Patterico's Pontifications


Sockpuppet Friday—The #Weinergate Edition!

Filed under: General — Aaron Worthing @ 7:42 am

[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here.  Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]

First, do not miss Patrick’s blockbuster posts on the Congressman Weiner’s interaction with young girls, here, here and here (this is the most incriminating one).

As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sock puppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.

Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself, a lot.

And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.

You don’t have to post on #Weinergate.  I just figured that it is going to be the primary focus. On the other hand, for now posts that give Ethel’s real name will go into the penalty box.

[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]

152 Responses to “Sockpuppet Friday—The #Weinergate Edition!”

  1. Thanks for ruining honey mustard for us, Ethel.

    The Blogosphere (e7d72e)

  2. Leave Anthony Weiner alone! I mean it!

    Chris Crocker (646e8b)

  3. On the other hand, for now posts that give Ethel’s real name will go into the penalty box.

    The penalty box? uhhYeahh, that’s a pretty scary thought. Uh huh.

    Ethel Rosenberg, lying in a 'penalty box' all my own (325a59)

  4. Don’t fret, Y’all! We also offer delicious Chipotle Barbeque, Sweet and Sour, Creamy Ranch, and Hot Mustard lubrications!

    Ronald McDonald (c16eca)

  5. Mr. Weiner, that Pfizer marketing consultant is on line 1 again.

    Anothony Weiner's Secretary (646e8b)

  6. Thanks for ruining honey mustard for us, Ethel.

    Comment by The Blogosphere — 6/10/2011 @ 7:43 am

    Well, there’s always Grey Poupon!

    The Homonym Police, doing a spit take at that wacked out tweet with the grey boxer shorts (325a59)

  7. I carry a big stick and two LITTLE GREEN FOOTBALLS

    anthonysmustard (b20383)

  8. Thank Gaia that someone took the focus off me! I thought I was never going to live down this week!

    Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who STILL owns a foreign car after blasting those who don't buy American (325a59)

  9. You know she’s too young when the best sexual aids she can think of are items she obtained in a happy meal.

    Pro Tip: if you can get it at McDonalds, do not use it for sex. And yes, that includes dairy products, Mr Sullivan.

    Ronald McDonald (c16eca)

  10. I can’t figure out how to change my handle, so I’ll just say it:

    I think all of you are a bunch of losers. Seriously. I cannot begin to express how stupid and pathetic every last one of you are.

    Rorschach (c16eca)

  11. BTW, this was a joke.

    Rorschach (c16eca)

  12. As I’ve made clear to members of the press this week, I am seriously disappointed in the behavior of Rep. Weiner. I expected more from someone who purports to represent with honor the people of the United States.

    William J. Clinton, Esq (former) (325a59)

  13. “NOW what am I gonna do?”

    You could pimp.

    Der Weiner's Wiener (646e8b)

  14. NOW what am I gonna do?

    Comment by Der Wiener — 6/10/2011 @ 8:06 am

    Get in line like the rest of us, jackass.

    The Civil Yet Losing-Patience Horde at the Unemployment Office (325a59)

  15. Hey Weiner, How do you get those chicks to respond? I DM’d all the same girls and none of would DM me back!

    Bill Maher (5d025a)

  16. My girlfriend’s knuckles are bigger than that.

    Rachel Maddow (c31a9b)

  17. Anyone got a spare menu board? My backup laptop’s screen is broken.

    Also, are all menu boards USB compatible?

    Charles Johnson (c31a9b)

  18. Hmmmmm…. Weiner tweets weiner and goes from 45K twitter followers to over 76K….
    maybe if I tweet my weiner to Breitbart I can get more than my current 2159 followers….

    Charles Johnson (5d025a)

  19. You guys are just jealous that Adam Baldwin follows me on Twitter.

    Charles Johnson (91e93f)

  20. Hey Patterico, why you scooping my scoop?

    Andrew Breitbart (5d025a)

  21. Reality is creeping in, I need more BS. Can you help me, Charles?

    Charles Johnson Twitter follower (c31a9b)

  22. That ain’t mustard….

    Ethyl's Gyn (c5574d)

  23. I may be bigger, but I’ve never penetrated anything prettier than Huma.

    Rachel Maddow's partner's knuckles (c31a9b)

  24. How could a nice Jewish boy like Tony victimize my clients so callously? Gimme a camera, a microphone, and a million dollars.

