Sockpuppet Friday—the “Punk Attackwatch” Edition!
[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here. Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]
As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.
Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.
And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.
—————————
And of course you all know by now about Obama’s latest attempt to get you to report on your neighbor about the evil, mean, tricksey Republican attacks on Obama known as AttackWatch.
But guys, we are not having nearly enough fun with this. Punk them. Send them fake tips and offer humiliating tips.
Stuff like this:
Dear Sir or Madam,
This evil conservative says that Obama actually said that he wanted gas prices to be high, but didn’t want it to rise too quickly. He even claimed to quote him as saying that under his plan energy prices would necessarily skyrocket and has proposed a tax on gasoline. But that can’t be true, only a radical environmentalist ideologue would propose something that silly. Please straighten them out. You can find the claims here:
https://patterico.com/2011/04/21/obama-cries-crocodile-tears-over-high-gas-prices/
And here:
https://patterico.com/2011/09/12/so-how-does-obama-plan-to-create-jobs/
And thank you for protecting us from their lies!
So come up with your best punkings, send them in and share them with us. Make sure they waste as much money on this as they do on “green jobs.”
[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]
Go ahead and laugh Wingnuts. You’ll see. You’ll see (brushes facial tick).
Eric Boehlert (6451eb) — 9/16/2011 @ 9:41 amHave I mentioned it’s time for….PANIC ATTACK WAAAAAATCH!
James Carville (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:05 amI heard that someone is making fun of the President by comparing him to Sarah Palin: supposedly he claims he can see a second term from his front porch. NFW.
sherlock (a03570) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:08 amnom nom nom nom
*BURRRRPP*
The Spam Filter (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:12 amLaugh all you want, but Attack Watch is a triumph. He who controls the attacks, controls the smears. And he who controls the smears, controls modern art. And modern art is worth a LOT of money.
I read it in the Inner Party Times.
O'Brien (0b8a2b) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:18 amJust wait a few days, you guys. He’s writing up the spoof now. He’d never tell you himself but it’ll be epic. EPIC.
Iowahawk's loose-tongued laptop (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:20 amAnd he who controls the smears, controls modern art.
Now THAT is funny, I don’t care who I am.
Jackson Pollock (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:23 amLaugh all you want…when the civil war come’s some of us are going to survive.
I’ve reported my entire family, most of the neighbors, folks a work, and nearly everyone of you.
The authorities at AW are mailing me an armband and nifty new luger. Ataaaack Waaaaatch will make this nation great again, just you see.
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:27 amThat whole Solyndra thing was a simple misunderstanding. It wasn’t a green jobs initiative; it was a green jobs initiation . . . you know, like a college frat initiation.
Barack "let me be clear, as I've always said" Obama (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:31 amIn the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, there is only Attaaaack Waaaaatch!
(A Warhammer 40k joke for all of you who aren’t playing Space Marine yet. At least we now know who the Emperor is.)
luagha (5cbe06) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:32 am“Thank you, sir. May we NOT have another?”
American taxpayers (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:33 amThe Muslims were employed by Hitler and killed anyone who opposed him.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:35 amHey speaking of Solyndra, does anyone know why these guys in Attack Watch armbands showed up at the studio d—-
Jon Stewart, unperson (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:35 amGawker claims I’m depressed. But I think my 2012 chances are better than they were in 2008!
President Barack H. Obama, Healer of Planets and Suppressor of Tides, entering the manic swing of the disorder (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:37 amBut I think my 2012 chances are better than they were in 2008!
That’s only because the American people aren’t such giant raaacciiiissts anymore!!
Attaaaack Waaaaatch! (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:38 amThat’s true. And that’s exactly why Obama’s going to lose.
Reality (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:39 amAttack Watch
Aaron Worthing
Very interesting . . .
Artie Johnson (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:40 amWhen it comes to Aaron Worthing I am always on attack watch!
Grace Park (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:41 amI denied people access to lifesaving cures for cancer for political reasons and smeared Merck by claiming Gardasil is dangerous while being a silly git for Faux Nooz.
Tundra Tart (68ff46) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:42 amThe president is only human…and they can be inept and paranoid at times. He can’t “fix” things if you insist on listening to onauthorized media and form your own opinions.
For the sake of this nation, report yourselves immediately as domestic terrorists for hopeful re-education. He only wants to love you and be loved by you. Why do you insist on being so petty and obstinate? Attaaaack Waaaaatch is our only help in these terrible times instigated by the teabaggers and birthers…AW!
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:43 amAttack Watch is an unqualified success, and the hundreds of thousands of people that have signed up shows how scared the Republicans should be, or are.
Colby Hall and Tommy Xtopher (1e48bc) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:45 amPass the bill or I’ll gas the hill!
