who have larger posteriors tend to be more pleasant, sometimes, on good days at least. Of course I think individual states people should make their own choices regarding this sensitive issue.

    So absolutely, yes, people should have a big butt if that’s what they feel like having, unless of course other people feel like maybe they shouldn’t. What do you think? Wait…look over there, it’s a homophobe being mean to somebody with a big butt! Quick, let’s get ’em!

    Nuance Jack (180aed)

  11. See my video defending DOMA.

    Robert C. Byrd (64388b)

  12. The thing about “standing by your principles”?

    First, you gotta have some.

    Space Cockroach (8096f2)

  13. Ours is just to do and get flattened by the Hulk,

    Chtauri minion (1c125b)

  14. Since this is an open thread, note that the TSA took an 18 month old girl off a flight because her name was on the terrorist watch list.

    Please write your congressman and senator to tell them that the TSA must be fired in its entirety and closed down. Fire them all.

    SPQR (871bc3)

  15. who am i to argue with such learned Constitutional scholars like Holder and Obama?

    Thomas Payne (403dff)

  16. Coming next: The president embraces the Muslim Brotherhood’s have-sex-with-your-wife-for-up-to-six-hours-after-she-dies law. The Americanized version: bitchstayinmyhouseeatmyfoodshegonnagiveupdapussyidontcareifshedead rule.

    Bill Maher's Nu Rulz (12e2a9)

  17. Some of us have been having sex with the dead (if you know what i mean) for years — decades, even!

    Slick Willie (12e2a9)

  18. Barack: “Joe, do you see what you’ve done? You forced me to violate my religious beliefs!”

    Sloe Joe Urkel: “Oh. Did I do thaaat?”

    Comedy Tin (12e2a9)

  19. Its being reported that one of Facebooks’ founding investors, in advance of the Facebook IPO, has renounced his US citizenship.

    That’s the Obama economic policy – encouraging billionaires to live in other countries. How could that not be a huge success!

    SPQR (871bc3)

  20. The horror . . . the . . . horror . . . the . . . HORROR!!!

    TSA Inspector That Touched Geraldo Rivera's Junk (12e2a9)

  21. I knew it! Proof positive that FB is assembled by little kids in third-world sweat shops. Monsters!

    The Tooth Comes Out! (12e2a9)

  22. Obama: Forcing the right to look like the party of intolerant, hateful slime since 2008. 2012, Romney loses in a landslide, getting only the intolerant, hateful (and scared) slime vote.

    Gonna be both awesome, and sad. Come on November!

    Vertias (c76e4d)

  23. Obama: Forcing the right to look like the party of intolerant, hateful slime since 2008. 2012, Romney loses in a landslide, getting only the intolerant, hateful (and scared) slime vote.

    Gonna be both awesome, and sad. Come on November!

    Vertias (c76e4d)

  24. I sure do miss Huma.


    Sharp tongue on that girl. Very . . . sharp.

    Secretary Cankles-Over-Her-Head (12e2a9)

  25. Da Dems — the party of hate-filled, hate-fueled, class envy, minority exploitation and “anything goes” mentality since 1968 1964 19– (“When was Woodrow Wilson president, again?”).

    Has Your Data Been Vertiafied? (12e2a9)

  26. Steve Jackson Games put a proposal on Kickstarter to reprint the old ’70’s era SF story based wargame “Ogre”. The goal? $20,000.

    The Kickstarter solicitation just closed. $924K pledged.

    That’s a record for a boardgame.

    SPQR (871bc3)

  27. I vote present, whatever the question.

    B. Hussein Obama (28dad3)

  28. Teh Light Worker: “I could no more violate my religious beliefs in order to pander for votes and money than I could throw my pastor, or my grandmother, or my promise to close Gitmo, or the Catholic Church, or my promise of transparency (heh, that was a good one!), or my ‘promise to keep my promises’ under the bus!”

    Standing on the shoulders of giants -- the better for you to hear his pip squeaking (12e2a9)

  29. My ass hurts, and Obama didn’t even kiss me goodbye.

    Larry Sinclair (36e9a7)

  30. Ok re-election committee, listen up…
    Biden forced us to pull the trigger sooner than expected, but it is all ok.
    We got $1 million in 90 minutes from the gays, even though I didn’t promise diddly squat.
    The good thing is we don’t have to worry about the african-american vote. Granted that many are good church going middle class people and don’t like gay marriages. But they won’t turn and vote for Rommey. Most will hold their noses and vote for me anyway.
    A win-win in my book.