    Gloria Allred (ae1582)

  25. Is a big hunt a turn on?

    Mike Hunt (081489)

  26. We were hacked.

    Andrew and Sarah Borden (c31a9b)

  27. You can tell I mean business when I say my client’s statements aren’t authorized, rather than saying they aren’t true. Since, you know, they are true, and she did talk about how Weiner is having sex with some of his twitter floozies, rather than just talking about it.

    Allred (c16eca)

  28. I wish someone would tweet a picture of my penis right now.

    LeBron James (c31a9b)

  29. It was Anthony Weiner, with the child, in the bedroom…

    Col. Mustard (e7d72e)

  30. Just another example of the raving freakazoid nut-sandwich atavistic knuckle-dragging women-hating homophobic fundamentalist nazi-coddling neanderthals spewing their earth-destroying denialist smears.

    Stop the Hate!

    Charles Johnson (72be5d)

  31. Hey Patterico, why you scooping my scoop?

    Comment by Andrew Breitbart — 6/10/2011 @ 8:22 am

    Obviously a sockpuppet. Everyone knows Andrew Breitbart doesn’t read the posts at his favorite sites, only the comments.

    The AOSHQ Running-Joke Dept. (325a59)

  32. Lie to me.

    The mind of the protypical MSNBC viewer (c31a9b)

  33. Andrew Breitbart found our iMenuBoard prototype at a bar, and has been using it to display lewd images. We demand he return it. We will send the cops.

    Apple (081489)

  34. Did someone say Weiners with Mustard?

    Distracted Overworked American, gettin' hungry for lunch (325a59)

  35. Seriously, Anthony, you got to take responsibility for your actions in this thing. Just resign for the good of your party and family.

    Bill Clinton (ae1582)

  36. Stop being mean to me!

    Charles Johnson's inner child (c31a9b)

  37. Lie to me.

    Comment by The mind of the protypical MSNBC viewer — 6/10/2011 @ 8:30 am

    Glad to.

    Lawrence "mow the truth down with continuous interruptions" O'Donnell (325a59)

  38. Get me a job and I will forgive you.

    Unemployed NY-9 Resident (c31a9b)

  39. It’s time you puritanical Americans forget about sex scandals and concentrate on what’s important…the evil zionists.

    Typical European (c31a9b)

  40. Stop being mean to me!

    Comment by Charles Johnson’s inner child — 6/10/2011 @ 8:31 am

    Well, we certainly would, if only you’d have the decency to stay hidden and not tantrum-out all the time.

    The Voice of Sweet Reasonableness (325a59)

  41. This Weiner is a putz.

    Mel Brooks (ae1582)

  42. Is it too late to say #WeinerYes?

    Rachel Uchitel's fading spotlight (081489)

  43. Just end this thing now… I have DOOM!!! headlines to get back to.

    Ace (5d025a)

  44. Pass the mustard, honey.

    Huma Abedin (ae1582)

  45. Huma, beware those Bearded Clams!

    Ethyl's Gyn (c5574d)

  46. Lightweight.

    Dominique Strauss Kahn (ae1582)

  47. Do I ever have a job for you.

    Ken Jautz (ae1582)

  48. You can resign Tony. I have some $$ I can lend until you find a job.

    "Cold Cash" Jefferson (5d025a)

  49. I just want to inform you that Congressman Weiner has called me and apologized. It was shameful of him.

    I mean all he did was talk dirty and spank himself. How pathetic. He didn’t even get a Lewinsky out of it!

    Bill Clinton (e7d72e)

  50. I’ve been getting a lot of criticism lately. Rather than address the substance of the critics’ arguments, let me present a short concordance of the nasty words they’ve been writing to me:


    As you can see from just that short list, my critics are nothing more than poo-flinging monkeys. Who breathe through their mouths. While they clutch their Bibles.

