Sockpuppet Friday – Debate Post-Mortem Edition
[Posted by Karl]
As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sockpuppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.
Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself.
And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.
—–
For Friday’s Frivolity, there are always the GOP debate and upcoming straw poll at my old stomping grounds in Ames, Iowa. Pawlenty and Bachmann sniped at each other to Romney’s benefit (and to Pawlenty’s detriment, since that performance wont attract good press or big donors). However, Romney’s answers on RomneyCare still stink, leaving an opening for someone like TX Gov. Rick Perry, who is expected to announce his candidacy on Saturday. I almost hope Rep. Ron Paul wins the straw poll, if only to give that long-time media mirage a downgrade.
Alternatively, y’all can goof on the world’s first artificial sphincters. You may even find a connection between the two stories.
–Karl
First.
sock puppet (75c9eb) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:07 amSecond.
diabolical sock puppet (maniacal laughter) (75c9eb) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:12 amFabulous!
Sully of The Dish (037445) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:39 amIt’s what I have eagerly awaited the last 20 years. What a Godsend.
Andy Sullivan (da3db7) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:43 amRon Paul is NOT an artificial sphincter. He’s the genuine article.
Comanche Voter (0e06a9) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:44 amBuh-rock better go to the Vinyard with us and he better act like he enjoys it. No cavorting with the boys this time.
Michelle Obama, FLOTUS (da3db7) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:45 amTell me more abwout dees mouse sphincters; How soon can I have one inshtalled?
B.Frank (1fc6f1) — 8/12/2011 @ 7:56 amMe first!
Mickey the Mouse (da3db7) — 8/12/2011 @ 8:48 amNinth!
Dang, always ninth (037445) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:15 amThis is a revowutionary invention!
Especially the vibwating model.
Be Fwank (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:20 amIt can hold more milky loads than the real thing!
Power Glutes (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:22 amWhy am I in this thread?
Marcus Bachmann (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:26 amYou know why
Larry Craig (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:27 amIs there a junior size?
Mark Foley (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:30 amThese
Harry "Natural Sphincter" Reid (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:35 amlifestyle promotinglife-saving devices will be covered by Obamacare.Hey little girl, wanna see some pics of my artificial sphincter?
A. Weiner (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:47 amI had to get it after my wife tore me a new one.
A. Weiner (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:48 amActually, I’m holding out for the bionic sphincter, one that passes gas silently on live television.
Barney Frank, Rep. from the Gay State (dd1bdb) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:54 amWhy does everyone that visits this page immediately Google my name?
Rahm Emanuel (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:56 amYeah! Why him?
David Axelrod (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:59 amI might need one of those in a few more years.
Andrew Sullivan (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:00 amAmerica’s sphincters . . . have come home to roost
The Wright Honorable Reverend (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:01 amAndrew Sullivan’s obsession with womens vagina has come home to roost.
DohBiden (d54602) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:03 amMe, too!
Glenn Greenwald (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:04 amMr Frank, you don’t have to hold out: you are the Bionic Sphincter!
The Boston Herald (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:05 amHey, my television show didn’t tell you about everything they rebuilt on me!
Steve Austin (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:06 amThis is what’s wrong with America today! God hates America!
The Rev Fred Phelps (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:08 amI
Frank Rich (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:23 amwasgot the first oneNo, it was me!
E. J. Dionne (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:24 amMy sphincter won a Pulitzer …
which is appropriate since it is where I draw my material from
Eugene Robinson (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:27 amI might need one of those.
Talking out of my sphincter is wearing it out.
Ed Schultz (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:34 amWhy do people keep emailing me a screenshot of this thread next to a photo of myself?
Al Sharpton (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:40 amI invented the artificial sphincter
Al Grope (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:52 amCan I get one of those installed before my sentencing?
Silky Pony (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:55 amYou’re all wrong. I am the first artificial sphincter.
Think about it …
TOTUS (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:00 amYou wing-nuts are all wrong, as usual.
Sphinctervs (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:08 amDoogie Howser developed the artificial sphincter …
in-between takes …
in his trailer …
not by himself
Neil Patrick Harris (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:14 amDear Mr. President,
The American People (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:19 amCan we have one of those sphincter thingies?
After what you’ve done to the country we feel we need one.
Does it tighten things up, like Botox for your butt?
SanFranGranNan (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:21 amI wonder if the prison commisary carries those? I could surely use one now.
Phil Specter (da3db7) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:21 amI’ll have you know I am married to one of those.
Meechelle O (da3db7) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:25 amI’m insulted! I will have you know that I was grown in a petri dish by Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Dr Steven Chu, and that there is nothing “artificial” about me.
That’s right, folks. As Lady Gaga says, I was born this way.
Comforting thought, ain’t it? Sleep well.
