Radical New Terrorist Groups Issue Death Threats to Time Magazine (Satire)
[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here. Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]
This just in from the AP:
Two new terrorist groups, calling themselves respectively the Sons of the First Amendment and Muslims Who Believe They Should be Treated as Adults, have issued death threats to Time Magazine and particularly Bruce Crumley. In videotaped statements, both groups stated that this was in retaliation for Mr. Crumley’s call to surrender to terrorism.
The message from the Sons of the First Amendment featured three individuals, identified only as A.W., Dustin and J.D. holding machine guns before a souvenir copy of the U.S. Constitution. “Recently the holy satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo, was firebombed, most likely by Islamic terrorists, because they had the nerve to insult the Prophet Mohammed (Pedophilia Be Upon Him),” said the group’s leader, “and Mr. Crumley actually suggested that Charlie Hebdo refrain from such expression specifically because it can provoke a violent reaction. So Mr. Crumley has declared that terrorism works and indeed should work. Therefore, we issue this threat to Mr. Crumley and Time Magazine as a whole.
“First, Mr. Crumley and Time Magazine has exactly thirty days to insult Mohammed in some way. It can be by publishing a cartoon featuring Mohammed, or truthful reporting about Mohammed and his child bride Aisha, or even a truthful story about the cartoon controversies featuring the actual cartoons in question. Seriously, how can you report on a controversial cartoon without showing people the cartoon that is controversial, so they can make their own call about the reasonableness of the response?
“Second, Time Magazine must enroll Richard Stengel in a fifth grade civics class, where he will be taught a rudimentary understanding of the Constitution. He must continue to take this course until he can score at least a B for the semester. This has nothing to do with Mr. Crumley’s servile attitude, but we just felt it was a good idea.
“If these demands are not met, we will wage Jihad in favor of free speech starting with noogies and wet willies, but eventually escalating into fiery destruction. But mostly noogies.”
The second group, Muslims Who Believe They Should be Treated as Adults, included this message in their video: “We believe that all of those who insult Muslims should die. And what greater insult can there be to Muslims that the suggestion that we, and we alone are not fit to live in a free society? Mr. Crumley and by extension Time Magainze promote the idea that Muslims, and Muslims alone, can’t be expected to control ourselves when we see someone putting Mohammed’s face on toilet paper. They are telling the free people of the world that they have to choose between allowing people the freedom to choose to be Muslims, and their freedom of speech. This is not only a grave insult my religion, but it encourages people of my faith to behave badly—because they know it will be effective. Therefore, if he should ever suggest that newspapers be censored, or censor themselves, due to the fear of Muslim violence again, we shall continuously suicide bomb Time Magazine’s offices and homes until an apology is issued and the suggestion is retracted.”When reached for comment, Mr. Crumley said, “I don’t know what to do. As head of the Paris Bureau, I recognize it is my sacred duty to surrender. I mean that is what the French, do, right? But I can’t surrender to both of these new groups and the Islamofascists at the same time.”
Later in the same video from Muslims Who Believe They Should be Treated as Adults they also denounced President of the United States, Barack Obama: “So Mr. President you finally kill bin Laden. That is good, but then you gravely insult my faith by attempting to give him a proper Islamic burial. That animal was not a proper Muslim, you idiot! Therefore, we demand that you give us the GPS location of where you dumped his body at sea, so that we recover the body, throw some pig meat in his coffin and urinate in his eye sockets, Allah willing.”
…all of which didn’t really happen. Yes, this is my attempt to satirize Mr. Crumley’s stupid blame-the-victim post, by a satire pointing out the dangers of rewarding violence with censorship and so on. Of course your first clue that this is satire should have been the word “satire” in the headline.
Or so I would think. Then again, I get about three emails a day from various sites asking me to let people guest post on Patterico’s Pontifications, apparently unaware of the fact that this is not my site. Seriously, all of you who are selling crappy internet degrees and the like, do you see the word “guest post” at the beginning of the post? Please contemplate what that might mean before hitting “send.” Please. I’m begging you.
Back to the topic, thanks to Hot Air for the pointer. And yes, Allahpundit, this advocacy of surrender should always be noticed and noted, especially when a journalist says it. It’s one thing to say that you don’t want to insult Muslims because you just don’t like insulting people, but to say a person shouldn’t specifically because of the threat of terrorism? That is just wrong.
[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]
Which one is “the group’s leader”?
Not that I want to single him out or anything . . .
Icy (2cca78) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:19 amthis is an example of juxtaposition I think
happyfeet (3c92a1) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:31 amApparently, Mr Crumley feels that “free speech” does NOT include the right to offend others.
Since I have been offended by that notion, Mr Crumley may now feel free to STFU.
Icy (2cca78) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:40 amIt’s like National Lampoon, what was that famous cover, ‘Do this or the Dog gets it’
narciso (0fc95f) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:40 amhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/wsmonty/3634918376/
narciso (0fc95f) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:46 amHelen Thomas-Why doesn’t Time leave Israel along with the jews and go back to europe.
Leftys-I agree the jews should go back to Israel.
Helen Thomas-No I said they should leave Israel…………..oh forget it.
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:53 am_________________________________________________
Time Magazine and particularly Bruce Crumley.
Look up the definition of “useful idiot” and you’ll see a photograph of Crumley.