Barack "in the throes of HIS great depression" Obama (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:47 amDid you read my #19?
Yes, mommy, I discovered where you hid my crayons.
EPWJ (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:50 am“Attack Watch,” eh? Hey, I used to go down in the subways a lot, back in the 80s, and do that.
Watch attacks.
Just, y’know, watch.
Hon. David Dinkins (7c90f3) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:50 amYou guys should all be ashamed of yourselves. As usual.
Paul Krugman, courageously censoring all possible replies (again) (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:55 amAnybody seen my fall booties? It’s gettin’ cold outside!
SASQUAAAAAATCH!! (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:57 amHold on, tin foil hat is slipping…there, much better. It is only fair that folks realize that any internet discussions of Pigford, crony capitalism, War Powers, unconstitutional policies, DOJ antics, or *ahem* questions of natural born citizenship will likely end in tears for you and your loved ones. Who wants to sit in an internment camp somewhere in upstate New York discussing the finer points of “Dreams of My Father” with the guards? Think hard and make the right choice…Attaaaaaack Waaaaaatch!
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:57 amI make a really tasty side dish.
Zucchiiiiini Squaaaaaaash! (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:58 amNotice how it isn’t called “False-Attack Watch”.
For, to attack Teh One at all is to commit a sin worse than murder, even if you’re telling the truth.
Ya know, it’s that whole “if you disagree with him you’re a racist” thing — again.
Minister of Thin-skinned Defense, Jay Carney (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 10:58 amI’m gonna attack every watch that’s moving towards Nov 2012. I’m tellin’ ya, the hands on those watches are like the cold bony hands of the Grim Reaper around my neck! Is it any wonder that I’m depressed?
President Clock-Watcher (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:04 amWhen it comes to Aaron Worthing I am always on attack watch!
Comment by Grace Park — 9/16/2011 @ 10:41 am
Watch out for cakes!
MacArthur Park (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:06 amDid you see me get my name in the news again? I’m relevant!
(P.S. Bill, call me!)
President C*ck Washer (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:06 amHey everybody, be sure and check out the featured article they’re doing on me in the Sunday Style section of the Inner Party Times!
It’s all about my brand new poster series, “OBEY HOPE.”
You’ll love it! And if you don’t, that’ll be noted in your dossier! Win/win!
Shepard Fairey (17012e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:07 amRacists
JD (ae55d7) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:08 amSorry. It should’ve read “The President’s C*ck Washer”
Monica (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:08 amGood enough.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:09 amCan’t I just eat my cheeseburger?
Moochelle (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:10 amWe thought he’d be all cool n stuff, WTF, it’s like such a major buzzkill.
But the Republicans are clowns though, so, I’m like, dude. Everyone knows clowns are SCARY. We’re so scared of them we’ll actually admit it to reporters. *shudder*
Hollywood stars (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:12 amMy side IS practicing the new civility.
Now, if these racist, sons of bitches, they-can-go-to-hell Tea Baggers would just follow our example . . .
[note: released from moderation. –Stashiu]
Joe "just bidin' my time until retirement in 2012" (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:14 amMan, did I ever pick the wrong 4 years to stop doing blow!
President needs-a-pick-me-up O-Bambi (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:18 amHey! One of my comments got eaten!
Icy Texan (b9927e) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:20 amUnpatriotic fools. Dear Leader is hurt by your scoffing and ridicule. What a shame, what a waste. Gee, I hope you like working in the fields, sleeping on cots and forced interpretive dance to the theme of “Audacity of Hope”. Fools…Attaaaaaack Waaaaatch is disappointed.
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:25 amAny Arizonan caught crossing the border will face swift and meaningful federal prosecution. This means YOU!
AG Eric Holder (9d9297) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:38 amWe velly sollee we blew half billion dollaras you money. But hey- is only money. Tomollow, I get new job in winda power.
Hoo Mee- Solyndra VP of Communications (9d9297) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:42 amAgain this direction of mirth is unseemly and possibly treasonous…why can’t he just eat his waffle, distribute the wealth, destroy an economy, bastardize a constitution and unashamedly lie to a constituency? Huh? It’s his waffle…AW knows who you are and expects you to knock off the racist hate pronto…Attaaaaaack Waaaaaaaaaaaatch!
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:48 amWho paid for that waffle?
Darrell Issa (5be9ff) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:50 amD-a-r-r-e-l-l-I-s-s-a…uhuh, think disparaging the president is funny? AW is not amused at your impugning the matter of His waffle. Attaaaaaaack Waaaaaaaaaatch is now aware of you Mr. Issa. Laugh it up.
