Patterico's Pontifications

8/19/2011

Sockpuppet Friday—the Green Desperation Edition!

Filed under: General — Aaron Worthing @ 5:33 am



[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here.  Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]

As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.

Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.

And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.

—————————

And for this week’s Friday frivolity, we’re going to almost be a little serious by highlighting how pathetically desperate the scare tactics have become for the Global Warmongers:

It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.

This highly speculative scenario is one of several described by scientists at Nasa and Pennsylvania State University that, while considered unlikely, they say could play out were humans and alien life to make contact at some point in the future.

Shawn Domagal-Goldman of Nasa’s Planetary Science Division and his colleagues compiled a list of plausible outcomes that could unfold in the aftermath of a close encounter, to help humanity “prepare for actual contact”.

In their report, Would Contact with Extraterrestrials Benefit or Harm Humanity? A Scenario Analysis, the researchers divide alien contacts into three broad categories: beneficial, neutral or harmful.

First, um, wasn’t that pretty much the plot of the most recent version of The Day the Earth Stood Still? This time the aliens were going to kill us because they felt that we were mistreating mother Gaia?

(I’m actually asking, because I avoided that steaming pile of cinema like the plague.)

Still every person involvedin that stupid paper, starting with Domagal-Goldman should be fired, for engaging in non-science.  Consider, for instance, this passage from Michael Crichton’s classic speech, Aliens Cause Global Warming:

In 1960, Drake organizes the first SETI conference, and came up with the now-famous Drake equation: N=N*fp ne fl fi fc fL [where N is the number of stars in the Milky Way galaxy; fp is the fraction with planets; ne is the number of planets per star capable of supporting life; fl is the fraction of planets where life evolves; fi is the fraction where intelligent life evolves; and fc is the fraction that communicates; and fL is the fraction of the planet’s life during which the communicating civilizations live.]

This serious-looking equation gave SETI a serious footing as a legitimate intellectual inquiry. The problem, of course, is that none of the terms can be known, and most cannot even be estimated. The only way to work the equation is to fill in with guesses. And guesses-just so we’re clear-are merely expressions of prejudice.

Nor can there be “informed guesses.” If you need to state how many planets with life choose to communicate, there is simply no way to make an informed guess. It’s simply prejudice.

As a result, the Drake equation can have any value from “billions and billions” to zero. An expression that can mean anything means nothing. Speaking precisely, the Drake equation is literally meaningless, and has nothing to do with science. I take the hard view that science involves the creation of testable hypotheses. The Drake equation cannot be tested and therefore SETI is not science. SETI is unquestionably a religion.

The fact is even if you accept that global warming exists, there is no good way to predict how aliens might perceive it.  They might, for instance, decide that this proves we are dangerous.  Or they might decide that this proves we are no better than they are, and that might comfort them.  Or they might have a high-tech atmospheric cleaning device and not care.

They might just happen to prefer warmer climates and thus see this as making the planet more welcoming to them.  Thus they might decide to live in peace with us, ushering in an error of cosmic communion.  Or they might decide that therefore this planet is perfect for them and seek to evict us from it.  Or they might be from a cold climate and making the earth warm might prevent them from trying to evict us.

All of these are possible, and there is no way to gauge which is the most likely.

So if you want to make the case that we should reduce carbon emissions, why not do so based on solid science, instead of hiding the decline and trying to scare-monger us into a certain policy?

It’s just a thought.

[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]

77 Responses to “Sockpuppet Friday—the Green Desperation Edition!”

  1. Hmm, what can I say to get a little bit of extra attention this week? Oh that’s right–gotta remember to sound real sure of myself too. *clumsily ties string around index finger*

    Janeane Garofalo, in the poorly maintained green room at Current TV (and no snack tray either) (4a2353)

  2. Janeane, I bow to your pwnzrness.

    Kathy Griffin, President, Talentless Media Hounds Inc. (4a2353)

  3. It’s an homage to Spinal Tap’s “Smell the Glove.” You’re just not cool enough to get it.

    And hey! Didja hear what great golf courses they have at Martha’s Vineyard?

