Patterico's Pontifications


Sockpuppet Friday (Alec Baldwin cogintive dissonance edition)

Filed under: General — Karl @ 10:55 am

[Posted by Karl]

As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.

Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.

Sockpuppet comments about the Republican primary race are strictly prohibited. If you wish to use sockpuppets for that purpose, confine your comments to this thread. Same goes for any discussion that is not funny where people want to get angry at each other. Offending comments will be summarily deleted and the violators flogged.

And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.

Film Actors’ Guild president Alec Baldwin has never been accused of being the sharpest tool in the drawer.  On Victims of Communism Day, Baldwin told MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell of Republicans’ political woes:

Well, you know, things for these guys aren’t going that well. You know the, the economy may stumble. It probably won’t stumble that badly between now and the election. For those people who look at these very handy benchmarks like the Dow, the Dow is still staying pretty well above 13,000. Which that kind of crowd of Romney’s really, really goes for. ***

And here’s Alec talking to GQ in a new interview:

GQ: Yesterday you were speaking about how Mitt Romney is out of touch with the American people. If getting pizza with firemen isn’t the right way to remedy that, what’s a more appropriate food to show that you’re down with regular people?

Alec Baldwin: I think right now, and I know this is a very glib thing to say, but I think right now it would be to take a book full of food stamps and go buy whatever meals you can with a food stamp provision on a weekly basis. Because although welfare has been cut, as we all know from a lot of reportage over the last several months that food stamp use has soared. I think the most American thing you can do today is go stand in line and see what your weekly allotment of food stamps will buy you.

He thinks he’s being cute, but when Alec Baldwin joins Newt Gingrich in calling Barack Obama the “food stamp president,” he may want to rethink the notion that the GOP is running scared.


138 Responses to “Sockpuppet Friday (Alec Baldwin cogintive dissonance edition)”

  1. Ding!

    Karl (6ac03c)

  2. (BTW – one good reason to “Ding!” is to test that your post has inexplicably turned off comments.)

    Karl (6ac03c)

  3. Let me just paraphrase one of my earlier comments. That actor Alec Baldwin, like a lot his fellow actors, is no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he’d lie just to keep his hand in. And, fellas, you can quote me on this one!

    Harry S. Truman (6451eb)

  4. since the tanning bed post is broken, i’ll post this warning here:

    Welding goggles should be donned prior to pushing the “play” button…. 8)

    just sayin’

    redc1c4 (403dff)

  5. Sorry, fellas. I do like to speak plainly, but I do like to speak correctly. Baldwin is a no good, lying bastard. Now, I’d better get going as Bess is expecting me to sit down for lunch.

    Harry S. Truman (255b30)

  6. I thought food stamps were a monthly thing did this change?

    happyfeet (a55ba0)

  7. So, photos of Alec Baldwin should have the label “FAG” appear below his name?

    Team America (4ae072)

  8. Oh yeah, we already did that.

    Team America (4ae072)

  9. Alec Baldwin is heap good actor, with high cheekbones like brave.

    Lizzy "Sitting Bulls@#t" Warren (b5a1cf)

  10. “Hey kids, keep in mind that it was an actor who murdered Abraham Lincoln !”

    Former California Governor Pat Brown, when campaigning against Ronald Reagan (0ae97d)

  11. I think the most American thing you can do today is go stand in line and see what your weekly allotment of food stamps will buy you.

    That right there out to be a Mitt Romney 2012 commercial. End stop.

    Dustin (330eed)

  12. *ought

    Dustin (330eed)

  13. “I can confirm that Ms. Warren is definintely 1/32nd Native American, definitely 1/4th Anti-American, and absolutely 1/2 Crazy !”

    Geneologist confirming bloodlines of Elizabeth Warren (0ae97d)

  14. “No, Daddy, YOU are the pig !”

    Ireland Baldwin, daughter of Alec Baldwin who was called a 'pig' by her father in a taped voicemail (0ae97d)

  15. Uh, I can see Russia from my house!

    /got nothing

    Tina Fey (7c3d5b)

  16. Comment by happyfeet — 5/4/2012 @ 11:11 am

    I thought food stamps were a monthly thing did this change?

    That’s not the problem – Alec Baldwin is assuming a person buys only one week’s worth of groceries at a time – no more and no less.

    The problem is I think there are no more food stamp books! There’s now an EBT card — a debit card that can carry both cash (welfare) and food stamps.