Barack "He's sane; we swear!" Obama (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:30 amWhat’s that? Why was a physicist working on a chemistry/ biology project?
Uh … As I have always said, we need to retrain our workforce for the tough challenges that lie ahead.
Barack "He's as sane as the next guy; of course, the next guy is Joe Biden" Obama (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:36 amWould they have to crack my skull open to pull my head out of one of those things?
Jo Jo Biden, Your Brain is Calling (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:39 amWhat do you mean “it beat you in the straw poll”?
Pawlenty (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:42 amAs a doctor I say that having one of these prosthetic devices installed is a safe and sometimes necessary medical procedure.
As a
Ron Paul (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 11:56 amlibertaryanlibertarian I believe in the right for all of my neo-Nazicampaign contributorsfellow Americans to have this procedure done.What’s the question? What am I doing here in Iowa?
Gosh darn it, Todd. I told you to turn left at Albuquerque!
Palin on the bus (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:02 pmThe views of everyone that Rick Perry has EVER associated with should be held against him, nonstop, every day.
The views of ANYONE that Barack Obama has ever associated with should not be held against him … Never … Ever.
Because, uh — you know … it’s different.
Racism, and all that.
Not that I, a lapsed Catholic, ever voice any anti-Mormon, anti-Christian sentiments on my show.
Nope. Not me.
The new Larry O'Donnell math (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:10 pmWhere are the sphincters, Mr Boehner?
Olbermonkey (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:12 pmNow, instead of a stick up my a$$ I can have a hollow tube!
Debbie Washerwoman Schultz (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:27 pmThis has not been my week. First the bastards at S&P downgrade US debt and I get blamed for knowing it was coming and not tell anyone but Soros.
Then after $20 million of nationwide labor dues wasted, we can’t win 3 of 6 hand chosen Senate seats in the Wisconsin recall vote. And two Democrat seats are up next week.
Comsumer confidence is in the tank. I get shit from all sides about vacationing at Martha’s vinyard.
And to top it all off, some nitwit appeals court judge, appointed by a Democrat no less, votes with the Republican and declares MY healthcare mandate unconsititutional. No way the entire 11th circuit will overturn that decision.
I need a cigarette….
POTUS (0cd6a2) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:28 pmSure, I’ll go on the air to talk about sphincters!
Chuckie "media whore" Schumer (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:30 pmArugula clears the cheeseburgers out of my sphincter
ObamaBabyMama (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:32 pmCheck out the a$$-hair combover on my new sphincter![I’m SO sorry. I denounce myself. Signed, The Donald’s spokes-sphincter]
The Donald (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:38 pmThank God almighty, I’m saved!
Lisa Lampanelli (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:47 pmAs a Nobel Prize Winning Economist™, I can assure you tat I did not need an artificial one from which to pull out my policy prescriptions.
Paul Krugman (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:55 pmWell, while I agree with the esteemed Dr Krugman, I did pull my tax returns out of one.
Timothy Geithner (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:56 pmYou know, Mr Sullivan, I have never seen an artificial one prolapse before.
Proctologist, circa 2026 (3e4784) — 8/12/2011 @ 12:58 pmYeah, like the syphilis and the AIDS are gonna let me live that long!
Power Glutes (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:03 pmWe most emphatically deny doing a hatchet-job on Michele Bachmann with that cover photo and provocative blurb.
Besides, Opinionweek wouldn’t sell copies.
Newsweek editorial staff (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:08 pmYou know, with a sphincter implant I would then be entirely made out of plastic!
Romneybot (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:10 pmWithout these Weiner updates, I’d be completely irrelevant. There is much, much more information!
GenetteC (093e9c) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:19 pmI was comment raped!
Ineeda Bush (093e9c) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:26 pmGonna let half of our prisoners out early.
I anticipate very little negative consequences.
Seriously. We spent like 5 million of the dollars we don’t have on an impact study about early release.
It will all be okay.
BTW, I am requesting stimulus money for the avalanche of sphincter replacement surgeries soon to take place in San Francisco.
Gov. Jerry! Jerry! (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:28 pmI be tappin’ yo plastic azz,
Every rapper in the known universe (bee204) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:32 pmTappin’ yo plastic azz
Ugh. Scratch. Sniff.
gimme gimme gimme
Borrow, Tax, and Spend
gimme gimme gimme
Our demands will never end
gimme gimme gimme
Borrow, Tax, and Spend
Everyone else’s money, until the very end
(jiggle jiggle jiggle shake shake shake)
gimme gimme gimme
Borrow, Tax, and Spend
To our diktates, your knees must bend
gimme gimme gimme
Borrow, Tax, and Spend
Even the greatest country, we will rend
gimme gimme gimme
Borrow, Tax, and Spend
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
proglodytes (fd1f4b) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:35 pmlook! someone will give a rats ass after all!! Yay!
that annoying morning person we all hate (1df0c8) — 8/12/2011 @ 1:49 pmThe Bachmann photo and article in Newsweek can’t possibly be sexist. It’s editor and the reporter who ginned that piece up are both women. I said so this morning on the WAPO editorial page.