    What? Jobs plan? Yeah yeah yeah, I’m coming up with it. SHEESH! Can you people get off my back for one minute? Priorities!

    President Barack H. Obama, Healer of Planets and Suppressor of Tides, emerging from the Plain All Black Tour Bus (4a2353)

  4. Whaddya mean, “you people”?

    The unemployed hordes, most decidedly not going to Martha's Vineyard anytime soon (4a2353)

  5. Yes, I certainly did mean that I love my country more than I care about President Obama’s feelings.

    Rick Perry (4a2353)

  6. Some say, they love their country more than they care about my feelings. Well, I say, I care about my feelings even more than I love my country. All true Americans agree, and we can do better than those people, whom I won’t name. We can do better, America!

    TOTUS, just having a little fun (4a2353)

  7. I may not be a witch, but I sure can make myself disappear!

    Christine O'Donnell (4a2353)

  8. Stop talking about us, you arrogant narcissist.

    Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., looking up from their four dimensional chess game in Heaven (4a2353)

  9. My friend, you have certainly seen your share of trouble and strife, what with all those people wondering if you were really born in this country and all, but until you preside over a war that lays low a half million of your fellow citizens, I’m just gonna say STFU N00B!

    Abraham Lincoln (291f9a)

  10. Janeane your a butch terrorist.

    DohBiden (d54602)

  11. You rich white racists just need to pay your fair share for the unfunded tax cuts for the rich and the wars and prescription drugs and all will be right with the world.

    spartacvs (0d2ffc)

  12. You have never seen me, Colin Montgomerie, or Ken kman Ashford in the same room. When kman cross dresses he is just doing his real-life impersonation of me.

    Mrs Doubtfire (6e25b4)

  13. Hey Maxine Waters and Emmanuel Cleaver have said “We’re not getting any of those green jobs that OBozo promised! It’s all a pipe dream and just talk, talk, talk.” When you’ve lost Maxine “Gate Mouth” Waters, you’ve lost the black community. Remember that and “Adios MoFObama”.

    Comanche Voter (0e06a9)

  14. Ohhh…my head…I’m so dizzy…no more pivoting, please, I can’t take it!

    ‘Chelle, child, pass me that bottle of wine…

    Bar-urp!-ack Ob-hurl!-ama (336865)

  15. Silly girl, I’m so much superior, than you, even though I’m a bottom feeding slug, who slurs British
    servicemen in Basra, and trawled cell phones, back when it meant something.

    piers morgan (81c5c2)

  16. Bullsh@t!!!!

    AlGore (d1f5ff)

  17. Have you stopped beating your wife?

    Some kid being promted by his mom, talking to Gov. Perry (291f9a)

  18. Didn’t you seen my movie, where the Aliens disguised as Mexicans,were heatingup the planet in order to make it more like our own, ‘winning’

    Charlie Sheen (81c5c2)

  19. They will mostly increase your cost of living and may kill your job, mostly.

    Newt Gingrich (af7312)

  20. Where is Slim Whitman when we need him?

    President Obama (f3fbb0)

  21. First, they will come for the geeks…

    http://global.nationalreview.com/dest/2011/08/19/1trainingwheels.jpg

    ColonelHaiku (d1f5ff)

  22. First, they will come for the geeks…

    http://global.nationalreview.com/dest/2011/08/19/1trainingwheels.jpg

    Comment by ColonelHaiku — 8/19/2011 @ 7:09 am

    Watch it, bub.

    The meta-Aaron Worthing, queuing up the Star Trek Hottie photos as we speak (325a59)

  23. Please….please….

    Fat guy in a red TOS Security uniform (291f9a)

  24. We are very funny. Now laugh. Or else!

    You’re not laughing. Must have a bad sense of humor.

