Patterico's Pontifications


Dumb Criminal of the Day

Filed under: General — Patterico @ 7:27 am

Guy robs police station:

If there was to be a list of places not to rob, I would think a police department would be at or near the top of that list.

Apparently not for Keithan Kennard Manuel, who faces charges he attempted to rob the Wilmer Police Department Headquarters over the weekend, according to police documents.

Manuel, 18, walked into the city’s police department offices in the 200 block of East Belt Line Road near Interstate 45 about 8 p.m. on Saturday with his hands covered by a white towel.

He walked up to the dispatch window and pointed a covered hand at a telecommunications operator, the documents said.

“Give me all of your money,” Manuel told the startled operator.

Your punchline below.

24 Responses to “Dumb Criminal of the Day”

  1. “Give me all of your money,” Manuel told the startled operator.

    “Sure, it’s all in the vault. Last door at the end of the hall…behind the bars.”

    EC (dda60e)

  2. #OccupyJailCell

    Pious Agnostic (7c3d5b)

  3. Espanol, por favor

    rab (7a9e13)

  4. An urban myth I have heard for ages is a man walked into The Shortstop bar which is below Dodger Stadium on Sunset Blvd. He put his comb into the back of a man at the end of the bar and told him to give him is money or be shot.

    What this robber didn’t know was that the bar was a popular hang out for off duty LAPD officers. You can imagine the end of the story.

    AZ Bob (1c9631)

  5. No “urban myth” here but a fact. The Holy Name Society of the New York City Police have an annual Communion Breakfast. It is held in a banquet room of a major hotel and is a “must attend” event. The Cardnial, Mayor and other important politicians sit on the dias and there are more than 500 police at the breakfast. One year, a gang decided that hitting hotel banquet rooms would be a good money raiser. They scouted out several hotels and their ballrooms and decided to hit a breakfast affair for starters. Yes, they broke into the banquet room where the Holy Name Society was meeting. There were eight to ten robbers facing more than 500 guns. It was rumored that the only priest on the dias who was not packing was Cardinal Spellman but some hold otherwise.

    Michael M. Keohane (4c3b02)

  6. After they stopped laughing, the cops in the room shot him, simply as a public benefit. People that stupid should be killed, they said.

    Space Cockroach (8096f2)

  7. I think that under the LAPD’s federal consent decree the cops may have been required to give Manuel their money and let him walk out.

    JVW (4d72aa)

  8. “I have a gun you know” is a plea to a death sentence. The dispatcher could have reduced the welfare rolls right there and then.

    nk (875f57)

  9. Obama voter, to be sure.

    JD (d4dd44)

  10. Greetings:

    In the interest of fair play, I would offer the following. During the last round of OCCUPY festivities, a group of protesters attacked a police station in San Francisco’s Mission District breaking windows and glass doors. The non-OCCUPY occupants, being well trained in their responsibilities, locked themselves in their station, protecting both themselves and their pensions, the public’s property, well, not so much.

    You go guys, and gals, and whatever else was almost on the job.

    11B40 (db0ff2)

  11. Well, toll booth operator’s uniforms look a lot like police uniforms, and vice versa.

    Sammy Finkelman (0dadb5)

  12. Actually, he knew it belonged to the police – but the key point was that there were no police in this police station. it was only staffed by a civilian employee. Had she believed he really had a gun, he might have successfully robbed her. He was kind of undecided, backing off at first and cliaiming only to want to check information.

    Then he decided to see if maybe his bluff would work. If she believed him, he would get money. If not, then he’d go about his business.

    He kind of forgot that if it didn’t she wouldn’t merely not turn over her money.

    Sammy Finkelman (0dadb5)

  13. That’s how punks are, Sammy. Stupid and timorous, checking you out to see if you are more stupid and timorous than them.

    nk (875f57)

  14. There was a famous bank robber during the earlier/mid parts of the 20th century named Willie Sutton who was once asked why he robs banks.

    “Because that’s where the money is.”

    Elephant Stone (0ae97d)

  15. Some guy recognized Willie Sutton on the subway and called the police. Some Mafia boss ordered a hit on the snitch. A successful hit.

    nk (875f57)

  16. I know, the moron did not know the difference between a police station and a bank. But I like trivia.

    nk (875f57)

  17. There was a famous Democrat politician who favored raising taxes and increasing government spending. He was asked why he spent so much time pursuing various tax increases on his constituents.

    “Because that’s where the money is.”

    Elephant Stone (0ae97d)

  18. “It’s a wonderful feeling, to be alone in a bank at night.”
    — Willie Sutton

    Space Cockroach (8096f2)

  19. “On the other hand, it’s not such a wonderful feeling to be in a small prison cell alone at night with a guy named, ‘Big Louie.'” -made up quote by Elephant Stone, but attributed to Willie Sutton !

    Elephant Stone (0ae97d)

  20. “What this robber didn’t know was that the bar was a popular hang out for off duty LAPD officers. You can imagine the end of the story.”

    – AZ Bob

    Haha, was it “They took him out to his car and spent turns beating him about the head and shoulders with their batons before putting him in a chokehold till he died”?

    Those wacky LAPD scamps…

    Leviticus (870be5)

  21. Comment by Space Cockroach

    LOL, beat me to it.

    IGotBupkis, Legally Defined Cyberbully in All 57 States (8e2a3d)

  22. I have to say my two favorite stupid criminal stories are:

    People get attracted to this guy screaming. He’s stuck halfway in a window about 6′ off the ground at the back of a building, right next to a door… They call the cops. The cops ask him what he thought he was doing. He acked that he was trying to rob one of the businesses in front of the building.

    The cop tries the door next to the window.

    Insult: It’s open….

    Injury: It’s a publicly accessible bathroom

    then there’s

    One pitch-dark moonless night, this guy performs some kind of robbery, but only just gets out as the police arrive. The guy books into a dark woods right nearby, the police give chase.

    It’s pretty dark, after a fairly long chase, he loses the cops. They keep looking around, and he sneaks further into the woods, they immediately give chase again. He loses them again. They keep looking, get close, he runs again, another long chase. And so on, several times, until finally the guy falls to the ground, utterly exhausted.
    “Man, you guys must be part bloodhound!! How did you keep following me in these dark woods?”

    Insult AND injury: Cops point to his shoes. They’re one of those pairs of Reeboks that the heels light up/flash whenever you step on it…

    Smock Puppet, 10th Dan Snark Master (8e2a3d)

  23. P.S.:

    Injury: It’s a publicly accessible bathroom

    With no access to the businesses in front.

    Smock Puppet, 10th Dan Snark Master (8e2a3d)

  24. Leviticus,

    No, you’re confusing the LAPD with the beat downs by the “reform” government currently in power in Syria.

    Elephant Stone (0ae97d)

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