    Sammy Finkelman (6ae430)

  17. It is safe to say that Alec Baldwin isn’t living on food stamps.

    Kevin M (bf8ad7)

  18. While checking out the lower price grocery stores to see what a person on food stamps can buy I found this wonder thing called “London Broil”. I bought some and had my chef prepare it, and it almost tastes like steak, at a fraction of the cost of cheap steak like wegu. It does taste so much like steak that I am sure people on food stamps are eating it instead of steak. Whatever it is made of is certainly unhealthy and killing them. We have to something to prevent corporations from selling this type of fake food to people on food stamps.

    alec "it's not a girdle" baldwin (131bc0)

  19. I think I could umpire as well as this.

    Barack Hussein Obama (cc0aaa)

  20. My composite wife whose name is Julia Michelle wants to know if we can purchase arugula with these food stamps.

    Barry (0ae97d)

  21. It sure is tough going through life with my head permanently stuck to one side and feet forever akimbo, but at least my contraception is FREE!

    Julia, pastel-hued beneficiary of Barack the Magnificent's beneficence (325a59)

  22. FAG President.

    I see what you did there.

    And I LOVE it.

    Space Cockroach (8096f2)

  23. “Uncle Sam Barack, I need twenty bucks to go to the movies with my friends. Also, can you pay for my renewal of my subscription to People magazine ? They’re doing a cover story about a blind Chinese man who got beat up by the Chinese Government ! Also, I need to go to the nail salon on Saturday, can you leave me a blank check that I can take with me ?”

    Julia (0ae97d)

  24. And, I almost forgot, no eyes or mouth, but who cares? I get FREE ABORTIONS!!!

    Julia, slave to the welfare state (325a59)

  25. “President Obama, where can I get some of those cool Mom jeans that you famously wore when you bounced threw out the first pitch like a helpless girl like Roger Clemens ? By the way, can you buy me a pair ?”

    Julia (0ae97d)

  26. I get food stamps, too?!!? Damn, baby, no gas, no mortgage and now no food bill? I am just so thrilled!!! He’s the best president EVER!!!!

    Peggy Joseph (bf8ad7)

  27. He has to get himself a pair first.

    Kevin M (bf8ad7)

  28. No sock: R.I.P. Adam “MCA” Yauch of The Beastie Boys

    Icy (486a22)

  29. Ireland, the Republicans are all lying, money-grubbing whores . . . just like your mommy.

    Alec "el presidente de FAG" Baldwin (486a22)

  30. Yeah, I know that I look like Suze Orman covered in s*it. What about it?

    Tanning Mom (486a22)

  31. So, no eyes or mouth, but she needs free abortions. She obviously isn’t totally “hole”less.

    concerned citizen paying for Julia's freebies (e7a709)

  32. Hulk crush Alec Baldwin like a puny insect!!!

    Hulk (6451eb)

  33. They’ll turn us all into beggars ’cause they’re easier to please…

    Another Anon (f43943)

  34. I see I am not part of BuhRock’s composite girlfriends. Right now, I am some angry black woman.

    Meechelle R. Obama (e7a709)

  35. Dadeee! Those letters to your girlfriends were soo lame. How could you? Eew.

    Malia Obama (0dbe1e)

  36. Granny Warren has run into a pache of bad luck.

    Uncle Sam (44de53)

  37. But, but . . . exploiting racial minorities is what we Democrats DO! And now you all wanna act surprised about it?

    Elizabeth "SittingBullshit" Warren (486a22)

  38. I’m looking to all of you … to help us … to fabricate a new nation.

    Our Composite President (486a22)

  39. Mommee! Why don’t you wear pretty clothes that look nice on you like that Mrs. Romney does? Sometimes the pictures of you really embarrass me, and my “friends” are laughing behind my back.

    Malia Obama (0dbe1e)

  40. gives acting bad name
    f*ck that Alec Baldwin
    and his Schweddy Balls

    Colonel Haiku (1f7484)

  41. “Now, nobody will question MY bloodlines, when I apply for that teaching job at Harvard !”

    Tanning Mom (0ae97d)

  42. White County Judge Thomas Hughes concluded that Duncan bought the winning ticket, even though lottery records and store security video didn’t synch up to the precise timing of the purchase

    That’s not a problem. The picture and video of African American man wearing a hoodie buying (maybe) skittles and iced tea doesn’t synch up either, but that didn’t stop me.

    Special Prosecutor Angela Corey (d22d64)

  43. It still has to be Travon Martin, or at least I can imply it.

    Special Prosecutor Angela Corey (d22d64)

  44. “I’m a white Indian.”

    Elizabeth Warren (0ae97d)

  45. “Me, too !”

    Tanning Mom (0ae97d)

  46. “I’m a gay American !”

    Jim McGreevey, former Governor of New Jersey (0ae97d)

  47. “So am I !”