    Charles Johnson (72be5d)

  51. Photographic evidence of contact between Ethyl and Der Weiner!

    Breitbart (c5574d)

  52. Yes, Howie. I faked it.

    Howard Kurtz's wife (081489)

  53. You are all banned from the interwebs because I say so. Right, Kilgore?

    Charles Johnson (055bea)

  54. Absolutely! Anything you say, Charles!

    KIlgore Trout (055bea)

  55. I will not be ruled
    by a lefty cretin with
    a spambot penis

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  56. See! I am the lizard king! Now all of you get off my interwebs!

    Charles Johnson (055bea)

  57. How could I know she was in High School? I couldn’t see her pic and what the hell is a ‘prom’ or ‘marching band’?

    The Little Weiner Head (1bfb78)

  58. You people already drove Chris Lee out of town. If you force Weiner to quit, I swear I’m gonna be out of a job.

    guy who runs Congressional Waxing Office (081489)

  59. WeinerMan’s first clue
    was when he was asked to buy
    the Girl Scout cookies

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  60. I will never apologize to Andrew Breitbart. I am a scorpion and that’s what we do.

    Charles Johnson (f23d3e)

  61. he rants and rails but
    is man credible when he
    waxes his johnson?

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  62. I find this sockpuppeting about weiners to be in very poor taste.

    Glenn Greenwald (ae1582)

  63. I see no reason for a member of congress(or a congressman’ member) to resign just for lying. To be a skilled liar is an attribute necessary for high political office.

    Baron von Munchausen (bc23cf)

  64. WeinerMan finds new
    career as director of
    Bratwurst Festival

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  65. He’s just doing it for the attention.

    Munchausen's Proxy (c5574d)

  66. Aunt Bea say cain’t be
    li’l Opie steal more than just
    usual cookies

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  67. Hey, Anthony, buddy – you should get “Rielle.” Ha, ha that’s a little joke we have around here. Say, anyone around here got some spare change?

    John Edwards (6451eb)

  68. Cape? Tights? the hell, you say.

    Batman (ae1582)

  69. if congressman fall
    in Yew Nork and no one hear
    ir rilly happen?

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  70. if congressman fall
    in Yew Nork and no one hear
    ir it rilly happen?

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  71. colonel is stickler
    for detail even more so
    when involve Weiner

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  72. damn the torpedoes
    full speed ahead colonel go throw
    down on the Weiner!

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  73. Cape and tights? Those look like briefs to me.

    Captain Underpants (ae1582)

  74. I did not send naked pictures to that woman!

    Anthony Weiner chanelling Bill Clinton (f3fbb0)

  75. Man, my redneck haiku has been hijacked by ColonelHaiku’s Weiner haiku. Ban him Patterico.

    I will not be
    upstaged by Weiner haiku
    Rednecks don’t lose

    Iowahawk (5d025a)

  76. I’d rather be Huma’s body woman than Hillary’s. No contest there.

    Rachel Madcow (f23d3e)

  77. I admit I lied to protect patriotic young women preparing for a career in politics from the virtual rape of sexist assaults by TEA Party perverts and thugs. As an elected representative in the US Congress it’s my job to stand up against mob violence and to protect the vulnerable among us.

    I gladly accept that responsibility, and I welcome the consequences. If necessary I’d lie again without the slightest hesitation to protect the future of our nation, in fact, as you all know, I swore a solemn oath to uphold the Constitution and I’ll continue to do just that.

    It’s also why I always wear my gray shorts while Tweeting, it sends a clear message that I’m ready to put on my cape and tights and swing into action. The enemies of progressive freedom and women’s rights tremble at the sight of my mighty commitment.

    Now, that’s all I have to say on this morally repugnant and thoroughly disagreeable topic, except to note that my constituents expect me to get back to work. Good day, and remember to keep the faith.