    Obamaman (a1fcca)

  31. Mr. President,
    You had better win in November or I am up the deep effin creek without a paddle.

    Holder (a1fcca)

  32. DNA test, who me? There are no Indians left to check against.

    Liz Warren (a1fcca)

  33. I am shelling out a lot for you. You had better win. There are some considerations you will owe me which we will discuss later.

    Clooneyman (a1fcca)

  34. Naomi, you are fired. We can’t have the truth be known. Sorry sister.

    Chronicle of Higher Ed spokesperson (a1fcca)

  35. Oh no! That SOB Walker in Wisconsin may win the recall. Quick, order unregisterd out of state people and dead people to vote absentee. Send money for ads. Five percent is more than we can make up in voter fraud.

    US Labor leadership (a1fcca)

  36. Mr President, what you do is “loan” $500 million to this Solyndra scam, they use it to pay “suppliers”, who pocket half and kick back half to the campaign. When Solyndra goes bust, nobody will know that there were never any supplies delivered.

    And we can do this over and over. Just call it “stimulus.”

    Tim Geithner (bf8ad7)

  37. Besides, we had better win or I’m gonna have a problem with my last few tax returns.

    Tim Geithner (bf8ad7)

  38. I thank Granny Warren for inspiring me to be the lead tom-tom banger for The Occuturds.

    one of the sheep (44de53)

  39. I’d think twice on Timmy’s suggestions there, Mr. Preezy.

    Turbo Tax (e1d89d)

  40. Of course we listed Warren as a native american, we had to report some minorities on the roster.

    Harvard Spokesperson (a1fcca)

  41. I wonder if the Harvard spokeshole could confirm if someone that claims to go to Harvard really goes to Harvard.

    JD (e7d387)

  42. When Biden said he supported same-sex marriage, I said I didn’t care what the administration said. Then the next day, when Obama said he supported it, I cried.

    I’d give up every last one of my beliefs and convictions if I could just sit next to the President for five minutes…

    Andrew "gets to go to the best DC parties" Sullivan (f1c59f)

  43. About that TIME cover

    Philip Wylie (bf8ad7)

  44. I’d give up every last one of my beliefs and convictions if I could just sit next to the President for five minutes…

    See #5

    Gerry Studds (bf8ad7)

  45. Mr. Preezy is more gay than he is black.

    Reggie Love (44de53)

  46. So I heard that in 1965 Mitt Romney gave someone a haircut to die for. Man, I gotta stop taking things so literally.

    Vidal Sassoon (063632)

  47. As if responding to a dog whistle by Team Obama, left wing film historian/critic David Ehrenstein will inevitably be seen more frequently around this blog (and others) from now thru November, slamming Mitt Romney with barbs about dogs riding on station wagons, unauthorized prep school haircuts given in 1965, Ann Romney’s work history, and Mormonism—but probably not too many mentions of The Awesome Obama Economy.

    Mr. Ehrenstein is still a little miffed that he was unable to get past the security at George Clooney’s Clueless’ home last Thursday nite.

    I happen to be a fly that was sitting atop Mr. Ehrenstein’s toupee, and I can give a blow by blow account of his attempt to crash the Obama fundraiser at Clooney’s home.

    To begin, Mr. Ehrenstein calculated that his positive film review of the George Clooney-Michelle Pfieffer 1996 romantic comedy “One Fine Day,” could be used as a de facto license to gain entry to the Obama fundraiser despite the absence of his name on the exclusive guest list.

    Mr. Ehrenstein came dressed to undress impress because he was looking forward to rubbing up against elbows with the various limousine liberals and tax dodgers as they discussed their desire to raise taxes on themselves other people, as well as congratulate themselves for their unwavering commitment to inclusivity, diversity, and their pity contempt for people who make less than $5 million a year.

    Mr. Ehrenstein wore a pink tutu beneath his trenchcoat his “Forward” t-shirt beneath his sportcoat, and he had his checkbook in case he got busted later in the evening over on Santa Monica Blvd in WeHo and would need to post bail so he could cut that $40K check for the Forward Over the Cliff campaign 2012.

    “I’m sorry, Mr. Ehrenstein, but this is a very exclusive event—no exceptions. You’re not on the list.” said the man at the front gate.

    Screw you, I hope you drop dead of a heart attack like Andrew Breitbart ! I understand,” Mr. Ehrenstein replied politely.

    As he walked away, his internal monologue sounded something along the lines of, “Well, if I can’t get in the front entrance, maybe I’ll try to gain entry thru George Clooney’s back door !”