    Janene Garafolo and Al Franken (481f2a)

  25. Ken Ashford played me way better than Robin Williams. He did not even have to wear a costume.

    Mrs Doubtfire (8b15c6)

  26. Another muslim kills his wife in an honor killing………………..and we allow these people here?

    DohBiden (d54602)

  27. Actually, this alien would like to see this puny planet warmed up a bit, so us vegetable-based aliens could really step out. I would like to consume Charley Sheen. He sure would be tastier than a sled dog.

    The Thing (6451eb)

  28. First was your firecracker, a harmless explosive. Then your hand grenade: you began to kill your own people, a few at a time. Then the bomb. Then a larger bomb: many people are killed at one time. Then your scientists stumbled upon the atom bomb, split the atom. Then the hydrogen bomb, where you actually explode the air itself. Now you can arrange the total destruction of the entire universe served by our sun: The only explosion left is the Solaranite.

    Eros, a soldier of space (3936fd)

  29. Rick Perry is gay.

    John Huntsman (5fc583)

  30. No, that’s just corndog face.

    Miscellaneous Carny (af7312)

  31. What do you mean, “*They* cut the power”? How could they cut the power, man?!

    Corporal Hicks (af7312)

  32. carbon emissions? Never heard of them.

    Charlie Gibson (da3db7)

  33. Rick Perry cannot be gay. He doesn’t belong to the same men’s club that Rahm and I do.

    Barack Obama, First Black President no matter what they say about Bill Clinton (da3db7)

  34. Why did DuhRock have to bring that dog. They both are smelly.

    Michelle Obama (da3db7)

  35. That corndog was yummy. Especially smeared with mustard.

    Michelle Bachmann (da3db7)

  36. That corndog was yummy. Especially smeared with mustard.

    Comment by Michelle Bachmann — 8/19/2011 @ 10:33 am

    Ma’am, you’re welcome. So welcome.

    Abe Froman, The Sausage King of Chicago (291f9a)

  37. Hey, that’s my line, man!
    Game over, man!

    Private Hudson (255b30)

  38. “Six munts ago, I cudn’t spel Ekolajist. Now I are wun”.

    Juneen Garafalo (f8a299)

  39. I just can’t write a check payable to the US Treasury. You have to change the tax law and make me.

    Warren Buffett (edf506)

  40. Hey Quinn, don’t you realize that the purpose of having casinos is to fleece people?

    [note: fished from spam filter. –Stashiu]

    Rahm soon to be the casino man of Chicago (edf506)

  41. ..whereupon I will smirk as all my competitors pay up, while quickly exploiting a different loophole to keep from paying you freeloaders a single red cent.

    Warren Buffet's Inside Voice (c69273)

  42. I have come to blow you up-for your hot air gases.

    Your Alien Overlord from the Planet Krugman (e26bf2)

  43. I’m not big enough!

    Obama's Helmet (e26bf2)

  44. Can we talk? I need a vacation.

    TOTUS (e26bf2)

  45. In Texas, we teach both the fable about the stork and biology in our public schools, because we figure you’re smart enough to figure out which one is right.

    Gov. Rick Perry (49ef9f)

  46. Comment by Abe Froman, The Sausage King of Chicago

    nice!

    Gov. Rick Perry (49ef9f)

  47. Now that I think about it, is smeared with mustard racist? smeared .. yellow stuff. hmmm Oh well. They are going to complain no matter what I say.

    Michelle Bachmann (da3db7)

  48. I wonder why I am being held in a closet. Have I been thrown under the bus?

    Joey B (da3db7)

  49. Alien Leader to Average American citizen: Take me to your leader. Average American citizen: Uh, I got nothing.

    Average American citizen who is considering building an bunker (f3fbb0)

  50. All kidding aside, I think that the way Perry and other conservative leaders ignore the climate science makes them look like they are unfit for office in the eyes of many undecided voters. Also, aliens.