[note: fished from spam filter. –Stashiu]
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:55 amI understand why some people might not want to vote for a Texan again for president.
I feel the same way about black people now.
An Racisssssst (7c3d5b) — 9/16/2011 @ 12:17 pmThere’s another Black President?
Bill Clinton (5be9ff) — 9/16/2011 @ 12:28 pm#48 wins the thread.
The Honorable Justice Stern Judge O'Character, presiding (88f3db) — 9/16/2011 @ 12:44 pmWhere are Michael Moore’s Tastykakes?
A Snaaackk Waaaaatch! (325a59) — 9/16/2011 @ 12:47 pmThis is sticky. WTF?
Bob Turner (8d652e) — 9/16/2011 @ 1:11 pmBaby seal walk into club.
ColonelHaiku (601b0d) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:39 pmone of you bastards reported my Armband post…
DMartyr (fb8750) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:39 pmComment by Hoo Mee- Solyndra VP of Communications — 9/16/2011 @ 11:42 am
We velly sollee we blew half billion dollaras you money. But hey- is only money. Tomollow, I get new job in winda power.
Unapproved hacking is a serious violation of Chinese law. We could get into trouble. You don’t work for Solydra, you work for us. Our apologies.
Hoo Yu - Vice President Yingli Green Energy Holding Company Limited (d3daeb) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:42 pmObligatory “Attack Watch” Hitler video…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZPwDRZ6pTM
ColonelHaiku (601b0d) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:45 pmif attack watch is there to reply to false allegations and smears, do they have have another web page where they reply to true allegations?
bitter clingy barbarian hobbit sob (fb8750) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:47 pmcolonel denounce all
ColonelHaiku (601b0d) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:50 pmthat is holy including
his own underwear
Memo To: Hoo Yu
From: Hoo Mee
RE: Sum Dum Guy
Sum Dum Guy say is OK. Hack now, spend later.
Hoo Mee- Solyndra VP of Communications (9d9297) — 9/16/2011 @ 2:59 pmI have posed as a tea party Republican for 18 months now. After visiting Attack Watch, I now know that it is time I demonstrate my supreme patriotism by turning in all of my acquaintances. The President’s Committee for State Security must eradicate the liars and the smear-artists.
What do I win?
SAMMYtheFINK (601b0d) — 9/16/2011 @ 3:05 pmThey glued nickels to the locks with what?
Bob Turner (8d652e) — 9/16/2011 @ 4:00 pmWhat is twitter?
Bob Turner (8d652e) — 9/16/2011 @ 4:06 pmJerry on line 1?
Bob Turner (8d652e) — 9/16/2011 @ 4:06 pmJerry on line 1?
No Jerry is busy kissing Obama.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/16/2011 @ 4:15 pmWho says I’m crazy. I actually the only sane person in the universe. And I will not report myself to Attack Watch just because I am a narcissist.
B. Hussein Obama (733ca9) — 9/16/2011 @ 5:57 pmI’m going to report BuhRock to Attack Watch for being such a girly man. Under an assumed named, of course.
Meechelle Obama (733ca9) — 9/16/2011 @ 5:59 pmFor some reason, Attack Watch is not working out like we thought it would.
Mr. Claire Shipman (733ca9) — 9/16/2011 @ 6:00 pmJohn, that jerk that sits behind me and flicks my ponytail, said the President eats boogers and is a doodyhead.
Nancy in Mr. Reid's fifth grade math class (9a213d) — 9/16/2011 @ 6:39 pmJohn, that jerk that sits behind me and flicks my ponytail, said the President eats boogers and is a doodyhead.
Nancy in Mr. Reid's fifth grade math class (9a213d) — 9/16/2011 @ 6:39 pmWe were in Barstow when the drugs began to take hold. There is nothing uglier than a Chicago pol in the throws of an ether and Ibogaine high, just ask Edmund Muskie.
It’s a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.
I hope Obama eats shit. There, that’s that…report me.
Hunter S. Thompson (4a4ed3) — 9/16/2011 @ 8:26 pmAttack Watch should have a separate category called “Botox”. Its deadly, I tells ya.
Nancy Pelosi's Face (298188) — 9/16/2011 @ 9:02 pmThe rumors of Attaaaaaaack Waaaaaaaaaaaaatch changing their name to MoT.gov are entirely false. The spokesman for the Ministry of Truth, Sturmgruppenfuhrer Carney, has confirmed this as of 1429.3 AW time. By all means, return now to your silly antics while your freedom is still permitted.
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:07 pmSome of you are failing to grasp what is permissible, AW has the following guidance regarding our Dear Leader:
**VERBOTEN!**
The president’s mom pants.
His inability to throw a baseball.