Ruth Marcus, WAPO (0cd6a2) — 8/12/2011 @ 2:53 pmCome on all of you leftists and nationwide government worker unions. We need more money as we march from one glorious defeat to another. If we can’t turn things back in Wisconsin, then other states will get the same idea and do the one thing that will distroy us: Stop collecting dues through the payroll system. If we would have to go collect it ourselves, no way are the peons going to pay up.
Wisconsin Democratic party (0cd6a2) — 8/12/2011 @ 3:28 pmmet him in the laundry and my heart stood still
day doo run run run day doo run run
somebody told me that his name was Bill
day doo run run run day doo run run
yes, my heart stood still
yes, his name was Bill
and when he drove it home
I couldn’t run run, I couldn’t run
– a Phil Spector Production, 2011
ColonelHaiku (d1f5ff) — 8/12/2011 @ 3:39 pmhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaG4A0Bm8c4
I. M. Tightasadrum (3f3c8a) — 8/12/2011 @ 5:38 pmAs seen (and heard) in the clip,
Barney Frank has had the procedure.
Pre-operation, his farts sounded like a whispered “hah”.
Pull my finger
TOTUS (2ffb0c) — 8/12/2011 @ 5:57 pmThat sphincter’s a heck of a tourist draw for Egypt.
George W. Bush (9d1bb3) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:46 pmHow many times have I told you, George, it’s in Vegas.
Rick Perry (9d1bb3) — 8/12/2011 @ 9:47 pmWait! Who told that I was in Vegas?
Barracky McMommyPantz (1df0c8) — 8/12/2011 @ 10:00 pmThese comments are sooooo funny! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha …, oops, ahem, sorry, I lost it for a few moments there.
easily amused sock puppet (75c9eb) — 8/13/2011 @ 4:30 amIf Washington DC is a sphincter then the inhabitants are hemorrhoids.
Well, at least I think they’re a pain in the ass.
Preparation H (3fdbe0) — 8/13/2011 @ 7:22 amIn closing, I would like to extend my personal thanks to President Obama. He has proved to be a worst President than me.
Jimmy Carter (0cd6a2) — 8/13/2011 @ 8:28 amGorebull warming causes less Hurricanes not more barack and his buttcrack licking minions.
DohBiden (d54602) — 8/13/2011 @ 4:03 pmNot so fast, Jimma. I’m the Decider and I’m decidely the wurst braut in the fryin’ pan. More ketchup for ma eggs, Laura.
George W. Bush (9d1bb3) — 8/13/2011 @ 4:05 pmTimbo lost by Pawlenty. A loooooooooza!
Louis DePalma (9d1bb3) — 8/13/2011 @ 4:09 pmIt’s great to finish on top!
Hey Hillary, if you looked half as good as I do, you’d be president instead of the michelleobamasboy. 🙂
Michelle B. (0cd6a2) — 8/13/2011 @ 6:28 pm“Palin-Bachmann 2012 = Reagan-squared 1980.
A double-dose of Thatcher.”
Aw, Jeez. Ding and Bat.
Archie Bunker (9d1bb3) — 8/13/2011 @ 7:06 pm82. It’s great to finish on top!- Michelle B.
Yeah– and less work for me.
Marcus Bachmann (9d1bb3) — 8/13/2011 @ 7:10 pmWho needs artificial sphincters when the USA’s Legislative and Executive branches clearly manage to fill the required world need for really really big sphincters?
Jus’ sayin’…
Flatus Invictus (c9dcd8) — 8/13/2011 @ 8:33 pmP.S., these things were grown from human tissue. I believe it’s rather clear that they used epithelial cells from politicians for the initial cultures… n’est-ce pas?
Flatus Invictus (c9dcd8) — 8/13/2011 @ 8:37 pmI see little reason for having any of these in the DC area. All the politicos there are all such massive victims of CRIS** that their heads are sticking back out the top anyway…
Yes, this seems as though it ought to be physically impossible, but we have scientists investigating it. We hopey-changey think it may lead to that dream of all SF people, an FTL drive, as we learn how they warp space to accomplish this seemingly impossible task!
================
** CRIS: Cranio-Rectal Insertion Syndrome. The official term, for all you laymen.
Flatus Invictus (c9dcd8) — 8/13/2011 @ 10:23 pmIsrael will only allow jews in to israel? so how come Israel has a 16% Muslim minority?
They also have arab christians there do.
DohBiden (d54602) — 9/1/2011 @ 9:38 am