    Charles Johnson, proprietor of (0ae97d)

  48. “I’m a composite girlfriend !”

    Genevieve (0ae97d)

  49. “I’m just the ex-body man—how come nobody in the media want to talk about me ?”

    Reggie Love (0ae97d)

  50. Damn! I sure do not remember the campaign being this stressful in 2008.

    Dave Axelrod (0dbe1e)

  51. Thanks to the ketchup queen, I am the richest man in the senate.

    John effin Kerry (44de53)

  52. Hmmm–I wonder if I can get the GSA to install a few more mirrors around this place.

    Barack "narcissus" Obama (0dbe1e)

  53. “I support Dope and Change !”

    Woody Harrelson (0ae97d)

  54. “I like Biden and Obama, too !”

    Susan Sarandon (0ae97d)

  55. “Today is ‘Quatro de Cinco,’ as they would say in Austrian !”

    Barack "The Linguist" Obama (0ae97d)

  56. “C’mon, everyone, I had to fabricate a composite boyfriend girlfriend for the book. After all, I most obviously wasn’t there for any of Barack’s dates.”

    Bill Ayers (0ae97d)

  57. Thank God Cinco de Mayo is on a Saturday this year!

    Now, of any white students wore USA flag t-shirts today, then you know . . .

    Sammy Finkelman (486a22)

  58. My book was just a humble man-bites-dog story.

    Barack "I love canines ... barbecued, on a bed of arugula" Obama (486a22)

  59. Number 57 was not me, just for the record.

    Sammy Finkelman (0dadb5)

  60. Hey, I was the first Obama body man and Reggie Love gets all the love. I demand a recount.

    Nick Colvin (e7a709)

  61. Tucker Carlson, that bow-tyin’ white boy, thinks he can criticize Native American women like Elizabeth Warren.

    …What? I never called him any names!!

    Jehmu Greene (498806)

  62. 61 comments and no one can supply the correct spelling of “cognitive”.

    SPQR (453cf2)

  63. No one said there was going to be a spelling test.

    ESL teacher (e7a709)

  64. 61 comments and no one can supply the correct spelling of “cognitive”.

    Comment by SPQR — 5/4/2012 @ 6:40 pm

    Oh, we noticed it, all right.

    Your fellow commenters, who just realized their polite ignoring of a typo has brought out some rude and condescending tendencies in one of us (498806)

  65. Dear “Your fellow…”, it is NOT a ‘tendency’. As you would know if you paid any attention.

    SPQR (453cf2)

  66. Just wait until tomorrow when I announce Barack Obama will succeed me someday at Berkshire Hathaway! I expect my stockholders will be over the moon, because they know I’m always right!

    Warren Buffet (bf8ad7)

  67. Dear Miss Manners:

    I spotted a spelling error in (unbelievable but true) the very title of a blog post recently. I thought of ignoring it, but after some consideration, thought it more expedient to correct the matter, and in addition, to point out how odd I thought it was that no one had corrected it before myself. What would you have done in my place?

    Spelling Police, Quite Right (498806)

  68. Plus, it will make sure the IRS drops that meritless lawsuit.

    Warren Buffet (bf8ad7)

  69. Spelling Police? I want your badge number.

    SPQR (453cf2)

  70. Gentle Quite Right Commenter:

    Thank you for your question. Generally speaking, it is always a far greater error to point out someone else’s mistake, unless of course grave consequences would result from the ignoring of such a mistake, such as noticing the wrong pill being administered at a pharmacy, for example.

    Miss Mannaers would require more information before knowing the results of such an error as you describe. Was the blog post creating a trip hazard?

    Miss Manners (498806)

  71. Honesty requires Miss Manners to point out that the typo in the previous post was in fact not a test. That was an actual typo, and Miss Manners is gently laughing at herself over her cup of tea.

    Miss Manners (498806)

  72. Dear “Your fellow…”, it is NOT a ‘tendency’. As you would know if you paid any attention.

    Comment by SPQR — 5/4/2012 @ 6:54 pm

    Oh. You mean it’s not a tendency, but a deeply ingrained practice? We weren’t going to be so harsh. But if you continue to insist…

    Your fellow commenters, who just realized their polite ignoring of a typo has brought out some rude and condescending tendencies in one of us (498806)

  73. SPQR never laughs “gently”.

    SPQR (453cf2)

  74. and he once shook his own hand to see what all the fuss was about…

    Colonel Haiku (1f7484)

  75. gasbag Jehmu say
    all you bow-tyin’ white boys
    can all go to Hell

    Colonel Haiku (1f7484)

  76. Well, Mr. Carlson is male, he is white and he has been known to wear bow ties. No apology necessary, right?

    Jehmu Greene (e7a709)

  77. Also, Carlson probably ate his share of CrackerJack, if you get my drift. Probably has a few white sheets his his closet, too.