Preference for girl bikes and waffles.
Tendency to blame others/assume any responsibility (i.e. thin skinned paranoid narcissist).
Marriage to Sasquatch.
Any allusion to his lack of transparency (self or his administration).
His record as president.
ATTAAAAAAAACK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH HAS SPOKEN.
Pieter Nosworthy (47bd65) — 9/16/2011 @ 11:50 pmYesterday I saw three ATMs kill a job in an alley… in an alley.
TommyTwoTimes (601b0d) — 9/17/2011 @ 3:21 amYeah, I can see an attack, alright! But if I report it, the Prez will just smile.
Dana's wallet (3e4784) — 9/17/2011 @ 5:34 amYeah, we know.
Everybody who works' wallet (3e4784) — 9/17/2011 @ 5:34 amOh, I don’t mind if the Prez attacks my wallet.
Warren Buffet (3e4784) — 9/17/2011 @ 5:35 amI don’t mind if the Prez goes after my wallet, either . . . as long as he pulls it out of my back pocket really slowly!
Andrew Sullivan (3e4784) — 9/17/2011 @ 5:36 amThis evening, a woman came to me crying that Attack Watch had made her daughter mentally retarded.
Michelle Bachmann (6048a8) — 9/17/2011 @ 6:41 amI haven’t done anything to attack President Boyfriend, but sign me up! Report me! I want to be reported to Our President (and hopefully punished too!)… just to help scare those dumb, racist teabaggers, and make sure Our Boyfriend’s new attack policy is a total success! Like everything He does! Yay!
I love you, Barack! (0b8a2b) — 9/17/2011 @ 7:04 amLosing NY-9 was great for the Dems, just wait and see how great it’s going to be for us Dems when president downgrade loses next year!
Nancy Pelosi (e7577d) — 9/17/2011 @ 7:51 amI turned in Patterico and all I got was this lousy armband.
Zack Allen (563f77) — 9/17/2011 @ 8:47 amThe President’s a lot smarter than you think!
B.D. (563f77) — 9/17/2011 @ 8:51 amWow the Mossad are ruthless and soulless mercenary zionists.
MahmoudAhmanutjob (d54602) — 9/17/2011 @ 8:58 amOooooops.
MahmoudAhmanutjob (d54602) — 9/17/2011 @ 8:58 amAttack Watch is a good first step, but needs some work to be truly effective.
Reich Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels (1bdecc) — 9/17/2011 @ 11:52 amThe mossad tried to give us some intel before 9-11 but was rejected because they according to the left fabricate stuff to make the muslims look bad.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/17/2011 @ 11:59 amNot only that there is a small minority of christians in israel.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/17/2011 @ 12:06 pmThe derg is to blame for Ethiopia and its poverty.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/19/2011 @ 4:19 pmThe joooooooooos run the entertainment industry which is why Jews are ruthlessly lampooned as greedy.
MeghanMccain (d54602) — 9/20/2011 @ 1:37 pmIsrael is oppressing us by killing people who throw rocks and rocketfire at them.
MahmoudAbbas (d54602) — 9/23/2011 @ 2:09 pmAnd justifiably so, you burnoose wearing dip….!
Another Drew - Restore the Republic / Obama Sucks! (ab2eca) — 9/23/2011 @ 2:32 pmWe’ve booed active duty gays, cheered executions and applauded letting the comatose without health insurance die. Next stop, Poland! Well done, Dittoheads!
Rushbo (9d1bb3) — 9/23/2011 @ 2:41 pmTrolls are so tiresome with their talking points.
JD (cae88c) — 9/23/2011 @ 2:57 pmThat was talking?
Another Drew - Restore the Republic / Obama Sucks! (ab2eca) — 9/23/2011 @ 2:58 pmIf you like your inhaler, you can
President Barack H. Obama, Healer of Planets and Suppressor of Tides, gettin his Lord Vader "choke mode" power trip on (325a59) — 9/23/2011 @ 3:01 pmkeep your inhaler.suck it. But not in the way you want to.AD – I thought it was kind of funny that they are whining about a military member being disrespected. That a leftist can make that claim without a wormhole opening up and swallowing them is remarkable. The left has accused our soldiers of massacres, war crimes, and been called every name under the sun by the activist left, yet they have the temerity to feign outrage over this.
JD (17012e) — 9/23/2011 @ 3:10 pmI heard today on the local AM talk-station (one of many in the Greater L.A. Metro Area), that the USMC set up a recruiting table at a prominant Gay Bar in the ?Orlando? area, and did not find one possibility that qualified.
Another Drew - Restore the Republic / Obama Sucks! (ab2eca) — 9/23/2011 @ 3:22 pmI wonder if drugs were involved?