    Congressman Weiner's Sockpuppet (5a3652)

  78. Unlike Rep. Weiner, our meat answers to a higher authority.

    Hebrew National Wieners (f8a299)

  79. Does it come in a larger size? If so, I want to have one.

    Rachel Maddow (f8a299)

  80. Aaaargggh!

    Howard Dean (f8a299)

  81. Pssst, Anthony. I’ll be the one wearing a blue dress, baby!

    Monica Lewinsky (f8a299)

  82. Anyone have Jodie Foster’s phone number?

    Rachel Maddow's partner's knuckles (c31a9b)

  83. the redneck throw down
    colonel accept challenge got
    your redneck hangin’

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  84. Holy crap, the MSM loves me!

    Sara Palin's e-mails (c31a9b)

  85. That’s right; I had an intern named “Huma” [Chuckle].

    Slick My Willy With Your ... (6da084)

  86. This wasn’t the kind of exposure I needed.

    anthony's weiner (6713b4)

  87. That pic of my husband’s stuff is no longer relevant, seeing as how his gonads are now in a jar in my personal possession.

    Huma (6da084)

  88. “Anyone have Jodie Foster’s phone number?”

    I do, and you can forget it. Ms. Foster has taste.

    Jodie Foster's Mobile Phone (646e8b)

  89. Well, we gave it a year . . .

    Ant-Sized Weiner (6da084)

  90. Mmmmm . . . who is Jodie tasting?

    Lou Dan Lascivious (6da084)

  91. I demand MORE pictures!

    Uh, the ‘public right to know’ and all that . . .

    Power Glutes Sullivan (6da084)

  92. Huma is just fine. We have long talks deep into the night about how pathetic and worthless all men really are. Then, after the banana daiquiris have kicked in, we console each other — all over.

    Auntie Cankles (6da084)

  93. I stand by what I wrote.

    Tommy Christopher: Cub Reporter (7e6fb0)

  94. I am being felt up by the entire mainstream media. Rape!

    Sara Palin's e-mails (c31a9b)

  95. Tony, he thought he could lie
    And we’d all still trust the guy
    “My weiner it’s not,”
    But then he was caught
    And Huma his nads will now fry!

    The Limerick Avenger (3e4784)

  96. Your morals are all just so stuffy,
    Y’all keep getting angry and huffy,
    That’s why, you see
    I said it weren’t me
    Now keeping my job will be toughy

    The Limerick Avenger (3e4784)

  97. I thought she was 18, Your Honor. Doesn’t that make it okay?

    Weiner Wannabe (4f3ec1)

  98. Dear Mr Weiner:

    Be glad that you’re straight, ’cause with the equipment you have, in my crowd, you could only be a bottom.

    Andrew Sullivan (3e4784)

  99. wow biggest sockpuppet day in ages…

    Aaron Worthing (e7d72e)

  100. I am being felt up by the entire mainstream media. Rape!

    Comment by Sara Palin’s e-mails — 6/10/2011 @ 12:39 pm

    You’re conservative. You think we give a crap about your being raped? HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Amanda Marcotte, Feministing, and NOW (325a59)

  101. Guys – there is a *reason* your legislature is named for a Sexual Act !

    Ex-Pat Brit (e7cb73)

  102. Idle thoughts while waiting on line at the bank.

    Does a weiner pic count as a second form of ID?

    Jack Handy (e55ba0)

  103. OK who will help me in this Palin matter?

    I demand protection! For…Palin, you say? No! LOLOL For the NYT and Washington Post to continue to invade that Alaskan tundra tart’s emails as much as they like while looking for dirt to throw her in JAIL!

    Glora Allred, Feminist Extraordinaire (325a59)

  104. Me + No Staff = Me . . . and that’s all I need.

    Newtonian Math (6da084)

  105. VitterVitterVitterVitterVitterVitterVitterVitter

    Madcow (6da084)

  106. Huma shoulda been giving him more hummaws.

    That’s the feminist (and NOT the partisan hack) in me coming out.

    Barbara Wawa (6da084)

  107. MOST popular congressman among young girls that were touched by stepdaddy!

    And Horny Winner (6da084)

  108. “Does a weiner pic count as a second form of ID?”

    Indeed it does, since about 95% of the planet have now seen it (thanks for that *grumble*). After you’ve completed your banking business (hush money withdrawals?), you’ll be spending some time with us to sort out the indecent exposure complaint.