    Lizbet Warren (bf8ad7)

  78. Tucker Carlson obviously acted stupidly.

    President Barack H. Obama, Healer of Planets and Suppressor of Tides, I mean Transcripts (498806)

  79. What, some ofay is upset he gets called a white boy? These peckerwoods need to get a grip — come round my house and you’ll hear this stuff all the time. What’s the problem?

    Maxine Waters (bf8ad7)

  80. should be around

    Spelling Po-lice (bf8ad7)

  81. And just HOW how do you know I’m not from the UK? I am OUTRAGED at the racism present on this thread!

    Maxine Waters, who never, ever misses an opportunity (498806)

  82. You know what you are? The lot of you are pansy asses.

    Dan Savage (0dbe1e)

  83. You know what you are? The lot of you are pansy asses.

    And proud of it!

    Richard Grenell (bf8ad7)

  84. “I don’t know what Joe Biden was talking about, because Barack most definitely does not have a ‘big stick’ !”

    Michelle Robinson Obama (0ae97d)

  85. “Not around you, he doesn’t !”

    Reggie Love (0ae97d)

  86. Are people allowed to use their regular names in the sockpuppet thread?

    WTF is going on around here (c41574)

  87. I never sockpuppet. Its beneath me.

    SPQR (26be8b)

  88. I think it is horribly sexist that Obama thinks that I need/want the government to help me with every step of my life.

    Julia (c41574)

  89. Is it also sexist that Obama wants you to have choices when it comes to your body?

    tye (420898)

  90. Whoever sockpuppeted “tye” there did a pretty good job of posting a comment with the mixture of utter vacuousness and hot-aired filled strawmen we’ve come to expect from “tye”.

    Nice job.

    SPQR (26be8b)

  91. Well, if you put it that way. I am happy to give up my free will to the government as long as I can have abortions.

    Julia (c41574)

  92. (Sung to “Me and Bobby McGee” )
    Freedom’s just another word for free condoms.

    SPQR (26be8b)

  93. “Hey, what’s the deal with this Elizabeth Warren lady who says she’s an Indian ? Is she really running for Senate ? She should be running a donut shop or a 7-Eleven, like all the rest of those people from India !”

    Joe Biden (0ae97d)

  94. “Why is it that I’m called ‘a white Hispanic,’ yet Elizabeth Warren is called simply, ‘a Native American’ ? I’m at least five shades darker than she is !”

    George Zimmerman (0ae97d)

  95. Vote Obama and I won’t abuse your wife.

    Sherrod Brown (44de53)

  96. When will they harvest me some eyes?

    Blind Chincom (44de53)

  97. Are people allowed to use their regular names in the sockpuppet thread?
    Comment by WTF is going on around here — 5/4/2012 @ 9:00 pm

    NO, which is why we all wish that you’d stop using yours.

    Regular Name (1b8eb0)

  98. I should be the next cover girl. I mean man.

    Rachel Maddow (44de53)

  99. Harvester of eyes, that’s me
    And I see all there is to see
    When I look inside your head
    Right up front to the back of your skull

    BÖC (1b8eb0)

  100. I’m a Near-oquois!

    Liz Warren (721840)

  101. 13 comments and no one can supply a missing apostrophe?

    Just yankin' SPQR's chain, now (325a59)

  102. ”””””” Happy?

    Tailface Warren (721840)

  103. Just yankin’ SPQR’s chain is a good thing, doncha ya know.

    General Jocelyn Elders (662a22)

  104. Oh is THAT what “yanking your chain” means? I thought it meant busting chops (or does that mean something different now too)?

    That one guy who's still living hopelessly in the 50s when it comes to figures of speech (325a59)

  105. Speaking of figures of speech, I think it’s pretty funny that some people think “composite girlfriend” means something other than “the personality traits of all the male roommates I had in college.”

    President Barack H. Obama, Renowned Cherisher and Protector Of Womenkind Everywhere, just ask Julia (325a59)

  106. I knew Barack’s old girlfriend seemed familiar. She seems just like a combination of 1981, May through October.

    Hugh Hefner (bf8ad7)

  107. bow-tyin’ white boyz
    just say “NO!” to Shamu Green
    let her stay on beach

    Colonel Haiku (f36c14)

  108. I’m a Nava-ho!

    Dances With Truths Warren (1b8eb0)

  109. I’m a Semi-nole!

    Lies Like A Rug Warren (1b8eb0)

  110. I’m A-patchy Indian!

    "You can tell i'm Indian because i want to take all of the white man's money" Warren (1b8eb0)

  111. warren nuthin’ but
    a goddam Fauxahontas
    of Fugawi tribe

    Colonel Haiku (f36c14)

  112. I belong to the “Up the CREEK without a paddle” tribe.

    Off-The-Reservation Warren (1b8eb0)

  113. I belong to the Little River Band; both the Native American tribe AND the Australian pop music group. I’m like a true renaissance woman, or something.