    So, Mr. Ehrenstein walked around to the rear entrance, and hit on attempted to persuade one of the illegal undocumented foreign exchange students who was getting paid under the table employed by the catering company to allow him to slip undetected thru the kitchen. His overture was unsuccessful, so he walked dejectedly in the direction of his gas-saving hybrid gas-guzzling Cadillac which was parked curbside, down the hill a ways.

    Unfortunately for Mr. Ehrenstein, he had the poor judgment of walking within twenty feet of Barbra Streisand’s limousine. Her personal bodyguards (or, ‘body men,’ as President Obama affectionately refers to his own) yelled at Mr. Ehrenstein for invading Ms. Streisand’s personal space, eliciting peace activist Babs to roll down the automatic window and yell without a hint of irony, “Hey jerk, don’t you believe in the sanctity of personal property !? Watch where you’re going or you’ll be walking into Vinnie’s—er, I mean—uh, Bruno’s fist !” as she pointed to her Vin Diesel look-alike bodyguard, who, in turn, averted his eyes from Mr. Ehrenstein’s gaze, as if he consciously wanted to avoid being recognized for some reason.

    Mr. Ehrenstein looked in Vinnie’s Bruno’s direction, stepped backwards a few steps, put his hands up and waved to Babs as if to apologize, before continuing walking downhill toward his car.

    Then he drove down to the landmark retro Bob’s Big Boy restaurant on Riverside Drive in Toluca Lake, where he sat in the back of the eatery, sipping on a milkshake, while flipping through the latest issue of Mother Jones magazine.

    Upon exiting the restaurant, he stopped to admire the famous statue of Bob, which stands in front of the landmark diner. “He’s a much fuller-figure than Justin Bieber, but if he were real, he might actually be considered a ‘twink,'” he said aloud, eliciting a couple of passersby to stop and mumble something about how “this guy must think it’s now legal for him to marry a statue.”

    It was at that point that I flew away from Mr. Ehrenstein’s toupee, and headed toward some spilled french fries that I spotted in the parking lot.

    A Fly sitting atop David Ehrenstein's Toupee at the Obama-Clooney Fundraiser last Thursday nite (0ae97d)

  48. @ #47
    Golden! Comic genius

    Angelo (caa02a)

  49. I learned about democracy in Cuba from a Pastor’s for Peace website and a
    book by a former Nicaraguan leader. From what I can tell, here is how

    Doc Tavish learned about the Holocaust from reading the “National

    One’s about as reliable as the other.

    Chriostopher Morton (64388b)

  50. It was in Indonesia also, in the international school, that I learned to enunciate all my words clearly – to pronounce every single letter – to
    always clearly pronounce the letter S in dogs for instance:

    Barack Obama (d22d64)

  51. There is one thing i want people to know: I did not beat or mistreat a dog. And the other thing is, I want people to know what a wonderful President we have in Barack Obama. That’s two things. Did I just make another gaffe?

    Joe Biden (d22d64)

  52. People need to know what a wonderful President we have in Barack Obama. He’s wonderful,because, because, because – because of teh woinderful things he does.

    No wait. He saved the United States from a Great Depression, something tht not even Franklin Delano Roosevelt could do. And he will do it again.

    Joe Biden (d22d64)

  53. When uncertainty arises, we err on the side of caution, follow protocol and do not assume.

    Jet Blue spokeswoman Tamara Young (d22d64)

  54. Jet Blue did NOT follow protocol. Protocols calls for nobody less than 24 months old not to be checkled against the watch list. Jet lue made a mistake. Baby Riyanna should not have come under suspicion for another 6 months!

    TSA spokesman (d22d64)

  55. * Protocol calls for nobody less than 24 months old to be checkled against the watch list. Jet Blue violated protocol. It’s their fault. Baby Riyanna should not have come under suspicion for another 6 months!

    Once they reported her, of course, we had no choice but to look into it.

    TSA spokesman (d22d64)

  56. * checked

    TSA spokesman (d22d64)

  57. “No, I didn’t mistreat the dog—I just ate it !

    Barack H. Obama (0ae97d)

  58. The Americans are such fools. We invenetd the second underwear bomb using information we got from the Americans. It wouldn’t have been remotely possible to put together one that would pass security without detailed technical information on security proceures which we got from the from the Americans.

    We arranged for the bomb to be given to the double agent. Now the Americans are so grateful. They will let us do anything in Bahrain. And let us tell them who to kill and who not to kill.

    And they even agreed to try to keep this as secret as posisble, which is important to us, because the more people know, the more people will realize that this was a sting operation – mainly on the Americans.

    Saudi National Security Adviser Prince Bandar bin Sultan (d22d64)

  59. Forgive my brother he’s had a tough time recently;

    Prince Turki (1c125b)

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