    Chief Wiggum (646e8b)

  109. This is really weird . . . finally being on the right side of history. Kinda scary, actually.

    Whew! And now, back to the safety of my Socialist wish-fulfillment fantasies.

    Ed Schultz (6da084)

  110. Hey Anthony, gimme a call!

    Tiger Blood Sheen (6da084)

  111. Mmmm . . . I think I found my favorite pol.

    Lindsay "Every Last One Of You KNOWS That Her Daddy Touched Her Inappropriately" Lohan (6da084)

  112. Remind us, we elected him because he was NOT going to be a ‘warmonger’ like his predecessor?

    Democrats (6da084)

  113. “Peace Prize Winner” my a$$!!!

    Two and a Half Yemen (6da084)

  114. I would never have trusted a man that so flagrantly and openly violated the I before E rule.

    William F. Buckley (e5c232)

  115. Two inches longer and I would have been a king, two inches shorter and I would have been a queen.

    Peter Tweeter Weiner's Lament (ee1de0)

  116. Oh Ethel, how could you?

    Well, Betty was always a better cook anyway.
    I’ll just go over to her house for some comfort brownies, and forget the whole sordid mess.

    Wait. Betty too?

    That cuts it. Dilton! GET THE MOOSE!
    We’re going on a roadtrip to Brooklyn to take care of a lil’ business.

    Jughead (e55ba0)

  117. Anthony, you little putz. I lost my career and reputation over my penis pic to just one woman. It is just not fair.
    Brett Favre
    PS: Mine is bigger.

    Brett Favre (6fdef0)

  118. Anthony Weiner has given us all a bad name.

    Rep. Dong (19803d)

  119. If I was Mr. Weiner I’d change my name.

    Senator Skinflute (19803d)

  120. “PS: Mine is bigger.”

    That may be, Brett. But my life is great! I get screech at Republicans all day long! All you’ve ever done is earn millions of dollars, be a hero to thousands, and get to kiss Cameron Diaz.

    Yeah, my life pretty much sucks.

    Tony Baloney (646e8b)

  121. You see, Maria? I am not the only scum of the bag. But did you see that picture? His gonads are tiny — like mine after all the steroids, ja.

    The Sperminator (6da084)

  122. La la la! Look at my head!
    It’s so crazy, look at my head!
    I got a big ol’ head!
    Hey! Ho!
    Alright, show’s over. I’m tired.

    Bender (646e8b)

  123. Mine’s bigger!

    Lady Gaga, Ann Coulter & Chaz Bono (6da084)

  124. NoCrimeNoCrimeNoCrimeNoCrimeNoCrimeNoCrime

    Good Solid Morally Righteous Left-Wing Americans (6da084)

  125. Dear Eric Boehlert and Charles Johnson:

    Stop telling lies about Breitbart and the dick pic.

    Jim Norton (c31a9b)

  126. Well, seventeen is the age of consent in [insert Ethel’s state here].

    Liberals, Two Days from Now (24ee9a)

  127. vittervittervittervittervittervittervittervitter

    It’s all about moral relativism, don’t ya know?

    IOW, since we don’t believe in morality, we should not be held to such a basic standard of decency.

    "Shank" Uygur (6da084)


    Now where is that hansom papertiger?

    Momma needs some face time.

    Christine O' Donnell (e55ba0)

  129. NEW CASTLE, Del. — Police on Friday afternoon came to the home of a 17-year-old high school junior to ask her about direct online communications she has had with Rep. Anthony Weiner.

    I thought she was a senior.

    Tony (caught with mustard on his fingers) Weiner (e55ba0)

  130. No weiner pics in here.

    big stack of Palin emails (e55ba0)

  131. I looked up that Vitter thing.

    His name was on some house of ill-repute Madam’s Rolodex.

    He had visited ten or more years prior (past even statute of limitations) to this disclosure.

    He had long since came clean and begged forgiveness to and from his wife.

    There were no incriminating pictures, injured parties, preyed upon teenagers.

    Just a name in a Rolodex.

    I don’t see any moral equivalency between these two situations at all.

    papertiger (e55ba0)

  132. Look, people. Coulda toldja you wouldn’t find anything in those emails. Look at the time I’m wasting over that wild goose moose chase.