    Doesn't know Shoshone from shineola Warren (1b8eb0)

  114. hang on!… help is on the way…

    Colonel Haiku (f36c14)

  115. I’m A-rapa-hoe!

    Down wit' the hip-hop Warren (1b8eb0)

  116. no justice when Chief
    Illiniwek gets boot but
    fake squaw gets Harvard

    elissa (18d8d7)

  117. what is “fair share” of
    Native American blood
    for Democrat Liz?

    elissa (18d8d7)

  118. I’m a Winnebago!

    [Hey, have you seen my a$$ lately? It’s TRUE.]

    "Think I'm lying? So Sioux me!" Warren (1b8eb0)

  119. I belong to the Ho-Chunk Nation. Chunky Hoes unite!

    Chicka-saw an opportunity and pounced on it" Warren (1b8eb0)

  120. I love all you guys. Emphasis on “guys”.

    B. Hussein Obama (662a22)

  121. I thought Johnny was interested in me for my mind.

    Bunny Mellon (18d8d7)

  122. Breaking!!! Harvard faculty lore has it that one of Elizabeth Warren’s forebearers may have hung around Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show.

    The National Enquirer (18d8d7)

  123. Why is that Warren woman getting so much attention? This is Julia’s week and I am the one who killed Bin Laden!

    Prezzident B. Obama (18d8d7)

  124. Okay, I see what all the confuzzlement was about. I didn’t claim that I have 1/32 Cherokee blood in me . . . I meant to say that when I was growing up in Oklahoma City a Cherokee girl once bled on me for 30 seconds.

    Kicked her butt, I did. Those high school debates can get rough!

    "As clear as the Native American features on her pasty white face" Warren (1b8eb0)

  125. Malia, honey, I know you’re confused by what you saw, but I can explain. You see, Uncle Reggie was just sticking his furry dog’s tail into daddy’s mouth. Daddy was hungry for some dark meat, that’s all.

    President "the Down Low average is way UP" Obama (1b8eb0)

  126. colonel once hunt deer
    with full-blooded Navajo
    that makes me cousin

    Colonel Haiku (b3f585)

  127. I did too have actual girlfriends! As the clinic records will plainly show . . .

    Barry Soetoro was a playa! (1b8eb0)

  128. One of my best friends for the past 30 years is a full-blooded Navajo, which makes me ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT . . . the friend of a Native American.

    [I teared up a little bit just now. I’m so awesome!]

    Icy (1b8eb0)

  129. call me crazyhorse but
    Warren doesn’t look Siouxish
    just typical lib

    Colonel Haiku (b3f585)

  130. Alec Baldwin is an ignorant asshat…I apologize for descending into the triviality of name calling. I simply do not have the energy to respond in any other way.

    g walker (23cfe9)

  131. Yeah, have Romney go to South Philly and exchange those food stamps for cash – 50c for a dollar – to buy crack. Or have him buy a shopping cart full of ice cream with them, I’ve seen that happen.

    Food stamps are awesome.

    Amphipolis (e01538)

  132. Why don’t they let me come to important meetings anymore? Is it something I said? Do you think they’re going to try and replace me on the ticket? Seriously, should I get a food taster?

    Vice President Joe Biden (18d8d7)

  133. How’s your campaign launch going, Barack?

    The OSU half empty stadium (18d8d7)

  134. “Can we redistribute some Indian blood from those who have to the have-nots ? C’mon, it’s unfair that the 1% have all the Indian heritage, while the 99% of us have to fabricate our resumes in order to get teaching jobs at Harvard !”

    Lawyer Who Likes to Sioux Corporations (0ae97d)

  135. I’m turning Cherokee
    I think I’m turning Cherokee
    I really think so;
    Turning Cherokee
    I think I’m turning Cherokee
    I really think so

    Elizabeth "My my, i do believe i've got The Vapors" Warren (8d0fcc)

  136. Leave her alone.

    I was at the Chicago Police Academy. I wrote “white”. About half of my classmates wrote “black” Was a kid, looked just like me, wrote down “other”.

    In retrospect, I should have written “human”.

    nk (875f57)

  137. Not a Bear?

    Pundits A Plaudit (8e2a3d)

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