    Concerned Conservative (6048a8)

  51. I am not at all concerned with the absolute junk science behind the fatally flawed theory of AGW. I just like to make fun of conservatives.

    Concerned Conservative (6e25b4)

  52. It really bothers me how all of the conservatives are advocating a theocracy.

    Concerned Christian Conservative (d56362)

  53. And how all you want to do is talk about the abortions and the gays and all of your socon agenda that does nothing but divide us.

    Concerned Christian Conservative (0d2ffc)

  54. Who’s Rick Perry?

    Mitt Romney (b0fa47)

  55. Who is Mitt Romney?

    Charlie Gibson (306f5d)

  56. Who is Charlie Gibson?

    DohBiden (d54602)

  57. As soon as I get back from rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, I’ll tell you my secret plan to save the economy. (Don’t hold your breath)

    POTUS, Obamaman (0cd6a2)

  58. Hey Michelle, have you quit beating your husband, Obama?

    Concerned Citizen (0cd6a2)

  59. Next time try the honey-mustard.

    Ethel's Mischeivious friends (af7312)

  60. She’s too old.

    GennetteC, social media consultant (af7312)

  61. Creationists and opponents of abortions are tyrants you wingnuts need to get over yourself.

    LawAndOrder[1990-2010] (d54602)

  62. The one thing these superior Aliens haven’t got? GUARDASIL.

    H(is) G(hostness) Wells (af7312)

  63. Hey everyone, it has been a rough couple of weeks. Have a little sympathy for the devil.

    Obamaman (0cd6a2)

  64. It wasn’t a satan sandwich, it was a Sh*T sandwich, which Harry the reid and Obama forced me to eat. Something about the presidential election and unemployment and Reid not ending up in a 60-40 minority in the senate in 2013.

    Nancy P (0cd6a2)

  65. Being a bible thumper is so ebil reading the Quran is good and righteous.

    LawandOrder[1990-2010] (d54602)

  66. Hey Quinn, I really need the casino in Chicago. After all, the purpose of having a casino is to fleece teh lower class.

    [note: fished from spam filter. –Stashiu]

    Rahm, future casino czar of Chicago (0cd6a2)

  67. “…ushering in an error of cosmic communion”

    I like it!!

    Who needs eras anyway? Aren’t you silly humanoids in an “error” of transformational Hope and Change now?

    Galatic Grammar Police (426379)

  68. You want us to go where?

    Vogon Constructor Fleet (565969)

  69. Did you know that our womenfolk have been placed at risk by all this natural gas exploration? Seems that fracking is responsible for an increase in sexually transmitted diseases in one rural county.

    Rep. Mike Sturla (D-Lancaster, Pa.) (58d2a4)

  70. Watch me make Aaron disappear…

    am a witch (5647ed)

  71. Watch me watch you watch me… Ok. That’s not gonna fly.

    am a witch (5647ed)

  72. who knew aliens
    turn out to be galaxy’s
    gayest liberals?

    ColonelHaiku (d1f5ff)

  73. Hel-looooooooooo!!!

    Roger, the alien from American Dad (57ba59)

  74. Boy, when Concerned Christian Conservative wrote “all kidding aside,” he was NOT kidding!

    I’ve read funnier posts by happyfeet at his most misogynist, EPWJ at his most Palin-bashingest, and Spartacvs at his most doucheiest.

    PhunnySar (57ba59)

  75. Sorry, the missing CD’s not in here either, Perry.

    Paul D. (83c8cf)

  76. PhunnySar — 8/20/2011 @ 12:34 am

    I’ve read funnier posts….

    Everybody’s a critic.

    Concerned Conservative (6048a8)

  77. To those who say Israel is going after Hamas because they are muslims…………..I just ignore such idiocy that dictates defending oneself is insane anti-muslim bigotry

    DohBiden (d54602)


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