    *quietly sobs over prison-issue vanilla ice cream*

    David Kernell (98f5be)

  133. You won’t find me complaining. I’m coming out of a year-long retirement, baby!

    Huma's Strap-On (0b3617)

  134. weinerwife Huma
    say two more inches of dick
    find new trim at home

    ColonelHaiku (8fa4f9)

  135. He tasks me.

    He tasks me and I shall have him!

    I’ll chase him ’round the moons of Nibia
    and ’round the Antares Maelstrom
    and ’round Perdition’s flames
    before I give him up!

    The Wraith of Patterikhan (e55ba0)

  136. Speaking of Little Green Footballs; Does anyone else wonder if Charles Johnson fell pray to a mind control ray or something of the sort? I used to read his blog in the years following Sept 11th, but later on went through an extended period of time when I didn’t have the time to keep up with blogs. When I came back and starting reading the bizarre trash posted on the site– I couldn’t believe it was the same blog. What in blazes happened? Is he suffering from schizophrenia? I used the think the guy had a reasonable amount of insight and integrity. No more.

    bmertz (d77c52)

  137. @bmertz,

    CJ has gone nucking futz. If you want to know the details, you can visit and talk to the other people who have been banned from there. I got banned back in 2007, which I consider to be a badge of honor!

    1389AD (7361d8)

  138. All I see is street homes
    And who it’s holdin, our people
    Only comforts the brain
    It’s like I’m going insane
    The revolution has to start, don’t waste no time
    In the Streets of New York
    (New York state of mind, New York state of mind)

    [Chorus #2 – Alicia Keys]
    New York, New York, New York, New York oh
    State of mind (New York City)
    New York, New York, New York, New York oh
    State of crime (New York City)
    New York, New York, New York, New York oh
    Big dreams (New York City)
    New York, New York, New York, New York oh
    Big schemes

    [Alicia Keys]
    Oh, break the game
    Just ain’t the same
    Baby loves and girls with no shame
    Can’t get away (get away), epidemic plague
    Every hood in every state
    Don’t have no reasons cause relieve is hard to find

    Saved from Mayor Weiner by an LA (what the hell is Breitbart anyhow?), and an LA district attorney.

    Thanks Pat (e55ba0)

  139. Thanks Pat

    i think the correct term for Breitbart is “media mogul”

    Aaron Worthing (73a7ea)

  140. Vindication! See? I told you all that EVERYONE likes young girls! I did! Can I come home now?

    Roman Polanski (44da70)

  141. An imitation from New York
    You’re made in Japan from cheese and chalk
    You’re hippy tarts hero ‘cos you put on a bad show
    You put on a bad show, oh, don’t it show

    Johnny Rotten (6da084)

  142. Spitzer who?

    Wannabe Mayor McSleaze (6da084)

  143. Hitler wasn’t so bad. You have to understand, Mao killed many more people.

    Charles Rangel (c16eca)

  144. $1.4 trillion isn’t too big of a number. I mean, 100 trillion is bigger.

    Charles Rangel (c16eca)

  145. Weiner sent a picture of his penis to me? Why, I had never seen such a thing. clearly he was hacked, and no, I refuse to show the direct messages I sent to him even though we were basically strangers having completely professional discussions when he sent his penis to me… er was hacked.

    The reason my statements sound like the lies Ginger Lee was asked to tell is because I’m a more loyal harem bride I’m a victim of hackers.

    Victim Jeanette Cordova (c16eca)

  146. I am just trying to distract from the embarrassment that is Tony Weiner. I actually approve of 46 year old married congress persons sending sexts and photos of their juck to porn stars, and future JournoLists, and high school girls. I also hate Bush, not sure why, but my liberal overlords havtold me to, so I do . I can spit out canard after distortion after lie and will try to demand speak of only what I deem appropriate.

    tifosa (318f81)


    Scott Jacobs AKA The Departed AKA The Dramatic (c16eca)

  148. Ooooooooooops i meant f*ck

    Commontherapperwhohateswhitey. (15aa57)

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