I do admit to smiling at the irony of various liberals like him rationalizing away the peculiar form of reactionary religiosity — of Sharia law — in the world of Islam. It’s similar to my reaction towards all the smelly, bratty demonstrators in New York City — ie, the land of the limousine liberal — creating a prolonged nuisance of themselves and for others in the Wall Street area, considering how many people in that industry have been and are supportive of Obama and liberals/Democrats in general.
Unfortunately, such folks on the left are too idiotic to understand or accept the phrase “we reap what we sow.”
Mark (411533) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:53 am😆
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:02 amWhat if Herman Cain really did sexually harrass those women?
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:07 amDon’t forget about the purple nurples. Everybody loves purple nurples!
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:22 amIcy…
We haven’t decided.
Wait… Did I say we? No I mean those three complete strangers haven’t decided. And…
Ah crap…
Joking aside they didn’t even know I was Posting this lame satire beforehand. But they ARE active co-conspirators at the everyone draw Mohammed site.
http://everyonedrawmohammed.blogspot.com/
Aaron Worthing (13d5ce) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:33 amIt’s interesting to check out this Time reporter’s blog archive. Most of his blog posts get two, one, or zero comments, with a very few maybe getting three or four. This one, on the firebombing of the satirical paper for offending Muslims, has to this point received 235 comments. At the risk of being branded a cynic, I think sometimes these journalists just make provocative pronouncements in order to get their names out there and garner buzz for their blogs. Objective achieved for this guy.
JVW (168a3e) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:42 amDuring his 20-year career at TIME, Crumley has covered virtually every aspect of French political, social and economic life. He has been particularly active in TIME’s coverage of al Qaeda-sponsored terrorism since September 11, 2001-an area he has followed closely since 1994, when France became the favored European target of Islamist extremi
Read more: http://globalspin.blogs.time.com/author/girondins33/#ixzz1cf6aPI7k
narciso (0fc95f) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:51 amThen again, I get about three emails a day from various sites asking me to let people guest post on Patterico’s Pontifications, apparently unaware of the fact that this is not my site. Seriously, all of you who are selling crappy internet degrees and the like, do you see the word “guest post” at the beginning of the post? Please contemplate what that might mean before hitting “send.” Please. I’m begging you.
The Emperor (6b0744) — 11/3/2011 @ 10:04 amComplain much? You should be proud of yourself.. It shows you are doing a good job.. Aaronicco. 🙂
Lovey – How’s that Hope and Change thing working out for you?
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/3/2011 @ 10:09 amworking well, thank you leroy…
The Emperor (53d609) — 11/3/2011 @ 10:31 am@leroy,(daley)
The Emperor (6b0744) — 11/3/2011 @ 10:36 ampresently doing a work in Africa… You should travel more. See things from other people’s POV.
“You should travel more. See things from other people’s POV.”
Lovey – I have traveled plenty, junior. LOL.
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/3/2011 @ 10:53 am@leroy.
The Emperor (7e047b) — 11/3/2011 @ 11:07 amOh yeah? Have you been anywhere outside the states? Not that I doubt it. Just curious.
Good luck to you emperor – God Bless – stay safe
EricPWJohnson (719277) — 11/3/2011 @ 11:10 am@Eric.. thanx..
The Emperor (1972f2) — 11/3/2011 @ 11:19 amSons of the First Amendment…
I think Groucho Marx’ statement about membership applies here (Heh!).
And, “leadership”?
AD-RtR/OS! (743901) — 11/3/2011 @ 12:09 pmThis has all the hallmarks of a leadership in search for a legion.
I guess that we can only hope the DPRK doesn’t teach these terrorists how to do wedgies.
Pat Patterson (5978fa) — 11/3/2011 @ 12:18 pmOh, that’s a major portion of the curricula in the Demokratik People’s Republik of Kalifornia.
AD-RtR/OS! (743901) — 11/3/2011 @ 12:22 pmIn his piece, Crumley continuously questions the intent of the magazine’s editors — asserting that they only satirized a particular religion in the hope of inciting a negative reaction from the Muslim community — in addition to putting on his critic’s hat and declaring the content to be “not funny”.
For his next blog post, Crumley will be writing a scathing review of Don Rickles.
Icy (8b7231) — 11/3/2011 @ 12:28 pmGotta love the useful idiots on the left calling the palestinians victims of israeli aggression but watch when palestine threatens to assassinate one of their guys the gloves will probably be off.
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/3/2011 @ 6:02 pmWait just a damn minute. WHY IN THE HELL WASN’T I INCLUDED AARON? I AM OFFENDED! Now I will be forced to hunt you down, firebomb your shorts and computer, get my machine gun out, and shoot your offensive post full of holes that left me out of the Sons of the First Amendment. I demand apologies extraordinaire or else!
peedoffamerican (ee1de0) — 11/3/2011 @ 7:15 pm“Oh yeah? Have you been anywhere outside the states? Not that I doubt it. Just curious.”
Lovey – You are even more stupid than I thought when you first appeared here, something I believed impossible.
daleyrocks (bf33e9) — 11/3/2011 @ 7:41 pmI wonder where that anti-patriot act hypocrite Phil Donahue is?
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/3/2011 @ 8:27 pmAnd why do the left continue to accuse islam critics of racial profiling?
DohBiden (d54602) — 11/3/2011 @ 9:42 pm